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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Here again.

49 replies

PlayOnWurtz · 27/03/2017 11:04

Miscarriage number 5 confirmed today when I should be 9 weeks pregnant.

I'm gutted. The more I lose the worse it's getting and the harder it is to handle. I've opted for surgical management because they're offering genetic testing on the embryo so we hopefully will get some answers out of this mess. I'm gutted and don't know what to do with myself right now. Dh has gone out for bacon and crusty rolls - my junk food of choice - he needs to keep himself busy bless him.

OP posts:
Mamabear468 · 27/03/2017 14:16

I haven't got anything helpful to say but wanted to send you a virtual hug. I'm sorry for everything your going through and I'll keep everything crossed they can provide some answers for you once they've done the tests.
Sounds like you have a good Dh look after each other x

JaneEyre70 · 27/03/2017 14:17

I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope that you get some answers. Look after each other xx

Backhometothenorth · 27/03/2017 14:20

So sorry that this is happening to you again Flowers

Buddah101 · 27/03/2017 14:23

Op, I had my 5th MC in December, Im lucky enough to have 1 ds already but still pains me that I can't seem to keep my pregnancies going.

After my last we both agreed to give it a break for a while, I was upset at first, I just wanted to keep on going until 1 stuck, but the past 3 months have been just what I needed actually, I'm not constantly putting my life on hold - incase I am pregnant, I'm not constantly worrying over every single symptom. Is this something you would consider - Just to have a break to just be yourselves for a while.

Im also happy for you that they have offered genetic testing, hopefully that will lead you to some answers. I've recently been offered testing for both dp & I, So hopefully we will both have answers and solutions in the near future. Enjoy your bacon butty, and if you ever need to chat or offload please do just get in touch. Flowers

Jeezimacasalinga · 27/03/2017 20:18
Flowers
Cocoabean25 · 27/03/2017 20:18

So sorry to hear this. Big hugs xx

WoodYouBeHappy · 27/03/2017 20:33

So sorry Play I'm on your other thread too.

Just wanted to say, I wanted to avoid surgical management AND get genetic testing. I waited for it to happen naturally, which after 3 weeks, still hadn't so I could catch it for testing.

After 3 weeks I rang up & asked for medical management, went in immediately to get started off & collected a pot & special lab envelopes. Went home to labour miscarry (next day) & took pot straight to lab (diff hospital). Don't know if this is an option for you?

Be prepared that not every genetic test is successful & you may not get answers. We did (extra chromosome) but it only explained that one MC, not all the others. They're still unexplained & we still don't really know why it's never happened for us.

Wishing you & your DH every kindness Flowers

Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 27/03/2017 23:00

Thank you.

I've been running everything through my head. Have I got BV and not know? That can cause miscarriages. Have I got too many Nk cells that are doing it? Are my genetics dodgy because of my existing health issues? Is it my medication? Is it that someone's decided I deserve this?

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Buddah101 · 28/03/2017 10:46

Nobody deserves this lovely, Nobody at all so put that out of your mind straight away.

It's our bodies and cell and things not working together when they should be, I believe that 1 time will be our turn when everything is just right and fits and it stays put. I have to believe that as the alternative fills me with sadness.

WoodYouBeHappy · 28/03/2017 12:58

Wurtz I asked all those questions too -and more. As Buddah says though, none of us deserve the pain of RMC and infertility and it's not your fault.

We drove ourselves absolutely crazy with the books, online research, medical appointments (NK cells negative!) extra supplements, testing, changing diet, scans, hearing heartbeats etc. As you said it gets more painful each time.

Letting go has been a long grieving process, but like Buddha taking a break, I have felt so much better stepping off this carousel of obsession we had. Sometimes these things just are and we have to practice acceptance. Once we've moved passed the anger Grin

There will be happier times ahead for you Flowers

Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 29/03/2017 17:11

Thank you both. So sorry to read you understand where I'm coming from.

I have a strong family history of autoimmune conditions so my gp has agreed to run a long list of blood tests. Primarily for sjogren's and my thyroid as we have both sjogrens and hashimoto's in my direct family and I've been symptomatic of both for years. We'll see. I'm at the desperately needing answers stage still. I can't accept random fate has done this to me so many times.

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Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 29/03/2017 18:53

My husband is being a complete dickhead. He's told my family not to come round to see me as he's taken time off work to look after me. Except he hasnt. He's working longer hours and when he does come home he's winding my dc up and fucking off out again Angry

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Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 30/03/2017 09:04

I'm wondering if I should ask to be scanned again before the procedure (which I'm still waiting for a date for!) As I've not even started spotting yet let alone bleeding and I still have been nauseous. Could they have got it wrong? It had grown since the previous scan but the sac was misshapen, she saw the yolk sac but no heartbeat. Could I just have had a shit person doing my scan? I've lost my others naturally so would they scan me if I asked?

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Backhometothenorth · 30/03/2017 09:42

Yes I asked to be scanned before the procedure and they were very understanding. It did help to put my mind at rest Flowers

Tortycat · 30/03/2017 09:52

Have you been tested for anything play? After 2 m/c I had a range of tests and was diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome. With treatment ive since had 2 successful pregnancies (although have you already got dc ? Not sure if this is something that can develop or if it's always there). Flowers

Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 30/03/2017 10:46

That's useful to know back I've had to chase daily to find out when my procedure will be and the clerk has been shit. Spoke to her today "unlikely to be before tuesday" so very high chance now I'm going to lose my opportunity to find out a cause if I lose it naturally over the weekend. I'm gutted.

I've had all the usual suspects tested for and all came back clear. These genetic tests and autoimmune ones are my last hope.

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Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 31/03/2017 10:25

I can't stop crying. I want to disappear into a hole. I want my husband with me but I want to be on my own. I want to be excited I've got a baby on the way. I want to be happy. This is all such shit.

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Buddah101 · 31/03/2017 10:40

play I too have genetic testing left to cling onto. My dp isn't so keen and would rather just not know and in a way I can understand but I also want answers even though im afraid of what they could be.

I d understand the need for alone time but also company, It helps me to just chill on my own but with dp in the house, knowing hes only in another room helps but I also get time to just sit alone. Im 4 months on from where you are right now and I can tell you that it does get easier (sorry for that massive cliche right there), But it does. It doesnt hurt as much as it did back then, don't even think about it as obsessively as i did back then either. Please just be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to get your head around whats happened to you.

WoodYouBeHappy · 31/03/2017 10:56

I'm a couple of years on and Buddha is right. You will feel stronger. at the time, I was really pinning my hopes on all the testing and did everything I could to get answers. "Surely something will be found?!" Coming away without any solutions or explanations in the end, was very very hard to accept.

Flowers be kind to yourself. All the emotions that you are going through are normal. I was so emotional over anything and everything and the levels of emotion were difficult for both DH & I to cope with. Men often deal with things in very different ways too and DH and I found our grieving experiences were polar opposites. That didn't help with the feeling alone situation!

Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 02/04/2017 12:09

So update: got put on the list this weekend as they're not operating next week due to lack of staff. Called in yesterday and sent home at 3, told to call this morning, duly did no go call back at 1130 for afternoon list, no go. The nurse I spoke to (ward sister) was spitting feathers at how long I've been left and how I've been treated but there is no one to escalate it to because our shit nhs doesn't work weekends (THIS is what Jeremy hunt was referring to about a 24hr NHS) there are no ward managers on site and only skeleton surgical staff. She's going to make sure it's all investigated and wouldn't begrudge me raising a complaint. Doesn't help me now. I'm still carrying my dead baby inside me and I am no closer to bring able to move on with my life.

My husband has fucked off for the day and isn't answering his phone. I'm in pieces right now and really need him here.

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DancingUnicorn · 02/04/2017 12:52

Oh play I don't have any words. I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time and they are not able to arrange the surgical management for you. It's so, so cruel. I'm only right at the start of my journey. Desperately hope you are able to be seen soon and get some answers! 💐💐

WoodYouBeHappy · 02/04/2017 13:56

Flowers. So sorry Play. I can remember how it felt and each day was extraordinarily long and painful. I became hyper-sensitive, waiting for any signs from my body that it was starting and I could get this nightmare over with. I was furious with my own body for not sustaining the pregnancy properly in the first place and then not expelling it when it had died. I went to a large happy wedding during the 3 weeks and it was a very painful day, carrying our longed for, dead baby around, amongst the joyful happy party Sad.

Could you arrange for a scan (for confirmation) and ask for the pessaries and a pot like I did? When I finally 'broke' I rang, went in, picked up the pessaries, went home, laboured and caught it, got it back to the hospital within 24 hours. It was exhausting, but such a relief. I know it's not for everyone, just thinking of a quicker solution for you?

I'm sorry your DH is not there to help. Is he not coping with his own grief or not coping with yours or just being a dick?. Is there anyone you could call to come and keep you company and not be phased by your grief/anger/weeping?

Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 03/04/2017 09:25

Thank you.

I've been trying to arrange a scan and get fobbed off. I rang the hospital today and got fobbed off with someone will call back before 4.

I don't want to miscarry naturally/medically as I can't cope with it psychologically. They also said they can only do testing if I take the surgical route.

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Original poster
PlayOnWurtz · 03/04/2017 11:46

Currently sat in hospital waiting to go down to theatre. The gynae ward got cross on my behalf due to infection risk and so I'm going in ahead of some poor sod who needs their appendix out. Having had an appendectomy and waited for it....SORRY APPENDIX PERSON I'LL ONLY BE HALF AN HOUR TOPS!

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WoodYouBeHappy · 03/04/2017 16:14

Hope it's over by now. Fingers crossed that your DH steps up and looks after you this week. And be kind to yourself Flowers.