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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Have namechanged for this because i feel weird for asking this

38 replies

DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:34

When i was about 18 or 19 dh and i had unprotected sex once and he withdrew before he ejaculated.
I forgot about this and sometime after,i have no idea when?,i remember being at work and my boobs hurting so much i began to suspect i was pregnant.That same shift i returned from doing a pretty physical work related activity and went to the loo.A huge blob of jelly dropped into the toilet and i wondered what the hell it was.When i got home later that night i started to bleed(i thought it was just my heavy period)
I had back pain and remember it throbbing so much.I lost a lot of blood so much so that it was leaking through double pads and all over my parents furniture.I went to the toilet to change myself again and i had massive clots like well..i can only describe them as slices of liver(sorry)
The following day i was still bleeding in this way and my mum took me to the GP.
He examined me and looked at me sternly before asking could i have been pregnant, i replied no because i was embarrassed as my mum was in the room with me.
He felt my stomach on the table and asked me again and i said no
He sighed and gave me some tablets to stop the bleeding.

A few months later i was having periods every 2 weeks and went to see another GP ,he said i had a womb infection.

Do you think that idid have a miscarriage?
and how far would i have been for the clots to be that big?

I am sorry to ask but it has always bothered me

I appologise if it brings up any sadness with any of you.

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notjustmom · 20/01/2008 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bero · 20/01/2008 21:38

Sounds a bit like it

How far you would have been is difficult, I suppose between 6 and 9 weeks would be likely.

I'm sorry this has haunted you.

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whomovedmychocolate · 20/01/2008 21:38

Yes it sounds like it - you could have been a couple of months. Did you talk to your DH about it subsequently (or anyone)?

A womb infection is quite rare if you weren't previously pregnant. Were you treated with antibiotics or given a D&C?

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LadyOfTheCauliFlowers · 20/01/2008 21:40

Sounds like you had a MC and not all of it came away so you got an infection as a bit stayed in there.

When i had a MC at 12 weeks, I passed large clots and what looked like a defromed baby/monkey nut.

I did not have the livery stuff but I have heard that description before.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:40

It has always bothered me because i feel like i have ignored what could have been my 1st dc.
Infact i didn't realise how much until i started to type ,i am welling up now
I sort of had a gut feeling at the time but was too niave and scared to know.
I do feel guilty for in some way denying it.

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whomovedmychocolate · 20/01/2008 21:41

Another thing to say is that lots of people miscarry and think they are just having a really heavy period - I did. If I hadn't gone to the doctor, I would never have twigged. I had no other symptoms of pregnancy until the pain and bleeding started. First trimester miscarriages are often not formally confirmed and I shudder to think how many other women out there every month ignore a particularly nasty period and end up damaging their fertility inadvertently with a later infection.

You were young and your doctor wasn't very sensitive, he should have asked your mum to go get your some water outside or something and asked you by yourself. I know how hard it would have been for me at that age to say 'yes I could be' to my mum.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:41

I was given antibiotics yes.

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LadyOfTheCauliFlowers · 20/01/2008 21:41

I mean monkey nut shaped but about as big as my palm.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:42

dh and i have barely talked about it but i often think of it and feel that it would have been a dsdunno why?

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whomovedmychocolate · 20/01/2008 21:43

You need to mourn this baby. You were too young to deal with the information then, and perhaps only now you can deal with it - that's not something you should feel guilty about - your baby would have died even if you had said to the doctor 'yes I think I am'.

Perhaps you should talk it over with your mum - is that possible? If you can settle it in your mind and with her, perhaps you can realise that you didn't do a big terrible thing. You were just very unlucky.

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LadyOfTheCauliFlowers · 20/01/2008 21:44

I have always felt the one I lost was the only girl I will ever have, yet I cannot explain this either?

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Spidermama · 20/01/2008 21:44

It certainly sounds like it.

What was your mum doing in the docs with you at 18 years old?

Sorry. I hope the knowlege it probably was a m/c helps you understand what's happened and get some peace. It must have been nagging at you some.

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LynetteScavo · 20/01/2008 21:45

You delt with it the best you could at the time, so you really have nothing to feel guilty about.

Now with hindsight, knowing what you do, hopefully you can grieve for your baby, and move on.

Sending you a hug.

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QuintessentialShadow · 20/01/2008 21:46

DoUsaCuppa,
I symphathise. I had a very similar experience when I was 19, and it does sound like a miscarriage. I have often wondered what if. What would he/she look like, be like, what would my life be like, etc. Now, this was not with my dh, so my life would have taken a totally different turn. I try not to think about it too much, but I do get emotional time and again.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:47

My mum wanted to come with me to see the GP because she was concerned for me because the bleeding was so heavy.

I could not discuss this with her ,we are close but not in that way.
We have never ever discussed sex or anything intimate.

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Spidermama · 20/01/2008 21:50

It might help, now you can be pretty convinced you did lose one, to say goodbye to it/him/her.

My MIL was brilliant when I had my first m/c. I didn't know what to do and she made up some sort of saying goodbye ceremony. It might sound cheesey now but it really helped me. We took some melon seeds down the river, threw them in, remembered the one we lost and talked to him/her each giving a little message and saying goodbye.

It really helped me to sort my head out.

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fondant4000 · 20/01/2008 21:50

I have had 5 (definite) mcs and it has made me realise that I may have had more in my life without realinsing. It's such a common thing (1 in 4 pgs I think).

IME my mcs were all early (5-7 weeks) and were very similar to your description. I wd think v. doubtful that you were beyond 10 weeks at most. My sister mc'd at 16 weeks ands believe me it's a whole different ball game.

I would say that you were pg but doubt it wd have any affect on future fertility (anti-bs or not).

BTW I now have 2 healthy dcs (4 and 1) and am 40+

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:51

That sounds very poignant spidermama

Not sure how i can say goodbye though?

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 21:53

fondant4000-I have since had 2 dc

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

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whomovedmychocolate · 20/01/2008 21:56

You say goodbye however feels best for you.

I was really upset about my mc and my daughter and I went to the park and I told her mummy was sad because she thought she was going to have a baby and now I wasn't and we bought a balloon and I said we were going to let the baby fly away in the balloon till she was ready to be inside mummy again.

Actually it felt so cathartic to let the balloon go, I know that sounds daft but it did help.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 22:02

whomovedmychocolate

I get very embarrassed when it comes to grief ,i don't like to let people in.
I have had many people to grieve for ,some in tragic circmstances which left horrific images in my mind but even now if i visit a grave i just put the flowers down and leave .
I cannot be seen to be grieving.
Yes i realise that sounds odd but i feel that there is no where i can be to be alone with my grief.
Sorry to go on and be all depressing.

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whomovedmychocolate · 20/01/2008 22:27

Interesting. What do you think would happen if you let it out? Do you believe you wouldn't stop crying? Or that it would change you in some way?

Graves are not where people are IMHO, what they were is in your memory, not in a box. I find it hard to feel anything in cemeteries and get distracted by the wildlife!

It sounds like you are ready to talk to someone about this. How about calling the miscarriage association? You can just say all this and if you don't feel anything, you don't but you'll know you've addressed it?

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spicemonster · 20/01/2008 22:31

Could you plant something? And name your baby? I found that helped me (although I mced under different circumstances).

Many pregnancies end in miscarriage and the woman never even realises. Don't feel guilty - you didn't do anything wrong but if it haunts you, trying to say goodbye might help.

Sending you a big hug - my heart goes out to you.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 22:34

Im not afraid of crying but don't get the opportunity to be alone and cry.
I get embarrassed if i cry infront of people and don't like people to see me looking vunerable.

Not sure about ringing the miscarriage association? i don't feel like it is deserving enough and don't really want to talk to a stranger iykwim?
I don't mind talking about things on here but sometimes even here i can't express myself properly.

I will have a think though of some way that i can say 'goodbye'.

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DoUsaCuppa · 20/01/2008 22:35

spicemonster -I would have to explain the planting thing then so unless i just keep it to myself.
Because i always felt that it was a ds i have always sort of had a name in my head .

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