Missed miscarriage

[doodledeedum]

I'm at home recovering from a medical miscarriage after having missed miscarriage. I feel like I'm the only person living through this real time. Like I'm looking at myself from above. The grief comes in waves and I feel so alone

I’m so very very sorry for your loss. My first pg ended like that and I remember the disembodied feeling and utter grief. You need to look after yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I hope you have RL support too.

Thank you. My OH had been absolutely incredible. I feel really supported and I have ( for the first time ever) put my needs first and stayed off from work. I'm not worried about any thing other than my grief. I'm really fortunate I don't have any other things to really worry about but I just feel so sad!!! I can't stop crying for what we've lost and what they could have been. I miss feeling pregnant- something I will be petrified of next time ( if there is one) as I had all the symptoms for weeks when they baby didn't even have a HB..... I'm feel really confused

Of course you do. It’s awful. Really awful. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to ever have a child and couldn’t work out how I didn’t know what had happened until the scan. It was such a shock and I remember feeling so sad and grief stricken. That’s natural. Let yourself feel it. You have suffered a dreadful loss. I wish words could help you OP. I really do.

@Wolfiefan yes, this was my first and I didn't know I could either. I'm now elated to know I can yet this doesn't ease my pain as this was the first! I'm sorry for you also. Though I'd never want anyone to go through this pain, I can say it's a relief not to feel alone x

Bless you for saying that. Mine was many years ago. But I’ve never ever forgotten it. I never even knew that it could happen.
Apologies if it’s too soon. But I have since had two children.

@Wolfiefan I'm so happy for you. I've been seeking and reading up on others who've gone on to have full term pregnancies and in the moments I'm not in turmoil I'm thinking as positively as I can x thank you

Good luck for the future. Take time and look after yourself for now.

So sorry op. I'm having a missed miscarriage at the moment too. Started bleeding lightly and scan revealed heartbeat stopped a few weeks ago, should of been 10 weeks. My cervix is still closed, I'm hoping it opens on its own though nervous for when/if it does.

@im2sad oh gosh I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I think one thing that certainly gets to me is how long it went missed for and how 'pregnant' I still felt. I went for medical so I could at least control something and be at home for it. I took time off for it all. I feel this was still the right choice too. Please reach out and talk any time you want to and again I'm very sorry for your loss 💛

@Doodledeedum yes I'm struggling with the fact that my body hasn't done the right thing though it has brought me comfort that the baby died on its own rather than a baby with a heartbeat being dislodged by bleeding.
I have to go back for a scan to confirm everything but will probably choose medical instead of waiting.
The hospital have been amazing so far, especially the Dr. They've given me pain relief already incase anything starts at home and said I can come back anytime.
I'm so sorry for your loss too, it's hard not to become attached as soon as you get a positive test

I’m sorry for your loss. I had a MMC in January this year. I still get waves of intense sadness. It is an awful thing to go through. Thinking of you

@im2sad I completely get what you mean. The amount of things swirling in my head is unreal. I'm comforted that my baby was safe with me for as long as possible, but I had to make the decision to not be out and about and it just come on even if I didn't know for 3 weeks. It just wasn't happening 😞 I'm
So glad that the hospital have been supportive, mine were amazing too. Took everything at a good pace
Weirdly I feel fortunate that everything else is good and I can really focus on the grief and getting better. Good luck to u and please reach out if you need to

@Enola41 I'm so so sorry for your loss, thank you for your kind words, it true oh does wash over you like a wave of grief x

I'm so sorry for your loss doodledeedum All that you're feeling is absolutely normal at this time and there's really nothing that anyone can say at this point to make it any more bearable for you - you've had a huge loss, it's just a terribly sad time.

We lost our third baby in the same way at 11 weeks - I only found out at the scan and then passed the entire sac which was very distressing. It took us quite a while to recover, and I would say just go with your emotions - don't feel you 'should' be doing anything you don't want to do and go very easy on yourself.

@MaMelon thank you. Feels such a relief to not be alone. Never want anyone to go through this but I know I'm not the only person in the world to feel this grief x I'm so sorry for your loss too. Such a long way ( to go for me) to get to to find out and the passing is so sad 😞 I'm so sorry

It is such an awful thing to grow through - I don’t think anyone can fully understand the feeling of complete loss and grief until they’ve gone through it (and why would they?). Thinking of you x

I can't believe I'm writing this but I've just had another miscarriage..... I'm absolutely devastated

Oh my word :( im so sorry 😞 xxx

So sorry @doodledeedum I’m sure you just feel like everything is falling down around you. I found out on Wednesday I had a missed miscarriage and can’t get my head around it. Can’t imagine having to go through it all again so my heart goes out to you.

@Limboland80 thank u...

@vwalks it's just surreal. Found out on Wednesday too ... second time it's been 'missed' and I feel so overwhelmed.... I keep thinking about what's happened and what's going to happen ... how il heal and won't heal and thinking I can't do it again upsets me even more because I feel like it's 'final'
I'm so so sorry for your loss too.... it's heartbreaking x

@vwalks how are your doing ? X ( silly question)

@doodledeedum thank you so much for messaging. This past week has just been like a fog. I went for D&C yesterday as I hadn’t pass myself and it was awful. I’m glad it’s over with and the cramping has stopped but now I just feel empty. Just have to take each day, I have really good support at home so that helps.

How are you doing? Can’t even imagine going through this again so I really do feel for you and hope you are coping ok with it all. X

@vwalks I'm really happy to talk to you outside of MN if you need an outside ear with someone who knows the motions

Thank you, weirdly and it's something il be bringing up to the my therapist I'm more ' prepared' for how il feel so I'm going through all the levels of grief but I know what I'm going to go through so I'm almost 'ready' if that makes any sense at all. The grief is just as bad and emotional and there is different questions in my mind and dilemmas to worry about .... but I know I'll get through it.... even in my darkest moments I know it's something I have to go through to come out of the other side....

I'm sorry you've had to go through the D&C and that empty feeling ... I've gotten it both times and both times were different experiences so I think it's in our bodies.... in a sense we will feel that because we are😞

I miss my bump and feeling pregnant every single day... I loved it all. I really feel it in my body and really feel the loss. I completely understand you and then on top of it have to deal with recovery physically as well as anything else... it's HARD, and that's ok to acknowledge....
I'm glad you have the support at home- makes the world of difference x

Due to get a call on Monday re:bloods.

Should I ask anything in particular- wether the tests have good results or not?

Should I ask for a report as such ( so I have something to take to a private doctor should I need to?)

Any advice??

Hi doodlededum! I'm so sorry for your losses ❤
I too had my second missed miscarriage only a few days ago, I was 7 weeks 6 days.
I had a medical management and unfortunately things took a turn for the worse. I totally feel what your going through my first was picked up on a scan and they had to do a D&C due to the length of time my body kept hold of the pregnancy.
Me and my OH were completely devastated to say the least. About a week after the D&C we conceived straight away. We had no idea of the rough road ahead. We found out I was pg which was amazing but only a couple of weeks later I started bleeding heavily. The bleeding started on a Wednesday, went to A&E and they confirmed I had miscarried however no US was done! On the Friday me and my OH went to Hastings to see his parents for the weekend, was great went Shopping on the Saturday afternoon. I felt weak at times so needed to sit down. Anyway fast forward to early hours Sunday morning 1am ish, and I went to the loo only to haemorrhage severely. Was rushed to hospital. They took blood tests to find my HCG level was too high to have miscarried!! Anyway had an US a couple of days later only to find a baby with a heartbeat! 7 weeks and 1 day. Was so relieved! They also confirmed that I originally carried triplets!! But lost 2.😢
Anyway we were happy to have 1 still surviving we called it our little miracle.
Fast forward another couple of weeks and I didnt feel right, spoke to our EPU and they rushed me in for a scan and found the baby had died at 7 weeks 6 days. Due to the amount of blood loss the days before, my body could no longer support the baby 😪 absolutely devastated the hospital gave me the options and this time I opted for the medical management and because they were concerned of the previous blood loss they wanted me to do it in the hospital to keep an eye on me. I did the necessary as they instructed and waited. I was told to only take the tampon out when I felt cramping. I didnt feel anything, next thing I knew I had to rush to the loo only to find I'd bled through my pants (sorry tmi) I pulled the tampon out and blood spewed everywhere. I was terrified. Called the nurse and she was absolutely amazing didnt leave my side unless it was to get another pan. She cleaned all the blood around me so I didn't hace to see it and when she went out to change pans again (keeping the tissue to examine) next thing I passed a clot the size of a pomegranate! Then I felt really unwell, called the nurse as she popped out not even 10 seconds, and I told her I wasn't feeling well and I blacked out. Next thing i knew I woke up to about 20 doctors, nurses, anaesthetists and surgeons all around me. I found out later they even had a crash team on standby as they thought I'd haemorrhaged so much I needed emergency surgery. Thankfully I came to and I didnt need them. I was hooked up to a drip and doctors and nurses were in and out of my room all night to make sure I was OK. I'd lost so much blood so quickly I just completely passed out. As it stands it wasnt successful and they didn't want to do it again just in case i lost too much blood now I have to have another D&C next Wednesday.

I'm also being referred to miscarriage unit because of the trauma. They want to find out exactly what happened to all 3 babies. This was all natural too no IVF.

I have no idea how I feel because after all that I really don't think my body can support a baby which devastates me and my partner. Anyway I do wish you to have more luck then me!! Keep positive!!!

Hi @vikki414 I really had to read and digest your message
First of all I'm so sorry you're going through this as it's an absolute rollercoaster
It really sucks and I have been trying to get my head around so many things for myself emotionally now that the physical trauma is over.
I too had excessive bleeding, had an over night stay and wasn't given a scan. So many things happened I've gone to PALS to feedback and complain.
The mental torture I had from all the events really delayed my emotional understanding of everything and im now suffering. I feel really stuck. I cry everyday , I'm angry, hurt, feel empty and realised I'm no longer who I was before I ever fell pregnant ( il forever miss that innocence and excitement) and il never be a mummy to the two lost. Grieving a life lost for myself . A future that's disappeared.
I'm so sorry that you have to live this at all. I wouldn't wish this process on my worst enemy

It's reassuring to know I'm not alone but yet I'd never want anyone to go through this just not to feel alone. Does that even make sense?!

I really hope you get some answers because even though I don't want anything terribly wrong to be found (for me) I also dread 'nothing' being found and risking this all again. I hope you get answers and I hope one day soon we can both trust our bodies again .... I have the utmost respect for my body but I feel
Equally let down.
please message when ever you need to and thank you so so much for sharing your story x