Still really struggling months after mmc

[Lj02]

I didn't really know where to turn to, i think i just need to let some things out. 😭

I had a mmc earlier this year it was the worst time of my life, tonight im really struggling more than ever. My friend just found out she is pregnant and doesn't even want another child and is considering every option going this is the sexond friend in the last few months yet im sat here struggling to conceive at all and they want my support to help them get through an abortion!!

Ive never come to terms with loosing my baby i dont think and ive been trying to conceive since but every month that passes now i loose faith a little bit more every time. Nobody seems to understand why i feel the way i do after so long has passed but soon i would be due and that feeling just kills me every day i get closer to it.

Hi @Lj02,

So sorry you are having such an awful time. I'm going through an MMC atm and I'm dreading any pregnancy announcements from friends/ colleagues. There seems to be lots just in the last few months when I've been keeping quiet! I also feel like everyone around me thinks I need to get over it. Someone said well there can't have been much bleeding from such a small pregnancy surely... they have no idea, they couldn't believe I had to stay overnight in hospital because of heavy bleeding.

Maybe it might be worth telling your friend you are really struggling with your own grief over your miscarriage atm. If they're a true friend they will understand it's difficult for you to chat to them right now. Really hope you get some good news soon, take care xx

@aeastley93 im sorry to hear your currently going through a mmc, it is awful to go though and i feel for every women who does. Its a very hard process and some people really don't help with silly comments. My mum was one of them people 😡

I just feel like im been so selfish to my friend right now but im still trying to process my own loss.

I'm so sorry you're going through this @Lj02. I had a miscarriage last September it's utterly heartbreaking. I am now overdue with my rainbow baby.

I know how f*cking hard it is, you never ever feel like you're going to get over it, it's never going to get easier and you're never going to fall pregnant again.

I had a friend who fell pregnant the same month I MC & I was devastated. It's all she spoke about and I felt she was really selfish talking about her baby when I'd just lost one.

Please look after yourself, it's a horrendous thing to go through. Sending you lots of love xx

Hi ladies,
I'm so sorry for you, I completely understand how you feel i'm just going through the same thing too, the actual miscarriage happened 2 and a half weeks ago it was absolutely awful. I also had to stay in hospital aswell after haemorrhage bleeding and incomplete miscarriage so I ended up having surgery and a blood transfusion and was in for 3 days. Just trying to get my head around it all.

@Lj02 I can't believe that your friend would even expect you to support her with abortion that's insane. Your not being selfish at all. I think it's selfish of her. Does she know your struggling?
I think some people can be so insensitive or I dunno maybe it's a lack of understanding especially if they've not experienced it themselves, but I've found that people do seem to think you should be feeling ok by now or getting over it. It's really frustrating.
The first week I was out of hospital at home in bed recovering it had only been 6 days after and my OHs brother decided to phone him and announce he and his wife are pregnant. I'm happy for them but I just felt it was really insensitive at that time and they could have waited to tell us.
Anyway I'm sorry your feeling so bad, your not alone in how you feel and it's definitely good to talk and let things out. X

Hi ladies,
I'm so sorry for you, I completely understand how you feel i'm just going through the same thing too, the actual miscarriage happened 2 and a half weeks ago it was absolutely awful. I also had to stay in hospital aswell after haemorrhage bleeding and incomplete miscarriage so I ended up having surgery and a blood transfusion and was in for 3 days. Just trying to get my head around it all.

@Lj02 I can't believe that your friend would even expect you to support her with abortion that's insane. Your not being selfish at all. I think it's selfish of her. Does she know your struggling?
I think some people can be so insensitive or I dunno maybe it's a lack of understanding especially if they've not experienced it themselves, but I've found that people do seem to think you should be feeling ok by now or getting over it. It's really frustrating.
The first week I was out of hospital at home in bed recovering it had only been 6 days after and my OHs brother decided to phone him and announce he and his wife are pregnant. I'm happy for them but I just felt it was really insensitive at that time and they could have waited to tell us.
Anyway I'm sorry your feeling so bad, your not alone in how you feel and it's definitely good to talk and let things out. X

Hi ladies,
I'm so sorry for you, I completely understand how you feel i'm just going through the same thing too, the actual miscarriage happened 2 and a half weeks ago it was absolutely awful. I also had to stay in hospital aswell after haemorrhage bleeding and incomplete miscarriage so I ended up having surgery and a blood transfusion and was in for 3 days. Just trying to get my head around it all.

@Lj02 I can't believe that your friend would even expect you to support her with abortion that's insane. Your not being selfish at all. I think it's selfish of her. Does she know your struggling?
I think some people can be so insensitive or I dunno maybe it's a lack of understanding especially if they've not experienced it themselves, but I've found that people do seem to think you should be feeling ok by now or getting over it. It's really frustrating.
The first week I was out of hospital at home in bed recovering it had only been 6 days after and my OHs brother decided to phone him and announce he and his wife are pregnant. I'm happy for them but I just felt it was really insensitive at that time and they could have waited to tell us.
Anyway I'm sorry your feeling so bad, your not alone in how you feel and it's definitely good to talk and let things out. X

Hi ladies,
I'm so sorry for you, I completely understand how you feel i'm just going through the same thing too, the actual miscarriage happened 2 and a half weeks ago it was absolutely awful. I also had to stay in hospital aswell after haemorrhage bleeding and incomplete miscarriage so I ended up having surgery and a blood transfusion and was in for 3 days. Just trying to get my head around it all.

@Lj02 I can't believe that your friend would even expect you to support her with abortion that's insane. Your not being selfish at all. I think it's selfish of her. Does she know your struggling?
I think some people can be so insensitive or I dunno maybe it's a lack of understanding especially if they've not experienced it themselves, but I've found that people do seem to think you should be feeling ok by now or getting over it. It's really frustrating.
The first week I was out of hospital at home in bed recovering it had only been 6 days after and my OHs brother decided to phone him and announce he and his wife are pregnant. I'm happy for them but I just felt it was really insensitive at that time and they could have waited to tell us.
Anyway I'm sorry your feeling so bad, your not alone in how you feel and it's definitely good to talk and let things out. X

Oh no has my post come up 4 times 😬 if so I do apologise, I pushed send and it said failed so I thought it was my internet snd I pushed retry and it kept saying failed to send!

@bakingbabyv @dizzy85

Thank you both for your kind words, i think only women who has experienced a miscarriage and lost a pregnancy understand fully how hard it is. Some days are harder than others, i dont think you can ever completely get over the loss.

I started ttc again once i felt a little better as i didnt want it to completely stop me trying. Its scary and honestly i dont know how id be if i did get a bfp i think id be scared everyday until i got my baby home. It does feel like its never going to happen for me now and like my body is a failure. Every cycle is just harder than the last the more cycles i have. Xx

@Lj02 hey how are you feeling today? Hope your a bit better.
Was this your first pregnancy? It was mine. I think I would like to start ttc again as soon as possible as I feel it took us ages before but my OH wants to wait a little bit which I understand. I totally understand the frustration of ttc each month and the feeling of your body being a failure it is really hard work mentally and physically. I think I'll be worried as anything the next time I get pregnant too but I also wanna try and relax and not stress if that's possible. How far in your cycle are you now are you waiting to test? X

@dizzy85 Its now day 1 of my cycle as witch af arrived today i did hope id be in with a chance but i have long cycles anyway 😩
This was my third pregnancy i have two other children that are older which i am very grateful for but it hurt so bad because i knew what i was loosing...
Its very hard after when ttc because you feel like you just cannot not stress about it after going through a mc you worry what if something is wrong again or what if there is something wrong and that why i cannot conceive. The ttw is awful and im a serial tester so i hurt myself every time i take a test and its negative (which can be everyday 🙄)
I hope your doing better? And im sorry for rambling on its just easier sometimes to get things out on here rather than to people i know xx

Ahh I'm sorry to hear af arrived! dont apologise your not rambling, it's good to let it all out that's what we're all here for 🙂. I dunno how I would have got through ttc without chatting on here.
I am a serial tester too I'm not looking forward to that part again. It really is hard not to stress about it. It does turn you slightly crazy especially the tww. It's weird coz the month I got my bfp was the only month I was really chilled out but convinced I was 100% out and didn't even want to test coz I was sure I was out and then that was it.
It does make you question everything though after a MC. We just gotta try and be positive and hope that all will be ok. I'm doing a little better, but still up and down. Just waiting for the first period after to happen and check everything has gone back to normal 🤞🏻xx

Yes i think thats the hard part too as you have to re-test dont you. 😭 life is so cruel sometimes!!
I am always here if you need to chat... id like to say i cannot imagine what you are going through but i can and i know its so bloody hard xx

Yer I have to retest tomorrow to see if it's negative not looking forward to that, the first time hoping for a negative test so I know things are going back to normal is definitely a hard time. Thankyou I'm here too if you need to talk. Xx

@dizzy85 I have to do my negative pregnancy test next week! Physically I am starting to feel more normal. My bleeding is minimal now which is helping me feel better. Hope you got your negative test so you can move on x

@aeastley93 I forgot this morning and I went to the toilet half asleep so I'm gonna do it tomorrow as she said to use first urine. I do hope it's negative, feels weird to say that. How long ago did yours happen? Sounds similar time to me. My bleeding did stop in the first week which I am grateful for but then I did end up having surgery so I think that may be why. How are you feeling? Hope your doing ok xx

I'm sorry to interrupt and I'm sorry for everything you're all going through my heart breaks for each one of you.
I went for a scan at 5 weeks as they thought I was ectopic, I wasn't! I saw a little heartbeat! Tuesday just gone I went for my 12 week scan, no heartbeat, it stopped at 8 weeks, they called it a missed miscarriage, this was my first pregnancy! Unplanned but by no way unwanted, already loved. I picked up the pills and took them yesterday, they haven't worked just light bleeding and cramps and so I have to go for more on Monday. I'm devastated and my heart physically hurts. I have always sympathised with women going through this, but to know what it actually feels like is a different story. I'm just so heartbroken. "It wasn't meant to be" "1 in 4 pregnancies fail" none of these things people say help!! I can't face work and I can't see myself ever facing it again. You start planning your babies life! The possibilities seem endless.
I'm sorry to interrupt. But I'm thinking of you all

@culllllll hey, don't apologise your not interrupting we're all here for each other. I'm really so sorry for what your going through too. I know how hard and heartbreaking it is. It's been 3 weeks today since the actual miscarriage happened for me. Mine was a missed miscarriage too complete shock, got scanned at 10 and a half weeks and said the heartbeat had stopped around 8 and a half, so pretty similar to you and also my first pregnancy too. It is absolutely devastating, like you say you start planning everything with your baby in your life and then this. It tears your world apart. Yer the words like it happens to 1 in 4 etc don't help at all. I've been off work for 4 weeks now so I know how you feel about that. Just try to rest as much as you can. I didn't have any medication and waited for it to happen naturally I found out on the Monday and the miscarriage happened on the Friday. It was terrible waiting. I hope it happens quick for you and everything goes ok. Did they give you the miscarriage association booklet? I found that when I was waiting for it to happen quite helpful to look at their website and read the stories of other people's experience as I had no idea what to expect. It's such a traumatic thing to go through I really do feel for you. Xx

@dizzy85 We went for a private early scan 24/07 because my in laws were coming to stay and we were desperate to tell them I was pregnant, only to find out I'd had a missed miscarriage. I went to my EPAU the following day where I opted to use tablets to bring on the rest of the miscarriage to pass the pregnancy sac. So sounds like I'm not too far behind you. I have to take my negative pregnancy test next Thursday. Really hoping it is and I don't have to have any further intervention. Yes better today as my bleeding is lighter now after heavy bleeding. Feeling ready and eager to try again. I think until you lose a baby you don't realise quite how much you want one. How are you feeling? Xx

@culllllll so sorry. It's so awful. Mine was a first pregnancy too. I really hope you are feeling better soon xx

@dizzy85 thank you.
God that's awful. It's so horrific, just stunned is the only way to describe it, I'm so sorry for all your pain and your loss. Exactly, it wasn't just your own life anymore it's like you had a whole other extension and a brand new life to look forward to and to nurture!
I'm not with the dad either, we were friends that had a thing-not ideal I know but we both already loved this baby. He's been supportive but he's literally just left my house after I said I didn't want to think about a relationship right now, I then got to hear how horrible I was what a nasty person I am! So on Monday, I'll be alone for the second set of pills.

They did give me the leaflet, it was a comfort, it made feel more normal.

You are so brave and I can tell by how caring you are you will be an amazing mum. I hope you feel no pressure to go back to work, I hope everything works out amazingly for you in the future you deserve it xxx

@aeastley93 my heart breaks for you, a shock for us all. I wish you the best for your future and I hope everything goes how you deserve it to xxx

@culllllll you poor thing. You're already going through a hard enough time. Without being told you are a nasty person etc. Sorry you're having a hard time with extra rubbish on top. Thank you. I hope things are incredible for you for your next pregnancy xx

@aeastley93 glad to hear your feeling abit better. It really is awful. I found out on the 15th so yer about a week or so difference. I feel the same about being eager to start trying again i really miss being pregnant and I miss the planning of how your life is changing if that makes sense. I did my test and it was negative. Just want the first period to hurry up now. I hope your test is negative too xx

@culllllll hi hun thinking of you, how are you getting on? I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with the dad, you don't need any extra stress right now. Did you manage to sort things out with him? Have you got somebody else that can be with you for support if not? It's such a terrible thing to go through. Thankyou for your lovely words, and I hope everything works out perfect for you aswell and we all get to be the great mums we deserve after all this heartache. We are here for you if you need to talk Xx

@dizzy85 hey! Yeah we're ok, it sounds awful but where we weren't together anyway i can't even try for another baby. Not that right now I can because my emotional state isn't what it should be. Just haven't got the choice in the near future. My mum has been a great support, I know nobody is gossiping about me but it feels like that, my emotional state is bad, the panic attacks are awful. I can't get out of this paranoia. I was going to have to have a D&C but last night it all happened naturally, i feel like I saw my baby, it was devastating. I'm so angry at my body. But last night I was sort of in awe of how it can take over and what it can do for me. At 23 this is the most traumatic and saddest experience. Sorry for ranting on, I feel I can be honest here.

How are you? How are you managing? Please know you're not alone xxx