It's happened again. 5th miscarriage

[BeyondHope]

Hello

I don't really know what to say or what I want. I think I just need to write things down. I went for a scan today at 10 weeks pregnant and been told that there is no heartbeat. Baby died a few days ago. I had a scan at 8 weeks and saw my little bean beating away and thought, finally, I can relax.

This is my 5th baby that I have lost. First one last year at 13 weeks, 3 at 6 weeks and then this one today at 10 weeks.

I have been referred to professor quenby at Coventry and Warwick and I saw her for the first time after my 8 week scan. She told me everything looked good, no need for tests etc. Saw her again today after the scan and she just said she's going to do every test possible and to not give up.

I'm booked in for the operation next week as I can't bare to pass my baby into the toilet bowl. They want to keep the baby to send off for tests. I had an operation last year with my 13 week baby and then my 3 six week losses passed naturally.

I am here again. I'm on my knees again and I don't know how I'm going to get up. Last year hit me very hard and I'm having to do it again. 5 babies lost. How can life be this cruel. Is it some sort of joke. Now I await months and months of waiting for tests and time is ticking on. I just want to give up.

Hope you're ok. I was thinking of you this week. My scan on Thursday confirmed that I had lost my baby which was what I thought. Think I'm over the worst of it now but still feeling emotional. Hope things are getting easier for you. It's so devastating.

Thank you User for your messages of support. I am so sorry to read that your miscarriage has been confirmed. Will you have to go in for surgery?

I had my operation last Thursday. Was a very long day. I didn't get called into theatre until 5pm. Ending up having to tell my mum and dad the whole sorry story as we needed someone to pick up DS from nursery. We were under the impression it would be a quick in and out but we didn't get home til gone 11pm.

All in all I think I'm actually doing ok. It has helped me immensely being under the general anaesthetic and waking up and it all being done. I know the tests are coming and I just have to wait for everything to settle down and then we can tackle those and see if there is anything that can be done to help. I need a break from all this. It's been a non stop year of positive tests, scans, sickness, miscarriages, surgery and heartache.

I hold all 5 of my lost babies in my heart and they are with me always. And now I focus on my DS. Spending quality time with him. Build myself back up so I'm ready for when we try again.