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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How do you cope with missed miscarriage ??

30 replies

sophiapen · 29/04/2022 14:31

Hi everyone! I feel very sad after going through a missed miscarriage. I read about it many times but after early scan at 6 weeks and seeing the embryo with the sac and the heartbeat, I was pretty confident I should be okay, although I still had some worries on the back of my head that nothing is certain until baby is born. It was such a heartbreaking moment at my 10 week scan to see something that has actually shrunk in size, I just couldn't believe it. I was finally ready for my first child after putting things on hold during Covid but I'm so scared now. I know most people announce pregnancies after 12 weeks so I only told my parents and now I just don't know who to talk to, where to find support and strength to go through another pregnancy. I will be 31 next month and I am starting to blame my age for it, I know it's silly but I can't help not to.

For anyone that had a miscarriage, how did you cope with it? Did you end up conceiving again and having a healthy pregnancy?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDreamCatcher · 29/04/2022 14:41

I had a MMC 5 years ago. I was upset and then I was angry that my body had betrayed me. I was also 31.

I got pregnant 5 weeks after the miscarriage, which seemed like a healer at the time but with hindsight I hadn't given myself enough time to grieve. During this time I was supported by my mum and my friends, some days I just cried a lot!

Have the hospital talked you through the options? I miscarried naturally at home which wouldn't have been my preferred choice. I would have much rather gone into the hospital have the procedure and then come home to come to terms with what has happened.

Sending you lots of love.

Ttcaftermmc · 29/04/2022 14:51

I had one last December, very similar to you, I had a scan at 6 weeks and saw the little heartbeat and bleeding began at about 11 weeks and apparently the babies growth has stopped days after that initial scan.

I have a 4 year old so I must admit he helped me cope a lot as I could focus my energy into him, but I took a month off work and just used the time to rest and Google everything I possibly could on the situation, the knowledge of what happened and what I went through actually helped me realise it wasn’t my fault (age/lifestyle etc). I also spoke to people about it so if you have friends and family that you can talk to them that was a big help for me and I actually had a lot of people give me very positive stories.

my fertility journey has been a rollercoaster for baby number 2 and I’m back to trying (and failing) again but as much as it’s the most irritating advice anyone every gives me because it’s not as easy as that, but the positive thing is that you fell pregnant and in time it will happen again. I started trying instantly after, other people wait months/years until they are ready again, just take your time and do what’s right for you.

It does and will feel easier in time, there will be days it feels so unfair and awful when everyone around you is falling pregnant and days where you feel so confident and excited!

Hope this helps and also sending lots of love!

sophiapen · 29/04/2022 14:56

Thank you for your lovely message and support. I also feel like crying all the time but I am trying to focus on other stuff. I did all the right things in this pregnancy but still feel like I got punished or something.

I took the misoprostol pill in the hospital and went through horrible stomach cramps at home but luckily it was only bad for a few hours and then it was over!
I didn't want to wait to miscarry naturally as they said it could take 3 weeks and I didn't think I could psychologically deal with this for such a long period of time.

OP posts:
TurquoiseDreamCatcher · 29/04/2022 15:08

Give yourself time to heal. Your body will still be dealing with all the hormones. You didn't do anything wrong during your pregnancy, there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome.

I spent a lot of time googling and trying to find answers, which is how I came to find Mumsnet.

After a bit of time went by, DH and I bought a special plant for the garden to remember our lost little one. Maybe this is something you might want to do in the future?

Make sure you are eating and looking after yourself. I stopped eating for a while because I was so consumed with it all. Luckily, my friends and family were there to help me.

OliveOyl321 · 29/04/2022 15:13

Sorry for your loss @sophiapen . If you feel you’d benefit from speaking to someone then do. Like @Ttcaftermmc I found talking to close friends/family helped. I remember one particular friend was a real comfort to me, she just had a different perspective. It just depends on whether if you feel up to it or not.
Me and DH talked openly amongst ourselves too which helped.

Overall, I had 3 missed miscarriages. Early scans were good but heartbeats all stopped around the 10 week mark. I was 31 for my first. I went on to have 3 healthy children (I had a MMC between each pregnancy).
The first was very hard because I had no children and was very naïve about miscarriages. Please don’t over analyse it - it’s nothing you did, and certainly not your age. It’s just a crap thing that happens!

It’s a tough time so be good to yourself.

wishmyhousetidy · 29/04/2022 15:19

I had one when i was 38 and as i didn’t have any children at that time I,felt it was my last chance. I was so ( naively) so shocked when it happened and found sitting in the maternity ward with healthy pregnancies really really difficult. Anyhow, i went immediately back to work and thought i was ok and then found myself so upset and offloading on some poor man i work with. It is so common and yet it is still devastating to the individual when it happens. Give yourself time to be sad as you are grieving for a future you had imagined.

I did get pregnant very quickly afterwards and all was well, but i remember it being a very sad and confusing time.

sophiapen · 16/09/2023 15:53

Thank you again for all the lovely messages and support. Happy to say that I got pregnant 2.5 months later with my current DS who will be 6 months very soon. It was hard but I'm over the moon now !

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Bali200 · 16/09/2023 21:39

@sophiapen I saw this thread for the first time tonight and just wanted to say thank you for posting your lovely update and congratulations on your DS. It’s 5 weeks since I had my MMC with my first baby and it’s given me hope 🤍

Claudiasaz · 16/09/2023 22:40

Hi. I have just gone through a missed MC at my 12 week scan last week. Had medical management and seem to have passed everything just waiting now (with raging hormones) for things to go back. I have two children but still finding things really difficult. I have never experienced anything like this with my pregnancies it was a total shock with symptoms exactly like my previous pregnancies and no pains or bleeding, no signs of anything being now have a whole lot of worries for the future too as I would really love to have another child. Was really nice to read a positive update and congratulations to you @sophiapen

Claudiasaz · 16/09/2023 22:42

Sending hugs to you too @Bali200 . From what I have read it is a very rare thing to happen. I hope you get your rainbow baby very soon. Take care of yourself

Worriedmun · 16/09/2023 22:50

I had a MMC and I found it horrendously traumatic as I was 37 at the time and thinking I was running out of time. 6 months later I got pregnant with twins who are now gorgeous little girls. There is hope and life after such a traumatic experience x

Dadadaa · 16/09/2023 23:03

I had a missed miscarriage at 20 weeks 3 years ago, it was a really difficult time. I had to wait 3 months to try again on the recommendation of my doctor. I conceived straight away and my almost 2 year old is now asleep next to me. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, sending you strength.

Bali200 · 16/09/2023 23:16

@Claudiasaz thank you and sending hugs to you also, it’s such an awful thing to go through 💔 I was the same as you, no sign that anything was wrong and we’d seen a strong heartbeat at 8+4 so it was an awful shock. You naively think it’s not going to happen to you even though so many women sadly experience mc. I do find that it is getting easier day by day though and I’m ok about 90% of the time at this point.

I would highly recommend checking out ‘the worst girl gang ever’ on Instagram, they also have a book which I’ve read and podcasts to listen to, it’s really helped me to feel less alone. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself ❤️ x

Bali200 · 16/09/2023 23:22

Thank you @Worriedmun and @Dadadaa for sharing your stories and giving us hope, its so nice to read positive stories from ladies who have sadly experienced the same thing x

Claudiasaz · 16/09/2023 23:38

Ah I needed this tonight - thank you all for sharing your stories ❤️

Claudiasaz · 16/09/2023 23:49

@Bali200 That's awful I'm so sorry sounds like you're doing great and glad you're starting to heal. Positive thoughts for us both. For me however, until I get that negative test from this pregnancy I will be stuck in limbo for a bit and full of these wild hormones😭. Here if you need to chat at any time anyway. Good luck 🙂

sophiapen · 17/09/2023 14:12

It's truly a life changing experience and I know there is no guarantee my future pregnancies won't end in MMC again but the important thing is to be able to talk to someone and share how you feel, not talking about it makes it 100% worse. I must admit I am actually scared of trying to get pregnant again as I found the whole experience very stressful so I'm planning on focusing on relaxing my body and mind as I know being scared is not going to help me.
Sending hugs and love to you ladies. You are stronger than you could imagine, believe me!
I'm praying for your next pregnancies to go well, bless you all!

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Bali200 · 17/09/2023 19:21

I completely understand @Claudiasaz, you are still early on and the grief is indescribable for the first few weeks, not helped at all by the raging hormones. I just wanted to let you know that it does get easier, I promise. The grief and sadness become less overwhelming, but certain things still trigger me, and I’m unable to cope with stress like I could beforehand, but just trying to take it day by day as that’s all we can do ❤️ I have found it helpful to go for walks and to keep busy. I had a negative test after 2.5 weeks and my first period arrived exactly 4 weeks after my MVA. Wishing all the best for you too xx

Claudiasaz · 17/09/2023 19:52

@Bali200 Thank you ❤️❤️

Claudiasaz · 18/09/2023 13:22

Hi. Just wondered if anyone could shed light on how long it takes for pregnancy hormones to go? I had medical management on 7th. Baby was around 9+3. I don't know why but I did a test today, so 1.5 in I guess. It was positive within about a second 😭 I have stopped bleeding just have spotting and really think I've passed everything. I want to try again as soon as I can and I'm stressing over still getting such a strong positive and worried it's going to be a long time. is this normal? The hospital was really rubbish and staff very cold, so don't want to contact them if I can help it. Thank you just having a moment I think ☺️

sophiapen · 18/09/2023 17:50

I'm guessing by the end of this month you should be getting a negative result , it takes some time for your body to recognise its not pregnant anymore so please don't worry. I think we used protection for the first 10 days to avoid infection and then we stopped but I wasn't tracking ovulation and didn't take anymore pregnancy tests, just continued as usual. I think I wanted to distance myself from the pregnancy and let things happen naturally.
Everything will be fine, it's already been 10 days so not that long to wait really. Sending hugs your way 🤗

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Claudiasaz · 18/09/2023 20:05

Thank you for replying and that's really assuring. Also really helpful coming from someone who's come out the other side! I think I need to stop googling! I swear it's bad enough going through the scan itself with that news, then the physical part, then to be faced with the waiting. I'm usually a positive person but it's certainly a testing time. Thanks again ☺️

Claudiasaz · 25/09/2023 19:05

I'm still getting a strong positive 2.5 weeks along. Gutted. I just want this to be over and they were so cold in the hospital I really don't want to have to go back. Did anyone miraculously get a negative says after a positive 😒😫

sophiapen · 26/09/2023 08:29

@Claudiasaz Aw no! Don't worry though, the hormones don't go away that quickly so give yourself a bit more time. You can start trying for a baby straight away, no need to wait and don't bother with the hospital, feels like they don't spend much time on people like us that have had a miscarriage , think they just don't have the resources :(
What are you worried about?

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Claudiasaz · 26/09/2023 09:13

Hi @sophiapen . They told me to come back if still positive after 3 weeks as may have retained tissue etc. Obviously with a positive test I won't ovulate and be able to conceive. My friend actually had this and had to have the d&c after. I'll try and test again at the end of the week and see. My baby was almost 10 weeks in growth so maybe takes a bit longer the further down the first trimester. Would like to close this part off really and be able to move on but obviously can't with a positive test still 😫

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