Just a hand hold needed please 😔

[31weeksgone]

I need to type this out because perhaps it’ll ease the pain, perhaps I’ll find a handhold whilst I think my DH is being insensitive. Maybe it’s me overreacting.

For context been trying for 2 years, various problems, much wanted baby. I already have a 7yo from previous partner when young.

Last Thursday at 8 weeks pregnant we were told we should expect the heartbeat to stop as it was too slow, it was perfect at 7 weeks. We have to wait until this Thursday at 9 weeks to see if it’s stopped beating yet, and how to manage it medically/surgically etc.

I said to my partner are you doing anything for Mother’s Day because it might be a bit bitter/slipped his mind in the process. He said no on Friday he can’t arrange anything because a football game is on he wants to go and watch. I said the day after we find out if our baby is dead? And he went off on one about how I was trying to stop him doing his hobbies, for context Sunday just gone he went out to watch football whilst I was at home sad, I didn’t even comment on it.

I don’t know why it’s stung so much. But it has. Can’t organise a present because he wants to go out to watch football, the day after we (probably) get told the baby is gone. I just feel a bit sorry for myself. I absolutely cried my eyes out after he said that, like proper breaking my heart, and he just walked away. I’m so disappointed, this isn’t the husband I married.

Sorry if this is total wallowing, but I need somewhere to do it. I just can’t comprehend waiting for something to die inside you.

😔

handhold

❤️

You are in an awful situation. Do you have real life support too as well as is here?

I can understand why your feel pissed off it's pretty wank of him. Sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry to hear this and sending you a massive hand hold and lots of thoughts.

Your partner is being unreasonable but it could be a bit of a knee jerk reaction to what's happened. I really hope after your scan on Thursday he supports you in the right way ❤️

Thank you for all of the supportive messages, they really mean the world.

My best friend who’s had losses herself has been amazing, and keeps checking in. Apart from that, the loneliness is pretty strong.

I know it’ll all be ok, but it’s really helpful having a place to just feel sad and a little upset with DH.

Thank you again all, it’s so nice to be thought of.💛

Also, if anyone has any suggestions for really gentle Mother’s Day activities for me and my 7yo I’d be all ears to suggestions. I’m going to go and give her some extra love. DH does hockey and football every single Saturday and I’m fed up, perhaps he can spend a day alone Sunday and see how he likes it. He went off to hockey last Saturday after being told the issue with the baby too. Just unsupportive really😣

@31weeksgone so sorry to hear this I too had that agonising wait, sending you hugs ❤️

Thank you, I’m so sorry you’ve had to do this too x

An update on this, Wednesday evening I started bleeding heavily filling 2 pads per hour, and gushes of blood.

Clots were about the same size as my palm, perhaps 10 of them.

I got emergency admitted to hospital, and kept in overnight. They had to use a speculum and clear the clots out, and have a drip etc etc.

I was discharged Thursday night after a scan that showed as “normal” according to a sonographer but there were no doctors to see me as all were busy so a nurse discharged me on the orders that if the bleeding became heavy again I was to come back.

I’m feeling so awfully lonely and alone. It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and my partner and 7yo haven’t done anything, I asked her to come to the shops earlier and she said no. He’s being useless. We got home from hospital Thursday night and within minutes he was out on a dog walk, and today saw a friend for 3 hours leaving me with DD.

Just feeling a little fragile 3 days later, and needed to vent. Everywhere says within 2 days you’ll be normal, but I’m exhausted and feel battered and bruised. My uterus also really still hurts, and there’s a small amount of blood loss.

I just feel like I’m being a burden now. My own mum text me saying “oh well, you got two weeks off work to get over it”. When did everyone get so cruel 😔

I am so so sorry to read this. Everyone is being incredibly unkind to you but please know you're not alone.

Two days to recover physically is no time at all, I had medical management for a missed MC two weeks ago on Monday and I'm still bleeding and in pain from time to time.

I cannot believe how heartless your husband is being and once you're feeling more recovered I think you really need to think about your future with him.

Please keep commenting on here for love and support, I care about how you are.

@Greenvelvetdress I’m so sorry about your MMC too. Thank you for being so kind and caring.

He’s watching TV whilst I fold the laundry crying, he can hear me but doesn’t even come to see if I’m ok. I don’t know what on earth has happened, but this isn’t who I married, and that’s even more sad.

I hope you’ve got care and support? Have you gone back to work yet? I’m starting to think that might be the best place for me.

Omg @31weeksgone I can’t believe how heartless he’s being, like @Greenvelvetdress when you’re fully back to yourself you need to sit down and have a serious chat. 2 days is absolutely nothing to recover, I had my surgery on the 3/3 and I’m not back in work until the end of this month, my GP signed me off for another 2 weeks. It’s such a traumatic thing to go through and until you’ve experienced it for yourself people just don’t understand I’ve had a very short fuse the past few weeks, please please look after yourself and post here anytime. Sending you love and light 💕

@Laura7899 thank you, I hope you’re starting to feel slightly better too after your loss, and being looked after well.

It is SO traumatic, I think that’s what I’m struggling with. I know how common miscarriage is, but the rushing into hospital, being admitted for too much blood loss, and the clots that I passed were awful. Not to mention the no dignity of two doctors in my vagina, physically scooping out clots. Plus the having to use bedpans to have anything I’d passed checked for 24h. The whole thing has absolutely traumatised me, but I feel like if I said that it would be seen as dramatic. It’s so sad, the whole ordeal. When I’m in a better frame of mind I will 100% be talking to him, as he’s being unacceptable right now.

Just got to keep on going, but it’s hard right now.

Op can you snuggle up in bed with your 7yr old and eat snacks and watch films. That way you can have some quality time together without relying on H.

He's a disgrace but don't let that impact on you and your child.

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the insensitivity of your husband. He’s being awful and I think you need a proper chat with him once things have calmed down so he can see how useless and insensitive he’s been.

it took a few weeks for me to recover both physically and emotionally from my miscarriage. Don’t rush it. Sit in bed and weep when you need to. Take a long bath. It’s an awful time and I remember just not knowing what to do. Ignore all the insensitive comments around you, they probably just don’t know how awful it is or what to say.

Enjoy a movie and junk food day with your Dd. Something easy, fun, and relaxing.

I'm so sorry* @31weeksgone* and I'm so sorry that your husband is being such an insensitive arse!
Wait until you're ready and then discuss this with him. He's totally out of order.
Hoping you can have some snuggles and watch rubbish with your DD today

Thank you. I think I’m actually going to leave DD with him and go off for a few hours on my own. Spending time with him today is just too painful right now. Thank you for everyone’s kind words, it’s seriously more than real life right now so it’s really appreciated.

An update on my absolutely awful DH today.

He said I wasn’t his mother, so he didn’t owe me anything, and she’s dead. He said my daughter isn’t his responsibility as she’s 7 and can sort herself out, only the dead child was his responsibility and he would have done something if that one was here.

I don’t know how to reconcile how awful he’s being. This is horrible. Using this as a thread to remind myself of this potentially in future. 💔

So sorry xx

I had a MMC last summer and a TFMR last month so I know something of your pain right now and I am sorry your H is not being supportive right now. Is this a sudden change in behaviour for him?

I am so sorry for how he's being OP. I'm glad you're using this thread to remember in the future. He is acting with absolutely no care or compassion.

How long have you been together? Imagining it must be a little while as you said you'd been TTC for 2 years x

Jesus @31weeksgone thats absolutely woeful behaviour, just completely heartless. When you’re feeling back to yourself I’d get outta there, life’s too short to put up with crap like that. I know that’s easier said than done and very easy for me to say not being in your shoes, but you don’t have to put up with sh*t like that, you’re going through a hard enough time as it is without being kicked when you’re down.

OP how's things generally with H before this awful period of time that you are going through?

Sorry for the delay in reply, it’s just been a shit show of a day. He used to be absolutely amazing, but lately he’s just angry all of the time, and snappy with me. It’s so sad. He was better whilst I was pregnant (and we didn’t know anything was wrong) but he’s awful again lately.