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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Trying again after late miscarriage

46 replies

Norasmum · 10/08/2020 12:56

Hi there,

I recently lost my first child, a daughter at 23 weeks gestation. I went into labour too early, they couldn’t stop it and she was just a little too young to try and save..the consultant thinks it was most likely because of an incompetent cervix. I feel atm that all I want is another baby- which I know is quite common in these circumstances.
Was wondering if anybody else had another baby quite soon after the loss of their last?
Thanks

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Original poster
Norasmum · 13/08/2020 10:13

Thought I’d give this a bump!

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DappledOliveGroves · 13/08/2020 10:16

I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry OP, for the loss of your daughter. I've just had a missed miscarriage, but that was only at 10 and a half weeks - I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child at 23 weeks.

I'm hoping to start TTC again in the next few weeks.

Thinking of you Flowers

duckhouse · 13/08/2020 22:46

Sorry to hear about your loss @Norasmum. After multiple ivf cycle failure.. i managed to conceive but Few weeks back I lost my first child at 7 weeks which i am finding hard to cope,. Losing one at 23 weeks is much tougher.. hope you get the strength..Time will heal xx

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2020 22:55

I lost babies at 19, 24 and 29 weeks. I’d already had two healthy children, but still needed to fill the gaping hole. I was advised to wait a year but couldn’t. I was pregnant again two months after I’d lost the last baby. It turned out to be the right thing to do, although I was a bit neurotic about the 18 week scan and appointments.

She’s 21 now. Healthy, happy, perfect.
Mine weren’t down to incompetent cervix but all died in utero - probably due to undiagnosed hypothyroidism.

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2020 22:59

Time helps. A new baby helped, but for a good few years we recognised their birthdays. We have Christening cups for each still - even though they couldn’t be Christened. It’s no longer painful, but at the time it certainly was more pain than I could imagine.

Original poster
Norasmum · 22/08/2020 09:43

@duckhouse I’m so sorry for your loss, sending lots of love and strength your way x

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Original poster
Norasmum · 22/08/2020 09:53

@CherryPavlova that’s heartbreaking, I can’t even fathom what that must feel like. You are a very strong person. It fills my heart to hear you have a healthy daughter now, you certainly deserve it. Thank you for sharing your story x

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Norasmum · 22/08/2020 09:56

@DappledOliveGroves I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing okay and wishing you lots of luck with TTC again x

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CherryPavlova · 22/08/2020 10:19

Norasmum Yes, it was hard, but I was truly blessed that my gaping hole was filled by a beautiful child who is now just turned 22. It’s not especially painful now and I can accept it was simply meant to be, my body not working well at that time. I think I also learned much about myself and, in time, could see those lost babies brought something positive. I was given excitement, hope, anticipation, love and care because of those babies. It didn’t end as we’d hoped, but in hindsight I don’t regret having them.
It certainly helped me value what I have. Hopefully you’ll conceive again soon and carry to term. Hopefully when your arms are filled, the child will bring as much laughter and joy as our munchkin. Someday the tears will stop and you’ll smile again but with a deeper understanding of yourself.
It’s not easy. It’s awful, but it does get better.

Original poster
Norasmum · 22/08/2020 15:19

@CherryPavlova beautiful words x

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RachelLondonmum · 01/09/2020 22:37

@norasmum I am in same position; just found out we are losing our baby at 21weeks, also with incompetent cervix. It was my first too. Don't know if it sounds bad but all that's getting me through is hoping we can try again, I just feel so helpless and worried I'm Not capable of holding onto a baby... did you feel full of questions? Why did this happen? We literally just found out and I'm on here trying to process my thoughts while husband gets to hospital.

notinthestarsigns · 02/09/2020 00:13

Our baby was born in June at 20 weeks, after we found out his heart had stopped beating a couple of days after. Part of me is so scared of being pregnant and it happening again but the other part of me thinks it is the only thing that will make me feel better as at the moment I feel so lost and like I don’t know who I am anymore at times. We have decided to wait at least until we have the review with the consultant to discuss the post mortem results etc and a plan for a future pregnancy. So sorry to hear you are going through this too x

Boo2020 · 02/09/2020 08:48

Hi ladies, sorry for your loss, I miscarried, I was 11 weeks, i was told yesterday at the hospital 😢..im gutted.
I started bleeding friday just gone I'm still bleeding now the pain is horrible. We want to start trying again as soon as I have one natural cycle. Anyone know how long the bleed lasts? Is anyone trying again soon after? X

Original poster
Norasmum · 02/09/2020 12:54

@RachelLondonmum I can only imagine what the last however many hours have been like for you, I was in the same position 6 weeks ago and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. Please let us know how you are doing, if you need to talk please don’t hesitate to drop me a message. I’m so so sorry for your loss.

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Norasmum · 02/09/2020 13:13

@notinthestarsigns I’m so sorry for your loss.
I gave birth 6 weeks ago and came on my first period last week. We know it’s one of two things that caused me to go into labour so early (either an incompetent cervix or an infection) which can both be prevented when you know you have them, we will find out which from the post mortem. So even though I’m terrified I think we’re just going to go for it, I’m armed to the max with clearblue ovulation tests and just hoping for the best. We had Nora’s funeral on Friday and I miss her so much my heart aches, I know it’s not going to bring her back but I feel it may make things easier. I just want a baby in my arms that I can keep.

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Norasmum · 02/09/2020 13:22

@Boo2020 I’m so sorry :(
Mine was a bit different so I don’t know how long the bleeding lasts, I’ve seen quite a few other people talking about it on here though and it sounds awful. I hope it doesn’t take too long and you’re able to conceive again soon- I’ve heard of people getting pregnant again very quickly xxx

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welldonesquirrel · 02/09/2020 13:45

hi @norasmum. I'm sorry to hear about your beautiful Nora, there are sadly too many of us that understand the pain. I also fully understand the need/want to be pregnant again, but it might be best to hold out waiting for the pm results, they could unlock some answers that could affect a future pregnancy. I've had 2 late losses one at 18weeks due to infection and another at 24weeks due to IC. there's a great facebook page that deals with issues around IC and the different options available. Be kind to yourself the pain is raw and will hit you at different times often out of the blue. If I can help.with anything else please let me know. If u want to talk about Nora, we would love to hear about her. lots of love xo

Boo2020 · 02/09/2020 14:59

@Norasmum thank you xx

darciesdreams · 02/09/2020 15:11

Hi @Norasmum

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I lost my son at 22 weeks in March, we went for a scan to find out his heart had stopped as he had developed fetal hydrops. I was induced and gave birth to him a few days later.

We opted for a full post mortem but no reason was found.

I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and I'm absolutely petrified. I don't think there is a "right" time, but if you want to talk about it, I'm more than happy to chat x

Original poster
Norasmum · 03/09/2020 15:46

@welldonesquirrel thank you, I’m sorry for your losses, that’s awful. Hope you are doing okay now X

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Norasmum · 03/09/2020 15:48

@darciesdreams thank you and I’m so sorry. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I’m sure you’re being watched like a hawk and everything is going to be fine xxx

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RachelLondonmum · 05/09/2020 23:21

@norasmum Thankyou, and again I'm so sorry for your loss. I gave birth two days ago, we said goodbye to the baby, and we are at home now just trying to comprehend it all. It's odd, I can go hours being ok and then collapse at the smallest thing. We felt so well cared for at the hospital and are so grateful for that. Part of you wants to grieve forever but a big part, even now, is looking to the future for hope. It feels hard to find hope in anything apart from trying again once we have grieved and healed. Sending you so much love, and strength. Xxx

Original poster
Norasmum · 15/10/2020 18:09

Lighting a candle for your angels tonight 🕯

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No1worrier · 18/04/2021 10:58

@Norasmum I know this is an old post but I am going through something similar. Firstly sorry for your loss ❤. Did you conceive your first cycle? How are things now?x

Original poster
Norasmum · 18/04/2021 15:02

@No1worrier hi there, thank you and I’m sorry that you’re going through something similar. How are you doing? I actually conceived after 5 months of trying, my body was clearly just not ready yet. Tbh I think my mind needed the time too as well, as much as I hate to admit it! Counselling has really helped.
So I’m expecting again and absolutely terrified- it’s hard when the worst has already happened because you can’t help but think it’s going to happen again. Just trying to take each day as it comes.

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