Third miscarriage - time to give up?

[PatchworkSally]

I’ve been lurking on pg threads for a while. Often in the middle of the night when I knew I was about to miscarry. I’d look for the positive stories of women who still carried to term when their pg symptoms went away or had some spotting.

Sadly, my story always ends in loss. Three losses, in fact. The last one began the day before a weekend abroad for a hen party.

My husband and I have had multiple tests and nothing appears to be wrong. I’ve tried high dose folic acid and progesterone. I was obsessed with getting progesterone, but that didn’t help either.

After this third loss I think I need to put TTC behind us, because I just can’t imagine putting myself through this again. I’m 39 so taking a break doesn’t really seem an option.

I guess I just want to know the best ways people have found to cope and move forward after years of calendar watching and ovulation sticks.

I’m exhausted with it all and just want to be myself again. But, I think I’ve forgotten how.

❤️ to you all

This sounds so hard OP! How about if you stop trying, but just use no protection!? Think the pressure of keeping track of days and ovulation etc adds such a stress that then hinders the process! Might not be too late yet! Why don’t you just try to have a bit of fun with your hubby and focus on enjoying each other instead for the time being? ❤️

i couldn’t read and run OP. A few years ago now but I had three MCs before I had my daughter, my friend had 9 and subsequently went on to conceive first and then second within 18m, neither of us had anything “wrong”. Look after yourself, it’s a shit dark journey but it’s most likely to happen for you

Thank you for the reply - this was our approach for the first year TTC ‘just see what happens’ the answer was nothing 😂😂 so we got a bit more serious after that and the three losses have been in the last 12 months.

I’m torn between going back to that or just going back on the pill as right now the fear of a positive test is driving my anxiety through the roof. I can’t imagine going through a fourth loss.

Massive respect to all those who just keep going.

Thank you, yes it’s dark and bleak! I’m utterly amazed by those, like you who just keep going.

I feel the pain OP. TTC 13yrs, lost 3 and also 2 rounds of IVF. We too had lots of testing and nothing abnormal. The only thing suggest was 'old eggs'. I was 32 at that point!

Sorry if TMI- but did you ever had genetic testing done on the losses? Do you have a specialist you are under? What have they suggested? IVF, donor eggs/sperm, anything else?

I used to book weekends away during ovulation, I used a reusable saliva OPK (I saved £££ over the years) or take a break for a month or 2. Maybe write out a list of plus/minus points for next steps- IVF, donor eggs, adoption, fostering, get a dog, just stay as you are and see what happens. ❤

@CC4712 no we haven’t had the testing. It’s not been offered to us.

Meant to be speaking to a specialist about IVF next month but tbh navigating the NHS right now is so stressful constant cancelled/delayed appointments.

I dunno. Tough to keep the chin up, right now!

Sorry to hear about your losses Op
Have you done the multiple miscarriage blood tests? I paid for mine privately.
Did they test the babies you lost for chromosomal abnormalities?

Have they tested your thyroid, uncontrolled thyroid levels can lead to mc.

Hi @Cherry2456 yeah I’ve had all the tests and blood work but no real answers. Tricky because although great to hear there’s nothing wrong it doesn’t help either!

Big to all of you who’ve faced the struggle.

Anyone else just give up TTC and get on with life instead?

Sorry you are going through this OP. Were you seen at the EPU with any of the losses? As you've had 3, you should be referred to the recurrent MC clinic.

In terms of testing, when I was having the 3rd MC, I just took the products to the EPU and asked them to test. If its the 1st/2nd loss, they generally just do the basic testing to say if there was a foetus, placenta etc but for the 3rd- I was able to have the genetics tested.

Happy to answer any questions.

@PatchworkSally my heart is broken for you I’m so sorry for your loss 😢💔 exactly the same age and in this position just now just had a MMC at 11 weeks in April being my 5th miscarriage 💔
I think I’m just going to enjoy my life now because I give in the heartbreak isn’t worth it for me anymore. It’s so hard but I think it’s looking like the best way forward for me

sending you love and hugs 🤗♥️

I always recommend to follow ‘the worst girl gang’ on Instagram they also have a podcast and one of the founders wrote a book called ‘it will happen’ I find it easier when people have similar experiences to me so I. know I’m not alone.. I haven’t had multiple losses but I had one at 16 weeks and the heartbreak is unbearable so I can relate to that not wanting to try again feeling. You will slowly start to feel like yourself again, give it time, unfortunately you’ve been through something traumatic so you might never be your old self again but you’ll just be a different version of you 🤍

I had 3 early miscarriages before going on to have my son. After the 3 miscarriages I paid privately and had in-depth testing for everything, including genetics and they could not find anything wrong. The consultant advised me to start taking the mini aspirin during my next pregnancy and I went on to have a successful pregnancy. I cannot say if this helped or not. I just wanted you share my story as I remember how difficult that time was. Sending you the biggest virtual hug x

@Unicorn2023 I’m so so sorry - yes that’s exactly it, I just don’t think I can put myself through it again. Thanks so much for sharing, being united in grief is better than feeling alone. And even though it’s heartbreaking it’s good to know your boundaries.

To everyone who’s taken the time to write something thank you, I think simply not feeling alone is really helpful and maybe the first step in moving forward and going back to enjoying my life without it feeling ruled.

Those babies will never be forgotten, feeling them there was such a beautiful thing but waking up to no symptoms and watching those tests get fainter then waiting for the bleeding is so soul crushing I think it’s time to close the door on it all. XXXX

I had five pregnancies and only one live birth (DS - took me 7 years to have him). Unfortunately if you can’t find anything wrong (or even if you can - I had Ashermans and poor ovarian reserve, neither of which were curable) you just have to keep trying until one sticks.

It totally sucks. I am so sorry you are going through it.

I had ivf and was given

progesterone
oestrogen
levothyroxine

this resulted in my first pregnancy ever followed by a miscarriage

i was then given
progesterone
oestrogen
levothyroxine
steroid
blood thinners
= baby

The fact that you are getting pregnant is an achievement you just might need extra medical help or to test the babies for a genetic abnormality. The lady above had a mini asprin and mine were blood thinners which have the same outcome. Lots of people I know have been on these things.

We also stopped at 1 - we tried for a bit to have a second, but after two years, some more surgery, and no more positive tests, we weren’t able to face IVF (we’d probably have needed donor eggs, I was 40 by that point). DH also didn’t think his mental health would take any more miscarriages or high-risk pregnancies. I had trouble giving up hope, but five years later I can see he was right to stop.

I've had 5 and a bit years of lots of ivf, surgeries and 4 mc but am currently 18 weeks pregnant (not ivf). What finally worked for us was immune testing. Found out my body is attacking embryos. Loads of drugs can solve that, but I don't think you can do it on the NHS. I go the CRP clinic in Surrey/Harley street and it's highly regarded, but expensive. Having your miscarriage tested is a good idea as if it's chromasonal then ivf with embryo testing could be the answer. If you want to give up though, then there's no shame. Sounds like you need at least a break.

I had my first pregnancy easy and no issues, my firstborn. Then 3 miscarriages when we started trying for number 2. One, we just found out when there was no heartbeat at 12 week scan. They had to extract the foetus a couple of weeks later. They analysed what they took, which was good for me to know. I found out that it was a boy, but that he would have had terrible abnormalities if he had made it through to birth. I wobbled about whether to try again as I was 40, took one contraceptive pill, DH saw the pack out, asked what’s that for, let’s try one last month and a little one could be born just before your 41st birthday. Last try. Little one was 9 days late and arrived when I was 41. Good luck if you decide to keep trying x

I had multiple and focused on egg health I was your age. I used supplement advice from this site. sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/supplements-and-miscarriage I also took high level b complex from Holland and Barrett which I do believe did the trick. My one and only sticky bean came three months later.

Sorry it’s not working out for you. I know time isn’t completely on your side but I would suggest that you give yourself a fixed amount of time eg three months, when you use contraception and give yourself a mental (and physical) break. And only after that decide with your DH what your next step is and whether or not that involves stopping trying.

I have also had three miscarriages. I still feel a lot of grief for those tiny souls I will never know who didn’t get a chance.
We tried again and I’m now 26 weeks. Apart from progesterone I did nothing different from the other 3 times. I totally see why people give up but sometimes it just randomly works. Even after three miscarriages you are more likely to go on to have a baby than not. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide xx

@PatchworkSally like you babe I’ve had all the tests nothing wrong which as you say is worse because you have nothing to go on 😢 had progesterone during IVF and this MMC nothing worked. baby’s tissue got sent away this time to test after a D&C but no results yet 6 weeks later but in my mind I’ve given up now it is so hard and this time broke me but I have had so much support from these forums and as much as we are hurting it’s good we can all support each other. It is a tough decision but it gets easier I promise x
♥️🤗

Thank you 🙏 🤗

Hi @PatchworkSally, sorry to hear you have had to go through recurrent miscarriages. I've been pregnant 6 times, I have a daughter who is four and the other 5 ended in miscarriage. The last two were tested and both were chromosome abnormalities, 4 and 21 - I had the results of the most recent one today. I think we are about ready to stop trying. I'm 38 on a few months, and it feels like life has stood still for too long. I'm on Pred and hydroxychloroquine.

I'll grieve for the family of four I'll never have, the sister or brother my daughter will never know. But it will be so damn liberating to be in control of my future again.