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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Can't pull myself together

31 replies

PossibiliTea · 30/03/2017 22:00

After MMC at 8 weeks I had MVA yesterday. It took longer that it should have so the usual pain cramping bleeding (sorry).

I just can not pull myself together at all and I'm starting to worry people. My mum got so upset just by seeing how upset I was and I can barely read my eyes hurt from crying.

They sent products off to see if there's any underlying issue and with this being my first pregnancy I am so so scared that I might not be able to go on to have a healthy pregnancy/ baby.

Is this normal? How can I feel better?

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LuxuryWoman2017 · 30/03/2017 22:03

Oh my darling, it's such early days, of course you're grieving and dreadfully sad, of course you are.

You will feel stronger and better in time but not now, you need to mourn and work it through. Be very kind to yourself, lots of rest and small treats.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 30/03/2017 22:09

I have to go to sleep now, hopefully some other posters will be along to talk to you. I will check in with you tomorrow though. Try to get some rest

Wolfiefan · 30/03/2017 22:11

Why should you pull yourself together? So other people can cope? You've suffered a horrible loss and you're grieving.
That's allowed.
I had a mmc with my first and really thought I may never have kids. It was just awful. But just bad luck.

OohNoDooEy · 30/03/2017 22:11

It is normal. You'll feel better in time but how much time is variable.

Luluringo · 30/03/2017 22:17

Sorry to hear of your loss. I too had a MC at 8 weeks (showing 5 ) and this was nearly 4 weeks ago. It was also my first pregnancy. I feel exactly like you, worrying I would take be able to carry a child full term. These thoughts are normal and although it's hard, it's important to remain positive. What has helped me is to focus on the future and prepare my body for another pregnancy. I have been told that I am very fertile after my MVA and I am therefore hopeful that I will convieve quickly. I have been eating healthily, have ditched the booze and am drinking lots of water. I
Going back to work also helped me take my mind off things. In my week off I was driving myself mad with the Googling! Although I have no answers, I have been told that MC is extremely common and most probably a case of bad luck. I'm hoping I now have my bad luck out the way and perhaps you do too. It's an awful time but it does get slightly better. X

Gardenbirdy · 30/03/2017 22:17

I'm so sorry for your loss
I think what you're feeling is completely normal, your hormones are all over the place at the moment. I had miscarriages last year and cried a lot. It's ok to be sad.
If you feel that you need further support then Tommys.org or the miscarriage association can help and have people you can talk to.

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 30/03/2017 22:23

You are all so kind and honestly your words help more than you know. I'm so scared about getting a letter through in a couple of weeks saying there's something wrong. But you are right, positive thinking will help, will think of this as bad luck this time.

Really good advice about the healthy lifestyle I think I'm just going to concentrate on that and hope for the best.

So sorry to hear about your losses, as awful as it sounds it helps to know I'm not alone.

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Wolfiefan · 30/03/2017 22:25

I'm sorry if this is crass but I have since had two children. My mmc wasn't a sign of any underlying issue. It was just rubbish luck. Nothing I could have done to prevent it.
Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve properly.

Sophia1984 · 30/03/2017 22:29

Sorry you're feeling so bad. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself x

SlB09 · 30/03/2017 22:29

Sorry for your loss. Its really not been long and you have to process this devastating loss, grief is hard and your current thought processes are really really normal. You also have the hormonal changes occuring to add to your brain chemistry aswell. Time will heal x

Quodlibet · 30/03/2017 22:31

Oh you poor love. Been there too and know how devastating it is when your first pregnancy turns to a black hole on the ultrasound screen with no heartbeat.

Please please don't put yourself under pressure to feel better/act normally/get over it. It is devastating. Take your time. If you try to rush the grieving process it will just come back and bite you on the ass in my experience.

There's a great book called Unspeakable Losses by Kim Kluger Bell that I found really helpful.

It was impossible to be able to see it at the time, but my MMC was also just bad luck. I've also gone on to have 2 healthy uncomplicated pregnancies.

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 30/03/2017 23:19

Thank you all and it's great to hear positive stories after such a horrible thing. X

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Gardenbirdy · 31/03/2017 07:18

Just to add after my previous post, if it helps, I'm currently 20 wks pregnant after 3 losses last year so don't lose hope xxx

lifeasiknowit · 31/03/2017 10:44

Just focus on yourself, don't worry about other people. You need to grieve for your loss.

I've just gone through my 6th loss, and I still take a week off work and struggle to cope. You never get used to the pain of loosing your baby.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 31/03/2017 21:23

Just wondered how you're doing today. Hope you got some rest and continue to take it gently.

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 31/03/2017 23:03

Thank you all, I have to admit it's been up and down but every comment on here has stayed with me and helped me so much. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses but I don't feel alone and I also feel hopeful.

I spoke to a midwife today who was great, although the nurses were good the midwife provided the reassurance I needed and didn't overwhelm me with information.

The support on here is amazing x

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deaddeadgood · 31/03/2017 23:07

It's only a day after your MVA. It's so early. Be kind to yourself. Curl up on the sofa for a week or so xxx
I've had 2 MVAs. The first one taught me I needed more time off for the second one instead of rushing back into things. Take care and

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 01/04/2017 01:23

Thank you x I guess it just feels a lot longer as it took a while from finding out about the MMC to having the procedure so feel i should be moving forwards now but actually you are right it is still so i need to allow time, as we all do.

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ExplodedCloud · 01/04/2017 01:34

I've been there and it's horrible
Actually I went further and statistically this means nothing in terms of your ability to carry a baby to term. Emotionally it means everything but the odds are you will have arms full of baby in a year or so :)

kashmiribelle · 01/04/2017 03:42

First of all hun, like one of the users above said, you do not need to pull yourself together. Do not try to compose yourself, do not try to smile when you feel like breaking down and crying. Don't keep your emotions and feelings bottled up inside. Cry, and cry as much as you like and for as long as you like. Let it all out. The tears will stop, I assure you, as one can only cry a certain amount. But the pain and longing in your heart will stay. It will take an exceptionally long time to heal, but heal you will. I had my miscarriage almost two years ago and there are days I still cry and miss my little strawberry, but I remind myself of all the good things in life. And I do this despite being away from my husband (due to VISA issues). I cannot even try to get pregnant again as my husband is abroad and we've been apart for so long... :( Dear, I will not tell you that you'll be able to conceive again as I'm sure everything will be OK and you'll become a beautiful mother. The pain of your loss will stay with you and though a rainbow baby is not a replacement, they are magical and so special and come with healing powers. Don't assume the worst hun, miscarriages are cruel but common and they happen to the healthiest women, it does not mean something is wrong with you. Most times there is something wrong with the foetus, especially if the miscarriage takes place within the first 12 weeks. Lean on your other half, your friends and your Mum for support. Talk about your baby, and talk about the little angel again and again, until your heart is satisfied. The little being was a part of you and it will take a great amount of time to stitch together the whole in your heart - accept that now and the healing process has begun already. All the best, sweety. May God bless you with a rainbow baby soon.

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 01/04/2017 13:09

Exploded so sorry for your loss X

Kash... I have tears reading your words, both sad and happy. It's awful so many people go through this but the best thing I've done is post on here. Although I am very much missing a baby I never held I my arms I am so hopeful for next time and as you said they won't be a replacement they will be their own magical being who I will be very grateful of and I feel very positive about the future.

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Flowersinyourhair · 01/04/2017 13:16

I've been there too at about the same stage as you and was utterly broken for a good while. I think when it's your first it's so so hard as you have no idea what the implication is for the future. Since then I've gone on to have two children. I remember my husband saying to me after my loss when I was sobbing my eyes out on the way back from hospital that it would mean that when we eventually had a child we would love it all the more as we would know just what a miracle it was. And we do.

Algebraic · 01/04/2017 15:03

I had a miscarriage (7.5 weeks but dating roughly 5) and I cried all day everyday for quite some time. I couldn't have stopped it, the tears would just pour out.

Try not to be afraid about the next pregnancy, I am now 24 weeks with a healthy baby.

Give yourself the time to feel horribly sad. It won't help to rush anything.

Be kind to yourself x

DancingUnicorn · 02/04/2017 11:43

I found out at my 12 week scan on Friday that I'd had a mmc. I keep crying, with not really any warning. Going back on Monday morning to figure out management. :( Very scared about the next steps, and worried about taking time off work etc. I have an important meeting on Thursday, but I honestly don't know if I'll be in any state to work by then.

So sorry for everyone's losses. Tea I hope you are doing ok. It's definitely important to grieve, in whatever way you feel you need. Somebody recommended the miscarriage association to me, and I found their website very helpful.

Original poster

PossibiliTea · 02/04/2017 12:23

DancingUnicorn so sorry to hear that, try not to worry about your meeting or work please just take care of yourself and put yourself first. There's no trigger for my crying either it just starts and I feel like it won't stop.

Thank you for your support and I hope Monday is as ok as it can be x

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