Returning to work after miscarriage

[PinkElephant7]

I recently discovered there was a problem with my pregnancy when I went for an early scan at nearly 7 weeks. I went because I thought there might have been a problem and I was right, the scan suggested things weren't developing as they should.

I was referred to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit and had another scan on Thursday just gone. I was expecting bad news and so I went dressed for work because I thought I would carry on my day afterwards.

Instead, I was very upset to hear that there had been no change and it was looking very much like a miscarriage but I would have to go back for another scan to be sure.

I messaged my boss to let him know and told him the consultant had suggested I need 2 weeks off but I'd see how things go. I went home and went to bed.

I had meetings that day that weren't cancelled and so the next day, I made sure I sent cancellations myself.

I had agreed to take on an important task or our HR team and so they had been messaging me about it. I also had senior colleagues needing to speak to me. With Teams, there is no out of office function!

I felt fairly OK on Friday so did a few tasks that were required of me and agreed some important things for tomorrow. I'm now basically in a mess because I feel like I'm not well enough for work but am committed to some important tasks. I'm in a senior role and I feel completely responsible for this mess. If only I could have said 'I'm having a miscarriage' instead of 'I'm off sick today'!

What would you do? Some minutes I think I can manage the task and I need to meet my responsibilities and others I think I'm just not ready for work. I am literally having a miscarriage right now.

Advice please.

I am also fairly senior abs have navigated a miscarriage while working (mid audit. awful).

I would email your boss and keep it super super simple.

"Following my scan on Thursday I was able to work some hours on Friday. Things have progressed over the weekend and I will not be able to work today, and probably not until the end of the week.

My current work commitments include;

X - for A person
Y - for B person
Z - for C person

I have meetings scheduled today that I am not able to cancel. Please will you let the organisers know.

I'll keep in touch each day this week re my return to work"

Then switch off the computer. If the boss doesn't cancel meetings then it is the bosses fault. No one will remember in a weeks time, but you will absolutely remember struggling on through this

@HappyAsASandboy this is absolutely what I should have done. What I have ended up doing is coming in and arranging time off for the end of the week. It makes me sad (and it would make my colleagues sad) to think that I was in pain on Saturday night and wondering if & how I could tell my colleagues I wouldn't be in. I'm certainly going to use my experience in the future to try and make sure none of my colleagues are ever in the same position.

It really isn't too late to just call your boss and tell him/her that you can't work. It really really isn't. You're a human not a machine.

Just because you said you could work at 9am that doesn't mean things can't change at 12pm. Really think hard about this. By the end of the week you'll be starting to pick up the threads of your miscarriage experience and trying to piece together your new normal. You might be glad of the distraction of work by then, but NOW is when you sound like you need to retreat to your cave and be kind to yourself.

My thoughts are with you, whatever you decide to do. But please please please put yourself first. Your company will survive without you, I promise

How are you doing @PinkElephant7?

@Sunbird24 OK thanks. I'm off work now and glad to be able to get some rest. I definitely could have practiced better self care but at least I've managed to do the right thing in the end. Hopefully in the future, I can use my experience to make a difference for others in my work place. How are you doing? X

My miscarriage is over, so I’m now waiting for the pregnancy tests to be negative again. Hoping once I’ve had a period I’ll be able to try again.
Glad you’re looking after yourself, both your body and your heart need some TLC.

Hi guys, I found out that I'm pregnant last week, think I'm about 6 weeks. Yesterday morning I had a bit of brown streaky discharge and then a bit of light brown when I wiped after a wee. Last night I had very mild period type pains, nothing all day then late afternoon wiped and had a streaky bit of brown lining again. Also there is a little bit of brown discharge on my knickers. I'm praying this isn't a miscarriage. There is a bit of light brown also on the tissue sometimes when I wipe but not always. Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else? I've never had a miscarriage before so have no idea what could be going on. I also have kids so it's not easy for me to just disappear for hours at a hospital

Hi @Junebug33, what you’ve got is fairly normal for around 6 weeks, try not to panic. If you get heavy bright red bleeding that’s worse and you’ll want to be seen at the EPU or midwife clinic but still not necessarily the end of the world - one of my friends was convinced she was having another miscarriage around the same time as mine as she was bleeding so heavily, but there was a heartbeat when they did a scan and she’s now around 10 weeks!

Thankyou so much, I feel so in limbo :(