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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Missed Miscarriage, really scared!

46 replies

Paperboats · 03/02/2023 17:21


I was supposed to be 11+5 weeks today but had a scan at EPAC after some spotting/light bleeding, and it turns out baby didn't make it past 7+3 weeks.

This is my first pregnancy so I have absolutely no idea what to expect and I'm genuinely terrified after reading other's experiences. I was hoping for some stories of how people got through the pain?

Thank you

OP posts:
trevthecat · 03/02/2023 17:27

I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry. I also had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I was 12 weeks but baby 9 weeks. Its hard. Be kind to yourself. I opted for the operation. But that may not be what you feel is best. Have they said they will be in touch or anything?

Caneloalvarez · 03/02/2023 17:33

I’m so sorry :( I’ve been through this and it just totally sucks.

have they made you wait a week for a follow up scan to confirm the missed miscarriage?

once it’s confirmed you’ll have a few options.

1 - Wait and see - the miscarriage will pass naturally at some point.
2 - medical management, where they can give you tablets to put “up there” which will bring on the miscarriage, it can normally be managed at home or they may ask you to stay at hospital. It has a success rate of around 85%. You might need a follow up of more tablets or an ERPC procedure if it’s unsuccessful.
3 - a procedure called ERPC in hospital. You can be asleep or awake with pain relief. This is the option I would recommend (with general anaesthetic).

it’s a really lonely and confusing time. But the more you know the more you can push for the care you need. You will get through this though - lots of self care and let yourself be sad and process the loss. Sending hugs! Any questions just ask.

Paperboats · 03/02/2023 17:39

Can I ask why the operation is what you recommend? She explained the risks to me and it seemed like more could go wrong?

I don't need a follow up scan, I assume because it measured so much smaller than I was and there was no heartbeat. They were really lovely. But I am really scared about the pain.

OP posts:
Paperboats · 03/02/2023 17:41

Oh sorry to add, they said to ring them Monday when I had made a decision. We went straight there after a 10 hour flight from America. I had heavier bleeding start just before we got on the plane, haven't slept for about 31 hours, so very tired right now!

OP posts:
Paperboats · 03/02/2023 17:42

@Caneloalvarez @trevthecat

OP posts:
Fightingbackwithhappiness · 03/02/2023 17:43

first if all, I am so very sorry. The exact same thing happened to me and it’s just devastating.
so I opted for taking the pills after I didn’t miscarry naturally. They gave me two pills to hold under my tong and

GingleAllTheWay2022 · 03/02/2023 17:44

I'm really sorry. If it helps, I had opted for the tablets at home. Took a few hours to work and I managed with just a hot water bottle and paracetamol. All the tissue passed successfully and I had a negative pregnancy test within a week. Emotionally it has been awful but physically it honestly wasn't too bad for me.

Whatever you choose make sure you have pain relief available in case you do need it. My dates were almost the same as you too, growth stopped at 7 weeks but we didn't find out until 11 weeks then had the medical management at 12 weeks.

Fightingbackwithhappiness · 03/02/2023 17:45

then some strong painkillers. I also took along my tens machine. It felt like a bad period i the tens machine made it so much better.
big hugs to you, I really do feel your pain x

Paperboats · 03/02/2023 17:51

@GingleAllTheWay2022 wow that really is so close on dates! I was considering the pills as a first option just because I don't think I can wait around and the surgical option seemed quite scary for me.

I'm sorry you have all had to go through the same thing. I'm quote numb at the moment to be honest!

OP posts:
Matildahoney · 03/02/2023 17:59

I had one at 12 weeks, mine had started to pass naturally so the epu said to let it continue naturally as it was the best option, I had to do a pregnancy test after 3 weeks to ensure no hormones were left. If there were I'd have had to go back for medical intervention.

Sexypyjamas · 03/02/2023 18:11

Very sorry OP.
Mine was a number of years ago so they may do things differently now. At the time I was given the news I was told to wait in the corridor with other parents being given scan pictures, they were happy and hugging and I was crying (maybe they would sit you in a room these days?) and I remember crying all the way home. I didn't pass naturally and carrying around with no heartbeat did get to me, I found that hard. Had a D&C I think it was and hormones were everywhere for a month after. It felt emotionally very painful.
I hope you are ok.
I went on to have 3 children so this may give some hope to you.

Caneloalvarez · 03/02/2023 18:14

@Paperboats oh gosh I’m so so sorry, sounds like it’s been a very stressful few days especially with the travelling. I’m glad they were lovely, it does help a tiny bit doesn’t it.

So I tried the tablets and they didn’t work for me. I also had bad pregnancy symptoms e.g nausea etc so I was desperate to get it all over with so I could feel better. The hospital at the time couldn’t give me a date for the operation for about 10 days (it was my preferred option from the start). So I went for the tablets. I was really worried about the pain as I know my periods can be super painful! But they gave me a pessary for the back end which I did at the same time as inserting the tablets. There was a lot of bleeding but thankfully minimal pain - so if you are worried about pain, do ask for the pessary and they’ll prescribe co codamol too if you ask.

however the tablets didn’t give me a negative test as there was tissues left behind, so I ended up with the ERPC, I had to have two actually as the tissues were really stubborn (they got stuck to my previous c section scar) however this is VERY rare to end up having two ERPC.

like you I was really scared of the op and had never had general anaesthetic before, but honestly it was totally fine. I think for me looking back I’d skip the tablets and just have the op. But you do have a good chance of success if you want to go for that tablets. If there are any probs then you can still try the operation afterwards.

Sarahisaduck · 03/02/2023 18:17

Hi, sorry for your loss.
I had one 3 years ago. 12 weeks and light spotting revealed I’d lost at 8w 5d. I was devastated. I chose to wait and see if it would leave on its own. I waited 3 weeks before I drove myself mad with wondering when it would happen, if I should have the operation. I was also really scared of the risks. I couldn’t have the pills due to a medical condition. I eventually had the op. It went smoothly and I had no issues afterwards.
A couple of months later I conceived my daughter. Smooth pregnancy and no issues.
It was one of the toughest times of my life but it made me stronger and more empathetic.
I’ve since had another miscarriage which started in a similar way but I had a scan which showed a heartbeat. I then lost that one a couple of days later. There wasn’t much pain other than the usual period cramps. So I’ve sort of had it both ways.
I hope at least some of what I’ve said will be a comfort. And I hope you get through this next section of time and get to have your baby. They are worth the wait xxx

Caneloalvarez · 03/02/2023 18:18

Also - with the tablets, I think you can either have them orally (under your tongue) or you insert them into the vagina.

And D&C is the old name for ERPC in case you are wondering. It’s the same procedure (not sure why they changed the name!)

momtoboys · 03/02/2023 18:21

I'm sorry this happened to you. I had one too. I was 16 weeks and the baby stopped growing at 13 weeks. I had the operation too. It took me a while to recover emotionally but it does happen.

Ruffpuff · 03/02/2023 18:30

I’m really sorry. It’s such a horrible blow. My mmc carriage passed naturally at nearly 10 weeks, but it stopped growing at 7. It hurt like a period, it wasn’t too bad. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks too and that was worse for some reason. I hope you’re ok, please don’t feel afraid. This part isn’t nice, but it will be over soon and the doctors won’t let you be in too much pain whatever you decide.

Rock3pillo · 03/02/2023 18:42

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It really is the worst feeling. I've been through the same very recently. I found out at a scan that the heartbeat had stopped and the baby had stopped growing about 10 days prior. I had no pain or bleeding and continued having symptoms.

I was 10 weeks and chose to have the surgery, I was absolutely petrified but felt like it gave me control over the situation. The operation itself was quick, I opted for general anaesthetic and was home within 6 hours of going in. I know everybody is different but the recovery has been fine. The nurses, anaesthetist and surgeon were all amazing and made a very scary day, very easy. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions

38andtrying · 03/02/2023 18:53

I'm so so sorry to hear this, I had a MMC on Dec, i was determined to take tablets as I didn't want op incase of complications, I didn't want to wait. The medicine was given orally, two lots of medication and nothing, had to get the procedure anyway. It was by all accounts according to nurses the best option and least painful.

I was in overnight as I took an high temp after, the aftermath was fine, very minimal bleeding and period back 5 weeks later. The way they do it now there is less chance or ashermans and so I wouldn't worry too much about that, I worried way too much.

If I was to do it again and i pray I never have to I would opt straight for surgical and get it all over and done with asap for physical and mental health.

I read all these posts advising me of surgical before I chose medical and wish I had of listened

Take care and thinking of you x

Pollywoddles · 03/02/2023 18:54

I’m sorry OP.

I’ve had 2 missed miscarriages and one spontaneous. I would always choose the ERPC. I found it much easier to draw a line under the whole experience after the operation. The natural one was horrific, culminating in me having to go back to hospital as I nearly passed out when I passed the foetus and bleeding for weeks after that. It is an extremely unpleasant experience, hence me choosing the surgical route both other times.

lovemycbf · 03/02/2023 19:01

I opted to have my mmc naturally too and honestly it was awful such heavy bleeding I ended up in hospital and it took nearly a month to start
I felt such grief and having to wait so long for it to start was torture
If it ever happened again I would opt for the surgery or tablets

Dragonfly91 · 03/02/2023 19:03

My heart goes out to you OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't want to confuse/frighten you but I had medical management for mmc (11 weeks but baby was only 6.5 weeks and no heartbeat) and it didn't work for me, still ended up needing surgery 4 weeks later. Really did a number on my mental health as it took forever to be resolved. Personally I found the surgery much more straightforward, very little bleeding/pain after. Good luck with deciding what you want to do, and hope you heal soon x

Whole · 03/02/2023 19:11

Sorry for your loss. it happened to me twice my husb was abroad on his job. I suffered all alone. I still remember the room Doc came and told me your baby has no heartbeat. You lost it. My non stop tears uffff no family support. My depression started after my 2nd miscarriage. Hope you are surrounded with family and friends

SuzyQ12 · 03/02/2023 19:19

Sorry for your loss. I went through the same at around the same stage of pregnancy. Went home to miscarry naturally and I don't think this is typical, but for me this was completely pain-free. Take care of yourself, and let others take care of you too.

strawberry6 · 03/02/2023 19:43

Hi OP, I have recently had a missed miscarriage. My baby died at 6 weeks which I found out via a private scan when I should have been 9 weeks (had intended to tell family about pregnancy over Christmas, and found this out on Christmas Eve so didn’t go to plan!) but my midwife was reluctant referring to me to the local EPU. A week later I had another private scan which showed no growth, so I fought to be referred which I was and they had to do their own scans and wait another 2 weeks before offering me any management. However, 4 days before my second scan with the hospital I began naturally miscarrying and it was horrific. I lost so much blood I ended up in A&E and on the emergency gynaecology ward where I opted for surgery 2 days later as the sac hadn’t passed :( i was told it had more risks then benefits, but having known about the missed miscarriage for several weeks I just wanted it over. I had no pain during the natural part at home, it was a bit of an out of body experience tbh as I was passed clots the size of my hand, and couldn’t get off the toilet for 5 hours as I was bleeding so much, but I had no pain! Panic only set in when I went extremely dizzy, my heart rate went through the roof and I almost passed out from the blood loss. It was at that point we rang 111 who sent an ambulance. If offered, I would 100% recommend the surgical option. I was put under but woke up an hour later in recovery and I knew it was all over. In a way it was closure for me, and I didn’t have to have the trauma of any further heavy bleeding at home. If it helps, I also had a sick note for 2 weeks after the surgery which helped me recover physically and mentally. I returned to work this week and felt that was a good amount of time to have off. Don’t be afraid to tell family, friends or work colleagues. I didn’t particularly hide my miscarriage and asked my boss to tell everyone for me if appropriate, and it made my return to work much easier as there weren’t many questions. It’s also surprising how many people have been through the same thing! Please remember you are not alone ❤️

tulipsunday · 03/02/2023 19:45

So sorry OP. I have had two first trimester miscarriages (one was a missed miscarriage at 8/9 weeks) and the pain was fine. Just took nurofen if needed to and had a hot water bottle. You will get through it sending love.

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