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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Had a miscarriage 3 days ago and just need to talk

47 replies

Fandango · 30/01/2008 13:38

I finding this so difficult at the moment. I can't seem to even get myself dressed and washed. I miscarried on Sunday and had medical management and now just waiting for the bleeding to stop and a follow up scan to check everything has cleared.
I really need to start trying again soon as its the only thing keeping me going. I'm normally so strong but this is compleetly wiping me out.
Any advice for coping?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fandango · 30/01/2008 20:53

Millie - I think you are right and a lot of what I'm feeling is being exacerbated by my hormones. So sorry to hear about your 2 MCs. Are you planning to try again soon?

I spoke to my mum this afternoon and she told me to "cheer up". Not really very helpful. It surprised me because she had 6 MCs before conceiving my older brother. The trouble is she is a VERY strong lady. She got through all that and then my dad died 12 years ago. She very rarely expresses her emotions and gets upset. Sometimes I wish I was a strong as her...

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LardyMardyDaisy · 30/01/2008 21:05

just wanted to add my sympathies and hugs

I had my first MC in November 05 at 11 weeks and it was so so hard. I'd been really ill throughout he pregnancy and it took me ages to get back to normal. I MC'd again seven months later at 6 weeks. That was physically less demanding, but emotionally harder as I didn't once think it could happen twice.

the anniversaries are hard......both due dates and MCs.

Be kind to yourself, and to your DP and keep talking. I shut my DH out after the first MC and found it hard to get back to where we had been before. Take as mush time as you need to get over it as well, and remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, whatever feels right for you will inevitably be right (personally throwing the kitchen chairs around the room helped me )

It also helped to do something to remember our lost babies and we planted a couple of passion flower plants last summer; I'm looking forward to them flowering this year.

And when you do get pregnant again, there is a fantastic pregnancy after MC support thread on here in the pregnancy section.

Take Care and Good luck for the future

Isa11 · 30/01/2008 21:05

Hi there. I know it can be really upsetting. I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago. I tried again straight away as for me that was the only thing that would make me stop thinking about the lost pregnancy. I conceived again a month later and went to term. So, although it is risky pyschologically (you may not be ready to cope with another miscarriage if it happens), I don't think there is any medical reason not to try straight away. all the best

hackneybird · 30/01/2008 22:15

Hi Fandango

Hello from the MC avengers thread and I recently mc'd too - diagnosed 8th Jan.

It does help to talk about it with people who understand. As other posters have said, people who haven't been through it underestimate how hard it hits. The friends of mine who know have all been really kind, but now seem to have forgotten about it and I think they expect that I must have moved on by now.

I feel just like you do - okay some times and totally desolate the next. I'm also having an 'angry and bitter' phase. I'm trying to get through it all by sticking to my routine and well, just waiting for the storm to pass. I'm also reading as much as I can about it and spending A LOT of time on MN. I'm not really socialising (we don't have children yet) and am keeping a low profile.

Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I just want to share with you and reiterate that you are not alone. I bought Lesley Regan's book and it really helped (bit embarrassing asking where it was in the book shop though). xx

Original poster

Fandango · 30/01/2008 22:42

Hackneybird - thanks for sharing. Sorry for you loss. I too am spending far to much time on MN. It does help though!
I'll take a look at that book too.

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hackneybird · 30/01/2008 23:40

Yes, for those who want to, I think it is really healthy to talk about it.

Deffo recommend the book, for some reason I found reading about it helped. A lot of it is about recurrent mc's, but still contains a lot of useful information and really acknowledges the emotional toll xx

Megglevache · 31/01/2008 12:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Fandango · 31/01/2008 12:53

Hiya,
Surprisingly I'm feeling much much better today. Hoping that this will continue. the bleeding is slowing a bit so I think that helps and I'm also attempting to work from home so thats helping to take my mind of everything (or at least stop me focussing so much on the MC). I'm sure there will be down days though and I have to be prepared for those.
Thanks for listening everyone. here's to the future!

OP posts:

Megglevache · 31/01/2008 13:06

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Fandango · 31/01/2008 13:56

These slaps are getting quite painful now .
Nearly had a wobble before when I saw my neighbour little baby through the window. But managed to skirt around it. Just trying to look towards trying for another. The worries that come with that are a whole new thread!!!
I wish this damn bleeding would stop. Its starting to get on my nerves now....

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mawbroon · 31/01/2008 14:29

Sorry to hear about your mc fandango. I had one about three weeks ago at only 6 weeks. I know how you feel about the bleeding. I felt it was just like adding insult to injury but of course it stopped and I am now looking forward to ttc again as soon as my old body gets into gear

BITCAT · 31/01/2008 14:33

I feel your pain i've had to miscarriages, 1 at 12 weeks and 1 at 8 weeks and it really is awful. Give yourself time Fandango it will get easier, easy to say, harder to do i know!! I felt like my whole world falling apart and all i wanted was to get pregnant again!! I also had feelings of guilt, wondering what i had done wrong, maybe i should have done things different and had i caused this to happen!!! Is your family and partner supporting you well, get a cuddle when you can and have good cry if you need it, i really feel for you and wish i could reach out and give you cuddle!!!

millie865 · 03/02/2008 18:14

Hi Fandango - glad you are feeling a bit better even if things turn round and hit you every now and again.

I've actually found the last few days very strange. I've felt shit during the first few weeks in all three pregnancies (I have a daughter who two) so physically I am now feeling much better. I'm sad but I'm not knackered, feeling sick and hormonal.

I think we are going to try again straight away. It took seven months after the first miscarriage to concieve again so I don'd know how long it will take this time.

I've found reading other people's stories really helpful, knowing that I'm not the only person going through this does help.

Keep strong
Millie

Original poster

Fandango · 04/02/2008 19:54

Thanks Millie. Had a bit of a down today after seeing someone at a music group I take DD to, walk through the door with a little baby bump. Hadn't seen her for ages so it was a real shock. Just wanted it to be me and I really filled up with emotion.

It WILL be me soon.

Bleeding still so thats been about 1,5 weeks now. Hope its stops soon.

Take care everyone.

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madame · 04/02/2008 20:14

Hi Fandango

I am really sorry for your recent loss, I myself have had 2 miscarriages and therefore know what you are going through right now and it's not easy.

I always gave myself a break as I wasn't mentally in the right place to start again too soon. Hard to do but the right decision for me.

Love and light to you x

millie865 · 05/02/2008 13:52

Hi Fandango - how are you feeling today? I collapsed a bit last night (emotionally, not physically). Today is two weeks since the m/c and in terms of everyday life (work, DH's work, not having loads of family over etc.) things are back to normal. I think this is the hard bit.
I'm thinking of you and everyone else who is going through this at the moment.
Millie

Original poster

Fandango · 06/02/2008 19:28

Hiya,
The strangest thing happened yesterday afternoon. I was feeling really tired, emotional and generally down and shite. I went to the loo at work when out popped what felt like another clot (its been 2 weeks since the actual miscarriage) so I was a bit surprised. I know this is disgusting but I fished whatever it was out of the toilet because it all seemed very strange. It turned out to be the foetus. I'm not imagining it because i saw the head and outstretched legs and what seemed to be the cord which was really jagged at the end. Its was about 4cm in length (ish). The thing that was worrying me what that I was still bleeding before this but that the blood had started to smell but once it popped out things have cleared up a bit and my bleeding has significantly reduced. I'm also feeling a hell of a lot better emotionally. Its all so strange. It was actually quite a relief seeing the tiny little thing - like it helped me to draw a line under everything and move on. I wonder if things were starting to get infected in there? Is it usual for the foetus to be the last thing to come out??

Any words of wisdom??

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mower · 06/02/2008 20:38

Fandango I am just getting over a miscarrage so I am feeling for you too? I had medical management first of all but was still getting clots so went in for the ECPC (D&C). I would go to doctors if I was you so they can check for infection just to put your mind at rest. Hope you are ok.

Springflower · 06/02/2008 22:52

Hi Fandango. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I've been following your thread and just wanted to say that when I had my most recent miscarriage I had medical management - pills on the Wednesday and started bleeding Thursday then in hospital Friday. Just like you I had what I thought was another clot on the Tuesday and fished it out the loo to find out it was the foetus (well, I assume so as it was all in a sac) and after that I stopped bleeding so maybe that is the last thing to go. I also had a natural miscarriage but it was further on but I think that it all started to clear up after I passed the foetus. It has just surprised me that I cant remember when at the time it was so clear but it was 7 years ago. Did you have a follow-up scan or are you due to have one?

Original poster

Fandango · 07/02/2008 20:48

hiya Springflower,
I actually had a follow up scan this morning and was given the all clear thank goodness. I mentioned that I had passed the foetus and the midwife said that was very rare but it can happen. She thought that perhaps I may have been further along than I had thought.
Bleeding is getting less and less now and I'm really feeling quite positive now. can't wait to TTC again. I hope things are working out for you now though springflower.

I must thank you all for your words of support over the past few days - it has helped so much especially when i was feeling so down. Hopefully, I'll be joining the conception threads soon...

xxxx

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pinguin · 09/02/2008 15:32

Hi Fandango, I hope you're feeling better soon. I'm in a similar position, found out a week before you and I felt like death for about 2 weeks - I think you need time to adjust and also to get over the drop in hormones but it will get better definitely.

wildwind · 11/02/2008 11:42

Hey Fandango
So sorry to hear you are going through m/c aftermath now. It's a very hard thing to do. Sadness, anger, envy, anger, hormonal rollercoaster, anger...

I know it's not helping you me saying it will get better, but just know that there are women out there who will be thinking of you at this time and wish you all the best.

If you need to scream and cry into your pillows - and do look after yourself. Your body might feel different and you may think you don't deserve papmering or don't have the energy - BUT YOU DO DESERVE all pampering in the world.

The bleeding will stop soon. Been there twice. Then your body will feel more like it used to.

BEst wishes

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