It's happened again. 5th miscarriage

[BeyondHope]

Hello

I don't really know what to say or what I want. I think I just need to write things down. I went for a scan today at 10 weeks pregnant and been told that there is no heartbeat. Baby died a few days ago. I had a scan at 8 weeks and saw my little bean beating away and thought, finally, I can relax.

This is my 5th baby that I have lost. First one last year at 13 weeks, 3 at 6 weeks and then this one today at 10 weeks.

I have been referred to professor quenby at Coventry and Warwick and I saw her for the first time after my 8 week scan. She told me everything looked good, no need for tests etc. Saw her again today after the scan and she just said she's going to do every test possible and to not give up.

I'm booked in for the operation next week as I can't bare to pass my baby into the toilet bowl. They want to keep the baby to send off for tests. I had an operation last year with my 13 week baby and then my 3 six week losses passed naturally.

I am here again. I'm on my knees again and I don't know how I'm going to get up. Last year hit me very hard and I'm having to do it again. 5 babies lost. How can life be this cruel. Is it some sort of joke. Now I await months and months of waiting for tests and time is ticking on. I just want to give up.

I'm so so sorry for your loss OP nothing anyone will say can make you feel any better about the desperate situation you are in now. It took me a long time to get over my 4 miscarriages, I has D&C with 2 of them. I went on to have 2 DDs in the end but I still feel the pain when an anniversary/due date comes around. Please don't give up hope yet. I hope your doctor can give you the answers you need. Hugs and strength xx

Just wanted to send you a huge hug. You will get through this. You will find your strength again, in time. I am so sorry for your loss and genuinely feel your pain. When the time is right, start hoping again xx

I have no words of wisdom unfortunately but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
So sorry

I am so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through and I've had 3 mc myself.

I really hope you start to get some answers from prof quenby once they start the tests. My friend saw her having had 8 consecutive losses and went on to have a beautiful healthy boy. In the meantime be kind to yourself and look after yourself. I hope you have plenty of real life support too xx

That horrible word time.

Right now being exhausted by it all and on your knees has to be the most natural thing to feel. I chalked up just the four. No.2 and no.4 (which was chemical so early days) hit hardest for some reason. I didn't feel able to face people after no.2. I thought it must be something i'd done. Suddenly it felt like everyone was pregnant and I was surrounded by babies.

It can be all too easy to think you're doing something wrong or your doomed but the very high chances are you're not. This just isn't your fault.

The testing in the future means there are avenues not yet explored. Any glimmer of hope is a potential light at the end of what can feel like an endless journey.

For now focus on you and your loved one. Hug one another and get through things hour by hour, day by day then over time a new life routine will begin.

So sorry to read this OP - miscarriage is so heartbreaking and cruel. Look after yourself and I sincerely hope you get some answers about what is happening

Thank you every one for your lovely words and I'm sorry to everyone who has also suffered a loss. It really is one of the hardest things and it's done in quiet and no one knows. I just want to shout "ive lost 5 babies" so they are acknowledged.

I have a DS who recently turned 3 and I'm holding him close tonight. When I think that it's another sibling for him that I've lost it makes the pain much worse. He was conceived first go, no problems. Maybe I am being punished for having it easy.

The stories of people suffering multiple losses and then going on the have healthy babies gives me hope. I feel that is so far away though for me now. My did another of my babies have to die. What is wrong with me.

You are human, thats all. Nothing you're doing is wrong. Possibly, the investigations will lead to something medical that could help. It sounds like your consultant is ready to be on board.

But this wasn't in your control, it wasn't something you did. I repeat this wasn't something you did.

We need a punch bag emoticon for emotional release

I'm so sorry for your losses. Right now I am set to start my miscarriage via tablets on Monday. Went for my 12 week scan to find out there was no heartbeat and it died at 7 weeks, I had and still have no signs of it. 7 years it took for me to conceive so it hit me like a train.

Someone I was friends with some time ago had five miscarriages in the space of a year and she coped because she had no other option, of course I know now first hand what she's experienced. I wish I knew what it was that they did, I want to say she was given something when she was pregnant again and this resulted in the baby being perfectly healthy with a daughter at the end of it. I'm not in touch with her and I certainly wouldn't want to bring it back up for her anyway.

I have no amazing advice for you but I wish you well and send a huge hug xx

Bloody hell Beyond that's so unfair and sad, my friend had similar miscarriages but has gone on to have a healthy pregnancy with lots of monitoring. It sounds like you've got s good consultant and I hope she can help you .

Feeling so down today. The sun is shining and I just want to curl up. I'm getting so anxious about the operation next week. I feel like I am removing my baby when it's not ready to leave. So many thoughts going round. I feel so so tired although I have been sleeping well. How am I here again?

A dear friend of mine had 8 mc before she finally gave birth to a healthy daughter 13 yrs ago....she almost gave up hope but was eventually diagnosed anti phospholipid syndrome
I hope you get some answers , I suffered 2 mc so know how devastating it is ....look after yourself

I've started to have some browny/red mucus this afternoon and I'm petrified. I had a pot to collect the baby in if it all happens at home. I've only lost much younger babies and don't what to expect. How big will the sac be? Will I be able to see the baby? I'm sorry for the sad questions. I don't have anyone else to ask.

I've just googled. At 10 weeks the uterus is the size of a grapefruit, baby approx 3.8cm.

Do you have a midwife you can call or NHS 111 can actually be quite supportive if you want medical advice like this.

Hi BeyondHope

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I've just lost my 4th - I went to St Marys in Paddington this time (apparently it's the best Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic in Europe), and thought it would be different this time because they identified a blood disorder and said I should take daily heparin injections - I took them as soon as I got the positive and we were SO hopeful. Sadly the baby's heartbeat stopped at 9 weeks again. This was 2 weeks ago. I asked for the surgical management of a miscarriage the next day after I my scan because it takes up to 2 months for the results to come back and I just wanted to get the baby tested to get some answers - I was also scared of miscarrying at home (not sure if the baby can be tested otherwise and also it's a very emotionally painful experience). Also, St Mary's consultants will only see me after the results have been received so that they can assess the next steps for me.

My thoughts are with you x

Hi KaGa. I'm sorry to read that you are going through similar. How utterly devastating for you to be given the hope with the heparin and then it's lost again. They told me the earliest they can get me in for the op is Thursday so I guess they are full.

I was so glad to be at the recurrent miscarriage centre when I had the scan. It's not local to us but I feel now I have seen the consultant she's being so positive with me I'm trying to hold onto that. I just want everything to be over with now. This waiting til Thursday is killing me. I really don't want it to start at home and I lose the baby down the toilet and they can't test it.

I'm thinking of you KaGa as we sound in similar situations. I really don't have anyone to talk to who has gone through this so please pm me if you want to talk.

My heart goes out to you. Similar situation here. I have one healthy son, 3 miscarriages and just been told that my current pregnancy is unlikely to make it as heart rate so low. It's devastating. There is nothing as emotionally draining as the highs and lows of finding out youre pregnant then experiencing a loss. I too feel awful watching my son get older and wanting him to have a sibling.

I have however heard I many many success stories from people who have conceived after lots of miscarriages. No one talks about it. I'm beginning to think it might be better for everyone if we told people the day we got a positive pegnancy test and the people would know what youre going through. Sending lots of hugs.

Hi User. Sorry to read you are going through similar. I feel like I've either been pregnant or recovering from a miscarriage for the last year and it's so draining. I just want to get to Thursday, get through the operation and then take some time off for a bit while we wait for tests.

I'm scared they do all the tests and then tell me they can't find anything wrong with me. I think that would be the time to stop. I can't keep going through this vicious cycle.

How many weeks are you now User?

I'm 9 weeks. My other miscarriages were around 6 or 7 weeks and I had them all naturally at home so can't help you with your questions, sorry.

I have also been pregnant or recovering this year. It has impacted on every part of my life. I had to make a decision about remaining part time at work or going back full time. I was having a miscarriage at the time so chose full time as a way of moving on and focusing on something else but not sure I've made the right decision.

Sick of not drinking in social situations, not because I miss alcohol but because of the knowing looks from everyone. Happened at the in laws this weekend. Mother in law positively glowed when I refused the booze and i felt fairly sure i was miscarrying. Both sides are hoping for a second grandchild imminently and have no idea what's going on. People at work are constantly asking when I'm having another one. None of it helps.

I hope everything goes ok for you and you can take time time to rest and heal and the tests are helpful. I don't know what else to say. It's just a horrible situation.

Thanks for your kind words User. My family and friends only know about the 13 week miscarriage last year. None of the others. But that was nearly a year ago and I know they are all waiting for an announcement. I'm debating telling parents and in laws about this baby just so they know what we are going through. But I'm not sure. My mum can over react and get emotional at the best of times so don't want it to turn into me comforting her.

I always think the people that ask you about when your having children/are you having any more have never suffered a loss. I'm much more tactile now and would never pry. But I can only use the same excuse for so long when I just want to scream and tell them the whole sorry story.

Can you re-evaluate your hours at work? It's a lot to deal with working full time and facing this emotional toll as well.

So sorry for what you are going through - I really hope the tests give you some answers.

I've had 4 pregnancies in the last 3 years or so with 3 ending in mc at week 5 or 6 so I have an incling as to how crappy it is.

Personally I've decided not to try again but not solely because of the mcs.

My cousin had 6 or 7 in the past few years. No common cause just a lot of bad luck. She's recently given birth to a beautiful baby so there is hope and for her it was worth the heartache.

Hope Thursday goes ok xxx

It happens to more people than we know. Thank goodness for finding support on here. I hold off telling my family because my sister is very ill and I feel like I only ever want to give good news to my parents. Sometimes it is better to tell people though. I had to tell my boss this week because of appointments and she was so I understanding I felt so much better afterwards. It's taken a load of work pressure off now I know she knows.

This it's heartbreaking, so unfair, and cruel that this has happened to you again. I have no words, but just hope you have someone supportive to take care of you

Hi.
Even though I suffered 7 miscarriages I have no words.
No one had any words for me, I had no words in my head except why?

I like to believe that soon you will come back with a new name "thereishope" because there is. You know.

If you have the strength, keep going. I did. It paid off.
It finally paid off. After 10 years, after 7 miscarriages, at age 43 I had my son falling pregnant only weeks after my final and most horrific miscarriage.

We finally got our break, our miracle, our longed for baby. if you have the strength, keep going.

How are you feeling? Was the operation today? Thinking of you.

I had my miscarriage confirmed today. I've booked in for the operation next week. So crap but there are hopeful stories in here.I've tried again straight after for all my other miscarriages but I can't bear to think about trying again yet. So sad and angry. I know this will pass. Sending you hugs.