‘It’s not good news today, I can’t find a heartbeat’ MC

[Kappi]

I just wanted to create a space for anyone, like me, who has had to hear those painful words.

I heard them yesterday. I will always remember that moment when the journey came to a shuddering halt.

Tomorrow I take the medication to begin passing. I’m scared, sad, but also want to bring this process to an end as smoothly as possible.

This was our first pregnancy - I am still processing and hope that one day soon I can learn to carry this pain, rather than be consumed by it.

I hope that we can get through this together.

I hope that by sharing my post I may reach another person that felt they might have been on their own. We aren’t on our own. This wasn’t our fault.

Thank you for drawing on your strength to share your experience - you have given me hope that brighter days may be to come - and that we can still rely on the kindness of others even when things seem so hopeless.

I was 8 weeks with no symptoms of miscarriage- so I suppose this is a ‘missed miscarriage’ my understanding is that it was likely due to chromosomal problems. I am hopeful that this isn’t the end of the journey - just a detour through some really scary times x

Same as @Hardbackwriter I have had four miscarriages. One before my daughter and three between her and my son. At the time all that kept me going was the positive stories.

I'll never forget all of my miscarried babies. They never truly leave you. Or hearing those fateful words.

Im so sorry and I'm thinking of you and hope that you don't have to wait long before your happy ending X

I'm so very sorry, Kappi. I will be keeping you in my thoughts tomorrow.

@EnterACloud

You’re right, it is the saddest moment that just brings you crashing right down.

I hope your surgery is followed by a smooth and quick recovery - physically and emotionally.

Ive been out once but I was scared I might bleed whilst out - I’m hoping I can take the medication tomorrow and manage it as best I can at home.

Thank you for being brave and sharing - we must look after ourselves. We aren’t in this alone and we will make it through x

@glowingtwig

Im hopeful that I can have that same happiness one day - and that I can look back on this moment with the strength you have.

Thank you for holding out a hand in this darkness - it has genuinely made this evening that little bit easier x

@MarshaMelrose

Thank you - I am touched that you stopped to respond. I am hopeful that I can find a way through this - and I will always remember the kindness of strangers in my healing journey x

I never thought it would happen to me after 3 healthy children but had 2 in a row and my rainbow is fast asleep in his cot. Following Zoe Clarke Coates got me through my darkest days. Take care of yourself 😘

So sorry, I’m fighting back the tears at how well written your post is. I’ve never been in that position but felt like I could almost imagine it for a second. Pregnancy is so full of excitement and hope so it’s everything that is the opposite of that ☹️ It’s a shame such few people talk about it publicly and I know the stats are supposed to be 1 in 4 but it feels like more than that. A lot of these people said nothing at the time but all have gone on to have healthy pregnancy’s so have now mentioned it.. two of my close friends, a neighbour and most recently my cousin have all been in that position. It happened to my close friend 3 times and I’m amazed she didn’t give up, I think I might have after hearing everything she went through. She’s now at the end of a very healthy pregnancy, they couldn’t explain it.

Its so sad and all-consuming I imagine. Thinking about you as you go through this loss and sending you lots of luck and light for the future

@Glorieta

Thank you for reaching out and sharing - I am sorry for your losses. I am comforted to hear your happiness arrived in the end - even if it costing you an extra snack ;) I am genuinely touched by the stories that have been shared. I feel that this situation has me connected to some incredibly brave women x

@paulaparticles

Thank you for taking the time to stop and connect - I am genuinely grateful for each response as it connects me to others who have been able to find their strength.

I am pleased your rainbow made it safely to Earth and I am hopeful that I can also offer the support you have given me, to someone else one day x

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve also heard those words twice - exactly a year apart - and there are no words for how heartbreaking it is. We were blessed the following year with our son. I’ll always remember those babies we didn’t get to meet but I am thankful every day for the child we got. Take time to grieve and look after yourself x

@Dilemmaemmaaa

Thank you - by taking the time to respond you have shared with me, the kindness you undoubtedly showed to those you mentioned.

By talking about it, my hope is that we can create places where people can safely unpack the feelings. Miscarriages affect many more people than I first realized - not just numbers of mothers but their partners and support networks too.

I am comforted by your response and I am grateful you felt you could connect with me. Thank you x

Oh OP I really do understand how wretched and sad you are feeling…I was there in1993! !
My whole world fell apart and I was convinced it would happen again!!
I now have three beautiful children..28,26 and 22 . They are all amazing…love them too bits💕💐💕

@Whatmeagain

I am sorry for your losses. It is such a dark time and I am genuinely comforted by you responding to my post.

I didn’t think I would hear back from anyone - despite my hope that I could create a space on the internet where people could feel safe to read my experience and know they weren’t alone.

I am comforted to hear of your blessing and I hope I can find the strength you did, to continue my journey. Thank you again for reaching out a hand to me x

@Imightbe

Thank you, I am finding that more people than I ever thought - know this terrible feeling. Not only that, they found strength to keep going.

I am hopeful that I can have that happiness too - and I will always be thankful that kind strangers took the time to sit with me in the darkness.

Thank you x

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s shattering, devastating, news to hear. I had 5 miscarriages between my two children and there were a lot of bleak times. It’s hard to find comfort when going through what you are going through now, the loss is intense, but take time to grieve, know that time will ease the pain and happier times will come again. Your world and future has been torn apart and it’s raw, the emotions take your breath at times. What kept me going was hope that I would get there in the end and I hope some of the stories shared here about successful pregnancies after miscarriage will give you some comfort. The odds were getting badly stacked against me after 5 losses but I got my amazing baby boy in the end. And I was really, really scared that I wouldn’t at times. There are no words to ease the pain right now, just be kind to yourself, find support in your friends and family, and you’ll find strength eventually even if you feel weak and broken right now. Im just so sorry you are having to go through this and I hope you are ok x

@Liberty5

thank you, I think you have captured how it feels and that is something I found hard to articulate - I feel so much but at the same time i feel like everything has paused.

Knowing others, like you, have found brighter times gives me hope. The strength and bravery you must have, especially after 5 losses, is incredible. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with me, I feel comforted that I’m not alone in this.

I hope to get through today as safely as possible and that I can take gentle steps forward.

Thank you again for stopping to support me by sharing x

As someone who has had recurrent miscarriages and who is trying again next month, this gives me hope ❤

I haven't heard those words because all of my pregnancies ended too early for a scan.
I didn't want to read and run so finger's crossed for our future pregnancies. You have an army of women behind you ❤

All the love and hope to you and your partner @JuniperandI

The strength you both have brings me hope that the same might be possible for me and my husband. I hope your rainbow comes soon.

The positive stories can be comforting and the kindness of strangers who stopped to let us know we’re not alone is a little light in the darkness x

Using this as a bit of a diary / outlet..

2 months after that miscarriage we conceived again, only to discover yesterday at 9 week scan everything had stopped at 7/8 weeks. This pregnancy I had been given progesterone from 6 weeks. I’m scared I could now be in recurrent territory? After 2 consecutive.

Been referred to the consultant/clinic to look at thyroid test and progesterone from the beginning for next time.

Whilst I am ready to try again soon - my husband isn’t and says he needs more time because he doesn’t want to give false hope. I understand this - I’m just struggling to fully accept and be patient.

This is so horrible. Hopefully when I take the misoprostol tomorrow things will be as straightforward as last time.

Why does this happen.

Oh Kappi I'm so sorry.

They wouldn't label me as recurrent until I had three, might be an outdated policy now though. It's positive that they are paying attention and making treatment plans.

I really do believe this will have a happy ending and I hope you are coping. It's absolutely crushing. Give DH and yourself some time to recover from the emotional rollercoaster. X

@NeverMindTryAgain thank you - I really do hope so. It’s hard to bring down the wall and hope that things could be positive one day but at the same time, how else can you keep putting one foot in front of the other if you don’t have hope.

I think that’s really wise words as well, we do need time. The 2 miscarriages were pretty much back to back and I think in terms of care, the partners can be overlooked. I need to be patient and trust things will fall into place.

I don’t know if it’s a bit of a lottery with referrals - the EPU did mention that it’s usually 3 before any further tests or targeted care. I expect because these 2 were at the same point it would suggest there’s a problem at that stage.

I don’t know where I’d be without the kindness of strangers responding to heartfelt posts - I do appreciate you taking the time to connect with me. It helps me feel heard and that there are others to support each other x