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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Pregnant people everywhere

43 replies

emvy · 04/04/2017 21:11

Basically that's it. And it would have been my 12 week scan this week. Instead, I get Facebook updates from people having babies when I would've been having mine and I just have to smile and congratulate them and carry on like nothing has happened. I was so desperate this morning, 4 weeks after surgery, to get a negative result on a pregnancy test so that we can move forward and start ttc again. It hit me harder than I thought, not managing to stop myself from questioning whether I would ever see a positive result on a test again.

Wobbly moment. 95% of my day is fine. 5% is awful. When does the sadness stop?

Sorry for the super pointless thread. Just needed to vent somewhere.

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PlayOnWurtz · 04/04/2017 21:16

Oh emvy I feel you. My 12 week scan should also have been This week and it hurts so much to see everyone else having what I haven't got. I remember you from the October board. Have you got RL support?

Badgertastic · 04/04/2017 21:33

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I can understand, my 12 week scan would have been 3 weeks ago. I've been quite emotional today about it. I guess we just have to take each day as it comes. Sending hugs to both of you xx

Badgertastic · 04/04/2017 21:35

And I'm sure it will happen for all of us. Fingers crossed for a positive line soon xx

Original poster

emvy · 04/04/2017 21:35

Hi playonwurtz. I remember you also sucks that we are both here though. So sad to see more people moving over to here with sad news from that thread. Mother Nature is cruel.

I do thankfully have fantastic RL support. It just feels odd piping up to them randomly, if that makes sense. I feel like there's only so many times they can send me sad emojis or say 'aww' and give me a sympathetic look. Not that I'm not wanting that, because it's wonderful to have suppprtive, sensitive friends, I just often feel like I'm going on a bit. Even my OH is not up for 'dragging it all up again'.

How are you doing?

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Original poster

emvy · 04/04/2017 21:37

Thank you badger, I'm sure it will too I feel like I'm bouncing constantly between complete devastation and positivity! It's exhausting!

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Toobloodytired · 04/04/2017 21:39

I'm so sorry! I haven't been through what you all have but I wanted to offer a hand hold!

Badgertastic · 04/04/2017 22:00

@emvy it is a rollercoaster of a ride. I thought I was doing ok and then it hit me like a train. I guess we just have to keep on keeping on. I'm glad you are managing to stay positive for some of the time. It is exhausting though. Well you can always have a chat here. Thank you all for the hand hold xxx

thisismadness77 · 04/04/2017 22:03

Hello ladies. I've crashed too in the last few days. 3 m/c in a row.

SA277 · 04/04/2017 22:11

Today 22:10 SA277

Hi. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks after 9 months of trying. My periods have returned back to normal & we are TTC again. Im completely devastated still and just feel like i cant move on which is probably making TTC even harder. Im miserable and just feel i have no one to talk to, just like no one really understands how I feel. Even more difficult thing is that 3 of my really good friends are all pregnant 😞

Original poster

emvy · 04/04/2017 22:16

We do indeed just have to keep going badger, there is no alternative. Thank you

I'm so sorry you're going through this a third time madness, I guess, as they say, we need to go through the difficult times to appreciate the more positive, happier times.

Here's to a sunnier mindset tomorrow for us all. Thank you all for your replies, I already feel calmer knowing that there are those who understand and those who are here to offer their kindness. The world may be a cruel place at times but there is so much goodness too

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Original poster

emvy · 04/04/2017 22:21

Oh SA I've just seen your message, I'm so sorry you feel so alone. It is a very lonely situation to be in. This board is a great place for just being around people who understand. Everyone is bloody pregnant it seems. Literally every other person in the street has a bump! And it's heart wrenching each and every time you see it. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but I really don't know that it does! Take time for you, and feel each emotion as it comes. That's the view I'm taking anyway!

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DancingUnicorn · 05/04/2017 13:50

Emvy I'm so sorry to see you here. :(

I had my 12 week scan on Friday, where they found my mmc. The whole world seems to be pregnant or have babies right now, but I have to believe our time is coming. I hope it's soon. You're so right, even though I have lovely people supporting me, it's so hard to randomly drop into conversation that you feel like shit. And I hate feeling jealous of my pregnant friends!!

I'm so sorry you feel alone sa. There are threads on here, which I hope can help give you a place to vent/share with others who understand.

PossibiliTea · 05/04/2017 17:09

Sorry x we are all in this together at least. I had MVA for MMC last Wednesday (8 weeks) I tried being in work where so many people have just had babies (only lasted a day physical and emotional reasons), my best friend has just had a little girl and even my mums friend who came round today her daughter is pregnant who is my age. Deep breaths.

PossibiliTea · 05/04/2017 17:10

Oh and my OH is the same that's why I'm at my mums.. I think he's sick of me already

DancingUnicorn · 05/04/2017 17:13

Deep breaths indeed tea. We can get through this. There is another pregnant lady in my (very small) office. I feel dreadful, because she is literally the last person I want to see! (She is lovely, and I'm really happy for her, but it will be a constant reminder). But it will be ok.

PossibiliTea · 05/04/2017 17:41

I know I just don't know what to think. I feel bad for feeling bad. I had to go in to hospital again on Sunday and was in the EPU next to someone at 8 weeks receiving good news, I am genuinely happy for them but I had to put my fingers in my ears as they were saying how well the photos showed the baby developing....

PossibiliTea · 05/04/2017 17:43

DancingUnicorn I can't believe it how similar, mines a small office too, someone came back from mat leave yesterday and someone else is leaving for maternity next month.

DancingUnicorn · 05/04/2017 17:47

I can't believe they were saying that in a public area. A lot of people must be there for bad news. For me, the EPU waiting room will always be a depressing place, as it's where we were sent right after our scan. No ones fault, but we had to try to not sit and sob in the most depressing and packed waiting room. Thankfully, the staff there have all been pretty wonderful.

I'm sure these feelings will pass. In time.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 05/04/2017 17:50

Oh emvy I know exactly how you feel. I remember you from the Oct thread (I was anotherminime then, but name changed for obvious reasons). It's awful isn't it, I just heard from a friend that she's pregnant and about a week behind where I should be, had I not miscarried. Obviously I'm thrilled for her, but it's painful hearing about it.

I felt a little bit like becoming a hermit until I manage to get a successful 20 week scan with another pregnancy.

SA277 · 05/04/2017 17:58

Thank u for your message emvy. It happened in Jan & i just cant seem to get over it 😞 Its nice to hear from people in same situation. My husband has been fab but finds it difficult to talk about it & im not the sort of person to sit & tell people 'yeah im not coping'

Original poster

emvy · 05/04/2017 18:05

Dancingunicorn and doublechocolatetiffin I remember you both. So sad that so many of us keep cropping up over here I'm so sorry for your losses.

Pregnant people you have to look at all the time are just the worst. I mean obviously they're not the worst, they're usually in reality rather lovely, but the situation is the worst. I feel like I'm staring obsessively at their bump and looking like a creep, especially when they don't know my circumstances! I also had an old colleague pop into work to catch up with everyone - BOTH her daughters are pregnant. Cue smiling through gritted teeth and mutterings of "oh how lovely for you, two grandchildren at once!" While I'm there feeling terrible I wasn't making grandparents of my parents. Such a whirlwind. I'm generally feeling a little more positive today though (at the moment), I hope everyone else has had a positivity-filled day!

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DancingUnicorn · 05/04/2017 18:18

SA I don't know if it will be something you 'get over'. My only real experience of significant grief is from my first husband's death, when I was very young. I learned that it was not something to get over, but something you learn to live with. It's always something that will be with me, but that I learn to cope with. I know it's obviously a completely different situation, and every experience of grief is very different. I just don't want you to feel like you should magically be over this loss and expect it to disappear overnight. Some days you might feel better than others. It's ok to still feel sad about it. And it's ok to feel ok too. 💐💐💐

Original poster

emvy · 05/04/2017 20:34

I'm sorry you're struggling SA. Do you feel you're not coping? Because I do think there's a difference between feeling overwhelmed by it at times, and at others ok, or not being able to continue with some kind of normality (whether that be day-to-day or emotional). If you really feel you're not coping it might be worth talking to a professional about it. As unicorn says, it's not something you get over but you certainly should begin to able to experience some normality and if not, it's important you take steps to heal yourself emotionally.

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DancingUnicorn · 05/04/2017 22:15

Yes sa. I'm sorry, I hope it didn't sound like I was suggesting you should just put up with not coping!! The EPU told me they could refer me to a counsellor, now or at any point in the future if it would be helpful. Are you able to see if it is something they would be able to offer you if you think it would be helpful to talk to someone in real life? 💐

SA277 · 05/04/2017 22:42

Thanks for the messages ladies. Its not affecting every day life, i go to work etc & live my life still. Its just i feel really down & miserable atm. I think it must be because so many of my close friends are pregnant/had babies...dragging all the memories up i suppose. It really just is a horrible situation 💔

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