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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

‘It’s not good news today, I can’t find a heartbeat’ MC

48 replies

Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:01

I just wanted to create a space for anyone, like me, who has had to hear those painful words.

I heard them yesterday. I will always remember that moment when the journey came to a shuddering halt.

Tomorrow I take the medication to begin passing. I’m scared, sad, but also want to bring this process to an end as smoothly as possible.

This was our first pregnancy - I am still processing and hope that one day soon I can learn to carry this pain, rather than be consumed by it.

I hope that we can get through this together.

I hope that by sharing my post I may reach another person that felt they might have been on their own. We aren’t on our own. This wasn’t our fault.

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 09/07/2022 23:07

I'm so sorry. I know you wanted the solidarity of someone else going through it right now and I hope you get that, but I also hope this is maybe some comfort in a different way - I clicked on your thread because I vividly remember hearing pretty much those exact words in May 2017. It was my third miscarriage and I was just devastated, convinced I wouldn't have children. I fell pregnant again a few months later, and I've just finished decorating a fourth birthday cake for that baby. He's sleeping upstairs now, as is his little brother. The miscarriages are a horrible memory now, but nothing more than that. I hope you also get your happy ending very soon, and that you are able to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself in the meantime.

coodawoodashooda · 09/07/2022 23:11

I am so sorry. You must be devastated.

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:16

@Hardbackwriter

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and respond.

To hear you were able to conceive again gives me hope - and I think that when things are this raw, finding hope to continue forward is part of the healing process. The kindness of strangers is so powerful.

One day I hope to be in your position - and to be able to offer someone else the comfort you have given me.

Thank you x

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AgathaMystery · 09/07/2022 23:18

I’m so sorry OP. It’s so awful isn’t it? I think I described it as the depths of human misery. Of course it was just the depth I’d got to at that point in my life.

it’s gets better I promise. Things become bearable. They really do, but not for a while yet. Take some time off work, like a good few weeks. Don’t rush back. Take your time x

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:19

@coodawoodashooda

I am - I’m hoping to feel some peace and find my way again soon.

thank you for taking the time to respond, particularly late in the evening x

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NoRegretsNoTearsGoodbye · 09/07/2022 23:21

I too remember those words so well - and my 1st m/c was 2006. The pain does ease but you will never forget the life you lost. Be gentle with yourself as you heal ❤️.

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:23

@AgathaMystery

I think you are right, time is the healer here.

I am touched that already I am hearing from others - thank you for taking the time to post.

I will do my best to be kind to myself and allow myself the time to heal - and my husband. I am so grateful for the support from these replies. Thank you, I really mean that x

OP posts:
MrsMaverick · 09/07/2022 23:24

So sorry.
I heard almost those exact words 26 years ago. It was our first pregnancy and I was so disappointed and heartbroken.
Take care of yourself through this next stage and hopefully you will feel able to try again one day.
We went on to have 3 successful pregnancies.

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:27

@NoRegretsNoTearsGoodbye

Im sorry to hear of your loss - and thank you for finding the strength to share that with me.

I am really grateful to you kind ladies who didn’t let this post go with no replies.

I will continue as best I can to take each day. But today has been that little bit brighter as a result of your kindness. Thank you x

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Whoareyoumyfriend · 09/07/2022 23:30

August 2015. It devastated me and my husband. I'm still sad about it now. We opted to wait until after the due date to ttc again and ds1 came exactly 9 months after my due date. Ds2 came twelve months after that.

I'm sorry for your sad news. My only advice is to grieve well

NewIdeasToday · 09/07/2022 23:32

So sorry. I have nothing to add other than I’m thinking of you and this devastating news. Be strong.

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:32

@MrsMaverick

Thank you for letting me feel connected to you as you share your experience. I am grateful to you for taking the time to connect with me in this darkness.

My hope is that one day we can look back and offer others this same support.

As this was our first pregnancy my biggest fear has been ‘what if we can’t conceive again?’ Hearing your happiness after such a loss gives me hope to try and get me through tomorrow and the days that follow. Thank you x

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Blankbias · 09/07/2022 23:33

Yes, sadly I’ve heard these words so many times. On my 4th miscarriage right now. Had to do loads of meetings and had an interview this week whilst bleeding. It’s been pretty crap!!

SafariPark · 09/07/2022 23:33

We had recurrent miscarriages but it was worth going through every single one for the two beautiful (and exhausting!) wonders who are fast asleep in their beds. I wish you all the best and want you to know that you're not alone and this is much more normal than anyone lets on. Sorry for your loss x

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:34

@Whoareyoumyfriend

I can understand your decision - and thank you for sharing that personal moment with me. I can’t really find the words - but I am so grateful to you for responding. I feel that each person I hear from has shared a part of them, and I think you are so brave. Thank you for sharing your strength with me x

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Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:37

@NewIdeasToday

thank you for taking the time to reply. It is kindness like yours that gives me hope for the future. I feel like life has been incredibly unkind - but, I know that this is nobody’s fault.

I am very grateful to you for connecting with me - thank you x

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Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:40

@Blankbias

My thoughts are with you - your strength to continue gives me hope. I cannot imagine your experience four times - I am so sorry that you are also in this darkness.

I hope that connecting with others may help us to find strength in each other x

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Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:44

@SafariPark

Thank you for sharing your experience - there isn’t a way to share this without a orang of pain. I am sorry to hear the darkness was recurrent for you before your brighter days arrived.

It is genuinely comforting to hear that you were able to continue and have your family. I hope that one day I can be offering someone else the support you have shown me. It has been a long day but I already feel connected to brave women and I am grateful for your time to stop and write x

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherdollar · 09/07/2022 23:44

Sorry for your loss OP💐

CardiffMam · 09/07/2022 23:44

I've heard those awful words twice, many years ago now, but I still remember the pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this @Kappi . Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. X

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:49

@Anotherdayanotherdollar

Thank you. this is my first ever post - I’m glad I took the plunge to write one - I feel comforted from your kindness in taking the time to respond.

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Apollonia1 · 09/07/2022 23:50

Hi Kappi,
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had two miscarriages. The first at 15 weeks (I was told at the 12-week scan that the baby was ill).
The second was at 8 weeks. My HCG numbers had been rising too slowly and then I had a bleed. I remember my doctor removing the vaginal probe and just saying "I'm sorry". I wished she had shown me the scan on the screen, even though the babies heart was no longer beating - I wanted to "see" the baby one last time.
I later went on to have beautiful twins.

Wishing you all strength and best of luck. Do the doctors have any knowledge of why you miscarried? Do they recommend doing anything differently if you get pregnant again - eg take aspirin?

EnterACloud · 09/07/2022 23:52

@Kappi I’m in the exact same situation as you. I have surgery set for later this week.

it’s so bloody sad. How have you been since you heard? Have you been out or feel like you have to just stay at home?

Original poster
Kappi · 09/07/2022 23:53

@CardiffMam

Thank you. I think, like you, that moment will stay with me forever. I hope your brighter days came afterwards -

and thank you for reaching out to me. It’s a scary time but knowing there are strangers out there who recognize my pain and took the time to bravely share their experiences, is a comfort x

OP posts:
Glorieta · 09/07/2022 23:56

So sorry to hear this OP.

I heard these awful words in 2012 and had 2 other miscarriages at 8 weeks.

I remember the consultant trying to get me to hospital immediately and then telling me that all my hopes and dreams were shattered.

Thought I would never have a successful pregnancy and gave up trying as it was too painful. You wonder why you, you soul search and just feel lost and in my case such a failure.

Fast forward to now- my 5 Yr old DC is out of bed and refusing to go back without a snack.

You will get through this but for now haven't a hug and allow yourself to grieve for what should have been

Take care🌺