TTC # 1 having suffered 2 previous miscarriages

[kd73]

I am 34 and just suffered a second miscarriage, I would be really grateful for any stories with hope.

Thank you.

[cece]

Oh no KD - does that mean there is now no hope? I am very sorry to hear this.

[kd73]

I really don't think so, I am praying for a miracle but I suspect its game over with the pain and bleeding getting worse. Bleeding is also becoming more red

[belgo]

there is hope. I'm so sorry to hear about your second m/c, and I know that many mumsnetters have had miscarriages and have gone on to have healthy babies.

It is very very sad that you've had two m/cs as your first two pregnancies -but it could just simply be down to bad luck.

What have your doctors said? Will they be carrying out any investigations at this stage?

Please try and stay hopeful.

[berolina]

I'm very, very sorry. I have had three mcs, two consecutive (mc; ds1; mc; mc; ds2). Two consecutive mc does increase your risk for the next time but is not considered 'recurrent' as it is a lot more likely to be down to cruel chance (see in my case) than to a problem.

If you have had mc after a heartbeat has been seen, or the mc followed a very similar pattern, it might be worth (if you feel that would be most helpful for you) looking into testing. That said, I have heard of people having successful pgs after four or five mcs in a row.

My former gyn looked after me throuigh all three mcs as well as with ds1. He said once that when he worked on an obstetric unit his boss used to say 'five [successful] pgs, five mcs' - meaning that mcs is such a (very sadly) common event that statistically, anyone (barring the presence of a problem) who got pg that often might end up having an equal number of pgs and mcs. Some might find that thought cold comfort, but it helped me when I was worrying about it happening again and becoming a 'recurrent' miscarrier.

Thinking of you.

[belgo]

there is a mumsnetter Juuule who has 9 children. She has also had 8 miscarriages. Another mumsnetter has six children and has had six miscarriages.

[uptomyeyes]

Firstly Kd73 - are you miscarrying now? How many weeks are you and is it at the same stage as your first miscarriage? Have you spoken to your GP or EPU?

In response to your question - don't give up hope. I had 3 miscarriages then 2 healthy babies, then 2 miscarriages and a third healthy baby. It was heartbreaking - I can't say it wasn't but looking back it was something I obviously had to go through to get my boys. In fact with DS3 I had more severe bleeding and pain 16 weeks into the pregnancy than with any of my miscarriages and went onto have a healthy baby. So please don't give up hope - there are lots of ladies on here with similar stories to mine.

But if you think you are miscarrying now see if you can get yourself checked out and look after yourself.

[TillyScoutsmum]

Hi KD

I had 2 mc's (1 missed) when ttc #1.. It was third time lucky for me and I finally gave birth to my dd in May last year. I'm 33

Don't give up hope. Thinking of you ((())))

[Lcy]

Just sending you big hugs xx

[kd73]

I am really sorry if I drag this thread down - but hey I started it so is my party to cry at?

DP is the most wonderful man and would make a brilliant dad. I feel so desperately sad that we are now experiencing 2nd m/c. We were trying for 3 years before we got first BFP. I feel like I am getting old, (35 this month) and what if we can't have children? will we ever be happy?

With each passing month that we had a neg pg test, I would be disappointed but think positively about the following month. But the miscarriages I feel are breaking me in two. I always considered getting pg being the obsticle - not staying pregnant.

Few of my friends have experienced a m/c, so many don't really understand - but then neither did I before they actually occured - I just considered them more fortunate than I (at least they got pg! ).

My stomach and back physically ache and generally I feel crap . I so envy those that have children, even those that m/c after children. My life seems empty at the moment.

[berolina]

Of course you feel sad, crap and envious - that is in the nature of the beast that is mc. No need to justify it, and these feelings have to be allowed free rein for a while.

I wish you could believe me when I say, from my (now) easy position, that all hope is really, really not lost.

Please allow yourself to be sad, look after yourself really really well (I had the odd large glass of good wine after my mcs - nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't become entrenched) and, once the blackest clouds have cleared, consider whether you want investigation or to give it another shot straight away.

[belgo]

kd73 - this is such a sad time for you and your dp, and it must be especially difficult if you don't know people in real life who have been through similar things.

Have you got a referral to a specialist doctor?

All I can say is try not to give up hope - you still have time - most of my friends have had miscarriages or ectopic pregnancies and they have all gone on to become mothers, either naturally or by IVF.

It must be so hard to have these miscarriages as your first two pregnancies. I wish you all the luck in the world that it will happen for you, and sooner rather then later.

[Lcy]

KD73 - big hugs - after my miscarriage i had all the same thoughts as you are now. I felt like screaming "why me?".

If you need someone to speak to i think the miscarriage association are meant to be good. I arranged to see a counsellor and this really helped - just to be able to talk about it - i couldnt talk to anyone apart from DH about how upset i was because they just didnt get it. Comments such as "your time will come" didnt help. And ofcourse come on here and let us support you!

Miscarriage seems to be such a taboo subject - there dont seems to be any rituals to deal with it like there are for other deaths in society.Grieve for your babies (and your hopes and dreams) with your DP. Let him look after you. I will be thinking of you xxx

[Lcy]

Oh and like Belgo said - although the path is horrifically painful even a friend that experienced 3 mc's and a still birth baby now has 2 beautiful children (and she is 41 by the way!). Make sure your GP activates some help for you x

[Nooname]

Dear kd73,
I am so so sorry for you and your losses .
I had a missed m/c at 30 before conceiving my ds and have just had another missed m/c after Christmas. So I am in a slightly different situation to you in that I am so lucky to have had my son in between but I have had two miscarriages and just wanted to give you hope that I have also had my son.
Having two miscarriages really doesn't mean you will go on to have more or that you won't go on to have a child.

In my experience a miscarriage before you have had a child is so totally devastating and I just really really feel for you. Just take it a day at a time but try to keep hopeful as you have every reason to have hope. Also, maybe counselling would help - I had counselling when I was pg with my son and it really helped me come to terms with my m/c.

[OracleInaCoracle]

kd, im so sorry. miscarriages are horrible and make you question your very femininity and place. as ive said on many of these threads, when you mc you dont just lose a baby, you lose a future. the future that you should have had.

your doc should refer you to aspecialist, especially since you have been ttc for a while, it may also be worth contacting the MA, they maybe able to advise you. im thinking of you my sweet x

[Shushpenfold]

OH love - there is always hope. I've had 3 miscarriages and 3 children and it doesn't get easier with children I promise. Have you had any investigations,as I thought that 3 miscarriages was the 'trigger' for having further 'stuff'? Thinking of you.

[cece]

How are you today KD?

[Lcy]

Thinking of you today KD x

[belgo]

Also thinking about you kd73.

[kd73]

Thanks for the messages.

I am trying to be brave but keep thinking, what if this is my life now? What if we never have children? Will we ever be happy again?

It feels as though all my friends have dc and I am losing touch because they are moving on with their lives and mine is not. Sometimes I know people think I have made selfish choices (yes it appears I have a good job) but right now my life seems empty & pointless and I feel that everyone is part of a club where entry to me is barred.

[hazeyjane]

I had 2 miscarriages, in 2001 and 2003, the 2nd miscarriage was a molar pregnancy, which led to a year of chemotherapy, and then a year in which I was unable to ttc (due to chemo, and risks of a further molar pregnancy). In those years my dh and I did so much soul searching, I was 35 and we had been ttc since 1998 (had a couple of courses of clomid and a laparoscopy), I think that both of us were thinking what you have just written (reading that bought tears to my eyes). I was too scared to even think about trying again, for fear of another disaster, and my dh and I had started our own business and focussed all our attentions on that, and started to make plans about what we were going to do with our lives if we didn't have kids. We then went to see a doctor (for one of a long line of check-ups), who said something that just clicked and when we left I said to dh lets start trying again now. I got pregnant straight away, and was terrified the whole time. We had a little girl in March 2006. When she was 6 months old I was stunned to discover that I was pregnant again, we hadn't been trying,and I considered myself so lucky to have had one healthy lovely child, that I hadn't even thought about having another. In May 2007 I had another little girl, and can't believe how lucky we are to have got to where we are.
I had many times when I felt so low, and unsure of the future,I think sometimes you just have to give in to the feeling of grief and sorrow, and other times you do have to be brave. I wish you all the luck in the world for the future.

[mumiyumi]

sorry to hear of m/c

i suffered from 2 m/c then conceived just after 2nd, i now have my miracle

miracles do happen and it will happen for you, keep strong (easier said than done i Know)

I'm 35 this mth also

[Jackstini]

How are you doing today kd? Hope the weekend was not too awful and you did something nice with dp
Let me know how you are doing x