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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

I've lost my baby

40 replies

SeriousStuff · 25/12/2015 01:55

Not really looking for advice at this stage, just some hand holding. 10 days ago, I had some spotting, Went to EPU and they could see a yolk sac but no heart beat. Could've been too early (around 5-6 weeks) so they booked me in for another scan next week. I'm away at my parents' and last night I started to bleed heavily. Somehow managed to get an appointment at the EPU here and they confirmed an incomplete miscarriage (at nearly 8 weeks). I am completely and utterly devastated. The Dr didn't help things by being an utter a*se about it but that's another story, and I will be making a complaint against him.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I want my baby back. My DH and the rest of my family who are here for Christmas have been lovely and have helped distract me but I'm so, so sad. I don't think I've ever felt this sense of loss before. We have so much going on over the next week - a friend's wedding, people coming to ours on NY day, and I don't want to see anyone outside my immediate family. I want to feel pregnant again.

I hate the fact that I'm bleeding so much. Every time I go to the toilet I keep wondering, is that my baby? I'm wearing these hideous sanitary towels and it just all feels so undignified.

Sorry if this is all sounding melodramatic but it genuinely is how I'm feeling right now. I have a DD who's 2 and have just finished putting out her presents for tomorrow. I just want to enjoy Christmas day but I just feel empty.

OP posts:

toomanyeasterbunnies · 25/12/2015 02:04

I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I have no wise words to offer. I am sorry for your loss especially at Christmas. Just take it a day at a time.

RJnomore1 · 25/12/2015 02:04

Oh my love I'm so sorry. What rotten timing too, I'm sure you would prefer to be at home. I'm sorry I have no sage words but I am so so sorry for your loss x

Original poster

SeriousStuff · 25/12/2015 02:05

You don't know what it means that you both just responded as I feel so alone, sat here. Thank you x

OP posts:

Purplelilly · 25/12/2015 02:10

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be a heartbreaking thing to go through but it is good to hear your family is being supportive.

Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. If you don't want to attend different events, don't. This is time you need to address your own needs and those of your partner (and each other).

I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better, just that I'll be thinking of you.

Baconyum · 25/12/2015 02:12

So very sorry for your loss. Been there but not at such a tricky time. Take care of yourself and let others take care of you too. Sorry Dr was an arse. If you think it would help I found mc association very good. Some talk some would rather not and of course post here.

timelytess · 25/12/2015 02:16

Muddlewitch · 25/12/2015 02:28

So sorry for your loss. Wish I had words that would help but I don't think there are any, just step back as much as you can and give yourself time to grieve. Thinking of you

Strawclutching · 25/12/2015 04:22

It's not melodramatic at all. It's how you're feeling. And it's horrible.

Don't let anyone tell you you can't feel like this. It's grief and it's awful. I hope you get through today.

justjodie92 · 25/12/2015 04:25

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

VashtaNerada · 25/12/2015 06:11

Oh god I remember what that's like (including insensitive medical staff). It is just awful, and poor you with it happening at Christmas. It does get easier over time, and remember the pregnancy hormones will be affecting you right now on top of everything else. Be very, very kind to yourself. Lots of rest and lots of crying (if you need to).

We3KingyOfOblomovAre · 25/12/2015 06:23

Poor you. The sense of loss is huge. Completely normal. I certainly felt it. Take care.

Singsongsungagain · 25/12/2015 06:26

Go easy on yourself and if you don't feel like socialising then don't. It took me ages to really feel "normal" again.

May09Bump · 25/12/2015 06:33

I'm so sorry - you don't have go along with all the Christmas festivities. Lots of rest and take time for yourself.

RumAppleGinger · 25/12/2015 06:35

I'm so sorry for your loss serious. I was here two years ago and never fully comprehended the loss I would feel until it happened to me. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. It will be hard for a while but it does slowly get easier. I couldn't face speaking to many people in real life about it but the support I got on here was amazing. Post when you need us.

Conflictedkate · 25/12/2015 06:41

So sorry....it hurts like hell. I had a mc beginning of November. I had thought about wrapping a scan photo up fory children to open on xmas day as a way of telling them about the baby. So sad that's not happening but I do feel it's all less raw then when it happened. I'm glad it sounds like you have a lovely family around you. Try to take it easy xxxx

DorotheaHomeAlone · 25/12/2015 06:56

I'm so sorry this is happening. Please don't feel that you need to honou all those engagements if you're not up to it. People will understand if you tell them or just be vague and ill if it's easier.

Loki17 · 25/12/2015 07:20

I've lost mine too. Went for a scan on Wednesday so that we could wrap up the photos and surprise our parents for Christmas. I should have been 11 weeks today but my baby died 3 weeks ago and I'm waiting to miscarry. My body still thinks it is pregnant. My 4 year old is oblivious thankfully and is keeping me going. I'm sorry for your loss and offer a hand to hold because I need one to hold back. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

JoMalones · 25/12/2015 07:31

I'm so sorry for your loss

I hope you can enjoy some of today with your little one xx

alltouchedout · 25/12/2015 08:18

I'm very sorry :(
Take all the time you need to grieve. You don't have to carry on as normal unless you want to.

Eminado · 25/12/2015 08:37

I am so sorry for your loss and to you Loki as well.

OP your post is so similar to what happened to me - it really is a terrible experience.

Please be very gentle with yourself

Orange1969 · 25/12/2015 08:39

So sorry- esp at Xmas

Hipotle · 25/12/2015 08:47

So sorry for you. I've been there too. Take care of yourself you poor thing

BigGreenOlives · 25/12/2015 08:50

So very sorry for your loss. There are no words.

smellsofelderberries · 25/12/2015 19:10

Oh OP, I'm so so sorry I can say I know exactly how you feel. I'm waiting to miscarry right now and thought I was doing okay until I woke up this morning and spent an hour sobbing to my Mum on the phone, literally not able to talk except to get out the words 'I want my baby'. Like so many of you, we were so excited to be able to tell family at Christmas but have had to spend the past few days telling everyone we've cancelled Christmas this year. It's utterly, utterly shit.

The only thing that has helped today is lots of silly films and a massive tub of Quality Street.

fruitlovingmonkey · 25/12/2015 19:34

So sorry Seriousstuff and elderberries, mc is awful at any time but Christmas must be especially hard. I had a mc on my birthday this year and it was truly grim. I'm now pg again and have got to 20 weeks without any problems so have faith that you will get your baby in the end.

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