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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarriage after healthy pregnancy

33 replies

Rainbowdust1993 · 25/04/2023 20:36

Hi I’m coming on here in hope for some positive stories on pregnancies after loss. I have had one perfectly healthy pregnancy in 2019 with my little boy. Zero complications, conceived first try all textbook.
We decided to try again this year and again got caught first try again in February. Felt like my body knew what it was doing as done it before so perfectly, only I miscarried at 5w 6days. Finding it so difficult to get my head around the fact I’ve miscarried a baby after such a previous healthy pregnancy/birth.
Has anyone else had this happen and gone on to have a healthy pregnancy soon after? I think I am beside myself with worry that something has changed with my and my partner, fertility wise over the last 4 years and I’m terrified it is going to happen again as we want to try again straight away.

thank you

OP posts:
eurochick · 29/04/2023 09:55

Miscarriage is very sad but also very, very common. Usually it just means that particular combination of sperm and egg wasn't going to result in a viable pregnancy. It doesn't mean anything more about your overall fertility.

SkyandSurf · 29/04/2023 09:56

MaybeBabyTwo · 29/04/2023 08:51

You recognise that 'pregnant first go, no complications' isn't textbook, right? First go is statistically unusual and complications are very common in pregnancy. You were lucky - not the same as textbook.

Miscarriages are nobody's fault. You seem to be connecting your healthy pregnancy with your body doing something 'right', thus being surprised by this being 'wrong'. Miscarriages are a (sad) fact of conception. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, likely more in that very very early pregnancy stage. They're not caused by fault, bad bodies etc. You are not at fault, just as you weren't the reason for your no complications first pregnancy. Be kind to yourself and recognise that, whilst desperately sad, this is the game and statistics of conception. Unfortunately, for us all.

Wishing you lots of luck with another conception and healthy pregnancy.

I think this sums it up.

Pregnancy isn't a skill that you are good or bad at. Miscarriage isn't your fault just as your easy pregnancy wasn't a reward for you or your body doing something well.

Miscarriages are incredibly common, 'textbook' to use your term.

I've had two miscarriages. I also have three healthy children.

Be kind to yourself. Try again when you are ready. Statistically things are very much still in your favour, so try not to worry.

HoneyPea · 29/04/2023 11:35

@Rainbowdust1993 It was hard to keep making the decision to try again but after reading it kind of made it seem like a roulette, a game of chance, unfortunately if your body accepts non-viable eggs or eggs with defects (like our baby girl) then your chances are slightly less than normal. You may end up staying pregnant but being told as we were that your baby has a low % chance of survival past 24weeks or you may have a CP, MMC or miscarriage.
I felt the only thing we could do to improve our odds was to try and improve health and egg/sperm quality. Like I said before im not sure if it worked or if it was just a chance that it was a viable pregnancy this time.
I am only just starting to believe I may be welcoming this baby (21weeks now) after a 'normal' anatomy scan at 20wks.
It sounds like you have decided you would like to try again which is the first step I suppose. Good luck 🤞🏻 x

Original poster
Rainbowdust1993 · 30/04/2023 20:52

@MaybeBabyTwo Thanks for your reply. What I meant by textbook was really my pregnancy. Smooth sailing etc. I think it’s natural we blame ourselves or if it’s something we have done “wrong”, especially with a first loss it comes as a bit of a shock

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowdust1993 · 30/04/2023 21:03

@theleafandnotthetree Hi, yes I do feel you seem harsh. This is my first miscarriage. Nobody I know around me has had one. So just because you are knowledgable on the statistics doesn’t mean I will be. I’ve came on here with VERY valid anxieties, for advice from other mums who have or have not been through the same thing. So thank you for your reply but practically telling someone they’re being silly for stressing after they’ve lost a baby is, correct me if I’m wrong, harsh.

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 30/04/2023 21:52

Rainbowdust1993 · 30/04/2023 21:03

@theleafandnotthetree Hi, yes I do feel you seem harsh. This is my first miscarriage. Nobody I know around me has had one. So just because you are knowledgable on the statistics doesn’t mean I will be. I’ve came on here with VERY valid anxieties, for advice from other mums who have or have not been through the same thing. So thank you for your reply but practically telling someone they’re being silly for stressing after they’ve lost a baby is, correct me if I’m wrong, harsh.

I don't at all think you are silly or that having a miscarriage is no big deal, but anyone who is in the stage of life of having babies should probably be aware that it is not always (perhaps indeed only rarely) is an entirely smooth textbook situation. This shouldn't make you feel worse, or anxious, only perhaps more philosophical about the vagaries of fertility, conception, pregnancy and indeed life itself. You have had one very smooth and fortunate situation, there is EVERY chance you will have similar again. And I am almost certain that plenty of people around you will have had miscarriages, but just may choose not to talk about it.

CupidStunt24 · 30/04/2023 22:42

Sorry for your loss Flowers I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy in 2020, my son was born in Jan 2021. Fell first try. Then fell again "first go" in Dec 2021 (albeit not really "trying", we just knew I had come off the pill and it COULD happen). I had a miscarriage. I had to have surgery as my body didn't miscarry naturally. Like you I couldn't comprehend how it happened when I'd already had a healthy pregnancy and then couldn't imagine another healthy pregnancy after the miscarriage. My cycle returned to normal within a couple of weeks and we then fell again on the second month of trying, that baby is now 11 weeks old.

Original poster
Rainbowdust1993 · 02/05/2023 10:04

@CupidStunt24 Thank you so much for sharing. I’m hoping it’s the same for me as I’ve mentally struggled with my loss, more than I thought I would. So happy for you that you got your rainbow 💖

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