Lying in what should be my babies room while toddler refuses to sleep

[Bluebelltulip]

My second daughter was still born on Thursday at 32 weeks. I am currently lying on the bed in the room which was in the process of being converted with half built furniture around me. DH is trying to get our 2 year old DD back to sleep in our room. My body hurts and I just want my baby.

I’m so sorry for your loss x

I am so sorry for your loss X

Go cuddle your daughter

Bloody hell @justagirl. That was Insensitive to say the least!

So sorry for your loss Op

The reason I have left the room is that me being upset was not helping my daughter. Me already having a child does not mean I can't be upset for my other child.

Sorry if this thread was upsetting for you but it's clear in my title that I have another child.

The op knows that. She is just expressing how she feels right now, none of us can help how we feel whether it is rational or not. She is entitled to let it all out in a safe place without fear of judgement. These feelings are not going to last forever.

bluebeltulip, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You take care of yourself, bless you. It will get better but knowing that isn't much help right now.

On last night's 'Call the Midwife' there was a story of a young woman with a lovely baby girl over whom she was over protective, she couldn't let go of the memory of her baby boy who had died three years previously. It was a heartrending story but by the end, there was light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't suppose you felt much like watching telly, especially not a programme about babies, but sometimes watching a thing like that strikes a chord and the flood gates open so you can grieve.

You need to grieve properly, Buebel, before you can move on. Your husband too.

x

I do understand and I hope you can work through this, maybe I’m sensitive as my mum never got over the loss of a previous child. I always wondered why, and yet she was never there for me. So yes my issues not yours

'...the flood open helping the grief process' is what I meant to say.

@Bluebelltulip

One of the things that helped me ironically was sitting in the reception of the hospital waiting to go home after our loss , seeing many sick children.

I still vividly remember the feeling of gratitude i had for my healthy toddler.

However... You are going through a horrendous trauma , do pull in every strand of support you can and consider support from an organisation like SANDS .

My heart goes out to you x

Justagirl you’re being pretty insensitive! op will have spent months thinking about her baby going to Scans getting exciting and bonding with them. Just because she has another she should be grateful...that’s bullshit this was a person she’s lost, not a handbag. A complete individual who would have added to her family, been a sibling for her daughter.

Op take time to mourn and think about your baby, it’s painful but you are doing the right thing. It’s really good you’re going through this grief process, people can try and shy away from feeling these feelings and bury them deep, then they can affect them forever. Big hugs

I think I've badly worded my title.
Reading it back now it looks like I'm annoyed at my toddler. I'm not I was trying to explain why I'm not in my bedroom.

@bluebell, I certainly didn’t think you were annoyed at your toddler, mine is currently up every time I leave the room after settling him, we’ve all been there.

Things always seem darkest at night, not to minimise your grief x

@Bluebelltulip oh my dear I am so so sorry.
As @Justagirlwholovesaboy has somehow gone off on one about her own life and other pp's suggest go cuddle your daughter please know that you are not alone.
Unfortunately you are now in the shit club of a loss parent. I am so sorry. I am also in that club and I wish with all my heart that nobody else ever had to join us.
In these early weeks and months the hormones and grief combined are really tough, be as kind to yourself as you can be and try and slow down if you can (hard with a toddler I imagine). Take the offers of help if you can, food, childcare, anything at all really because grief is just so fucking exhausting.
You are stronger then you think, this is not something you 'get over' and anyone who suggests it is doesn't know the pain and hopefully never will. Thankfully unlike days gone by when baby loss was never discussed and women were unsupported in their loss, there is much more available now. When you are ready SANDS are great. I found the sands forum particularly helpful straight after we lost dd as it felt like the only place on earth that I could say the things that were running around in my brain.
We are here, the other loss parents who are trudging this same road as you, we get it.
Again I am so sorry, please dm me if you need to chat at all.

@Bluebelltulip hugs sweetheart we were on the March thread together.
I can’t imagine the pain you are going through right now.
Shine bright little star

The other thing we did was to shut the world out and we grieved together as a 3.

That was so healing .

And your title just reads like a mom who is overwhelmed by grief who is struggling.
To all other posters.
FFS her daughter just died, get a grip of yourselves.

I don’t think the title reads poorly Bluebell.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy you are projecting and you need to step away now.

OP has hormones coursing through her body , her body is confused and your compassion is lacking .

I think the title is fine and you've explained everything well, bluebel. It's so very sad.

@Miami81 there is only one person on this thread who is insensitive ( one too many ).

Indeed @IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls I hadn't realised that it was all the same poster.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy ,please stop .
This is not the time to be saying the things you have .
Op is very recently bereaved & is probably still in shock .
I have lost a baby myself & then more recently,my eldest Dd ,I have my Ds with me still but I can assure you ,feeling lucky isn't one of the things I feel .

I'm so so sorry about your baby daughter @Bluebelltulip ,there are others on MN who know what you are going through & will support you if they can ,take each day at a time & don't put too much pressure on yourself

I'm so sorry for your loss @Bluebelltulip.

Just because you have another child does not mean your heart is less broken. You do not have to 'move on' or 'get over it'. Take every minute/hour/day as it comes and do what you need to do to survive. In a few weeks or months you will look back and wonder how you did it. I have messages on my phone from after I lost my son at 22 weeks that I responded to and yet have no memory of even receiving.

I remember all I wanted to was to get away, shut the world out. I couldn't because like you I have an older child who needed me.

This was both a help and a hindrance. Take any help and support offered- don't feel guilty for allowing friends or family to look after your toddler so you can have time to yourself. People want to help. Let them.

Please, be kind to yourself, I echo pp and highly recommend Sands. As well as the forum they have a phone helpline and also should have a group local to you where you can go and be with people who understand the horrific overwhelming grief and horror of losing a child.

Sending love to you and your little girl xx