Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

2 weeks post op after ruptured ectopic what the f*** is wrong with me [sad]

46 replies

pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:30

I'll try and keep this short but will forgive anyone for skimming as this could get quite long winded.

2 weeks ago today i nearly lost my life as my 7 week old pregnancy ruptured inside my tube and i suffered extensive internal bleeding. My hormone levels had more than doubled and it came as such a shock. Even the surgeon who came to see me beforehand said that it was probably a cyst and i should be fine. I was in such a massive shock when i came around to be told that i had been in surgery for hours and they had to remove my tube and i very nearly died. This part still completley shocks me to the core. But apart from that i feel nothing. Obviously i am still incredibly sore from the operation, but have returned to work. (Op on 26/10 and back to work 05/11) DH or anybody for that matter has even mentioned the fact i have lost my baby. Neither have I. I have had past m/c and they have broke my heart each time. But this does not feel real and each time i feel sad its almost like my mind tells me that there is no need to be sad as this didn't really happen (although i'm sure a six inch and three inch scar will strongly disagree).
I just feel at the moment i am living in a fantasy world and don't know how the hell to get out of it
I mean i'm doing housework like ironing and carrying the shopping in and putting it away, carrying my ds's to bed (3&5, back in work full time. Its almost as if me being pregnant didn't even exist even though i have been trying for over 2 years. What the hell is wrong with me?? Please tell me that i am not crazy and this does get better.

OP posts:
Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:31

that was supposed to read hasn't mentioned the fact i lost the baby.

OP posts:
belgo · 09/11/2007 16:35

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are back at work full time just two weeks post ectoptic pregnancy? That's very soon. My friend had at least five weeks off work following an ectopic pregnancy.

Can you ask for more time off?

belgo · 09/11/2007 16:36

In fact, you were back at work just 10 days post ectopic. That's very soon, especially considering the major surgery and blood loss. You need time to let your body and yourself to recover.

goingfor3 · 09/11/2007 16:36

Pepperpots I'm so sorry, it sounds shocking. I mc'd in July and although I expected it to happen it was still shocking and very upsetting. It does get easier to get over the shock of what hapened with thime but it's difficult to envisage it ever happening but it does. I am pregnant again and that has made things much easier for me and was the best was I could cope with what happened but we are all different.

FioFio · 09/11/2007 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:37

Thats the thing i didn't want time off. This is why i am struggling at the moment... Usually i would have had time off but i can't get my head around the fact this has happened to me so why would i need time off? Iyswim??

OP posts:
Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:38

Thats another thing goingfor3 - I want to keep trying as this was always our 'routine'. God i sound such a cold heartless bitch, i'm not honestly

OP posts:
belgo · 09/11/2007 16:40

No you don't sound like a heartless cold bitch, far from it, you've been through a huge amount of sadness and physical pain, and you are understandibly having trouble coming to terms with it. It's still very very early days. And it sounds as though the people around you don't really know how to act either.

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:41

No one has mentioned the fact that i have lost a baby Why? Why haven't they said anything? Is that normal? If i had a m/c people would have understood if i had a cry. But DH hasn't even mentioned it and i don't understand

OP posts:
belgo · 09/11/2007 16:44

They probably don't know what to say, that may be normal but it doesn't really help you.

They will understand if you cry.

Maybe your dh hasn't said anything because he's also in shock from nearly losing his wife, and losing his baby?

golds · 09/11/2007 16:44

I think you are doing too much, I couldn't even walk properly until 2 weeks after. You need time to heal properly, mentally and physically. I do understand, for a long time, I was more relieved about not dying and the thought of losing the baby did take second place, even now I look at situations and think what I would have missed, if I'd just got to hospital 1hour later - its a scary thought. Take some time off if you can. Take care x

goingfor3 · 09/11/2007 16:48

pepperpots you are not cold and heartless you are coping the best way you can. Maybe no one is mentioning the baby because tHey don't want to upset or mare than likely they find the fact that you nearly died so difficult to deal with the baby doesn't seem as important to them as you ( I don't phrase things very well and I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK i'M BEING NASTY). Sorry about the caps, mistake.

belgo · 09/11/2007 16:49

And as for trying to concieve again, from a physical point of view you need to wait three months. And from an emotional point of view you probably need to wait this long as well.

I miscarried in the summer, and am still not pregnant. I find TTC after a miscarriage very stressful and have temporarily stopped TTC.

It must be even more stressful after an ectopic. You don't need that stress at the moment. You need to recover first, and talk to your dh. Easier said then done.

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:49

He doesn't seem in shock to me. He did tell me that when he got home from the hospital that night he got upset as it could have been a very different matter, but that is it. And he is more than happy to ttc iyswim is that normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:51

Belgo - but apart from the scar a little tender i have recovered extremley well .... I have even managed to get my bellybutton bars (2 piercings) back in.
It was just another thing that i wanted back to normal asap. I'm reading this back and i sound like i'm loosing the plot don;t i?

OP posts:
goingfor3 · 09/11/2007 16:52

I ttc strainght after my mc but didn't have an operation so I imagine you would need to wait. Maybe your husband feels that a new pregnany will take away the pain of losing your last pregnancy, thats how I thought anyway.

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:53

But the thought of having to wait that long makes me feel terrified as it not part of how my life was. I don't want change as this makes it real that all this has happened.

OP posts:
belgo · 09/11/2007 16:55

Pepperpots - your hormones will still be all over the place and this is more then likely influencing how you think you feel. Of course you want to get back to normal asap, but please don't underestimate what you have been through. You have been through an awful lot, and it will have effected your dh as well, he just may not be good at showing it.

Please try and talk to your dh. And give yourself time to recover.

I don't think that physically youer body will be recovered. it's major surgery, and the body takes a while to recover and replace the blood you have lost. You are risking a setback if you do too much before you are recovered.

goingfor3 · 09/11/2007 16:56

I was supposed to wait a few months as my mc damaged my cervix. In hindsight I should have as I've had four episodes of bleeding which never happened in my other pregnancies and I'm sure it's because my cervix hasn't healed. I'm also really anxious but I think everyone is when they are pregnant post mc.

belgo · 09/11/2007 16:58

pepperpots - I regret TTC straight after a miscarriage. With every month that I was still not pregnant, I felt as though I was miscarrying again.

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:58

I know i should talk to DH but he is just so hard to talk to sometimes And i wouldn't know what to say if i could talk to him.
I have to go and cook tea as ds's will be home soon.. I will be on later and thank you all for your words. Any other advice would be greatly received.

OP posts:
ScienceTeacher · 09/11/2007 16:58

I think you are doing too much too soon.

Please take it easy, and don't underestimate your recovery time, both physically and emotionally. DH may need to grieve too, but doesn't know how to.

Original poster
pepperpots · 09/11/2007 16:59

When you have been ttc for 2.5 years you get so used to seeing a bfn that i still find it hard to believ i had 3 weeks of bfp's and feel that if i go back and start seeing bfn's i can go back to normal. God i'm not making much sense am i?

OP posts:
PandaG · 09/11/2007 19:48

my love pepperpots. FWIW I am really sad that you have lost your baby, and I am sending my thoughts and prayers. xx

Tutter · 09/11/2007 19:51

pepperpots i haven't much time right now, but firstly, i'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. second, have you visisted the message boards of the ectopic pregnancy trust? i will get link if you like. the boards there saved my sanity after my ep back in 2003

it will gte better xxx