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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Had a miscarriage 3 days ago and just need to talk

47 replies

Fandango · 30/01/2008 13:38

I finding this so difficult at the moment. I can't seem to even get myself dressed and washed. I miscarried on Sunday and had medical management and now just waiting for the bleeding to stop and a follow up scan to check everything has cleared.
I really need to start trying again soon as its the only thing keeping me going. I'm normally so strong but this is compleetly wiping me out.
Any advice for coping?

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YeahBut · 30/01/2008 13:44

I'm so sorry.
I think the best thing is to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't expect yourself to be able to just get on with life for a wee while. If you need to stay in bed and cry for a couple of days, do it.

sparkybabe · 30/01/2008 13:51

Sorry to hear your news, Fandango.
It's really hard I know (I mc'ed at 12 weeks at few years ago) because all you want is to be preg again. You have to let your body heal, and try again after a few weeks. I know it's not what you want to hear but it will take a few weeks at least. Give yourself a break.

count2ten · 30/01/2008 13:52

Hi be patient with yourself it took me a very long time to move on do what you need to do cry shout scream give yourself time to deal with your emotions and what your feeling day by day .Take care x

Fandango · 30/01/2008 14:01

Thanks. I just seem to feel ok and then down again. I feel a bit let down by a friend today as well. She said to me to just call if I needed her when she heard. So we arranged last night for me to go over to hers and let our little ones play. She texted this morning and said she had to go shopping for some stuff and did I want to do that instead. I just wanted to go round and talk - not go bloody shopping! I just made up an excuse and I've put her off. I'll just talk DD to the park instead.
I know its early days and I'm probably being too hard on myself.
I called the miscarriage association and they said that there is no evidence against getting pregnant again straight after a MC if we felt ready.

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sparkybabe · 30/01/2008 14:03

Fandango with the best will in the world you will not get preg until your cycle has re-established itself, and that will be at least 2 weeks. Take it easy and remember we don't go shopping on MN - there's always someone!

Megglevache · 30/01/2008 14:09

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Lubyloo · 30/01/2008 14:11

Fandango - so sorry to hear your news. It will take time but you will feel better eventually. You will have good days and bad days. Just be gentle with yourself. I think it's hard for anyone who hasn't had a miscarriage to fully understand what it feels like so it may just be that your friend doesn't realise how hard it has hit you. There are plenty of us here who have been through what you're going through and you will get lots of support.

Fandango · 30/01/2008 14:16

Lubyloo I think you're right about my friend not fully understanding because she has never had one. Before my MC I thought I'd definitely be able to handle one and that I'd understand that it happened for a reason etc etc etc. But now it has happened I'm so shocked at how upset I am. I'm dreading being back at work in case anyone asks if I'm better now (most people think I'm just ill) in case I break down. Today is a bad day probably because DH is back at work and I'm on my own with DD.

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MillyMollyAngel · 30/01/2008 14:19

Just read your post Fandango and wanted to send you some support. I had a m/mc in Dec 06 at 12 weeks. Just try and take one day at a time. I found the physical process of my mc left me tired for a good couple of weeks afterwards, so its not unusual. I was told to wait until after my first period before ttc, but to be honest me and dh just didn't want to wait. It gave us something to focus on, however with hindsight perhaps we should have waited. I naively expected to fall pg straightaway and when I didn't, I found it really hard to deal with. So just take your time and do what you think is best for you. Take care.

Megglevache · 30/01/2008 14:20

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Megglevache · 30/01/2008 14:20

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Lubyloo · 30/01/2008 14:22

Don't go back to work until you feel you're ready. I have actually always found it easier to go back to work as it stopped me from sitting at home brooding. If you do go back and can't cope then can you take some more time off?

Fandango · 30/01/2008 14:25

LOL Megglevache. My first smile of the day!

Feel awful as well as my DD (nearly 12 months) was sitting on the sofa next to me and got up really quickly to reach for something and managed to fall over the arm of the sofa and onto the toy box lid on the floor. She now has a massive square bruise on her forehead.
I'm feeling a bit better now though by chatting through it. Thanks all.

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Fandango · 30/01/2008 14:28

Lubyloo I think I could take off as much time as I need - my manager has been really understanding. The difficulty is that I've only just gone back to work after maternity leave so I feel like I've got such a cheek anyway. I do need to think of myself though and now I've realised that I need to talk about it more.

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Megglevache · 30/01/2008 14:29

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StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2008 14:31

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StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2008 14:34

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expatinscotland · 30/01/2008 14:37

I'm very sorry for your loss, Fandango.

I had a missed miscarriage and ERPC last month.

Please give yourself a break and some space.

Fandango · 30/01/2008 14:39

I agree Starlight - Baileys DOES help!

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sweetkitty · 30/01/2008 14:41

fandango - so sorry to hear this, some of the things you have said sounded so much like me when I had a mc in August, I'm 17 weeks pregnant again now but not a day goes past I don't think of the LO I lost and how it's nearly coming up to my due date. People don't understand full stop It does get easier though. take care x

StarlightMcKenzie · 30/01/2008 15:01

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pinkdolly · 30/01/2008 15:14

Oh Fandango- I'm so sorry. I know it might seem easy to say this, but it will get better. I found out that i'd lost my baby on the 11th Jan (as you know from other thread). And the first few days were so hard. But slowly it got better, and each day I felt a bit better. I'm still not over it yet to be honest. And it's only been the last few days or so that I have felt that I can get back into some sort of routine.

But I still think about it several times a day. And I still feel sad and angry sometimes.

I named our baby and managed to keep a scan photo, which I look at sometimes. Perhaps you can find something to help you deal with the pain.

In the meantime, if you need to cry, just cry. I shut myself in my room for at least a week, only coming down to eat (very rarely). The quiet actually helped me to grieve.

I'm not suggesting you do that coz it might not be right for you. But just know that I know how you feel. It's a horribly upsetting time. And nobody knows how bad it feels and how it tears you apart until they've been through it themselves.

I took great comfort and strength in talking to people on here loads. There are so many lovely people on mn who have, unfortunatly, gone through the same thing. But are willing to lend an ear and send a virtual hug.

Sorry if i've been rambling, remember you have lots of people to suppport you on here.

Sending you big hugs.

Pink

Gemzooks · 30/01/2008 19:44

hi fandango,
another recent miscarriagee here (12 weeks missed miscarriage, had it naturally last Monday).. just sending you virtual hugs! There are others out there who have been through it and understand. It's not easy and you must be really kind to yourself, hormones are all over the place and you deserve a good cry. I see you have a LO already, I also have a 15 month old, and he is a real consolation. I am tempted to try again straight away but this pg was conceived just 2 weeks after an early m/c, so personally I'm going to wait 3 months, I have heard though that there's no medical reason to wait if you don't want to.

hope you are able to rest a bit, people like your friend who wanted to go shopping probably just don't really understand, try not to take it personally.

big hugs,
Gem

Fandango · 30/01/2008 20:40

Thanks Gem. Its such a comfort to hear from people like yourself (although I wish you hadn't gone through what you have). I am in 2 minds whether or not to try again straight away as I do have fears that I will miscarry again. I think I'll just go with the flow and if it happens, it happens.
To be honest this pregnancy was wanted but not exactly planned at that exact time IYSWIM. We were just 'practicing'. DH was thrilled though. As a result, I wasn't taking folic acid until I found out i was preg at 4.5 weeks. Now I'm taking it every day and hope that it might help.

Hugs to you all. xxx

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millie865 · 30/01/2008 20:44

Hi Fandango
I had a miscarriage last week at 11 weeks. I'd miscarried last April too. It's horribly common.

Someone said to me today that what makes miscarriage so hard is the feeling that somehow you're not allowed to grieve - that you should 'get over it' in a couple of days and be back to normal in a week or so. I was shocked after my first miscarriage at how difficult I found it to get back to normal. Also nobody warned me about hormone shifts and how I might suddenly find myself crying uncontrollably for several days. This time round although it's been hard at least I've known what to expect.

Give yourself some time to grieve and heal. My thoughts are with you and everyone else here going through this.