Have namechanged for this because i feel weird for asking this

[DoUsaCuppa]

When i was about 18 or 19 dh and i had unprotected sex once and he withdrew before he ejaculated.
I forgot about this and sometime after,i have no idea when?,i remember being at work and my boobs hurting so much i began to suspect i was pregnant.That same shift i returned from doing a pretty physical work related activity and went to the loo.A huge blob of jelly dropped into the toilet and i wondered what the hell it was.When i got home later that night i started to bleed(i thought it was just my heavy period)
I had back pain and remember it throbbing so much.I lost a lot of blood so much so that it was leaking through double pads and all over my parents furniture.I went to the toilet to change myself again and i had massive clots like well..i can only describe them as slices of liver(sorry)
The following day i was still bleeding in this way and my mum took me to the GP.
He examined me and looked at me sternly before asking could i have been pregnant, i replied no because i was embarrassed as my mum was in the room with me.
He felt my stomach on the table and asked me again and i said no
He sighed and gave me some tablets to stop the bleeding.

A few months later i was having periods every 2 weeks and went to see another GP ,he said i had a womb infection.

Do you think that idid have a miscarriage?
and how far would i have been for the clots to be that big?

I am sorry to ask but it has always bothered me

I appologise if it brings up any sadness with any of you.

No you really wouldn't have to. I am the only person who knows which plant in my garden represents my 1st DS (that's what I feel he was) and I'm the only one who knows his name too. It's my private thing. But it helps me to see the tree grow.

DoUsaCuppa, do you think that on some level your mum does know?

If the dr asked you twice, could she have put 2 & 2 together & known all along? But waited/is waiting for you to mention it?

The fact that you denied it was possible that you were pregnant to the Dr twice, may have made her think that you were in a place where you didn't want it to be real, therefore she never felt it her place to raise the subject, iykwim?

I had period like this and had wondered if pregnant - test that morning said negative and started bleed that day - perhaps both right was pregnant - and it was a miscarriage - Hmm

Dousacuupa - sorry for your loss.

I don't know sandcastles ,like i said we don't do taboo subjects.

Thought she may have bought it up when i went on to have the dc.

Spicemonster-I may copy you and do the same when spring comes.

Thanks questionpleasehelp

DoUsaCuppa

(hey, common tea reference in talknames)

I'm sorry too for your loss, I had a missed mc a couple of years ago, still think of that baby, but knowing also that I wouldn't have my lovely DS2 if I'd had that baby... I'm not surprised this is still on your mind, esp if you have since had children - seeing how precious they are makes you realise what you have lost. After I mc, I was really low for a while, and couldn't shake it. Gardening did help (and I know from being on the trying to conceive/pregnancy after mc threads it helps a lot of us in this situation) but also i talked to my local priest about it, and we had a pray and lit a candle and it was so great to honour that short life as special and part of life in the world. So if you have religious feelings, or spiritual things in your life that can help. but real life talking might help you too - a counsellor first of all. but I agree with others who say, you did the best you could at the time. I sense maybe your denial of the pregnancy to the doctor is a big part of the problem. to say out loud to someone that you might have been pregnant might help. I felt really cross at his attitude - how long ago did this happen? kind words around this time from medical staff can mean a lot - I was treated really kindly around my mc and it did help with recovering.

good luck to you

Thanks for your kind words Time4tea

I think that the hardest thing was me denying that pregnancy was a possibility yes.
I do feel bad because i feel like i denied 'the baby'an exsistance and anyone to mourn it.

i have changed my name cos this is a very private thing for me to discuss...3 years ago i started a heavy period so heavy i was losing lots of blood and "flooding" my usual tampon....it settled down a little and i carried on(i have 3 children already) in asda i went to the loo(ive had c sections b4)and a terrible pain shot thru me and i heard a splosh as i looked down i saw an ear shaped lump with a veiny bumpy rim im sad to say i fished it out and looked at it - i didnt know what to do my husband and young son were waiting for me outside really i wanted to take it with me i wanted to rewind time unfortunately i did something i will live to regret ,i flushed the chain and that haunts me to this day -for a while after i felt very empty and my bones felt cold its not something my husband and i discuss often bcos i get upset and hes very much a hands on bloke wanting to put things right ....what worked for me(at my husbands suggestion)was we bought 2 stone angel ornaments and left one at the cemetary where my mum in law is buried and we have one in our garden-nobody knows the relevance of these angels but us and in the summertime when we sit out at night with the nightlights on and my angel is there i feel a bit reconciled.....its a realy dreadful experience,i feel as though a empty part of my heart is there for this baby that never was ....youre not alone xxxxxx

Thankyou for sharing that

That is lovely about the angel ornaments.

I need to do something but still haven't thought of anything.

That is the other thing that bothers me..i remember going to sit on the loo and when i pulled my knickers down one of the largest clots dropped and i had to catch it with my hands(sorry),i never stopped to look at it closely or register what it could have been i just dropped it into the toilet

That bothers me.

Hi all, having had 2 mc's myself, i just wanted to say that its worth remembering that women have something like upto 32 miscarriages in a life time that often we dont even know about. if your not ttc then it would prob go un-noticed. We miscarry for a reason, there is usually something wrong with the baby / pregnancy and our bodies naturally expel when it isnt right. I certainly know that this doesnt particularly make it easier to deal with but at the end of the day 'nature knows best'. I still think about the babies i lost and believe that there spirits / souls are in a better place, being looked after by others i have lost.

dousacuppa, you didnt do anything wrong and couldnt have done anything to prevent what happened - sending you hugs x x x

Thankyou Kezza
xx

Hi I've had three miscarriges and two ectopics (the last in October last year) I have found it very hard this time to come to terms with these as for us it has meant there are no more chances of having our own child.
My husband and I went to Exmoor and built a cairn (pile of stones) it was only small and will be knocked down by the local wildlife but we carried the stones up from a stream and built it under a tree looking over a valley. It is in an area of the countrey I love as I come from down there and I could easily find the spot again. I took some photos of the view from that spot and we just sat a while next to it.
I have felt much better since and think of that spot often. I know for me this has really helped as it has allowed me to say goodbye to all my babies. I hope you can find something to comfort you. xx

Surreynanny-Sorry for your losses
Thankyou for sharing that with me.
What a truly beautiful and personal way of saying goodbye to your dc.