Coping after missed miscarriage

[Redhen85]

Hi, I found out at a scan on Tuesday at what I thought was 11 weeks that my baby had died at 7 weeks. I had no symptoms there was anything wrong and a growing bump, nausea, everything to make me think things were going well. The world just completely stopped when I heard the words "its not good news, baby's passed away" and hasn't really moved on since then. I opted for surgical management which I had yesterday and was much easier than expected as only a tiny amount of bleeding and hardly much pain. But emotionally I'm just not sure how I'll ever move on. I'm going to get signed off work for the week but that just feels like no time at all. I don't want to see anyone or do anything, I just want to be alone. Found myself screaming and sobbing into a pillow earlier which strangely helped, but I just keep bursting into tears.
I have a 2 year old who I'm very lucky to have, I'm not sure if the easy pregnancy with him just made me assume everything would be fine this time but I just can't handle how upset I feel.
Am thinking about doing something in memory but I'm not sure what just yet.
I just feel absolutely heartbroken and like I want to crawl into a cave forever.
Is anyone else struggling? Or has anyone found a way to cope? X

Having a tough day today I’m wondering if it might be pmd related because I usually get super tearful before I’m due. Feels like I’m back to square one

Hi Ladies,
Last few days have been really tough...I have been very sad & depressed with on and off crying. I feel like I am not going to be lucky enough to to have another positive pregnancy test! So losing hope really! Had a big row with my husband too! He is at his patience’s end I think with my sad mood & sulking!! This has affected me worse than I initially thought 🙁 ...anyways all is okay now...he has been really supportive through this- taking care of me and our son and it must be really tough on him...I need to snap out of it now...
@Henryshome it’s completely normal to have bad days. I know the feeling of having to start over again. I feel exactly the same. I found it too stressful to track, wait and test month after month. I was so relieved to finally see my BFP and now going back to that terrifies me. But I am trying to see the positive in all of it- I have more time to prepare my body, Get fit, eat healthy, lose some weight before starting to put on pregnancy weight and give the best start possible. It’s easier said than done I know. But please know that we are here to support each other, so do come and chat, share & vent here whenever you are feeling down! I don’t think anyone else will completely understand what we are going through.

@Redhen85 so glad that you are feeling a lot better and the festive period is distracting you! Did you go to the Christmas get together? I had one on Saturday too with a few of our close friends and this was the party I was planning on sharing our big news...I really didn’t want to go, but my husband convinced me. It turned out to be a good distraction. Although I was quieter than usual, it was just good to be around friends I guess...
do check in with your doctor about still testing +ve. I was asked to give them a ring if I test positive after 3 weeks. But I have heard that it might take a while for period to get back to normal. It’s so frustrating to wait when all we want is to start ttc again!

Oh that's good that you got out on Saturday, no I didn't and kind of glad, just can't be bothered to be sociable so slightly dreading xmas! Well I'm super miserable again today, getting really annoyed with my little boy for basically just being a normal toddler... I just feel like I have very limited patience and at times a very short fuse so feel constantly like my patience is wearing thin. Feel like I have a weight around my chest that doesn't seem to lift. Ugh fed up with Christmas already bah humbug 😂
Wish I felt that inspired, I just eat rubbish and drink too much instead! My phone keeps telling me to do more steps, might chuck it in the bin 😂
How are you feeling now HH?
The hospital and GP didn't say anything about testing after 3 weeks or at all so not really sure if they'd be bothered? Oh well I'll give it a few more weeks x

Hi ladies, sorry to hear you’ve been struggling too, it’s so hard isn’t it especially at this time of year. I just keep thinking about what it should have been like. I would have been 23 weeks so a lovely big bump for all my extended family to coo over when I saw them at Christmas, now it will just be awkward conversations and people treading lightly around me. One of my friends has announced her pregnancy recently and I’m really struggling to see her bump photos.

It’s horrible feeling that you have to snap out of it @Annie0425 I don’t think people have any idea how difficult it is to deal with. When I think like that I try to remind myself that I wouldn’t want people to understand as that would mean that they would have to go through it too and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Dh and I aren’t using contraceptives atm and that’s the only thing that’s giving me a glimmer of hope at the moment, the thought that this isn’t the end of our dream for a baby. Not sure how easy it will be to get pregnant again or how I’ll know considering I’ll probably still be testing positive from last time but I’m trying to be chill and cross any bridges when we get there x

Yep I do think it is a particularly rubbish time of year to feel like this... the pressure to be happy and celebrating when inside just feel like crap. I find the pretending really exhausting!

So hard isn't it trying to not second guess what is going to happen next... think you're right about trying to just cross bridges when you get there if you can. It will all happen it's just so frustrating not knowing the when! xx

Dh is still so scarred from the traumatic labour/delivery last time that the innocence from the whole experience of ttc and bfp is gone. It will be hard to be positive and joyful if we’re blessed with another pregnancy until we’re holding baby safely x

Completely feel the same, think if it does happen I'll be a nervous wreck!

I’m trying to comfort myself with the fact that if we’re blessed with another pregnancy we’ll be consultant led and monitored much more closely so fingers crossed nothing so awful will happen again x

Hi all hope you don't mind me joining in. Went for 12 week scan today to be told the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. 😥 To be honest I'm in total shock as I've still been getting pregnancy symptoms. Also been through this before in my first pregnancy & it happened at the same time -MMC at 9/10 weeks.
I've just felt a bit numb today only thing to keep me going is my 2 year old little boy - reassures me that my body can carry a baby etc. I've an appointment booked for Thursday morning to discuss options but think I'd rather let it happen at home maybe with some tablets rather than a d&c or stay in hospital. Absolutely devastated but trying to keep positive. Makes me wonder if its something happening when the embryo changes into a fetus but the lady at hospital said nothing I could have some & just unlucky for it to happen twice xx

How are you @Austin2017?

@HenrysHome I'm ok thanks. Went back to hospital today & going for an procedure on Monday called an MVA where they vacuum everything out & can leave within a few hours. I'm signed off work until 20th Jan so hopefully everything will be sorted by then. I think my husband is taking it bad this time I'm not sure hie to comfort him. Its such an awful experience isn't it. This is my 2nd mmc as I had one before our little boy. At the moment he's the only thing keeping us going. 💔 sending hugs to all you ladies xx

Hi Ladies,
Hope you all had a good holiday. We went for a nice spa break and it was really relaxing and helped take my mind off everything for a little bit.
@Redhen85 @HenrysHome how are you both doing? Have you started TTC again yet?
@Austin2017 so sorry you are going through this but glad you found this forum, we try and support each other here as much as as possible. It’s heartbreaking to go through it the 2nd time, but hope you take strength from the fact that you conceived your LO after the 1st MC so fingers crossed, that’ll be the case this time around too...
My bleeding stopped last week after the ERP C on the 18th and I did a pregnancy test yesterday that came negative! So waiting for my period to come now so that we can start the process again... fingers crossed it won’t be a long wait for all of us... hopefully we all will see our bfps soon.. xx