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Medical management experiences please? Terrified X

26 replies

Laney79 · 17/04/2018 08:39

So my fears are rapidly about to be realised. My useless body isn't letting go. So tomorrow I have to go for medical management. I have a very bad phobia of dr's/medical stuff which makes this very difficult for me, on top of the trauma and grief of losing my bean.

I've already negotiated to self administer the pessary, and I've told them I will not stay the 3 hours minimum they want me to even if it means signing a waiver/discharge against med advice. I just can't. I'd be so stressed and anxious and I want to be at home when I lose my baby.

They've told me to pack an overnight bag to take with me "just in case" but I really really don't want to. It feels like by doing that I'm admitting that I'm willing to have that happen, and frankly unless I'm dying I'm not willing to stay overnight. It feels like tempting fate. My other half is getting frustrated with me over it. 😢

So for those who've had the pills did any of you have to stay overnight? If so why? Also how long did it take for the medication to kick in? What was your experience of it? I need to hear some positive (if it ever can be in this situation) stories of this process too.

Thanks X

OP posts:
Colonelpopcorn · 17/04/2018 08:46

I’m sorry you are going through this.Flowers
I had medical management this time last year.
I didn’t have a very positive experience so I won’t go into details, but please do be prepared to stay in hospital. I personally wouldn’t have managed at home.

cindersrella · 17/04/2018 08:48

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I also had to have this done and it isn't nice.

I had meds orally as I think you have then when I got to the hospital I can't remember if I have more oral meds or pessary (it was 10 years ago).

I had mild period cramp and had to lie on the bed I think for around half an hour/hour. (I must have had pessary).

Eventually things started to happen and come away from me. It isn't nice. The baby came away too.. I was 12 weeks. I had to stay longer as they needed to make sure everything had come away.

The nurses were so lovely with me and my husband.

We had a choice what we wanted to do with the baby, burial, cremation which really put my mind at ease in away.

You really need to try and stay in hospital as with all procedures there are risks and you need to be looked after

Xxxx

cindersrella · 17/04/2018 08:49

I didn't have to stay in hospital as all of what should have come away did but I think I was there all day x

keeponrunning85 · 17/04/2018 18:42

I've had medical management 4 times. The first 2 I had the meds vaginally and was allowed to go home about half an hour later and straight away the second time. The third and fourth times the only reason I stayed in hospital was so the pregnancy could be sent away for testing and I only had to stay for the day. The time it took varied. The first time it was a few hours before I started bleeding, and then maybe a couple of hours after that that I passed the pregancy. It was a bit longer the other times.

The experience isn't pleasant, and I appreciated being able to be at home the first 2 times. I lay on the sofa under a blanket and DH looked after me. I was given plenty of painkillers to take with me, advice on what to look out for that would mean I needed to go back and leaflets, and a 24 hour phone number I could ring if I had any questions.

The times I stayed on the ward I felt well looked after and the nurses were very kind and sensitive.

I think things vary between hospitals and not everywhere has a policy for letting you go home but I hope they respect your wishes.

I'm very sorry for your loss and that you're having to go through this. I hope tomorrow is as straightforward as possible.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 17/04/2018 20:19

Laney I had the pessarys which I was allowed to go home straight away I was asked drop go back the next day for the next lot, the pessary started to work within 2 hours and I was glad I was at home and able to cope by myself i passed most of it the same day xx thinking of you x

KnitKitty · 17/04/2018 21:47

Hi Laney.

Well done for taking the decision to do this as I know you have the medical phobia, and it's scary and stressful for you. You will be fine.

I'm going to give you a step by step of what happened for me in hospital (sorry if it's TMI but thought it might be helpful as I know you won't have had a lot of medical procedures before).

A nurse took me to a ward with beds and brought the curtain around my bay so we were private. My partner was sitting next to the bed and was with me holding my hand the whole time. I was asked if I wanted a chaperone or if I was happy with it just being my partner (I was fine with that).

I took off my trousers and pants and lay on the bed with a blanket covering me.
The nurse asked me to bring my feet up towards my bottom and let my knees drop to the side.
She put all the pessaries in in one go. It wasn't painful at all, but a little uncomfortable as she had to make sure they were next to the cervix. It was over very quickly (10-15 seconds at a guess).
Then I was asked to stay lying down for about an hour. This is to make sure the pessaries can stay in place long enough to take effect and so that they know you're not having an immediate adverse effects from the medication.
I was brought codeine to take home with me and told to ask for painkillers if I started getting any pain, then I was left alone with a buzzer to press if I needed anything. The nurse checked on me once or twice during the hour to see if I needed anything and to let me know how long I had left. My partner and I chatted during this time. I also had a book to read to pass the time.

I could feel a slight sensation of the pessaries dissolving and got some mild period cramping fairly soon in to it. I also felt very cold and got quite shivery, which is normal, so bring an extra jumper and thick socks with you in case you get this too.

After the hour was up I was allowed up again and was sent home. They told me not to worry if the pessaries seemed to come out again because they would have been in there long enough to take effect already (but actually nothing came out).

I was given a number to ring if I needed to contact them in an emergency and told exactly what to expect when passing the pregnancy. I was also told which symptoms could indicate infection and told what to do if this happened, and how much bleeding is too much and told to go to A&E if this happened or if I was feeling dizzy and/or faint.

They also let me take home the cover I had been lying on (like a big square absorbent disposable pad) in case I had a lot of bleeding in bed at home.

Once home I did get some side affects; a bit of diarrhoea which didn't last very long and felt a bit sicky and had period pains.

I was told that I should expect to bleed and start to pass the pregnancy about 4-6 hours after the pessaries were inserted.

Unfortunately for me the pessaries didn't work, however it does for most women.

I think with regards to packing an over-night bag, the best thing to do would be to pack one but maybe leave it in the car? (Assuming you are being driven there by someone who is staying with you for the appointment). That way if you really need it it's nearby, but you can forget it's there unless you need it.

Try not to feel upset with your body for not wanting to let go of the pregnancy. I've tried to see it as a positive thing that mine didn't want to give up too easily. I'm hoping next time it'll keep protecting the baby just as fiercely, but hopefully the pregnancy will continue to progress and be healthy.

Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

Fruitbat1980 · 17/04/2018 21:56

Flowers for you. It’s fucking shit. And I’m sorry you are going through this. My experience was v similar to knitkitty.
Unfortunately mine also didn’t work. After 12 hours of severe cramp like contractions (which coding didn’t tough) the cramps subsided and nothing happened. I went back the next day and was operated on later that afternoon.
I’d be interested to know stats on failed medical management.
Hope it goes ok for you.

TeaandHobnobs · 17/04/2018 22:02

I'm so sorry Laney

My experience was also very like @KnitKnitty - including feeling cold and shivery. I was allowed to go home about 2 hours after the pessaries going in. I had a blighted ovum of about 8 - 10 weeks, so no baby to pass, but I passed the pregnancy sac and a lot of blood at home. I put a shower curtain on my bed to protect it. I took the codeine the hospital had given me even before I felt in pain, and I didn't really suffer with much pain.
The worst bit for me was the extreme faintness the following morning, having lost so much blood - I actually fainted lying down.
The treatment worked for me.

KnitKitty · 18/04/2018 19:37

Any news Laney79? How are you?

Laney79 · 18/04/2018 20:45

@KnitKitty I'm ok. Was really tough mentally on me today, but I coped just.

They were very good and let me take control as much as poss-I asked them to do the blood test first as I was properly freaking out about that (never had one, petrified of needles, so was a complete shaking sobbing mess...I must've looked like a psycho to the nurse) so that was done. Once I calmed they took me through paperwork/consent. One thing that really hit me though was when they asked me to sign the consent to cremate anything I passed in hospital -the box I had to sign in said "signature of mother" -that was very hard. They let me insert the pills myself and then after about 20mibs they said I could go if I signed a waiver which I did. They were very good and kind which I'm so grateful for.

Been home since 1.30, cramping started at 4ish...started like mild period pain, a bit sharper now and constant but copeable. Just hoping as strange as it sounds to have a bad night tonight -then I'll know it's working

Keep your fingers crossed for me. Thankyou for asking. The kindness and compassion on here has really helped X

OP posts:
BadBadBeans · 18/04/2018 21:04

@Laney79 I am so glad that the hospital were helpful and kind, and that you felt that they listened to accommodated your needs. I really hope that everything happens as quickly and as easily as possible for you.

Laney79 · 19/04/2018 06:04

I'm devastated.

Had moderate pain last night for a few hours, but it stopped and no bleeding at all. Not even spotting. It's 18 hours now since I took the pills.

It's not working is it.

OP posts:
BadBadBeans · 19/04/2018 07:11

@Laney97 I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know how long it is supposed to take though. Do you feel able to ring them and ask?

BadBadBeans · 19/04/2018 07:11

Sorry, I meant @Laney79.

keeponrunning85 · 19/04/2018 08:08

So sorry to hear that laney. Did they give you advice for what to do if it didn't work?

TinyPaws · 19/04/2018 08:46

So sorry to hear that @Laney79. I hope you've been able to get some advice and support.

KnitKitty · 20/04/2018 10:16

Laney79 did the miscarriage get going in the end?

It sounds like what happened to me.

How are you?

You've been so brave, well done! Flowers

Laney79 · 20/04/2018 15:12

Hi all.

It's been a very rough 48 hours.

I thought I'd hit rock bottom over losing bean before...turns out there was a whole other depth of hell to explore. Having never really suffered from depression before its hit me hard. I've spent the past day and a half sobbing,not eating and rolling things over and over in my mind which has just made me more and more distressed.

I was so bad my other half spoke to GP and EPAU yesterday but basically got told wait 72 hours (which would be sat lunch-when EPAU closes). However my continued meltdown over night and this morning got him so worried he called in the cavalry in the form of my mom and dad. Mom got the GP to ring me and she's then spoken to the on call consultant at EPAU

They've given me two more pills-so a half dose but warned it may not work still. I'm to ring on Tuesday to update them.

I let the nurse do it this time, and I stayed lying down for the 40 mins they asked me to.

I've done all I can. Just need this to work now. Desperately. X

OP posts:
TinyPaws · 20/04/2018 15:32

Oh @Laney79 I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible and distressing time. You can and will get through this. Hang in there. x

BadBadBeans · 20/04/2018 22:12

@Laney79 oh I'm so sorry that you had to go back in, but you have done so amazingly well to let the nurse do it and to stay in the hospital for a while afterwards. You should be really, really proud of that. It's a huge achievement. I so hope that things get moving by Tuesday for you. Keep us posted x

KnitKitty · 22/04/2018 18:23
Flowers

Hope you're doing ok.

Laney79 · 23/04/2018 07:16

Not really. Still nothing. I'm not coping.

I've done so much research, and everything I find suggests that the mifepristone two days before misoprostol is much more effective (fails a couple of times in 100-that's the regimen they use for medical abortion). Misoprostol alone fails around 15 times in 100. You know why NICE advised against offering the same regimen for miscarriage? (It was standard practice for miscarriage till their guidance update in 2012) cold hard cash. 3 tablets of mifepristone costed around £50...60 misoprostol cost £10. And the decision was based on a single study with moderate quality. Even without the mifepristone evidence suggests they should've given me more misoprostol to take to try and make my bean come away. But instead they made me feel like I was asking for the world on Friday when they gave me a half a dose 48 hours later (when other trusts say you should have that every three hours until it happens.

I just want them to give me the drugs that will give this the best chance of working. It's over 5 weeks now. I've had enough. I've even tried finding the drugs online and I rang Marie stopes to see if they'd give me the proper drugs but they won't.

I need them to help me.

OP posts:
KnitKitty · 23/04/2018 14:28

I'm so sorry Laney79.

The medical management didn't work for me twice in the same week either.

If you were anyone else I would strongly advise the surgery because I found it a lot less stressful and wasn't painful and was quick, but I know you have the medical phobia so I really don't know what to say.

I really hope that your little bean is getting ready to let go and you don't have to wait for much longer.

Sending you hugs. xxx

cindersrella · 25/04/2018 22:30

Hi laney, how are you doing x

Laney79 · 26/04/2018 09:10

Hi.

I'm in a slightly better frame of mind-but sadly still no bleeding.

My fella spoke at length to my nurse at the EPAU and explained more about what was going on, where my phobia stems from etc. As a result they called me back in yesterday for another scan (ugh-4th internal one-for a lass that had never had a smear in her 38 years through fear and not wanting anyone other than my fella messing with my foof-well you can imagine how much I hate those)

The scan showed that although the pregnancy sac was still there it was now collapsing and was an irregular shape with no brightness around it, and they could no longer see a feral pole. My body has reabsorbed my tiny bean. That in itself makes me feel better strangely. Knowing that my body has taken bean back, that he'll always be a part of me and I won't have to flush him down the loo or something or have him sucked out. It feels better to know I'm no longer carrying a dead tiny baby.

But it does still leave me with the pregnancy sac and the uterine lining. So they were very good yesterday and agreed to give me the mifepristone drug to try (the progesterone blocker). So I took thT yesterday and tomorrow I have to go back and have more misoprostol pessaries, in the hope the combination will do the trick.

If it doesn't the nurse said I'm down to two final options -the surgery (under GA or the local anaesthetic version) or wait it out. She's booked me in for surgery a week tomorrow just in case, and I'd started to accept that, but...

The consultant who came in to do the consent for the drugs, who was really lovely, was chatting and she said she wouldn't want to do surgery as what was left was so small so she'd just let it happen naturally...the nurse said afterwards she's a conservative consultant and there are others that wouldn't hesitate to do the op, but the fact she was so nice and confident is making me wonder about it.

I'm already petrified of the op because of my phobia, but also because I'm only a couple of months shy of being 39, and this was my first pregnancy so I'm desperate not to damage my bits as I desperately want a baby. Add to that I have a retroverted (tilted backwards) uterus which will make things harder...and the fact the pregnancy sac is only 1.5cm-2cm -well I'm wondering if I should just wait.

But then we're off to the Greek islands on 31st may, and I'm worried that if I haven't miscarried physically by then and it starts on hold what will happen if I start to bleed very heavy and need med help?

Does this ever end?

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