Miscarrying at home at 12 weeks

[Cindy974]

I can’t believe I'm writing this and I thought this was the one this time. I went for what should have been my 12 week scan this morning only to receive the devastating news that there was no heartbeat and baby had died at 10 weeks. This is the third loss Ive had since December.
First of all how?! Why?! I just don’t understand. I decided to let baby naturally pass at home but now I’m not so sure I can wait how can I carry on normally knowing my poor baby is dead floating around inside me. Has anyone passed naturally at home this far along? Im terrified of the pain and blood loss and how long its going to take. I haven't bled or spotted yet but have been having lower back pain and mild cramps Im hoping this means its not going to be too far away.

I just keep getting flashbacks of my husbands bewildered face when they were scanning me, I knew by his face something was wrong. How do I move forward I feel so lost.

Thank you if you got this far x

Oh I’m so sorry, how awful and disappointing. No advice but just wanted to give you a bump and send you 💐

Hi. I've been where you are 13 years ago.
Can someone call an ambulance for you. The blood loss/ clots were horrific.
I was 11 weeks

Sorry, meant to explain further. It was like labour pains, excruciatingly painfully across lower abdomen. Dm if you wish. It's a horrible thing to go through

I’m so sorry. I’ve just been in to the hospital today as I found out on Tuesday my baby died at 8 weeks. Like you I find myself going about my daily business and just thinking Jesus Christ there’s a lifeless foetus inside me. How am I even carrying on?

We are choosing to have management but I won’t be seen until Tuesday so of course the pregnancy could end at any minute of its own accord.

I had medical management for a tfmr last year and would say just be prepared with lots of really big pads, good painkillers, stay hydrated. Thinking of you 💛

@Cindy974 no advice either but didn't want to read and run as my heart really goes out to you. I had a earlier miscarriage this week and understand how you might be feeling. I'm so sorry to read that it is your third loss, I hope you get some answers, sending you so much love.

Did EPU give you any advice on the amount of pain & blood loss? If you feel panicked & unsure, please seek further medical advice. You deserve to be supported through this ❤️

I’m really sorry

i had a miscarriage at home at a similar stage. I would describe it was uncomfortable but definitely tolerable. I was passing clots for about two hours, I stayed in the bathroom for most of that time. Have a think if you want to have a look beforehand, I wish I’d have a chance to consider it before I was in the moment (if that makes sense).

it won’t be on your mind right now and I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive, but I became pregnant three months after my miscarriage and went on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. Sending you lots of love, it’s such a rough thing to go through. People will offer to help if you tell them, accept their support and be kind to yourself. Thinking of you x

Thank you all so much really means alot ❤️

Ive been given advice on who to ring if bleeding and pain becomes unbearable I’m just abit terrified as my other two losses were alot earlier I feel like I may change my mine and opt for medical management x

Sorry OP this is terrible for you 🥺
I miscarried at 12 weeks, however I found out a few days before my NHS scan as I started to bleed. I went for a private scan as it was the weekend and they confirmed the baby had passed at about 8 weeks.
The process had already begun for me, I went home and allowed it all to happen.
It was horrible, I have a piece of me missing forever, I let it go down the toilet...... I feel awful for saying it, that I flushed her away!! But I believe she was a girl and as she was due this July just gone I named her Ruby after her birth stone.
I have a scan picture which I keep safely.
I wish you comfort and I hope you have someone loving you by your side during this process. You have to cope in the way that you feel is best for you, cry and grieve. Lots of love

Yes I was 13 weeks. Did end up going to hospital as cramps/ bleeding got too much.

Also I didn't want to frighten you but the blood loss was rather a lot, I had my mum with me and it helped to take photos of the pads as I changed them so I could see that it was reducing and also to show the doctors if I felt the need to go in for any reason.

I'm really sorry. I was 10/11 weeks when I went through this. Tbh I think it varies from person to person in terms of blood loss and pain. I also found it manageable at home - was booked in for surgical management but it started the day before. My advice would be not to look too closely at what you pass and be really kind to yourself.

I struggled with bleeding for a few weeks as although it was only light bleeding I couldn't feel like it was over until it stopped. And I also experienced milk leaking and hair loss. Your body has already adapted to the pregnancy and so it takes time to readjust. A friend who had been through similar told me it took about 3 months to feel normal again, and it was the same for me.

I hope it passes as easily as possible for you.❤

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I miscarried at 14 weeks and chose to stay home. The hospital were great and would phone a couple of times a day just to check (it took several days from finding out until actually miscarrying) and I was told to go in anytime I wanted.

The pain was bad but manageable until the very end. It suddenly became unbearable and I decided I couldn’t take it anymore so would go in. I went to the loo first and then it all happened. The whole sac came out intact and I could see my baby very clearly. Then Niagra Falls of blood happened which was a bit panic inducing. It did eventually slow and some huge clots freaked me out too.

Im glad I stayed home even though it was all so intense. I was able to get cleaned up and then climb into my own bed.

I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Sorry my story is not a nice one. I did end up going to A&E as the pain was horrific. It took 2 days to get to that stage though. I needed oramorph and gas and air. When it passed it was immediate relief. I ended up needing IV fluids for very low blood pressure as tissue was hanging around my cervix too.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's heartbreaking.

Hi OP sending you all the hugs, so sorry you’re going through this.

Like you I found out at my 12 week scan that the baby had stopped growing. Ours stopped at around the eight week mark.

I decided to go the surgical route but due to staff capacity was told my appointment would be two weeks additional wait. I thought ‘fine, no problem, my body has held onto it this long, another two weeks is nothing’ but was told it could, of course, happen at any time until then.

I started getting cramps around 5 1/2 weeks after the baby has stopped growing (so I was 13 and a half weeks along) which got more painful as days went on. I had brown coffee ground like discharge until eventually I started bleeding. It was light at first but got quite heavy, much heavier than they say in the miscarriage leaflets they’d given me, so I called my local gynaecology ward and was told to go it A&E. Long story short I just about made it to A&E when I had to run to the toilet as it all came out at once. At the time I was petrified but I stayed in hospital overnight and my bleeding was so light I was discharged the next morning. I bled a little for a few days after then for about two weeks I would have a tiny bit of spotting (always when I was out walking the dog).

It can be quite a scary time but knowing what I know now I would say to make sure you have some decent maternity pads (not period pads like what I had!), a hot water bottle and some painkillers.

I was told if the pain is unbearable, or if you’re bleeding through one pad in less than an hour, you’re advised to go to A&E. I read a lot of miscarriage stories after mine and I think most women have constant manageable bleeding and pain over the course of a few days so I was kind of the exception as it happened quite dramatically all at once. I don’t mean to scare you and hope this is more helpful than frightening. It’s very upsetting and I know I felt a little better knowing my body was finally processing everything.

❤️

Thank you all so much for your stories and kind words my heart goes out to all of you ❤️

I did manage at home with my last two but they were around the 6-7 week mark, my main concern with this one was just Im further along so I’m expecting pain and blood loss/ tissue to be worse. I think I’m going to hang on and let my body do what it wants and hopefully pass everything within the next two weeks and start to try and heal mentally and physically x

So sorry for your loss, it's an awful awful thing to go through.

I had a pretty awful experience with mine. Had a private scan at 8 weeks and all was fine. The day before my 12 week NHS scan I had started wiping brown blood so was a little bit concerned. On the day day of the scan they confirmed that foetus had died around 8 weeks, so had already been carrying the foetus for 4 weeks without any signs that anything was wrong.

I decided to go for medical management and was booked in for operation 4 days later. I was given a direct number to my local gynaecology ward and was told if I had started to fully miscarry before the operation, and it was becoming unmanageable to call them straight away.

About 2 days after my 12 week scan I started to properly bleed. Was manageable at first but them through the day really started to ramp up. By 7pm at night I was soaking through a pad per hour and was becoming concerned. By 9pm I could barely get off the toilet and massive clots were coming away. I phoned the hospital and they told me to come straight up. By the time I got to hospital I was having full contractions and was faint with blood loss. After a horrible time where I was on gas and air and a doctor manually evacuating blood clots out of me I heard them say that I had lost too much blood and would need to be taken for emergency surgery. I very narrowly avoided needing a blood transfusion.

Sorry if my post is hard to read. I just really really want you to be aware that things can ramp up quickly and passing the pregnancy at home might not be possible. I would always recommend to any of my friends who might be faced with this devastating situation that they opt for medical management. It is bad enough having to go through a miscarriage but being physically poorly after a traumatic, painful experience is best avoided if possible.

Sorry for your losses OP. It's a devastating event and three so close together must leave you exhausted.
I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks at home - very sudden and intense labour pain and then in to the hospital afterwards as I had no idea what was happening. In hindsight it could have been managed at home with pads and if it had been expected. I didn't know until the pain started that there was anything wrong although I had been feeling fluey for a day or so. There was a heartbeat up to 12 weeks as I had a scan then and all seemed ok.
It was definitely harder than my 8-9 week miscarriage but only for the time it took to come out. After that the pain was similar. A little more blood.
Mind yourself, don't hesitate to change your mind and go to hospital if you want to.
I hope you get answers when you are physically recovered from this - I know how awful an experience it is.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and your losses before this one too. I also found out at 12 weeks my first had stopped growing, around 9 weeks, and the shock and sadness is just so terrible.
I miscarried at home a few days later. Without wanting to scare you, the pain was really bad at times. I went into a form of labour - I had contractions that got closer together and more painful over a period of three hours. The last hour was unbearable. For me it wasn't so much the blood loss that bothered me but everything else that was coming out. I had a placenta that was grown and working as well so there was quite a lot to 'come out.'
We ended up calling an ambulance as I couldn't cope with the pain and had started to feel really unwell despite being on multiple painkillers. In the end though the pain massively subsided after the final bits came out and we cancelled the ambulance (it was the height of the winter omicron wave so we were put in a long queue).
I would say, I know it's different for everyone though and you can do it at home if you're prepared for pain and blood, and do have someone with you who can support you through it (and maybe a plan to go the hospital if needs be). It can be quite traumatic but also I found it quite connecting in some ways too.
I did decide to get a MVA for my second miscarriage a few months later however as I didn't feel I would go through that again if I had a choice.
I hope you get the support and care you deserve however you choose to do it.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

After being awake from 4am in a right state I’ve decided to go for the surgical option. The waiting will torture me (it is already) and I just feel like I want it over with. Im just waiting to hear back when they can book me in. Thank you all so much ❤️❤️

Hello, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I'm not a mother yet, have only just started trying, so I have no advice, but I couldn't read and not write - sending you lots of love, I hope you get everything amazing, very very soon xx

Was just checking in OP.
Hope you're doing ok and sending you

So sorry to hear this, I should be 11 weeks but sadly had no heartbeat at the scan and I got the D&C surgery today. I am relieved to have it over but of course feel devastated. Hope we get our rainbow babies soon ❤️

Hi OP
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s so devastating.
When I had my first MC it was at 12 weeks, the baby was around 10-11 weeks. I ended up having proper labour pains which I absolutely wasn’t expecting and no one told me could happen, so we called 111 and they said to go to A and E. They gave me a morphine IV which was helpful and when they examined me they also took out the foetus which had made its way mostly out. I got to see my baby, which I found helpful for closure, but it’s terribly sad as they are so small (around the size of my thumb). I was glad to be in hospital because I hated the thought of flushing them down the toilet but I didn’t have a garden to bury them in.
My second MC was at ten weeks and the baby was teeny tiny, 2mm, so I had the pill to start off the MC and did it at home. Again I had intense labour for about 5 hours but I stuck it out at home. I asked for D&C but it wasn’t available until 7 days later and I needed to have control over when the process happened so that’s why I chose to take the pill at home immediately. I wasn’t able to have the pill in the ward as that was 4 days later too - I was already bleeding and I hated the idea of it suddenly happening outside of my control, again!
Whatever happens, remember you are strong and courageous. It will be hard, but you can get through it.
Take care

Thank you all for your kind words and experiences 💕

I ended up having medical management at hospital in the end. Needed two doses of the tablets, the second dose worked, pains were similar to early labour, managed without pain medication and looks like I passed everything. I got to say goodbye to baby and I’m glad that although it was awful, it went as “well” as it possibly could. Baby and tissue has been sent off for testing so maybe I will get some answers. Now I just need to get my head together and try and process everything as best I can. The hardest part was walking around the ward and seeing women with their newborn babies 😞❤️ Thank you again everyone ❤️X