Am I weird for taking photos of baby’s coffin?

[Strawberry1234]

Last week we lost our baby. Tfmr, he was 14 weeks with patau syndrome. Today I went to spend some time with him at the chapel of rest. I’m a photographer, is it weird that I took photos on my phone of his closed casket and the gorgeous set up the funeral directors had created?

For me it feels healing, I obviously won’t have many memories with him and this is one of them and I want to remember it. Even though it was really sad, I don’t want to forget it. My partner doesn’t understand why I took the photos, he doesn’t want to see them. Am I a massive weirdo?!

Thanks!

I did the same thing. It breaks my heart to look at them, but i am glad I have them.

Everyone processes loss differently, and there is no right or wrong way. It's fine that you took the pictures, but it's also fine if your partner doesn't want to look at them. It must still be very raw.

He may feel differently with time. My husband was the same about footprints, in fact he was horrified when I suggested asking for them, but I felt I would rather have them even if we don't look at them because we only get one chance to get them, and the end he said he was glad I asked for them.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Not weird at all, so sorry for your loss OP

People grieve in different ways, it might be that in time your DP is grateful that you did take photos.

I hope you haven't shared your opinion with your colleague (or anyone else who has lost a baby - you don't know what they've chosen to display in their house)

That photo would be the only memory your colleague has of their child. I'm sure they'd love to have photos of their baby when they were alive.

I have a photo up of my stillborn baby and if anyone told me it wasn't their "cup of tea" they would never be invited into my house again.

A 17 week fetus will look very different to a full term still born. I don't think she meant it in a horrible way. But they are not comparable in terms of what they look like.
And she obviously didn't say anything. This is an anonymous Internet forum. Not the women's house.

And no OP. Its not weird. Sorry for your loss.

Photos of my stillborn son are never hidden. I was once told it had upset someone! Really, imagine how upsetting it is for me that they are the only few I have!

Perfectly reasonable to have photos if they are what you want. Never concern yourself with other peoples opinions - they are purely their own!

Whatever helps. I am so sorry for your loss, and so deeply sorry about the situation you had to face, which is so far away from what you imagine your pregnancy ever to be like.

We lost our pregnancy a few months ago, late in the second trimester. We were offered the metallic name tag that had been put on the little coffin, and which they were able to take off. We also took loads of pictures throughout everything. I have also held onto every card that people sent us, our scans, our early positive pregnancy test, even dried some of the flowers from the bouquets we got, as you have so little to remember the baby by. One day this will be the memory box, but I have not felt up to it just yet.

There is no rule book, and nothing you do is 'weird'. The situation you were placed in is extraordinary, so just do anything you can to get through this together with your partner. We went a few days away when we could, and that was hugely helpful for us. Just to be out of the house for a little, and experience a new environment.

I don't know if you are familiar with the ARC charity (Antenatal Results & Choices)? They are brilliant. They run a helpline and have a forum on their website, and have a lot of experience with TFMR and the aftermath of this. With Covid their times are more restricted, but if you pop them an email, they call you back at a time of your convenience. Absolutely wonderful organisation.

You will get through this, OP. One day at the time.

Not weird AT all. Anyone who says it is, they're weird! I'm very sorrry for your loss OP