'Well meant' but unwelcome comments after mc...

[Hayls]

I admit to being a little sensitive over this having had 2 mcs recently and little hope of trying again so this will probably sound a bit ranty and ungrateful but...

Why do people (and I mean RL people and include my GP) think it will make me feel better if they tell me that years ago I wouldn't even have known I was pg in the first place because there would have been no pg test to tell me? That I would have just thought it was a heavy period? Or that that is why early testing should be discouraged? (FWIW I was over 5 wks when I found out). It sort of implies that it was so early on that it's totally insignificant and I shouldn't be upset/angry etc over it. Even without doing a test I knew I was pg well before AF was due so this theory is total nonsense- do I really need to rely on a test to confirm what my body is telling me?
Rant over. I know it's people trying to help and be supportive but I'd rather they didn't or just asked me how I felt!

know how you feel i mc at 8 wks and had a pregnant friend say to me "i don't know if i should come and see you or not since I'm still pregnant" in my opinion it doesn't matter how many weeks you are, as you say you know you are pg anyway with or without a test.

take care of yourself

Poppy - I hope you are ok.

I had an early m/c last week and someone said, "oh think of all the fun you'll have trying for another one". Yeah, great.

beansprout -sorry to hear about your m/c and hope you're ok xx

That does seem laughably crass (Feeling like hell after a m/c is something I find often goes hand in hand with wanting to jump on dh).

Although not a thing that people say but found slapdash treatment by gp or hospital admin stafff very hard - liek fact gp surgery cocked up our first sacn (Where found first mmc) and we had to pay for it , then ended up crying on phone to gp when still hadn't arranged hospital referral a week after meant to or this weekend (I'm going through 3 m/c) when told at hospital that don't give out parking tickets to dh except when its postnatal (he only told this to me afterwards- dh fairly upset too . Back in hospital tomorrow do you think its churlish to mention this as its a private one too)

Aitch -you're right re not having kids. I think all m/c are tragic and there is no such thing as a scale of pain but fact I've got no dc and so want them is what is driving me half out of my mind. Now I've hit hte dreaded no 3 mc its torturing me (albeit all 3 m/c slightly different - firs one m/mc at 8 weeks, second one very early after I'd not even had period after 1st one -didnt realise I was pregnant til about a week or two before I lost it and this one at 20 weeks due to abnormalities)

I think people can be really insensitive especially when the miscarriage was early on. I also have experianced this. You should be angry and you should be able to grieve. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

This is a bit of a rant, my MIL (who I've had a terrible relationship with), rang up 5 days after my m/c (11wks pg) 2 years ago. She asked if I was OK. I replied in a wobbly voice, trying not to cry, "Yes". Then she said, "Are you sure?" (her sounding like a schoolteacher and not very sympathetic). I went, "Yes, yes I'm fine". If she'd left it at that, I would have been OK but then she said, "I'm just ringing up to see if you've taken the test yet?" She'd rung up to see if I'd taken the pregnancy test given to me by the hospital 2 weeks after the m/c. I was really angry that she could be so tactless and it had nothing to do with her anyway. I kind of expected DH to tell her that it had upset me a bit but when I got upset about it 6 days after the m/c, he told me to "pull myself together" and that "people say the wrong things" at times like this. It wasn't as much what she'd said as the way she'd said it, and then she went on about how she could "empathise" with me!
From that moment, I decided that if/when I became pg again, she'd be the last to know so I was 5mths pg and the ILs were the last to know I was expecting DD3.