Missed Miscarriage, really scared!

[Paperboats]

Hello,

I was supposed to be 11+5 weeks today but had a scan at EPAC after some spotting/light bleeding, and it turns out baby didn't make it past 7+3 weeks.

This is my first pregnancy so I have absolutely no idea what to expect and I'm genuinely terrified after reading other's experiences. I was hoping for some stories of how people got through the pain?

Thank you

It's going to be a difficult time for a few weeks or longer, but you will get through it. My top tips:

If it hurts, take pain relief. If you end up needing to have any procedures, do not allow yourself to be deflected from this - ask for gas and air or painkillers and internally rant at the cruelty of anyone who implies you shouldn't need it. You might, you might not but being in pain will add a layer of difficulty you could avoid. I say this as someone who was denied pain relief because "they can't be like real contractions at 11 weeks", and has now given birth 3 times and yes, they hurt like real, early contractions. This does not happen for everyone, but if it does, don't be fobbed off if you want pain relief, and don't, under any circumstances, think there is any moral or psychological benefit in experiencing that pain.

Find people you can properly rant to, and say things you might not really mean but need to get out. For me that was online - I was scared by what I was feeling and I was too muddled to know whether I really meant was I was saying. I didn't want to burden my people with those immense feelings. I'm not saying I was right, but there are people who can deal with that kind of pain and confusion in a person, and there are people who don't get it. Take some moments to reflect on what you need from talking in that particular moment - if it's someone who will try to talk rationally to you when you need to vent, you will save yourself some difficult moments by waiting to vent till you can do so without judgment. If you need someone to talk rationally to you, but this friend will ask for all the details instead and it will be draining - please consider waiting a moment till you can find what you need.

My heart is with you. It will be difficult, and you will get through.

This is some of the best god damn advice I've ever read!

So sorry OP
I had an ERPC about 6 years ago, it was all fine (and have 2 x DC now) but i was very naive about the risks. My friend ended up having ashermans and had an awful time getting pregnant again, (now has 2 x DC happily) i would recommend the tablets x

I don't think that's quite right.

MVA is what used to be known as D&C. I had this for my 2nd miscarriage. Local anaesthetic, day procedure, v quick (less than 30 mins in the procedure room).

I had ERPC for my first after the medical management didn't work sufficiently.

I opted for MVA this time as lower risk than ERPC but I wanted to get it over and draw a line physically so I could move on emotionally. Also i wanted to pay for private testing of the foetal remains and wasn't confident of being able to take the required sample at home.

I take my hat off to women who go for medical or expectant (wait for it to happen naturally) - i was in a lot of lain and they said the process could take a couple of weeks.

From reading on here the pain is different for everyone and if the EPU can prescribe some codeine/similar that would be sensible.

Sending you every best wish. You will get out the other side.

Thanks so much everyone for your messages, its been so helpful just to know I'm not alone. It really does seem like it's so different for everyone its hard to know the right path to take.

I have started bleeding heavier now so the decision might get taken away from me before Monday anyway, we shall see.

I'm really struggling with blaming myself and my body for this, like I'm broken somehow. I had convinced myself I wouldn't be able to get pregnant (squiffy hormones off the pill) and it is just proving me right in the end. I didn't think it would upset me as much as it has, I'm usually so good at pushing down my emotions and getting on with it. In 35 now (36 March) and although we weren't ready to start trying any earlier, I can't help worrying it's going to be too late.

So sorry you are going through this. I had my first miscarriage at 9 weeks. The pain was awful for around five hours, once I started bleeding it got a lot more bearable. I was stuck on the toilet for about two hours as it was a lot of bleeding. Again that calmed down a lot after a couple of hours. I had a bit of pain and bleeding on and off for a couple of weeks but only mildly.

my second miscarriage was a missed one like you. I had a scan at 9 weeks and everything was okay, then at 11 weeks it was found that our baby had died just after the last scan. I opted for surgical management as I couldn’t go through the pain and bleeding again. Physically it was much better I had next to no bleeding or pain afterwards. I didn’t have any complications.

I had a further four miscarriages all around 7-8 weeks and they were more like a heavy period. So they can all be different. I would take the surgical option given a choice.

so sorry you are in this position, it’s horrible.

The age thing and the body blaming thing are very familiar to me. While you are in the midst of this, try to let those thoughts waft around rather than settling - I think that's the best you can hope for, just for now. But later you may feel able to do some self work about those feelings.

There is no way anybody can predict your individual outcome, but for a little anecdotal reassurance, this was my experience being a bit older and with wonky hormones.

I learned my hormones were not "normal" in my late 20s when single, and was told I would be very unlikely to conceive without help. Married 3+ years later expecting that we wouldn't be having children, and less than a year in had a reasonably dramatic early miscarriage, age 33. I had a loss similar to yours about 10 months later, then another earlier loss about 10 months after that. I then had my son at age 35. Over the next 3 years I had 2 more miscarriages and 2 more children, and since my youngest was born I've had several more miscarriages. We stopped counting when double figures loomed.

It has been a rollercoaster, but I've ridden it rather than falling off (which I expected, constantly). I now understand that I had PTSD from around that first miscarriage. I've invested a chunk of money on therapy in the last 5 years because I didn't deal with it all when it was happening, which is why I try to post on threads like yours and advocate for your mental health getting some good attention.

@Splodgerbodgerbadger and @strawberry6 i have started passing naturally at home but only smaller clots right now, and much more blood than normal. I guess I'm wondering at what point it would be "too much" blood... the doc at the hopsital said when it felt like it was "gushing" but I just had a moment of that while it passed some clots and now its calmed down. You both mentioned you had heavy bleeding and I guess I don't want to overact and go into hopsital if I don't need to, but also don't want to leave it too long and get more unwell?

Its so hard when its so different for everyone. Even every woman's periods and cramps on a normal month. So I'm worried my "too much blood" is someone else's normal period :/

@Paperboats so sorry to hear about the bleeding. It’s nerve wracking but try to keep calm. I think the guideline for heavy bleeding in miscarriage was soaking through a pad in one hour I.e having to change your pad every hour or less. If that happens then it might be worth going to a&e. But hopefully you’ll be past the worst of it soon!

it’s only natural to feel down and to find reasons e.g age but sometimes the body tries to do the kindest thing, maybe the chromosomes weren’t right… or it could just be one of those things. It does feel cruel though when you were close to the 12 week mark. One thing I’ll say is that it’s happened to quite a few women I know, all went on to have a baby at some point afterwards. So it doesn’t mean it’s the end!

let us know how you get on over the weekend xxxx

Please do not blame yourself. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.

It's a tough time so please look after yourself. Your hormones will be up and down for a bit so go easy.

I think I might be past the worst of it. There was about 3 hours of very intense pain and towards the end I wasn't sure what to do! I'm still bleeding now, light red/very fresh looking blood so that is worrying me a little bit. It seems to be heavier than at any other point :/

This sounds very similar to what happened with me. There was a lot more fresh red blood than I expected. If it’s not settled by the morning I would get in touch with someone. It does sound like you have gone through it ‘naturally’.

I too was 34 when I had my first miscarriage, we had a further 5 until we got lucky and I had our daughter when I was four months from turning 40. Don’t give up hope, I know that’s not easy when you are going through this and make sure you give yourselves time to grieve.

Hi @Paperboats how are you doing? I hope you’re ok.. well as ok as you can be after something like this! Lots of TLC is needed.

If things have resolved, don’t be afraid to push for a follow up scan to check that all the tissues have cleared. I found that this was reassuring and gave me more confidence when trying again, just to know that it all looked ok in there! But it is still so sad, I know.

hugs xxx

@Caneloalvarez thank you for checking on me :) I'm ok at the moment, the red bleeding carried on quite a lot until Tuesday eve (with period like cramps) and then something else came out, rather by surprise! In the evening. Since then the bleeding has calmed down and I don't have cramps anymore. I'm really hopeful everything has come out. I'm keeping and eye on how things progress and might ask to see if I can have a scan to double check x

Having a scan sounds like a good plan. Are you getting emotional support? Hugs x

@Fightingbackwithhappiness yes, thank you. I have my husband and I have the friends who I told about the pregnancy. I've actually found it a much greater comfort having them know rather than if we had waited until 12 weeks. I've been surprised by how much talking about it has helped. My bleeding has almost stopped now, I'm hoping that means it has all passed naturally, but I will call anyway for some advice (although they did say if the bleeding got less just to take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks).

Thank you everyone for all the support xx

@Paperboats
I’m so glad to hear it. You may well go up and down with all this,I can tell you I did. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk.
I was 37 when I miscarried and I was so terrified that it was my only only chance etc. but that really isn’t true x

@Paperboats im glad you are over the worst, physically. I found that although I was sad, the end of the bleeding was a huge relief and part of me felt quite calm (maybe it’s a hormonal thing to signify the end of the process!?) I totally agree, it is much better to tell your closest family and friends rather than keeping it all a secret, you need the support! I will definitely let my close family know when I’ve had a positive test now, because I know i’d share with them if things don’t go to plan anyway.
If you feel well and get a negative test then you’re probably fine, but do ask if you think a scan would help to put it behind you. And it’s not the end of the road as a pp said.. allow yourself to grieve but keep positive! I hope you have a restful weekend xx

Hi - I hope someone can help as I’ve no idea what’s going on and it’s becoming all consuming.

Im 34, 2 previous healthy pregnancies/deliveries.

last period started 05.01.23 normally 30 day cycle (12 months tracking on app). should have come on around 5th feb.

UP sex on the 12th and 21st jan.

light pink/brown discharge for 3 days approx 23rd - 26th jan

positive!!!!! fain test on 09.02.23 then loads of negatives. daily mild cramps, been emotional and fatigued but NO bleed?

any suggestions it’s driving me mad. I FEEL a pregnant in some ways but every test is saying the opposite. Even if it was a false positive why haven’t I come on?! X

Hi I have had a missed miscarriage last week at my 12 week scan and going through medical management ATM. Seems to be hopefully working. I am feeling very low and also anxious about the future. I also feel guilt because I have two children so know there are people who go through a lot worse and I should be grateful. Which I am it just unfortunately doesn't work in that way to erase the pain. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories on here, as it's been comforting to read that you have all got through this and gives me hope.

@Claudiasaz so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It’s horrible physically, and it all feels hopeless and drawn out. But things will look brighter once your hormones settle, time really is a healer with this. And don’t feel guilty, it’s really shit regardless of whether you have children already or not. Sending hugs!