Trouble dealing with missed miscarriage

[Iucy95]

Hi, I don't know what I'm looking for just think it would help to write, last Tuesday I went for the 12 week dating scan to find baby had passed away at 7 +5 weeks, we had gone for a early scan at 7 weeks were all was fine so this was a real surprise. I've really struggling to cope at night times all my thoughts come in, I can't sleep and my eyes are swollen from crying, I'm so worried I will never be able to have a baby and that I will never feel normal again. If anyone out there has gone threw this I would love to talk x

I also don't know how I am going to deal with going back to work, I'm a doctor's receptionist and work with pregnant employees

I have had 2 miscarriages and am currently 23 weeks pregnant. My 2nd miscarriage was a missed one at 9 weeks and also had scans where everything was fine and saw the heartbeat etc. It did hit me hard but time did help and the thought that I could get pregnant fairly quickly. It also helped me to understand how common it is, not that it helps much at the time. I know it's so hard but just try to look after yourself as best you can.

I'm so so sorry you are going through this right now. There are so many women here who understand you and have been through the same.
There's no reason to think this will happen again to you and you must be in total shock.
Can I recommend a book that I found really helpful and it's currently on offer on amazon. It helped me a lot.

In the meantime you don't have to return to work until you are ready so don't feel pressured at all.

Forgot to attach the photo

Vicky 2212 I am sorry for your loses I think the early scan gave me a false sense of stability the women said the chance of miscarriage had been slashed by loads because she had seen a strong heartbeat and sac but it passed a few days later, me and DP were talking about names and prams and talking to the baby while I had no ideas it had gone, I'm so happy for you that you are having a healthy pregnancy ❣️

Footprintsintheslow thank you so much I will definitely order that book im willing to.try anything, I have found reading other people's posts so comforting and made me feel less alone ❤️

I totally understand how you feel and I'm so sorry for what's happened to you. We did exactly the same the first time by looking at prams and picking names but this time, we remained cautious and I still am now to be honest. It will happen for you ❤️

I've been there too and I get how you feel.

I was so cross with my body for letting me down for a long time.

Miscarriages are so much more common than I ever realised, 1 in 4. One miscarriage doesn't mean that you'll have any issues with conceiving in the future, it just means there wasn't something right with your first pregnancy so your body couldn't sustain it.

I now have a DS, it took 6 months after my MC...it felt a lifetime at the time but now with a bit of distance I don't think it's that long.

Don't go back to work until you're ready, keep talking to those that support you. It's OK to grieve and for as long as you need.

@Iucy95 very sorry for your loss. I have been through the same - had an early scan, heartbeat etc and then found out at another scan that I'd lost the baby. It was a total shock. I had a few sessions of Councelling, which helped. I was also signed off work for four weeks.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, a facial, something every week if you need to. Could you maybe go away for a few days? Two days after I found out about my mmc I booked a flight and was in America the following day. Having space helped a lot.

My stress levels were unbelievable after my mmc and I didn't fall pregnant for 8 months after. It was only after the due date came and went that I felt I could move on. The following cycle I fell pregnant and I'm 39 weeks today with my rainbow baby girl.

So sorry for your loss.
I had m/c at 7+6 and then another, we had scan at 8w but m/c at 9+1. It did seem worse with having the scan first but it just meant that I don't get my hopes up too early in pregnancy now.
I have a healthy DC1 and expecting no. 2 soon, so I know I am super lucky and not everyone is.
I didn't take any bump pictures, didn't buy anything for baby until I was 30 weeks, only told those who needed to know, didn't post anything on Facebook until after DC1 safe arrival!

But fertility doctor told me that couples who are able to conceive are usually able to have children, it's just a matter of keep trying . Also in women of my age (late 30s) it's pretty common, and I am one of 7 women at work who have had m/c, some of us multiple, but I didn't know about most of them until after mine when they told me in confidence! Although I was sad for them it made me feel so much better knowing we are not alone in suffering this, so now I am very open and tell anyone who wants to know, with the idea of ending stigma and helping to 'normalise' it. Don't feel you have to do anything like this though, it's probably too early and not everyone is as comfortable with this idea.
Take time to recover and sending lots of love

@chanel05 thank you me and DP are planning a spa weekend away when I'm abit more stable I just feel I am unable to be around other people at the moment, I'm sorry for your loss but so happy for you and your rainbow girl 💗 can I ask how have you coped with the pregnancy I don't know how I will go threw it again without stress that every feeling is another miscarriage

@rigamorph I am sorry for your loss aswell ❤️ I think it is definitely something that once you tell someone you are surprised by how many people go "that has also happened to me" I am 25 and have a DD of 6 so think was very naive of "it won't happen to me it's a very sad thing that happens to other people" I feel like my optimism has disappeared

I was the same @Iucy95 I assumed because all the women in my family have good fertility, I have normal cycles etc that I wouldn't have any problems.
It's a part of life that there are some things we have control over and some we don't. Same as getting cancer, chronic illness and disease, being hurt by others.
Infertility is often the first time that we are confronted with something 'not going to plan' in our lives and it can be difficult to accept that we don't have control over everything.
It has changed me as a person (for the better I hope!) I now realise that we never know what is just around the corner and we need to appreciate all the things we DO have.

I was hugely stressed in pregnancy with DS1 but actually hardly stressed in pregnancy with DS2 because now I have my baby, I am not dealing with the added 'loss' of being childless, which I had because my m/c happened before I had any children (not trying to minimise your loss in any way).

@Iucy95 that sounds like a good plan, something you can look forward to.

Honestly? I was so stressed and worried until my 12 week scan. I had an early scan at 7+2 and had a full blown panic attack in the waiting room. I think my fears went at 24 weeks but I was much calmer after 12. I won't fully relax until she's in my arms.

I've had 4 miscarriages. My last one affected me the most because I'd seen Baby on the scan ( no heartbeat though) and had the most darkest most prominent lines on all the pregnancy tests I did. Me and my OH would talk about what we would do, would I go up where he lives or would he move down to me, we'd decided on a silver cross pram one of the big old fashioned ones, planned to do the nursery in with peter rabbit. I would talk and sing somewhere over the rainbow to my little bump. Stopped smoking and vaping and cut my caffeine right down to one cup a day. I literally walked around on cloud nine for 9 weeks and even though I was spotting brown blood I wasn't worried because I was told due to a SCH some bleeding was normal as the clot dispersed. I did ring the EPAU up when it started going red but was told unless it filled a pad within 2 hours then to just wait till my next scan the following week. Started bleeding more and passing clots so took myself off to A&E where I was diagnosed with a kidney infection. Dr decided to do another Pregnancy test and it was still as strong as ever and he said that was a good sign, but told me to rest the following day rather than go to work. Next day felt a bit better but noticed Pregnancy symptoms were declining but then thought given I was almost at 12 weeks they would do. Went up to meet my OH who was delivering and as I pulled into where he was parked the back end of my car ever so slightly clipped the bumper of someone else's car who had parked in a daft place. Nothing at all to make me even think I'd hurt Baby or anything because I was going 5-10 mph if that. Sorted insurance details out for the other persons car who had a scuff mark and some of my paintwork on the bumper. Spent some time with my OH said I was a little nervous about my scan the next day to see if Baby had grown again then waved him back off to Depot. Everything ok but then later that night I started getting really intense cramping in my lower tummy. At first I thought they were growing pains but they started coming in 15 minute waves and the bleeding got my heavier. Went in for my scan didn't dare look at the screen. The woman scanning me was so quiet and she turned the screen away. I laid there shaking uncontrollably whilst waiting for the words I knew were coming. I'm so sorry. But Because Baby was measuring perfect to my dates I had to wait another 2 weeks until they would confirm for definite that I'd miscarried again. The phone call
To my OH telling him it wasn't good news was awful. Didn't wait that long. Ended up
In A&E 3 days later with the Gynaecologist pulling clots from my cervix. Said my cervix was dilated so a miscarriage was definitely intermittent now and booked for an emergency scan the next morning. That was horrendous I had to go down the actual ultrasound department for it so was surrounded by Pregnant women all happy and joyful. It was one I had to go to by myself too so I just sat there tears steaming down my face. Had the scan and it was confirmed that the sac had collapsed and 2 days later I had horrendous bleeding and passed loads of huge clots. Thought that was it, bleeding slowed but the test a few weeks later still
Showed me as being pregnant. Waited a week and tested again and it was still
Positive so they re scanned me and found 15 mm of tissue left inside. Gave me the options of carrying on, tablets or D&c by this point I'd been miscarrying for 5 weeks so I decided on the tablets and 2 days later at home with my OH with me I passed our second Baby that the scan hadn't picked up. A tiny partially formed baby that we were able to bury in a heart shape planter surrounded with roses. Which sits proudly on my dressing table. It's nearly a year since my miscarriage. They'd be 18 weeks old on Thursday. I decided on a break for 6 months but now my periods are erratic and try as I might I can't seem to fall Pregnant now. It took me 15 years to fall Pregnant in the first place too. Sorry that was such a long post

So sorry this has happened. We found out last Friday at 12 week scan it had stopped at 8 weeks. We had an early scan around that time and there was a strong heartbeat. Be kind to yourself x

My heart goes out to all u ladies who have experienced this heartache i very much know how it feels i had experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks in april along with having chemicals its hard .but u have to be strong and positive along with having positive thoughts to look to the future i know its easy said then done but im sure u will all get your rainbows some day just dont give up hope

I am sorry for all of your losses ladies, thank you so much for sharing your stories with me, your strength gives me strength ❤️

Lucy95 im sure it will indeed happen for u again im sure u will get your rainbow baby and plus they say u are fertile specially 2 weeks after so bare that in mind if u want to try again so soon

Can I ask is that the 2 weeks after you stop bleeding? Doctor has said to wait 2 weeks after bleeding has stopped before sex but I don't want to miss my most fertile window if its then

So so sorry to hear about your loss! Very similar story here, so I fully understand your pain. MMC at 11 weeks and had MVA day before 12 week scan - I was very lucky that it was ‘dealt with’ really quickly.

We waited until had negative pregnancy test (2 weeks) and first period (6 weeks) to start trying again properly. Haven’t conceived yet sadly, but hope to soon.
Just please take the time to look after yourself and protect yourself - if you going to work will cause you upset and distress definitely take the time off.
Sorry that you are going through this too xx

Here's wha it says in that book about trying again and I've also sent you the pages about emotional health too.

@lucy95 ITS STARTS FROM THE TIME U START BLEEDING TO WEN IT STOPS .SO U COUNT THE DAY FROM WEN U START BLEEDING AS DAY ONE UP UNTILL DAY 14 IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SO IF FINISH THE PERIOD WITHIN THE 2 WEEKS U MAY WELL BE FERTILE VERY SOON AFTER HOWEVER NOT EVERYONE OVULTES STRAIGHT AFTER BUT U ATE MOST LIKELY TO DO SO AS MENTIONED BEFORE U ARE MORE FERTILE AFTER YOUR LOSS XXX

THEY SAY TO WAIT AFTER BLEEDING HAS STOPPED SO THERE WILL BE NO RISK OF AN INFECTION IF U MAY WAIT 2 MORE WEEKS AFTER THE BLEED THEN U MAY WELL MISS THE FERTILE PERIOD

@footprintsintheslow thank you so much I have order the book on prime and it will be arriving tomorrow! X