20 week scan no heart beat

[TakeMe2Insanity]

I had my 20 week scan today and there was no heart beat. I’ve taken the first drug with a view to taking the second on sunday to begin labour. How bad will it be? I had a planned c section with my first so no experience of labour.

I'm so sorry for you, must be horrendous. I think the emotional pain will exacerbate the physical pain. Think if you would like pain relief or not, it's such a personal choice. Also consider if / how you would like to see your baby afterwards too. I hope you have some support around you.

Oh I’m so sorry. I don’t know the answers but just very very sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Sending you love and strength.

So sorry you have to go through this xx

I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry for your loss

Oh no. You poor thing. I am so very sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry OP I had to go through a tfmr at 20 weeks too, about four weeks ago.

The pain itself wasn't so bad for the most part but the midwives encouraged me to get hooked up to morphine incase i needed it and i'm glad i did - the pain cranked up for about an hour or two when i was exhausted and it made so much difference, i actually got some sleep.

It sounds crazy but it was as bad a second i feared - i was terrified as it was my first labour/first pregnancy to get that far so aside from the heartbreak was more the fear of the unknown. I found that the worst pain was before my waters broke then it seemed to ease the pressure

Have you talked through it with hospital staff so you know exactlt what's going to happen? Hopefully you'll get a private room like us as that makes it a little easier to bear.

I hope it goes as okay as it can for you, just get through it as best you can and don't put too much pressure on yourself

Pm me if you have any questions or want to talk x

*wasnt as bad as i feared

Thank you for your kind words.

Rum - the hospital were really good and put us in a quiet room with a specialist (grief?) midwife. She explained a lot. They’ve arranged a private room subject to emergencies. I don’t think any of it has sunk in. I know it’ll be hard but I guess I’m trying to prepare myself. When were you able to go home?

So sorry for what’s happening OP. No words of advice but sending you love and best wishes. Will be thinking of you.

I’m so sorry I had a TFMR many years ago at 20 weeks and it was tough.

Pain wise - take everything and anything you’re offered. The pain can be overwhelming (as with any induction) but the midwives will help with that.

I didn’t see my daughter (for reasons relating to the need for the termination) but the midwives took hand and footprints from her and I have those in a card. I didn’t initially want photos or hand/footprints but as my midwife said ‘better to have them and never look at them than regret not getting them’.

I left as soon as I felt able, there was no rush but I didn’t want to stay any longer than necessary.

If you can get a prescription issued to take with you for medication to dry up your milk. It’s a cruel thing but most women find their milk comes a few days after delivery. My GP sent a prescription with the community midwife, who I saw on day 2 after the delivery, as I forgot to ask for it at the hospital.

Most importantly take your time - ask as many questions as you need (knowledge helps) and don’t be rushed into making decisions. We chose to have a post mortem done but I know that’s not for everyone so that changed a few things for how she was looked after once she’d been delivered.

Great advice from @maitlandgirl

I went in on saturday at 1pm, delivered at 4am sunday and left to go home at midday sunday.

I found the hardest part was the morning before we went in and the hours when nothing much was happening but we took dvds in to watch as there was a dvd player which helped as a distraction.

Went through it 2 weeks ago and i'm glad it has been induced delivery rather than d&c like my first mc. The pain wasn't as bad as i feared and i was lucky it all happened prettu quick so was anle to go home that night. We chose to spend some time with our baby and also opted for post mortem in hope of some answers. The morning after was horrendous, i just didn't want to wake up. Thinking of you x

Thank you once again for your kind words and advice. In my shock I’ve neglected to acknowleged the losses that you’ve suffered and some so recently. I’m so sorry for your losses.

I’ve managed to get about three hours sleep last night. I have to ring up the hospital at 8 before we go in. Its not like I’m about to oversleep but it just feels like a horrible day ahead.

DH and I spent some time last night trying to figure out names (we have to name and bury according to our beliefs), the mere mention of him contacting the burial people just breaks me.

Sending you love and strength today, OP. I'm so sorry for your loss

Oh I’m so so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

Thinking of you today OP x

So, so sorry for what you're going through. Sending huge hugs & strength to you both today

OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss, as well as for the losses suffered by others on this thread.

for you op

Thinking of you.