4th MC and 3rd MMC in 4 years. I don't know what to do

[Frazzlerock]

Once again we reached 9 weeks and had a scan for 'reassurance' - because we can't possibly be unlucky 4 times,
Turns out we are. Yesterday we discovered our beautiful baby's heart had stopped.
I was so positive this time after having a really successful scan a week before with a lovely heartbeat and spot on for dates. I stupidly thought it's finally our turn for happiness. I had no reason to believe our baby had died only a day before. No bleeding, all symptoms the same. Even craving scotch eggs (rarely eat in normal circumstances) which DP had promised we'd get en route home after the scan.
I called this baby our Fighter.

Now I'm left with the shit decision of whether to have medical or surgical management.
I can't quite believe I'm here yet again.

I've had surgical management twice and just felt it was so clinical and I have no idea if they treated my baby with respect and care while I'm under GA. on the other hand it is quick and easy and recovery is fast.
I've never miscarried naturally at 9 weeks. I don't know what to expect. I know there will be lots of clots from the pregnancy but will my baby come out in one go?
If I go for having my baby at home, will I know when my baby has been born? Or will he/she look like all the other bits that come away?
Is it horrifically painful at 9 weeks?

I hate that I have to make this decision on my own. DP doesn't want to sway me either way as he says it's my body so I must chose, but I know he'd much prefer me to have surgery again,

Anyone?

@Frazzlerock oh my word. What a shit time you are having of it. I'm so sorry.

I haven't had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, mine was at 16 weeks and had medical management. I'm not sure how similar it would be. I can tell you about mine if it would help?

Yes please @Ejb86 I know it is much much later but maybe it will give me an idea.
Only if you don't mind reliving it all though
I'm so sorry you also lost your baby

Have you had any tests done after the third mc?
I’m so sorry you are going through this
I had a mmc years ago at 10w and had an erpc

I had testing for TSH levels , clotting disorders and progesterone levels you may have had these done if not then when you are feeling ready it may be something to think about having checked x

@Frazzlerock I am in the middle of a MC right now ☹️ I was 8.5 weeks though I haven’t been scanned so I don’t know when my baby died, it could have been a few weeks ago so smaller. What I can tell you is that so far (I started bleeding on Thursday evening) it hasn’t been that bad in terms of pain, no worse really than bad period pains. I’m managing fine with hot water bottles and paracetamol. The bleeding started very light on Thursday night, then became like a light period yesterday, before becoming very heavy yesterday evening. I passed some very large clots/jelly like substances last night which I think might have been the pregnancy but I don’t know for sure, it’s hard to tell. From my experience I’d much rather be doing this at home like this than being in a clinical environment although I know that can be over and done with quicker. However I might be having an easier time of it than some people do. I don’t think there’s a right decision.

Our last baby had karyotyping and he had T16. DP and I had our bloods done and all came back normal, except my thyroid was slightly over compensating. This was in November 2018 and my thyroid has since been at optimum levels.
During my last pregnancy I took progesterone and low dose aspirin, but as the baby had a chromosome issue, it made no difference.
This time our consultant said no progesterone unless I have a bleed. I did have a very very light pink bleed at 5 weeks so have been on progesterone ever since. Baby was fine at 8 weeks and was put on low dose aspirin from the day we saw the heartbeat.
This baby will also have karyotyping and the doctor told us they will check us again just in case they missed something last time. Though she assured me they are very thorough with their tests.
I can't go through yet another year of TTC. I'll be 41 in June. I was 36 when we lost our first baby but it's taken this long because of my cunting PCOS. I could probably cope better with these losses if it didn't take us so long to conceive each time.

I'm fucking exhausted from it all. But I need to hold my baby like I need air.

Thank you for sharing @DinoGreen I'm so sorry you're going through this as well

It's insanely cruel

Do you take inositol for you PCOS? It very good

Also are you on any supplements for egg quality? A high dose of ubiquinol could be beneficial

@sparepartalways yes I take Zita West's inositol + folate. Have been for a couple of years now.

Also taking ubinquinol. But not sure if it's a terribly high dose as it's so expensive, it's 100mg.
DP has been taking men's Proceive after we found he had low morphology.

We just seem to have terrible terrible luck.
I do have two older DC from my previous marriage and they were very hard to conceive, so I should be grateful and just get on with my life, but after DP and I lost our first baby together back in 2016, having another has just completely consumed me.

@Frazzlerock I lost 2 babies at 16 weeks. My baby girls had been sharing a sac, their cords were severely entangled and they had twin to twin transfusion.

So my medical management was taking a pill the day after we found out (Weds) to help my body release the pregnancy. They expected me to bleed and be in some pain following this but I had nothing. We returned to the hospital on Friday at 8am. The first pessary was put in at 8.20, and I slowly began to cramp. Second pessary at 11.20. Babies born at 2.20 and 2.25. First baby came out with my waters. Had to push the second one and placenta. Quite a lot of bleeding immediately afterwards. The hospital cleaned up my babies, put hats on them and put them in a basket for us to spend time with them. I'm not sure if that would happen in pregnancies that haven't progressed as far, I guess each hospital would be different.

3 months on I'm occasionally having some bloody discharge, but I've had 3 periods now and TTC this cycle.

Hope this helps. If you have any questions I'll try and answer.

@Frazzlerock I'm so sorry. I recognise your name from a thread a few weeks ago and I'm so sorry this is where you've ended up again.

I've been fortunate enough to never have had a miscarriage at home but I have had an induced miscarriage at the hospital at 12 weeks due to the baby being incompatible with life (full Turners Syndrome) - I'm not sure if it would have been the same but its not something I'd have ever wanted to have experienced at home. It was an all day labour and there were a lot of blood and waters and painful contractions, and eventually my pregnancy came away in two - something large and clot-like and then the actual baby. The lovely midwives very respectfully asked if I wanted to see the baby but I declined, so I imagine she looked how you'd think a 12 week foetus would.

What a horrible decision you have to make. I know theres nothing anyone can say to make it better but I hope you happiness soon.

Hey OP!

Very sorry for your loss!

I've had two consecutively, my last at 11 weeks, measured 9 like you. That's also after seeing 2 good HB's but had spotting and bleeding since week 7. Which was very worrying anyway!

At my last can when we talked options and I said I wanted to avoid repeating an ERPC because I worry about Ashermans, my doctor said that natural or medical would be my options but due to size I was 'borderline' for them allowing it.

Anyway, I was booked in for medical the following week. Continued bleeding requiring pads at home, no pain.

Then the night before I was meant to go in for medical management, I miscarried at home naturally. Intense cramps and pain but managed with painkillers as best as I could. Looking back, my body was in charge and knowing what it was doing. Was almost sick twice and had diarrhoea too (sorry TMI) but the worst was over overnight.

I think it really can vary. I had read a lot of horror stories online and it had made me so anxious about medical or natural management but if I had to chose again, which I hope I won't have to, I'd do natural or medical.

Surgery is quick and painless but I just think there's risks associated there with Asherman's and the GA and I just don't like the thought as it gave me no closure. Suddenly I woke up, baby was gone, it was all over. It was a relief but also very strange!

Sending you a massive hug. I know how shit this is! Life is unfair! X

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

@LASandOtto I've not heard of Ashermans (have now googled) and I've already had two surgical managements. I had a hysteroscopy back in March and things looked good. But I guess it could happen this time. I think I need to contact the gynae unit to ask more questions. This is so hard

@Frazzlerock sorry you are going through this . I had a MC at home naturally at 9.5 weeks on 1st December and it was not what I was expecting at all . I expected clots but not to be rolling around in pain having contractions .
My baby came out not in the sac but on to my pad and it was truly awful and upsetting to see . Continued to bleed and the next day the placenta came out . I went for scan and there were still retained tissue there so I had to have medical management. That didn't work so on Xmas eve I had the ERPC. I was so glad it to be over finally . I would definitely of chosen ERPC first if I had known what the MC at home would of been like .
Thinking of you x

I recognise your name from a previous antenatal thread I was on, I'm so, so gutted for you and your family. I had two miscarriages inbetween DC1 and 2 and it was awful. One surgical, one natural but very early on. I cant advise but I was glad I went the surgical route as I couldn't bear the thought of labour on my own. I still grieve those babies today, even though I've my two beautiful children. I'm so sorry.

Hi @Frazzlerock, so sorry for your losses. I had 2 miscarriages last year, first was at 9 weeks although baby measured 6 weeks and second was at 7 weeks. Both were at home, the first was painful but manageable and the second was like a painful period with some brief contraction type pain in my back. In both I could I easily tell when I passed the baby. I was told that if we have further miscarriages and want chromosomal testing carried out it is far easier to do that with surgical management so maybe something to check. Sorry again for what you are going through

Thank you.
I'm booked in for surgery tomorrow morning after going in today to chat to the doctor again.

As you say, it's easier for them to take our baby for testing after surgery, rather than having the baby at home.

It was just such a horrific decision to make when I least expected it. At least last time I just knew something was wrong. This time nothing. I was stupidly naive to think that symptoms = an alive baby. I feel like this is my last pregnancy so I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision for me, my baby, and my family.
I can't believe it's all over, this is my last night being pregnant with my precious baby, and probably my last chance ever.

@Frazzlerock That last paragraph is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you today

I'm so sorry @Frazzlerock thinking of you 💜 xx

@frazzlerock thinking of you. Xxx

Hi @frazzlerock I recognise your name from the due in August thread. I was keeping a low profile because I had a miscarriage the month before and the fell immediately pregnant again. Unfortunately as of yesterday I have also lost my baby, no heartbeat on the scan. I have opted for medical management. I just wanted to wish you all the best for the future x

I am so sorry @Timeforanamechangeagain1
I can't seem to get my head around how cruel life is.
Will you be having tests done?

Yes @frazzlerock we are going to see what tests we can have done. I'm not prepared to wait for another loss first so will probably be looking into my options privately. I am so sorry again for you x

How are you getting on @Frazzlerock?