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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Due date sadness

27 replies

Georgia94 · 02/10/2017 11:41

My due date is approaching and I am finding it incredibly difficult. I found i was coping with it as well as i could a few months before the due date. But now the due date is approaching i am finding it incredibly difficult. I am a sensitive person to start with, but at the moment I am taking everything to heart. Nothing i do is good enough. Put myself down a lot. I feel it is my fault why the baby miscarried. I cannot seem to forgive myself and feel like i have done something wrong. Everything feels flared up for me at the moment.
My fiancé works away and I have moments of struggle when i am alone.

OP posts:

MotherofKitties · 02/10/2017 11:55

It's not your fault, as horrible as it is these things unfortunately happen. Be kind to yourself and try to do something nice and look after yourself.

It's a sad time but you'll get through it. Sending you big hugs

Original poster

Georgia94 · 02/10/2017 12:24

Thank you xx

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Original poster

Georgia94 · 02/10/2017 12:25

Is there anything i could do to make myself feel better?? Xx

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PaulaMidds · 02/10/2017 18:16

Hi Georgia94,

We are in similar positions re: fiance working away a lot. It's tough to do this alone or over the phone. My due date would have been October 13th 2017 and I am up and down. Tired, tearful, angry, listless at times, but mostly I just miss my baby. It comes and goes.

I know you're looking for advice on making yourself feel better, maybe sharing what I'm doing will help?

To make myself feel better I've been trying to eat well, but allowing myself to go out and buy things like chocolate brownie ice cream, flamin' hot monster munch, pepsi; things I don't usually have in the house. For the next couple of weeks I've given myself permission to 'eat my feelings'.

We bought a candle and a hurricane jar when we lost our baby and although that candle burned out a few weeks ago, we've replaced it with another and light it whenever one of us is thinking of him. It isn't lit everyday, just the days when we need the comfort that little light brings.

Somebody in another thread wrote about how the time before the due date felt more familiar to her because it's the time she would have been pregnant. After her due date passed, her baby was then 'in the past' and that's what made it such a difficult date for her.

There are definitely elements of that true for me and I find it kind of consoling to think about. Maybe you will too? I don't want him to be in the past, but I do want to move forwards.

Thinking of you at this difficult time xxx

Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 13:32

Thank you so much for sharing all of that with me. It is so comforting to know there are other women in the same position as me and it feels very good to know :)

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Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 18:57

I am a sensitive person to start with. But at the moment I am incredibly, incredibly sensitive. Someone can say something to me so minor that I would usually brush off. But at the moment, O want to cry at any little thing that touches a nerve because I am even more sensitive at the moment. It always comes back to me feeling like i am not good enough and that i feel I am bad at everything. Is this normal?? What can I do to help myself???

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Mrsbaz2015 · 03/10/2017 19:26

I'm coming up to the year anniversary of losing my little one last October, it's my last first time....the first times are always the worst. A friend said to me that had previously lost that its always the week/day before the anniversary is the worst. I'm not sure why but it was true for me. You will never ever forget but it does get easier. This is going to be hard this year especially as 5 days after the first anniversary I'm expecting my rainbow baby. It's a very bittersweet time but I look at this a beautiful gift from my little angel. If you find you need someone to talk too, sands does wonders to help. Biggest hugs at this awful time. Xxxx

Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 19:57

Thank you. And who is Sands please? :) Can you relate at all with the sensitivity??

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Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 19:58

Big hugs to you too xx

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Cantchooseaname · 03/10/2017 20:10

I was a wreck. It didn't help that it was a fairly early loss- 8 weeks- and my husband had no idea that it was due date. Until I completely lost it one day.i hadn't told friends/ family that I was pregnant, or that it had ended.
I knew I would struggle on the day- I gave myself permission to phone in sick, and had a day to myself to do the things I find comforting. I went for a walk by a river, and stood on the bridge watching water go by. I had cake. I cried. I accepted that my grief was real, and that it was ok to allow myself to feel the hurt, and not be ok. I found the anniversary of the miscarriage hard too. 2 years soon. I'm kind of ok with it. I have a very precious dd now, and hug her a little tighter sometimes.
Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself.

Bluerose27 · 03/10/2017 20:14

I organised a holiday so as not to be in the country around the time. But that's not possible for everyone I'm sure xx

KoolKoala07 · 03/10/2017 20:20

My due date is coming up. I'm dreading it. Not many people knew but I doubt anyone but me will remember. I find it hardest when I see or hear people say 'I'm 36 weeks pregnant' because all I can think is that would have been me.

Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 20:23

Thank you for sharing all of that with me. :) big hugs xxx

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Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 20:24

I wish i was on holiday all of the time. That is all i ever think of. And i wish so much that i could be.

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Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 20:25

Dud you find yourself being overly sensitive near the date the baby was due??

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MelbourneClown03 · 03/10/2017 20:27

It’s so very, very hard.

I allowed myself to feel sad. I spent time before working on ‘moving on’ but on my due date I let the sorrow wash over me, think of my little one and how loved they already were. I think accepting that the next few weeks may well be just as hard as the initial miscarriage and not having any expectations on how you’ll cope helps. Grieve, feel heartbroken and weep if you need to, it part of the healing process.

Bluerose27 · 03/10/2017 20:46

I had the worst time about 6/7 weeks before the due date , three friends had babies one day after the other - three announcements three days in a row.

I had a bit of a "break down" and spent that whole week crying pretty much. Or wanting to. My husband gave me something to calm me down - not 100% sure it's a legal substance. (I knew what it was). That calmed me down completely, along with all the crying and being comforted by DH. By the time my due date came along I was feeling stronger.

My due date was just after Christmas though so I was able to concentrate on that. If it had been a random non-day I couldn't have done the same thing

Cracklesfire · 03/10/2017 20:52

Take the time and grieve. It's an awful situation but it's absolutely not your fault. Maybe take a bit of time for yourself... i used to go walking at dawn just to get a bit of quiet and space and get outside of my head for a while. I remember one of the girls in our office had a similar due date so I really struggled when she was going off on mat leave thinking that could've been me.

Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 20:59

This is all helping me girls. Thank you :)xxx sending big hugs xxx

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MelbourneClown03 · 03/10/2017 21:03

The ‘it should have been me’ has been so hard to deal with. Watching women with similar due dates go on maternity leave, have their babies and see them enjoying their babies.

Original poster

Georgia94 · 03/10/2017 21:05

Yes that is a hard thing for sure.

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Mrsbaz2015 · 04/10/2017 13:14

Sands is a baby loss charity and really helps a lot of people...... www.uk-sands.org/ this is website. They may have one near you. Yes I was so sensitive, so many people were so unsure what to say. My best friend even said at least it wasn't a real person....erm...I was I nearly 20 weeks pregnant...it felt pretty real to me! Some people just don't know what to say. That's there problem not your's. You grieve and give yourself time xxxx

Original poster

Georgia94 · 04/10/2017 13:24

Thank you for that site :)
Yeah i get the feeling that people don't know what to say at times. And I kind of feel as though no-one understands at times. Which is fair enough. We all cannot understand everything. But yes i am very sensitive but i am starting to distinguish when it is happening. But still very hard.

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Mrsbaz2015 · 04/10/2017 14:03

It's actually very scary how many people have gone through what we have. The more I spoke to people the more they came forward...I felt like I was in this really awful secret society and no one could possibly understand...some people really do! I had wonderful friends helping me. Find your people and talking is the best thing you can do. Don't bottle anything up. Xxxx

MouseLove · 07/10/2017 22:57

My due date was 4th September. We both took the day off work and went to York for the day. Everything was going ok until I phased out around lunch time. I wanted to go for afternoon tea but we ended up in a cafe. A screaming baby had me running to the loo crying as I tried to compose myself. My DH is absolutely wonderful but that day really I should have stayed home.

I've actually been fine before and since and I'm not the type to hate being around babies or pregnant ladies but that day I just saw them all, and all the babies leaped out at me as if to remind me of something I don't have.

I ended up spoiling the day really but DH looked after me and made me feel safe. I had to give myself a prep talk and we carried on until I'd had enough and we went home.

The whole time around my due date was difficult. My parents had booked time off that they didn't cancel and so they went on holiday. And to top it off my period was 3 days late which meant instead of it arriving on my due date (yep, now that's a kicker) it arrived late and gave me a little hope. Of course I'm past the point of testing so if nothing more I wasn't on my period for my due date.

You'll get though it. Be kind to yourself. Tell the people you love what's happening and make a plan for the day. Do what YOU want to do. Buy a memento. Do something that makes you happy. Xxx

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