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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

1st miscarriage...

27 replies

gem2mum · 31/08/2007 12:11

Hi all, I'm just reeling from my first miscarriage. started bleeding at 11 weeks and scan showed baby had died at 6. Feeling of loss is awful. Does anyone know if it is better to wait (and how long does it take?)for it to go naturally or is a erpc better? and what about the drug that someone told me they can give you (although the hospital didnt give me that option). Dont know what to do...anyones experiences would be very useful...Thanks

OP posts:

JolieGirl · 31/08/2007 12:14

Poor you, I totally sympathise. It is devastating. I have 2 miscarriages - one at 9 weeks and one at 14 weeks. For both I opted to have the ERPC, simply for immediate closure and I could not bear the thought of miscarrying at home and it dragging on for days. But it is a very personal choice. Good lick for the future. I now have a lovely 1 year old DS so miscarriages although horrendous DO happen for a reason, and you will be fine I am sure next time, the odds are firmly in your favour.

JolieGirl · 31/08/2007 12:15

LUCK not lick!!!

Mumpbump · 31/08/2007 12:17

Sorry for your loss. If you've started bleeding heavily, chances are that it is all happening naturally anyway. Any surgical procedure carries inherent risks so might be better not to go for the ERPC. Don't know about the drug - might that be for late m/c?

Original poster

gem2mum · 31/08/2007 12:19

Oh thanks - I suppose I am most worried about how long you should wait to try again after an erpc.The nurse told me you have to wait 3 months after the procedure and since I am 44 I dont really have that much time to waste - how long have others waited?

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 31/08/2007 12:22

Well, you don't need to wait if you m/c naturally although they will suggest you wait until you have had one cycle so they can accurately date any subsequent pg. You're meant to be at your most fertile following m/c and childbirth so if you're keen to get on, that might be a reason to let it all happen naturally. Bear in mind that you won't know when you ovulate afterwards - can really throw things out - so look out for other physical symptoms. I found increased EWCM to be a pretty good indicator...

FloriaTosca · 31/08/2007 12:59

Gem I'm so sorry (((hugs)))I've been there 6 times over the last 3 years and really know what you are going through.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, you'll know what you want best but my experiences are;
My first 4 m/c were all before 9 weeks and were heralded by bleeding..so we let them go naturally..because it had already started it was quite quick..it didnt last days..they were just like very bad periods.
The 5th m/c was missed, we had had a heart beats at 6 weeks and 9 weeks but the baby died at 10 weeks and we didnt find out until I went for a scan at 12 weeks...I had just started a little dark spotting that morning..I was offered either an erpc or medically managed m/c... I took the medically managed approach and 48 hours later took the pill that prepares the body...I was supposed to go in 48 hours after that for the pessaries to start labour but m/c spontaneously the next morning, it was over very quickly and was followed by an incredibly long heavy period... sorry if this is TMI but I was told to use an old sieve to catch everything and put it in a sterile jar so they could try to determine the cause of my loss (probably because I had lost so many already...but in this case it proved that my m/c were, as expected, due to a genetic problem that I already knew I carried)
My last m/c was a year ago tomorrow at 17 weeks due to a previously undiagnosed blood clotting disorder...she was fine on the scan on the Tuesday morning but her heart had stopped beating by the Wednesday night...I was supposed to go down the medically managed route again but went into labour naturally before they could give me the pill on the Friday morning....having said that I needed a D&C 5 days later as not all the placenta had come away and I haemorraged twice after leaving hospital.

As for trying again..well I was 40 when we started all this...I caught immediately after the 1st m/c which caused problems with dating and was upsetting when I knew I was 9wks but there was still no heart beat and they were insisting I could still be only 5 wks...Personally, for this reason, I would recommend waiting for one cycle to be certain of your dates. But waiting for 3 months? Well it is a fairly well known wives tale that a m/c increases your chances of getting pg again quickly...wives tale or not it certainly worked that way for me...

Incidentally, there is hope;...after my last m/c I didnt think I could do it all again, we had beaten the gentic problem odds only to be kicked in the face with the blood clotting disorder and I was an emotional wreck...but by Christmas I decided that never trying again was marginally worse than risking another heartbreak; I fell pg in January and was put on heparin and junior aspirin to manage the bloodclotting thing (which incidentally my consultant reccommends to all older mothers to be) and am due in 5 weeks!

I hope things ease for you soon and that your next attempt will be 100% sucessful

EllieG · 31/08/2007 13:04

I'm so sorry for you. I had a MMC and went for a D&C - didn't want to wait until came naturally and they said there was a risk of an infection. Whichever it is will be hard - like you say, the feeling of loss is immense and hits you hard. I hope you have plenty of loving support, and try and be kind to your self at the moment x

sweetkitty · 31/08/2007 13:12

hi so sorry to hear bout your los, I had a mc 3 weeks ago. I was 10 weeks but the baby only got to 6. When I was deciding what to do nature took over and I started bleeding heavily. I've had 2 children and thought I could cpe with it at home but it was very rough at times. I had 3 bad days where for a fewhours I ould literall just be sittng on the toilet or changing pads every 10 minutes. I was also very weak and needed to lie down a lot not easy with the other 2 to look after. I was bleeding for 2 weeks in total.

Looking back maybe an ERPC would have been better in my case but its such a personal choice.

When you are ttc again come and join us on the ttc after mc thread loads of support from people who know what you are going through

Tiggerish · 31/08/2007 13:17

so sorry to hear about your loss gem2mum. I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks between ds and dd. Like joliegirl i decided on erpc just to get it over with as quickly as possible. for me it was just the right thing to do iykwim.

almost exactly 1 year later i had dd - we didn't really make a definate decision about how long to wait but we weren't being particularly careful either I guess i was just lucky to fall within a few months.

Original poster

gem2mum · 31/08/2007 17:31

Hey all, thanks so much for your advice! I cant believe how much some of you have gone through - one mc seems bad enough! Floria, what a trouper - good luck in five weeks with your new little bundle. I am taking comfort in my gorgeous litte girl and keeping fingers crossed for a happy result next time. Since I am hardly bleeding at all, I have decided I dont want to wait weeks for it happen so and have booked an erpc for tuesday....

OP posts:

Lcy · 31/08/2007 17:32

Hi Gem2mum - i'm so sorry to hear that you lost your baby. i also experienced my first miscarriage 2 weeks ago. I was 10 weeks but the scan showed the baby had died at 6. I opted for the EPRC and it was ok - i stopped bleeding after 9 days (and most of that was spotting) and had no pain. The procedure was quick - about 10 minutes. My reason for this choice was that i just couldnt face miscarrying naturally or by medicine - i was very upset and thought this would be too much. It is a personal choice though.

I am so sorry you are having to make this horrid choice. I think physically whatever option you choose you will recover quickly from the mc. However, emotionally i think it takes alot longer. That said 2 weeks ago i was a wreck and now i am feeling alot better. Take time to grieve for your baby.

Oh and i have been told by doctors and midwife that i will ovulate 2-3 weeks after day of D&C and that it is fine to start trying then and that there is no evidence that it makes you more likely to miscarry agian- although it will be harder to date the pregnancy if i did get pregnant. Again a personal choice - and lots of people wait until there first period so they feel emotionally ready.

Hope this helps, Lucy x

Lcy · 31/08/2007 17:33

Whoops crossed posts x

LowFat · 31/08/2007 17:40

To OP - it is not the end of the world, even though it feels like it right now.

I have had a M/C, a baby, 2 M/C and a baby.

Each time I conceived my surviving babies it was 6-8 weeks after a M/C. I did'nt listen to what the medical experts said about leaving it at least 3 months - I could'nt bare the waiting.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

Lots of love.

spugs · 01/09/2007 16:35

so sorry to hear about your loss gem and i hope everything goes ok on tues for you hun. as for trying again i had a mc in may, we started straight away without waiting for an af, i didnt catch straight away but did after my first af so have to agree with the hightened fertility thing. theres some really good supportive threads on ttc and pregnancy for after mc. good luck x

Jackstini · 05/09/2007 21:37

Hi Gem2Mum - just wondered how everything went yesterday and how you are feeling now? I had my ERPC the day before you after my first MC (missed)
Hope you now have some feeling of closure and if/when you are ready, do join us on the TTC after MC thread - you will be very welcome

kiddygal23 · 11/09/2007 14:26

hi i was woundering if any 1 can tell me how long u beed after i had a miscaridge on the 29th jusly i was only 6 weeks i started bleeding on the 26th july n i went the hospital n had a scan they told me i didnt need surgery it will come away nateraly but i am still bleeding

goingfor3 · 11/09/2007 18:16

kiddygal23 - I had a m/c on the 24th of July and bleed for about three and a half weeks. Then my period started on August 26th. Do you think your bleeding is from the m/c or have you had a break and now having a period. If you are still bleeding from the m/c go and see your dr as they may stillbe things left inside you. Good luck.

fuschiatwins · 27/09/2007 22:55

Hi all, just wanted to share my experience with someone.
I went for my 11 week scan on Aug 24th and it showed a 7 week old fetus with no heart beat. I decided to wait for a natural miscarriage as I am afraid of hospitals! Then after a week and a half of light bleeding, I booked a D&C. The night before the op I started to get contractions and they were coming every minute. After half an hour the placenta came out into the toilet. I pulled it out and put it in a pot and noticed a tiny white fetus in the sac. It was really tiny. The following day I went to the hospital, gave them the sample and they discharged me. Then that night I felt something else come out - it was a fetus. I was so confused. It was much larger than the scan showed - 26mm and the scan said 14mm. The midwife told me to just bury it. So I did. I placed a pink fuschia on the grave and then noticed I had picked two flowers instead of one. I did wonder if this was a sign. A few weeks later my test results came back. There had been a fetus in that sac, I had miscarried twins. The fetus from the placenta is now at the crematorium. I went to visit the unborn baby section of the crem and found a large pink fuschia plant there. I feel this links my two babies. Then I went to see a medium and the first thing he said is 'you have miscarried two little girls'. He told me they are not dead, they are waiting to be born through me again in the future. I am waiting to get pregnant again and this experience has made me feel better about what will be and I don't feel as sad anymore. My little boy is two and every day I just hope that I will be able to have a little sibling for him, a sister.

fuschiatwins · 27/09/2007 22:56

BTW the bleeding stopped about two weeks later.

starinthesky · 11/10/2007 22:26

I just wanted to leave a message for fushciatwins. I am so sorry about the loss of your twins. I'm glad you have remained positive and wish you all the best for the future.

weemandy · 25/10/2007 11:54

hey
i found out i was pregnant when i was 3 weeks and 3 days, i should be 5 weeks and 4 days today

yesterday round 1o'clock i felt i'd peed masel and went to the toilet and my pants were full with dark-red blood which leck through onto my jeans, i went to the hospital and all they could say was to go home and rest for 10days and take another test.

i am not having any clots and cramping, yesterday at 1st it was dark-red now its more brown and and lighr red. to be honest i feel great i dont feel ill

am i misscarrying?
18 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.
Report It

LoveAngel · 28/10/2007 16:46

I have just had an early miscarriage (6 wks), so know at least some of what you are feeling @ gem2mum

Medical internention wasn't deemed necessary for me, so I was sent home without even a word of advice or even sympathy from the doctors. I am trying to be positive, but it is hard. How are you feeling today?

orangehead · 28/10/2007 17:07

Im so sorry. Pro and cons to both I had erpc twice with the first one I always had a naggering feeling they had made a mistake and I had just let them kill my baby and really beat myself up over it. It was obvious my baby had died it was just my stupid mind. My 2nd was a mc at home as it happened very quickly and emotionally I felt I had more closure because I saw it happen and saw what had came away even though still upset. But if you have to wait for it to happen I could imagine that would be horrible, it can also be dangerous. My first one died at ten weeks and they didnt pick it up till my 12 week scan. After the erpc the bleeding just got heavier and heavier and I had really bad pains and got rushed back in2 hospital a few days later. They said I had a really bad infection in my uterus and it had also spread to kidneys because I had carried the baby dead.
I suppose the decision is partly what you feel is best for you but also taking in2 account your health so getting advice of doc

ScottishMummy · 28/10/2007 17:09

so so sorry about your loss.
some useful links
"Look at this information and links"

RnB · 28/10/2007 17:14

Message withdrawn

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