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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Awaiting PM after loss at 17 weeks.

30 replies

Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 04:07

Hi ladies,

I’m waiting for the post mortem result after giving birth to my son at 16+6 five weeks ago.

Did anyone get any answers from a PM if chosen to have one conducted?

I’m a scientist (blame the poor writing on 4am and not intelligence!) and it’s my job to find answers,I’m going to struggle I think if the results are inconclusive. I feel there was a growth issue, that he was too big for his gestation. He most likely died at 16+2 yet was measuring 16+5 and as I have fertility issues and was tracking everything from ovulation and times we had sex to CM I know he couldn’t been any older than 16 when he died. I suspect something may come back on that and also after he was born they kept asking me about the trisomy testing and what my risk was.

Would like to hear your outcomes please.

And sorry in advance to everyone for your losses, we are a club that I’m sure none of us would every want to be in but I feel I am in good company x

OP posts:
myhandsareverycold · 26/08/2019 07:38

I don't have any shared experience but I just wanted to say how dreadfully sorry I am for your loss. This must be such a difficult time for you. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 15:39

Thank you ♥️. It’s not a great time no but I’m dealing, just need these results.

OP posts:
CarrieErbag · 26/08/2019 15:56

Firstly, sorry for your loss, I didn't even know a PM could be done at this stage. Like you say as a scientist it is your job to find answers, but I'm worried you might torture yourself if there aren't any.
Please look after yourself. X

stucknoue · 26/08/2019 16:04

First of all so sorry for your loss. The size is well within normal variation so I don't think there's a clue there. There are many causes including chromosomal/genetic problems with the baby and the placenta failing, often there's not an obvious cause as you have picked up on. There's organisations that can provide you with better advice than this - but I hope you get answers

Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 19:01

Thank you ♥️. Yes autopsy’s are offered for all 2nd trimester losses where I live because it’s uncommon for one to happen. I know it will be hard if it’s inconclusive but if it is then it’s probably chromosomal abnormalities in the case and that itself is an answer. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 19:05

Thank you ♥️. I don’t know anything about growth so I was just taking a guess based on that and things that had been said to me after his birth. Amniotic fluid has gone by the time he was found with no heartbeat, it’s unclear if the water broke at some point or there was another reason for it. But probably this is a big part of it. I’d been bleeding heavily since 9 weeks, clearly my body was not happy with this pregnancy. Just hope they can find out why 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
ChanklyBore · 26/08/2019 19:19

I’m sorry for your recent loss. I hope you are healing.

I chose a PM after my second loss at approx the same gestation, first loss was around 16.5 weeks, second was around 18 weeks. I thought there must be a reason for me to lose two babies at that time especially as no one really seemed to know what to do with me, I got the distinct feeling of being an anomaly from the medical professionals. Like there wasn’t a name for what Was happening, there wasn’t a department for it, there wasn’t a specific name for it, it was no mans land. Just like you I would have felt better with a reason.

The PM gave no answers, no reasons, no why. All the reading I have done doesn’t help because second trimester it’s all about chromosomal stuff or incompetent cervix, neither of which applied in my case. The only other information I could really get was TFMR in second trimester or structural abnormalities of the womb eg bicornate uterus, again neither applied.

I hope you get your answers but be prepared that you might not.

Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 19:29

Thank you ♥️ Sorry for your losses too.
It’s a scary thought to think there may be no answer and I’m prepared for that but obviously answers would be very helpful. Did you have any clues that you may lose your babies? I knew all along something wasn’t right even before I started experiencing bleeding x

OP posts:
ChanklyBore · 26/08/2019 19:39

I’m sorry you are going through this!

With my first loss there was no clue until I had a small amount of bleeding, asked the midwife whose siad its probably fine but when it didn’t settle down I had a scan which showed my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I finally miscarried over two weeks later at home - so no PM. With my second loss my waters broke and again when I went to get checked out, no heartbeat. I opted to be induced because I didn’t want the long drawn out experience I had the first time, that time the whole physical side was done in just a few hours and in a hospital so had the option for PM.

I’d like to mention I have managed to carry two pregnancies to (past) full term as well as losing two, if that helps you.

TastingTheRainbow · 26/08/2019 19:43

I’m a midwife and have cared for numerous women who have suffered second trimester losses. Sadly there is often no cause found on PM. A couple have found chromosomal problems but disorders that would be incompatible with life so they tend to be a coincidence rather than the cause of the loss. I hope you get answers but please be prepared for the fact that usually there’s isn’t any. Sorry for your loss x

wishingforsun · 26/08/2019 20:06

Hi, I'm really sorry you are going through this.
I gave birth to a little boy at 19+4 a few months ago and this was due to PPROM, so my waters broke early.
Unfortunately the PM results came inconclusive, the baby was absolutely perfect however they couldn't find what caused my waters to break. They suspect it was most likely a weak cervix issue.
I hope you get some answers because the not knowing it's horrible, I keep questioning everything I may have unintentionally done.
Be kind to yourself xxx also I found Sands forum particularly helpful :)

Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 21:36

Sorry for your loss I’m worried about it being pprom for me as well I think there was something else going on as well as I mentioned before there was a lot of bleeding from 9 weeks. If the waters had broken which given My little boy had none when he died then this was most likely the cause of death but there was a lot going on I think it was a mixture of factors. You can probably tel I’m over thinking it at the moment and every little thing in my mind could be a reason at the moment. Have you been advised to have a stitch or anything if you become pregnant again?
Thank you for pointing me towards the sands forum I didn’t realise they had one xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 21:43

Thank you ♥️
I know there may be no an swer, they told me it was about a 50:50 chance of finding anything. There was so much wrong throughout the pregnancy I’m feeling like something wasn’t right from day one. I’ve carried to term before so I know my body is capable but from 6/7 weeks I was fragile, I felt like I was at term the whole time and certainly should not have had the symptoms I did. I feel like my body was trying to miscarry for a very long time. More than anything I just want to know if it’s likely to happen again and if the answer is yes I won’t try for another baby. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 21:47

@ChanklyBore
Thank you for sharing that with me. I’ve carried to term too with my first so I know it’s possible. This pregnancy I knew something wasn’t right all along. I could probably write a book on the months leading up to the miscarriage alone it was so traumatic.
I was induced too, I wasn’t even given to option to wait and see if it started on it’s own. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 21:48

Sorry all I just realised you have to @ mention someone when you reply I thought it happened automatically 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
wishingforsun · 26/08/2019 23:16

@Mszvg83 they've told me in the next pregnancy, I will have to get cervix length measured every two weeks, from week 14 onwards, as that's when the baby starts getting bigger. If they do see the cervix shortening then they will put a cervical stitch in or recommend bedrest, depending on which stage of the pregnancy this happens.

Original poster
Mszvg83 · 26/08/2019 23:20

@wishingforsun that’s great they have a plan of action for you. Do you feel as daunted by the thought of pregnancy again as I do? I honestly don’t know how so many people are brave enough to try again immediately like 3 ladies I know told me they did. I can imagine that pregnancy after loss is terrifying.

OP posts:
wishingforsun · 27/08/2019 09:28

@Mszvg83 ah yes, the first two months the idea of another baby was unimaginable, I didn't want another baby, I just wanted that baby. But somehow after the PM results, the funeral and once the shock wears off...something clicked and I became absolutely desperate to get pregnant again.
Just allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, my feelings would alternate between never wanting another baby to I want a baby NOW, right this second!

Slops1990 · 15/09/2021 20:07

Hi all,

I know the thread is old & its a long shot that any of you may answer.

Firstly i wanted to say sorry for all of your losses, i have just lost my baby at 17+1, it was more than heartbreaking.

I just wanted to ask did anyone start trying for a baby or get pregnant again before the post mortem/autopsy results?

Thanks in advance for any response x

Bellesjp · 16/09/2021 11:11

Hi @Slops1990 so sorry for your loss, we have also just lost our baby, due to severe abnormalities we had to tfmr and are waiting for post mortem and genetic testing results but have told we will have quite a wait. 6-8 weeks for post mortem and 4 months for genetic 😔 we really don’t feel that we can wait that long and feel the only thing that will make me feel even slightly better is being pregnant again x

Slops1990 · 16/09/2021 12:03

@Bellesjp so sorry to hear about your loss.

We have been told the same, 12 weeks for post mortem results! It seems like such a long time.

I like you feel like if i were pregnant again it would help with the way i am feeling now.

I also feel like if we were to wait for the post mortem results it would be such a waste of time where we could be trying for another baby.

I dont know whether that makes me sound selfish though?! Obviously nothing would ever replace the baby that we have lost, i just feel desperately that i am missing something and another baby would help.

Bellesjp · 16/09/2021 13:23

@Slops1990 you definitely do not sound selfish, I know exactly how you feel 💕 do you mind me asking how long it has been since you lost your little one? Do you have any idea of the cause?

We were told ours was likely caused by a chromosome problem, he had problems with heart, brain and was suffering from hydrops under the skin and in the chest 😢 but we didn’t opt to have any diagnostics whilst I was pregnant as it was clear that things were not good, so do not know the cause. Kind of wish I’d had a cvs so would know quicker but my head was scrambled and I didn’t think about it at the time

Slops1990 · 16/09/2021 13:36

@Bellesjp not at all. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow. We have no idea!! All was OK at the 12 week scan, went in for my 16 week apt with the midwife & she couldnt find the heartbeat & sent me to the hsptl & they did 2 scans & confirmed baby had no heartbeart.

How long has it bee for you? Can i ask did they see the hydrops at the 12 week scan? When my baby was born i can help but think i saw fluid in the tummy & through the help of google i came across hydrops & wondered whether that could have been what my baby had, none of the midwives commented on it though.

Bellesjp · 16/09/2021 14:13

@Slops1990 gosh that’s so sad, it’s horrible cos you think of all ok at 12 weeks that everything will be ok. It’s definitely taught me to be more cautious even if everything looks ok early on. We had a scan at 7 weeks as I’d previously miscarried and all looked normal, had another at 9 weeks as I was paranoid and some fluid was seen but too early to tell. Then at 12 weeks, was actually only 11+4 as they did it earlier, the fluid had got worse and could see it clearly on the scan so they said it was hydrops. He also had a high nt reading of 9.5mm which is indicative of chromosome problem. It has only been a week for us but somehow has gone really quickly yet feels like a lifetime.

Have you asked anyone about when you could start ttc again? We were told we’d have a follow up appt 6-8 weeks after where we could discuss future pregnancies but even that seems so long away. I was going to ask our bereavement midwife but didn’t feel like I could and didn’t want to come across as heartless but like you say it’s the only thing that feels like it might help slightly

Slops1990 · 16/09/2021 14:47

@bellesjp oh bless you!! Thats awful. Yes that 12 week scan lulled us into a false sense of security.

I completely understand what you mean, it feels like it was only yesterday i was pregnant but also feels like i gave birth ages ago. I would like to say it gets better as time passes but in all honestly i feel like its getting harder.

Do you find yourself doing things & thinking to yourself oh last time i did this i was pregnant, i am really struggling with that feeling.

Well the first midwife i saw after i gave birth said that i can start trying as soon as i want & then the second one i saw i asked & she said that i dont have to wait anytime but that she would wait till the PM results are back, but it was our decision.

I get what you mean, i have been scared to say anything about to many people as i dont want them to think that i am replacing the baby we lost.

Can i ask was this your first or second pregnancy?