Finding the aftermath of mmc much harder than I expected. Any ideas?

[sureitsgrand]

Hi,
I had a mmc a week ago. I had a feeling something wasn't right at 11 weeks so went to hospital. I wasn't told much, though they said there was no heartbeat. Stupidly I held out hope till Monday (I knew deep down what no heartbeat meant, but tried to convince myself there was a mistake).
I returned Monday, they confirmed mmc and had d&c Tuesday. Physically I'm recovering well, with minor bleeding.
Mentally...not so good! I feel isolated (Though everyone has been lovely who I've told) and extremely sorry for myself. I'm being very passive aggressive to my DH. (example-'Are you OK love?' l'What do you think, I've just lost a baby').
I'm hoping someone will just tell me what to do. I feel lost.
I have an 18 month old DS, I need to be OK for him.

The friends thing is hard. My friend and I were due within a day of each other (we had been updating each other as we were both trying for a baby). She had her scan this week and all is going great. It's her first baby, I'm excited for her. But it's hard to see it progress when mine isn't going to.
On the up side, today is the first day I woke up not feeling like the world is over. I went for a swim last night.
I treated myself to a piece of jewellery with angel wings on it, which I will wear as a momento.
I'm trying so hard every day,because I've suffered with depression in the past, and I can't afford to go down again.
Banana I'm sorry you are finding it hard back at work. I think this thread is help, post any time.
Thinking of you all, hopefully with each day it will get a bit easier.

Oh dear.....any sense of being ok has abruptly left me this afternoon. DH has had to go into work this evening it's only for a few hours, couldn't be avoided but it's the first time I've been on my own. Bleeding and pains have really kicked off this afternoon too which is scary. I'm taking my anti b's and will keep an eye on it. I did take a couple of the sleeping tablets last night and slept from 1am till 9am which was really good. I woke up without immediately bursting into tears too which is an improvement.

Sure I'm so with you on the friends thing, my best friend is currently 5 months pregnant and also has her beautiful DS of 18months. I usually spend a lot of time with them, she the only one outside of my family who knew about my pregancy, I'd been speaking with her loads about it. She's been so supportive over the last few days and I've said I'll see her next week. I just know it'll be hard. Your angel wings sound gorgeous and very appropriate, I'm trying to think of something for me like that. I can relate to the worry of depression too having suffered myself, I talked to the GP yesterday about keeping mindful of this, swimming sounds like a good start.

We've had an offer on our house today, it's good, I get to plan and organise the move, l love lists and projects, it's what I used to do for work, something postive to focus on. I'm more worried about the new house. We're currently in an isolated, rural place, the new house is in a very family orientated little town, I still love it but it was all chosen with the baby in mind.

In an effort to step away from the maudlin ramble above I've just had a call from DM, she's coming to keep me company later, shevdoent really do hugs much but is armed with quiche and oven chips?!?

Really hope you've all made it through your days ok and have something nice to look forward to later even something as daft as oven chips.

Hey monkey, sorry you are struggling. I was feeling so much better today, was up early and cleaned the house from top to bottom. But I obviously over did it, as started bleeding again too. Guess we have to take it day by day. If you had told me yesterday there was a light at the end of the tunnel I'd never have believed it. But today there is definitely a lift. We will get there.
I know what you mean about lists and keeping busy. I have developed a bit of an online shopping addiction in the small hours which isn't like me. But it's helping somehow.
We are all healing each day x

Monkey quiche and chips is obviously THE meal to have - the very same delicacy passed my lips just today.

Went to see GP today for a "how are you" chat: have been signed off for a month. There's been a lot going on the past 18mo for me but when I had to "read from the script I wrote" (so that I could articulate well how I was feeling) when I got to "...and then I had a miscarriage" the blubbing started. And then didn't stop. And then popped up again. And then came about tonight.

Starting to think I'm having a bit of a delayed reaction. I just want to "be ok".

Well now I want quiche for dinner this evening! Beans I'm sorry, isn't it awful when you are trying to talk, or even just be normal and the tears bubble over yet again....
I am up early my DS has been ill on and off throughout all this, he's been awake crying since 5am. Finally got him back to sleep and sat having a cuppa. He has been quite aggressive and upset through it all too. He is only 18 months but I'm sure he senses something.

So sorry for your losses.

I have been through a traumatic 24 hours. I have been bleeding on/off for a week. Finally referred to EPU yesterday, had two internal examinations which made the bleeding increase. Was told to go through with my booking in appointment last night then return for scan Friday. During my booking in appointment I felt intense pain and went to the loo where I passed two large clots. I knew it was happening and felt in so much pain. I wasn't prepared for the next two hours and I was gutted as the EPU has given me some hope.

I still feel traumatised this morning, so scared to go for the scan Friday as I know what the outcome is going to be. Got to ring work and explain why I am not in today on a job I only started 3 weeks ago.

Life can be so cruel at times. We wanted our baby so much.

Hi I'm new to this but I had a miscarriage 10 weeks ago just wanted to no is it normal to still be so emotional some days I can stop the tears but other days they just don't stop . Would be grateful for anyone's help x

Welcome purple and Di

Di, have you spoken to the Miscarriage Association? They are trained to answer exactly this type of question and have an excellent reputation. For me I'm only 3 weeks in and can't really comment but I've been told by two friends this week that I'm coping "too" well. It's kind of put me on edge a bit. I know very very well how sad the sudden bursts in my memory of "oh yeah that did actually happen" make me. I also know that I wake up every morning now and look at my chubby baby and think "dear Christ, I wish I was pregnant again NOW RIGHT NOW".

Please call them Di x

We just found out that my stepdaughter is pregnant found it hard cause her last period date was when I lost my baby . I'm happy for her but it's just a constant reminder I no she finds it hard too but somehow think this is why I feeling this way when her baby arrives I no I will be wondering what would of been for me. thanku for yr response and sorry for yr loss xx

Hi everyone. I just wanted to know how long I should expect to bleed for after an MVA? Can't really remember what the consultant told me at the time. I am a week today from the op and my bleeding is still quite heavy. Not soaking a pad heavy and no clots but heavier than a light period. Any advice welcome!

Hello everyone and welcome to Purple and Di.

Beans I'm with you on the 'did that really happen' thing. I'm struggling with just how surreal everything feels. You friends are seeing you when you in the moment when you are coping, they perhaps don't understand the moments when something seemingly benign knocks you for six. I've had to try and explain this to DH today. Yesterday I coped on my own with a huge legal meeting to try and get our house sale through. Today I lost my mind talking to DH about his holiday for next year, I couldn't get past next year is now going to be different than we'd planned. It's shit, he lost his patience with me. I ended up sending him a Web page to read explaining about the physical feeling of loss now the baby has gone and my body is changing back to its pre pregnancy state and how although he can't see any of it emotionally it's so hard for me. I think it's helped him. Before this happening to me I though I could sympathise with friends who suffered losses but sadly I realise now I had no idea how they felt.

Banana I'm still bleeding too, my MVA was last thursday, I had nothing for 24hrs after but now it's heavy with clots. It's on a par with my usual periods which are grim normally last 7 days. I'm also still on the anti b's, the awful pains I was having have mostly subsided.

I don't know if it's the aftermath of the op, the anti b's, sleeping meds or lack of wanting to eat anything but I'm completely constipated which is bloody uncomfortable. I've been chugging Luctalose today. I'm also utterly exhausted....and I'm being a right cow to DH. I feel like I've fallen apart.

I think I probably overdid everything yesterday but yes, I'd welcome any advice too as I just don't know what's 'normal'.

No quiche and chips for me tonight I need to eat some fibre filled vegetables....

Thanks Monkey. Sorry to hear about things haven't been great with DH. I think it's all the hormones settling back to normal as well that make us able to cope one minute and not the next. Are you on iron tablets? They might be causing the constipation. Have you tried movicol? I was prescribed that after having DS and it was great.

I had a transfusion after my MVA and they also told me to take iron so tiredness wise I'm not doing too bad.

I just want the bleeding to stop. It's a constant reminder and just horrible. I want my body back to normal. It's been so long going through all this. I want to be normal and ready to try again when my heart is in it.

I've also just done a pregnancy test and it's still positive. Is that normal??

Hi banana82 when I had my scan after mc they did pg test and it came back positive I had to have more bloods taken 2 days later to check my levels were lowering which they did and I had to do pg test 14 days later and it came back negative which ment my pregnancy hormones were lowering . Hope this makes sense xx

banana I know what you mean about the bleeding, I think it's easing then it comes back full flow. Don't want to go to the scan tomorrow as know what they are going to say and even though we know it it hurts. I still keep having flashbacks of what I saw when I lost the clots and the intense pain.

Oh blimey Banana a transfusion would terrify me on top of every thing else.

DH has been forgiven although he did get snapped at for only having a 'man look' for something earlier. Said thing was where I'd mentioned but invisible to his eyes bless him

No iron tablets here but I think it's the tablets I've taken, I'm going to get some Movicol tomorrow although I've eaten a punnet of strawberries tonight.

The HCG thing is horrid, I was told I needed to do a test three weeks after and contact EPU only if still postive then as it can take at least two weeks to leave our systems. I've done two tests in the last week and both were strong positves. I'm still off certain food but I have worn an underwired bra that didn't fit me last week so I'm guessing things will just take time, it'll be gradual.

It's rubbish isn't it.

Today I am not doing too well. I am at work, and its actually really quiet, most people are on holiday ahead of the long weekend. I have actually felt "OK" the last couple of days. The house move is taking my mind off things and I haven't cried for nearly 4 days. I thought I was slowly getting over things. But today I am struggling. I am so teary. Keep having to go to the toilets to compose myself. I am frustrated as as soon as I think I have turned a corner it comes back and smacks me in the face. How long does this last?

Hey Banana I hope you've made it through the day and are home with your feet up by now.

I know what you mean about keeping busy, I'm doing the house move thing too and it's great for occupying my mind. Not so great when I stop and everything catches up. DH and I should be celebrating a house sale and the purchase of our family home, it was also going to be my 12wk scan today, if I stop and think too much it's overwhelming. I just feel like all the joy has been sucked out of life currently.

I have no idea how long it lasts but you are not alone. Just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other I guess.

Hello Monkey. Thanks for listening. I'm home cuddling my DS as he falls asleep. I got through the day just about. How awful today would be your scan day. I have that next week. Life seems so unfair that the moment. We also bought our new house with the big family home in mind. We were going to put all DS's nursery furniture in one bedroom and buy him a proper toddler bed and little desk for his room. That won't be happening now.

It's horrible. I'm writing this quite drunk.
I shouldn't be drunk I should be pregnant :( I should have my dating scan on Thursday, but all I have to prove the pregnancy ever existed is a letter and a test. Sorry girls, I thought I was doing well...

Sureitsgrand hi. Hope your well? I had a MMC recently too. First week of May. Mine died at 8 weeks 3 days (I had an emergency scan as I was having light brown discharge) Only to be told no heartbeat. I was in total shock, wasn't expecting it. I was given a few days to decide what to do, have the D&C or naturally miscarry (as I got told it would naturally come out in the end) I had a good think & opted for the D&C, but they couldn't fit me in for around 1 and a half weeks. Anyway, the night before my D&C was due to take place I miscarried the foetus naturally in the bath (I had to scoop it out & put it in a tub) The pain I went through....don't even get me started on that . So what I saw got to me, I was a crying mess. Anyway, as time has gone on it has got easier. I kept on telling myself I miscarried for a reason, which is true. Baby didn't survive because of something, but that something unfortunately we will never know. But it wasn't meant to be this time for me. It's now August and I'm ok with it to be honest, it does get better. I'm looking forward to falling pregnant again. Was this your first MC? This was my 2nd, but I didn't even know I was pregnant the first time I had one, so that was total shock. This baby was planned with my BF. All I can honestly say is it does get much more accepting as the days go by. Mine would have been due 28th November this year. I can say that date will stick with me forever now. I too have a drink, glass of wine, but I would much rather be carrying the baby that I had inside me for such a short time.

sure be kind to yourself, it's still early days. I saw a post on here shortly after my mmc about having waves of sadness following a miscarriage and it really resonated with me.

Hey Sure sending you a hug this morning. I think there is a few of us at the same stage dealing with our losses, you are certainly not alone.

What Apple says above about waves of sadness rings true for me.

Yesterday I held it together most of the day, it was supposed to be the day of my twelve week scan, it was hard. Everything caught up with me by the evening and I was a mess again. It's really shit but reading posts from all the ladies who have survived this and gone on give me hope although I couldn't see it last night for a while.

So sorry for your losses, it's devastating.
I had a MMC in May and it completely floored me. I was 40, it was my first pregnancy and very much wanted.
I had 4 weeks off work and became a virtual recluse, I found people very difficult to deal with and just wanted my very nearest and dearest around me.
I felt sad and so very empty.
We went for a private scan after I started spotting, so we at least have a picture of our baby bean. We also planted a rose in the garden in memory.
Talking to people really helped - most people have expeience of miscarriage, it's just not spoken about, so hearing other experiences almost 'normalised' it for me.
I also had support from my local cruse branch - support with bereavement - and that was incredibly helpful.
3 months on and I can almost function normally. I'm not back to 'myself' I'm not sure I ever will be as a big part of me is missing.
Bcause of our ages, we decided to try again straight away and I'm now 7 weeks pregnant so we have hope again.
Give yourselves time, and be kind to yourselves.

sure sorry to read you aren't doing too well. That's like me at the moment. Yesterday I was so low but then today I am busy and don't feel too bad. It's horrible not knowing which day you will have.

kitty your experience sounds awful and I'm glad your moving on. We have gone through such awful things but it's not common knowledge to people.

hellebel congratulations on your pregnancy! Did it happen straight after your miscarriage? I'm glad cruse helped. My GP mentioned counselling when I went in for my sick note but not sure how much it helps. I hope you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy now. You definitely deserve it.

I'm still bleeding 10 days on from my MVA. I hate it. I want it over and done with.