Things people said/did after you miscarried that upset you

[Conundrum12345]

I miscarried in April and had a very long, hard physical and mental road to recovery. I've really thought lately about how people were around me, and how peoples behaviour made me feel worse. What are yours? Mine are

• family who didn't acknowledge
• the pity head tilt but not saying anything
• people who constantly talked about their babies to you when then know about your loss/ people oversharing in whatsapp
• saying "you can go again"
• saying "there will be another one"

-saying "at least you can get pregnant"

This is somewthing I've not spoken about much, I've lost 6 pregnancies, 7 babies

I was put in the 'T ward, (abortion ward) to wait for my surgery. I'd lost twin boys. I waited for hours. After surgery the nurse in recovery told me that I was, 'all clean in there.'
My mum told me that I must've caused it as she'd never had a miscarriage.
A woman from Relief Society told me it was because I wasn't married.
At the same time my sister asked me to go to her scan and I refused. My mother told me I was selfish. My sister was carrying twins. I'm not sure I've ever forgiven either of them.

My best friend telling me 'thank goodness. You were risking your career!'.

By number 6 my husband telling me that he was going away for a weekend with his mates rather than come to the hospital with me as it'll be the same as every other time.

The list goes on but I just can't.

My exdp's mum saying 'it's probably for the best' whilst I was actively miscarrying and in an absolute state.

The nurse who did the internal scan to check for remnants saying 'it probably all dropped out and you flushed it away..'

And my exdp 'dealing' with the loss by shutting me out and sleeping with his work colleague.

The not saying anything hurt me the most. I had a 19 week miscarriage so it was very obvious that I was pregnant. People would either ignore the subject entirely or give me a little "mm oh dear" if I spoke about it and then change the conversation. I know it's because they don't know what to say but it felt so lonely.

A colleague also annoyed me by constantly telling me about her daughter's friend (who I don't know) who just had a baby but there was some ongoing drama with the dad and she was denying access. She already has 2 children to 2 other men. I felt like screaming "why does she get her baby and I don't?!" of course I didn't but there was no reason for her to keep updating me. It was incredibly thoughtless.

'You didn't have a miscarriage, you had a late period'.

Hands down the worst thing anyone said to me at that time. It was said with an eye roll and an air of 'not this again' from someone I considered a close friend. By the end of that sentence, she was demoted to someone I would probably not wave to if I passed in the street.

Sorry for everyone's losses. Some utter heartless bastards out there.

My mother-well,I’ve lost 3 babies!
Not one-one is nothing!
You must have caused it somehow!

Same after losing two more babies

Lost no4-denied the other losses-they never happened,even though she’d babysat my other children for two of them

I’ve lost 3!you’ve only lost this one-you must have done something wrong!

I’m now nc

My mum: “but isn’t it great news that your brother is expecting a baby?”

And a midwife in Early Pregnancy “why are you crying? It’a just a little jag” after telling me that I might need methotrexate to end an ectopic pregnancy. It wasn’t ectopic thankfully but I was crying because after a ten days of bleeding, scans and blood tests, my miscarriage had just been confirmed by her. In her (slight) defence, she was horrified that nobody had confirmed it at my previous appointment and assumed that I already knew. But surely many/ most/ all women cry during the process of losing a baby??

I have had 9 pregnancies only no8 was successful and 2 of the pregnancies were ectopic. I had been having spotting and because of my history I had rang gp who was arranging an appointment with epc. I was with my mother when I received phone call with the appointment time for the following morning (Friday). When I got off phone I thought I had better just come out and tell Mum that I was pregnant again but spotting, for some crazy reason I thought I may get a bit of sympathy from her but her reply was “well let’s just hope that you’re miscarrying then” I was so stunned I never said a word. It doesn’t end there. Scan showed I was 7 weeks and there was a heartbeat (kiss my arse mum). Sunday my ex n I were in the car and I felt a huge sharp pain and suddenly became very wet down there, Mums was closest loo so we went there. As I went to get out of car my legs just gave way. My ex managed to get me leaning over the bonnet of the car. I was in and out of consciousness ambulance took me to hospital I taken to theatre. I came round my ex’s jeans were covered in my blood I couldn’t believe that it had all come from me. All that I had from Mum before she went back home was how I had caused a scene outside her house and god only knows what the neighbours think with the commotion and ambulance blocking the road!

i have 3 children and had 4 miscarriages. My DH never really understood and still doesn't. With one of the MC he let me go to A and E alone because he didn't want to bother his mum with it so wouldn't ask her to mind the children. I have never felt so alone. I am so appreciative of my 3 children. I still get sad about the MC and still feel very alone when I think about them.

I have had 2 miscarriages. I am still waiting for confirmation if the last one was a molar. I have a son. Unhelpful comments for me.

Maybe your body is trying to tell you not to have another baby

At least you have a son already, some people can't have kids and don't have kids

Sometimes you can't always get what you want

Even if it comes from a place of love, it hurts and it's hard to not feel angry with people for saying things like that. Sorry for your losses xx