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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

MMC - stopped growing 11 weeks found out at 12 week scan

36 replies

Motheroftwo22 · 18/04/2023 08:53

Hi everyone, had a bit of devastating news. Just writing this post while waiting in hospital for ERPC.

Went for 12 week scan and had the dreaded news that there was no longer a heartbeat. Don’t think anyone can prepare you for that moment when you just know something is wrong. Baby had stopped growing around 11 weeks although because of irregular periods and early scans I thought I’d actually only be measuring around 11 weeks or so anyway. I just don’t understand, I had 3 early scans all showing healthy heartbeat, one was just 10 days before. Needless to say, I am devastated. After having two kids (4 and 1) I just did not expect this to happen. It’s funny because I had a bad feeling at the start of this pregnancy I was going to lose it but because at 10 weeks we’d seen a heartbeat I thought we were in the clear.

I can’t find many stories of people losing a baby who did grow to 11 weeks, most MMC are discovered at 12 week scan and baby seemed to reach 5-8 weeks of growth. I suppose just looking a bit of comfort from someone with a similar experience to this. The scan photo I got home too looks like a perfectly healthy little baby. I feel like my body has failed me. And I am terrified of ever being pregnant again. Family are saying I should be happy as I have two kids already and there are people in worse situations, and of course they are bringing a real comfort at the moment. I do understand but It’s also probably not the best comments to be making to me right now in a fragile state.

I had a few issues with my thyroid before pregnancy but was told it was normal at a blood test when I found out I was pregnant and struggled a good bit with anxiety as well as house move in the past 7 weeks. I can’t help but feel maybe it’s my fault in some way, that I did something, maybe my thyroid levels are high again. Anyway…

Thanks to anyone taking time to read this

OP posts:
SnookyPook · 18/04/2023 11:31

I'm sorry I've no answers for you but wanted to send you a massive hug. I've also just lost a pregnancy through MMC and it's so cruel 😔 I should have been 12wks yesterday and found out a scan on Friday that baby had stopped developing at 7+5.

I can't believe the insensitive comments from your family. Please please know that it is absolutely ok to feel as grief-stricken, upset, angry etc as you feel, irrespective of how many healthy children you have. You have just experienced a devastating and shocking loss and it is 100% ok to feel whatever you feel without justifying it to anyone. ❤️❤️❤️

Also, please don't beat yourself up. This is not your fault. Devastating as it is, this little one was not viable for our world. It is nothing you did or didn't do. I know what it's like trying to go over in your head and the what-ifs etc but it just wasn't to be. For me it is giving me some peace to know that I provided a safe, loving space for little bean to grow for as long as it was able. While it was in this world, it was nourished and loved. It's little heart stopped when it reached the limits of what it could do, and it slipped away, never having known pain or cruelty etc. Just bathed in love. 💕💕💕

Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 18/04/2023 13:22

Thank you for your reply @SnookyPook I’m still waiting on surgery in hospital. Im so sorry for your loss, my body was definitely not prepared for the news. Even after we heard I still had all my pregnancy symptoms which makes it all even more cruel!

Your words have given me some comfort - thank you for that!

OP posts:
SnookyPook · 18/04/2023 13:38

It's so hard when you feel like your own body has hoodwinked you. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer. I was booked in for surgery this morning but I actually ended up miscarrying on my own over the weekend. They checked me thoroughly yesterday and said that it looks as though I passed everything so I didn't need the surgery after all. It's been a weird mix of relief and then sadness all over again as it's now done and the finality of it and the pregnancy definitely being over is so sad.

I'm glad that my words gave you some comfort. I think as time starts to heal a little bit it's important to try and hold on to the lovely bits amongst the sadness. And I know that my pregnancy definitely brought joy etc. However, the waves of grief need to hit too. It's just riding it all from moment to moment isn't it. We will get through. Sending you much love and light ❤️

HistoryFanatic · 18/04/2023 14:13

Sorry for your loss. X

Snoopy1991 · 23/04/2023 16:18

I don’t usually post on here but saw your post and just wanted to say that you’re not alone. I feel like I could’ve written your post myself - the same thing happened to me last June. I’d had a scan at 10 weeks and baby was absolutely fine, went to the 12 week scan at 12+2 and was told the baby had died at around 11+2. I also have found it really difficult to find support as, as you say, most people who sadly have MMC seem to find that their babies passed away much earlier. This has led me to spend a lot of time wondering what went wrong and if I was able to carry a baby to term. I also had an ERPC. The grief gets easier with time but I have found it has never gone completely. Tell people to politely piss off with their insensitive comments - it doesn’t matter if you’ve got other children, you’ve lost a baby and it’s devastating.
For what it’s worth, I am now 11 weeks pregnant again and have my 12 week scan for this baby on Wednesday. I’m absolutely dreading it and praying we don’t get the same terrible news again. I will never, ever forget being told that my baby had no heartbeat. Anyway, sending you lots of love and support.

turnthebiglightoff · 23/04/2023 16:26

I had a MMC last year, found out at 13 weeks (scan was late) that baby had stopped growing, sonographer thought only several days before, at 12 weeks probably.

It was very, very hard.

Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 23/04/2023 16:28

@Snoopy1991 its so hard to comprehend how the baby was able to grow to such a late stage in the first trimester… I’m finding that the most difficult. It just seems so entirely cruel. And it’s worse because we’ll never really know why.

Sending you all the love and hope in the world that everything is okay at your 12 week scan. I keep saying to my other half that I don’t think I’m going to feel okay again until I have a third baby.. but the thought of being pregnant again is absolutely terrifying. I almost have a mini panic attack every time it crosses my mind.

If you feel like you can share please let me know how you get on at your scan - I really hope it’s positive news for you! ♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 23/04/2023 16:31

@SnookyPook ERPC went as planned on Tuesday. However had to go back in to hospital yesterday as have possible infection and retained products. I just honestly want this nightmare to end.

I am now in a dilemma with my work, I run two businesses and I’m having to slowly phase myself back into the admin this week before I begin my actual f2f work. I just don’t know if my brain can handle it yet, and I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking “why is she not back to work yet?” It’s so hard. Nobody gets it, my other half has barely spoken a word about it. I’m worried about him, he’s a deep deep thinker and processor but not a talker - I’m not sure how it’s hitting him.

Sending you love. Hope you are doing okay as you can be ♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 23/04/2023 16:34

@turnthebiglightoff I am so sorry for your loss. I keep saying to my mum I wish it would have happened earlier. (Not minimising anyone’s loss at 5/6/7 weeks pregnant as I’m sure it’s just as devastating) but for me I think I’d have been able to accept it and process it quicker. To see on a scan 10 days before everything was okay, measuring perfect and Healthy heartbeat and then to receive that news is just utterly heartbreaking.

OP posts:
Replitad · 23/04/2023 17:00

The exact same thing happened to me last year, and it was so devastating. I feel your pain. I'd had a couple of early scans, too, and all seemed OK.

I ended up going private and getting a full suite of early loss tests as I was 35 and didn't want it to happen again. They found I had MTHFR gene which means you shouldn't take folic acid in pregnancy but methylfolate instead. Also had fertility acupuncture for three months before trying again.

Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 23/04/2023 23:26

I’m so sorry this happened to you too @Replitad . If you don’t mind me asking - did the fertility treatment help you? I have two kids already and took folic acid with both of them and all okay there. But I worry so much about this happening again. I don’t know if I want to try again right away or wait a while, I feel so lost in it all. I keep reading that you’re more fertile after miscarriage too, which is terrifying me because I’m scared I’ll not be ready and miss that really “fertile window” - I’m hoping that is just a myth.

OP posts:
Replitad · 23/04/2023 23:36

Yes I'm now 35 weeks pregnant and everything worked well. I did the tests as I was conscious of age and didn't want to risk more happening but might not be needed for everyone. Your GP could run basic bloods and thyroid tests if you asked.

I take Naturelo prenatal which contain methylfolate rather than folic acid. Anyone can take them even if they don't have MTHFR gene. I wish you best of luck

cornflakes86 · 24/04/2023 19:41

@Motheroftwo22 so sorry this has happened to you. The same thing happened to me late last year. I had a scan at 10 and a half weeks that was normal and at twelve weeks found out the baby had stopped growing around 11 weeks, probably not long after the scan. I will never forget the shock and devastation such a horrible and cruel thing to happen. Anyone I know who had a miscarriage had it much earlier.

Original poster
Motheroftwo22 · 25/04/2023 09:16

@cornflakes86 its so horribly cruel to think you’re nearly in the “safe zone” and now there’s only less than 1% of something going wrong and it does. I haven’t heard of many people getting to the 10/11 week stage with MMC so it’s terrifying me that maybe there is something wrong with me now that I can’t carry past this stage. GP doesn’t care about my concerns and won’t run any tests at all because it’s my “first one”

OP posts:
cornflakes86 · 25/04/2023 19:11

@Motheroftwo22 mine was due to fetal abnormalities. It’s unlikely that there is something wrong with you. most people who have a miscarriage go on to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards.

cornflakes86 · 25/04/2023 19:15

@Motheroftwo22 i hope you are doing ok.

Snoopy1991 · 04/05/2023 11:01

Hope you’re doing okay @Motheroftwo22. My 12 week scan went well and everything was as it should be. I’m still incredibly anxious and convinced that something is going to go wrong. When we lost our first baby I remember saying that I could never ever go to another 12 week scan again, so it does feel like a milestone. FWIW I’ve taken methylfolate both times (not intentionally, just so happens that that’s the form used in the brand I chose). I am now on Aspirin 150mg per day so trying to tell myself that this may increase the chances of this being a healthy baby.

Lisalm80 · 07/05/2023 20:47

Hi i miscarriaged and 12 weeks 3 days found out at my scan that the baby had stopped growing and no heart beat at 11 weeks this qas on the 22rd march . I really believed we had made it this time as I miscarriaged 2 years ago at 9 weeks. Sad thing is iam 43 in July and feel I could be too old. Sending you hugs

cornflakes86 · 09/05/2023 22:14

@Lisalm80 just wanted to say I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope you are doing ok also

DmcinT · 09/05/2023 23:06

@Motheroftwo22 I’m so sorry to read your story and sorry for your, and all other posters loss. It’s heartbreaking and I don’t think anything can prepare u for that US.

I had a MMC and D&C in March at 11 weeks, I’d had scans at 8 and 10 weeks so it was such a shock and I don’t think we’ll ever get over that pain.

im at the stage now where I’m trying to track and see what’s happening with my body (ovulation/AF etc..) I’m 5 weeks since D&C and wondering how long it’s taken others to ovulate or get their AF?

cornflakes86 · 10/05/2023 09:05

@DmcinT I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s just so cruel for this to happen after seeing a normal scan at ten weeks, the same happened to me. You are not alone. I thought I would never get over the pain but for me it has gotten much easier as the months go by. In my case AF arrived about 4 weeks after the d&c and was very heavy. It went back to normal after that. I think I ovulated about 6 weeks after the d&c according to opks. I wasn’t monitoring after the d&c because I wanted a break so I could have ovulated sooner, not sure. Wishing you the best and take care, it is a really tough situation.

LauraIsobel21 · 10/06/2023 12:29

Hello,

I am just looking for some people with similar experiences who may be able to offer me some advice.

I attended my 12 week scan on Wednesday and was told my baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks and there was no heartbeat. This was a particular shock as I'd had an early scan at 9 weeks with strong heartbeat and all looking good.

This is my first pregnancy and I'm 39- I'm petrified this means I'm not able to have children.

The hospital have sent me home for a week to see if the miscarriage happens naturally but I had been seeing a lady privately who does fertility acupuncture and is also a midwife- she thinks a d&c would be best option for me but they don't seem to be offering me that on NHS. I'm really scared about it happening at hone. I have light brown spotting and the odd cramp at the moment but it comes and goes. Does anyone have any experience of how long it takes for the spotting to develop into heavier bleeding/miscarriage??

Should I try and find a private hospital where I can have a surgical procedure? Any help much appreciated thank you! I am completely devastated.

cornflakes86 · 10/06/2023 13:13

@LauraIsobel21 i am so sorry this has happened to to you. I know all too well the shock and heartbreak you must be feeling right now ❤️ I had to wait over a week from when I found out until I had my d&c . I started spotting and I was absolutely terrified. In my case it didn’t escalate any further and I continued to spot lightly until the d&c. I asked the dr and she said sometimes people can spot for weeks and things don’t start to move along. It’s different for everyone though. I don’t live in the uk but I can’t understand why the nhs don’t offer the d&c I was around the same number of weeks and got one mine was measuring 10.5 weeks when they stopped growing. have you asked them why they don’t ?

Rabbitjungle1 · 10/06/2023 13:51

@LauraIsobel21 if you are in the UK you should have been talked through all the options (surgical, medical, natural) and been offered the choice. I have had two MMCs in the last nine months and two D&Cs - both within a few days of confirmation there was no heartbeat.

With my second MMC I found out at a private scan with a gynaecologist who also works for the NHS, and who said she would never recommend having a D&C done privately - always go NHS (I think because, on the minute chance something goes wrong, you have the emergency medical team/resources etc on hand). If I were you I would get back in touch with the EPU and push for whatever course of action you want. I know it's shitty, you shouldn't having to be chasing at a time like this ❤️

LauraIsobel21 · 10/06/2023 15:51

@cornflakes86 Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your kind words. The doctor said they avoid d&c because they prefer to avoid surgical procedures that require anaesthetic and that it's better for the body if it happens naturally. I am just worried that at my stage it will be quite traumatic and without meaning to sound cold I just want it to be over now- the waiting and worrying is driving me mad. May I ask if you had a healthy pregnancy at a later stage? (I hope that's not an inappropriate question, don't answer if you prefer not to) I will talk to the doctor again on Monday morning about my options.