@Justagirlwholovesaboy I'm sorry you had a difficult time because of your family dynamics after a loss however this is neither the time nor the place to make this all about you. You come across as callous and cruel. I would suggest you seek help or support if you genuinely feel your comments could have been construed as helpful to a recently bereaved mother.
@Bluebelltulip I am so very very sorry for your loss. I too am part of this unspeakably cruel club. We lost our little boy at full term last year and at the time had an almost-3-year-old. It is such early days and you are doing amazingly well for reaching out into the world when I imagine a lot of time it feels difficult even to breathe.
Like referenced in a pp, I found having my daughter to care for brought very mixed emotions - and benefits and 'pitfalls'. It is easy to try to bury your grief looking after another child. The practical wheels which have to keep turning may help you continue to function but it's also very easy to put all your energy into that side of things at the expense of really surrendering to your grief (which I would argue is important.). Having said that, just snuggling up either with her alone, or as a family, was one of the only things that helped in the early days - it felt healing when words and others actions felt impossible.
Echoing a pp again, I would also recommend considering offers from others to care for your older DD so you can spend some time alone with your partner if you think it might help. We did this and while it was difficult to leave her, it allowed us to grieve completely openly and focus on our son in exclusion for a couple of days.
Please be gentle with yourself. It is so very early. You are healing physically from birth as well as undergoing one of the most traumatic events possible for a mother. SANDS and Tommy's were amazing resources for me in the early days and beyond. They have great resources on talking to children about loss as well, in case you are still navigating the process with your DD.
I realise you didn't ask explicitly for advice so I hope you don't mind sharing my experiences of what helped. These are all things I wish someone had told/advised me at the time, even if I didn't take any/all of the suggestions.
Finally, of course you want your baby. She is your daughter, and was dreamed of and loved from the moment you knew you were pregnant, and I'm sure before. Your emotions are completely natural and nine months later I still get moments where I think exactly this - that I just want my baby where he should be. I will say that emotions change and develop over time, and for me, things have become easier, more manageable. Not because it's any less horrific a loss now, but because in time I have found ways to cope, to remember, to channel my feelings. One of those has been to find parents in a similar position who can offer support and wisdom - and to try to help others in some small way myself. So please reach out if you think that would help - to me (DM me anytime) or others on the thread who have offered - or through social media. There are amazing groups on FB, resources on Instagram, and blogs out there which will make you feel less alone.
Apologies for the long message but I hope even a small portion might be of use to you now or one day.
Sending you and all of your family much love xx.