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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Need to support partner through Mc... Help

32 replies

Chemistria · 22/03/2015 19:27

Hi this is my first post and in sorry if it's in the wrong place, feel free to move it.

My partner was what we thought to be 8 weeks pregnant, she had brown discharge so I booked a private scan for that night and unfortunately it showed an empty sac of about5 weeks max. Needless to say we are both devastated,

We've been told to expect her to miscarry and I want to be strong for her but am really scared about what to expect- how do I know what's too much pain or too much bleeding?

I carried our DS and pregnancy was fine but I had a PPHand secondary PPH 3 weeks later , and was constantly told oh that bleeding is fine (until it obviously wasn't)

Please help I don't know how just looking for what I can do to support her what with being an anxious wreck myself waiting for this to properly start .... I know I need to be the strong one here but I don't feel it.

She's had red bleeding and sharp pain on and off this evening.

How do I know if she needs hospital treatment ?

Thanks for any replies please no harsh ones am feeling delicate needless to say x

OP posts:
GoooRooo · 22/03/2015 19:34

If she is bleeding through more than a pad every half an hour go to A&E. You will know if it's too much, honestly.

I had a MC last year. The bleeding got gradually heavier over a couple of days until I had a couple of contractions and passed the sac/baby in the shower. The bleeding then easied off over the next week or so.

She can take pain killers if she needs them - I did.

I'm so sorry for you both. MC is so cruel.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/03/2015 19:38

You may find that the physical side isn't too bad. Mine at a similar point was like a heavy period. No follow up needed.

It varies enormously, but I thought it might help to hear it can be very straightforward.

The emotional side obviously be led by her. Reassure her it was nothing she did.

Sorry that you are going through this.

ChazzerChaser · 22/03/2015 19:40

There's a thread in the miscarriage board, under body and soul, with tips on preparing for a miscarriage. (I'd also suggest moving this thread there) It varies so much though. I was told to go to hospital when I'd been in pain cocodamol wasn't touching for a few hours, I needed a bit of help as things were getting stuck so my cervix was continually contracting.

Get in lots of maternity pads, strong painkillers, iron supplements, loo roll and have hot water bottles at the ready I'd say. And run lots on baths. I'm sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Chemistria · 22/03/2015 19:47

Oh crap sorry I couldn't find the miscarriage thread how do I move it myself? Sorry would've put it there it didn't know where it was.

Thanks so much for your replies, we have some solpadol here luckily, I hope it's not too(physically) bad too ,
I think I will let her judge if she thinks too much blood is too much as I panic easily after my birth experience . Just hope I'm appearing calmer than I feel inside . Eugh.

Again sorry for putting in wrong place I will move it soon as I know how xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Chemistria · 22/03/2015 19:48

Also excuse typos, hate typing on an iPhone and its auto correcting thing.

OP posts:
ChazzerChaser · 22/03/2015 19:51

You need to report the thread. It is quite hard to find, I just know it's there as I've needed it.

I'll report the thread too in case you don't know how. Please don't beat yourself up about that though! You don't need that right now.

Original poster
Chemistria · 22/03/2015 19:56

Thanks chazzer yeah can you report it please, only actually joined this completely just now, really appreciate all the replies. It does help as I don't have anyone to talk to really as don't want to burden my friends family etc and some don't know about the pregnancy etc. x

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 20:06

I miscarried in August at eight weeks. Physically, I was pretty ok to be honest, it wasn't that bad but (not trying to be upsetting, I just don't know how else to put this) I suspect the foetus had been er...unviable for a couple of weeks at that point because my symptoms had disappeared.

Anyway, as I say, physically it was fairly easy, I didn't even need painkillers. But it was quite hard emotionally. My husband took me away on a nice holiday, and that did help me to relax. We got some physical removal from the situation, from work, from trying to carry on as normal, a bit of sunshine, some rest and a few glasses of wine.

Maybe that's something you could consider?

Teeste · 22/03/2015 20:11

So sorry to hear you're going through this. From my mc, I'd recommend taking time off, and plenty of it. I had two weeks off work, and it took about 9 days after the actual mc before I felt ready to step out the front door. Lots of crying, for quite a few months, so lots of support, empathy, hugs and listening required (and tissues). I found the actual miscarrying quite painful but over fairly quickly, I took cocodamol and that helped a lot. TV box sets, duvets, chocolate/comfort food of choice, tea, wine. Just be kind to yourselves.

Original poster
Chemistria · 22/03/2015 21:43

Thanks also for your replies Apocalypse and Teeste(?) hope I spelled your names right, still getting to grips with this site, found it very helpful though.

She has been in work since Thursday (when we found out) well not today as she doesn't work Sundays but is planning on going in tomorrow because they "need her". I've told her to rest as she is more important than whatever they so desperately need her for ... Hmm.

She's still ok so far, not much in way of bleeding since my last message.

X

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/03/2015 21:56

Just bear in mind that, if the physical side is ok, keeping going may be her way to cope. I didn't take a single day off work with mine. It was what was right for me (started on a Friday night). It is hard to judge - but she might fall into the same group.

Original poster
Chemistria · 22/03/2015 22:19

ThanksPenguins for your reply and the previous one, yeah I guess that is her way of coping, hoping it won't be too physically bad like yours and if she chooses to go to work then it may help her x

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/03/2015 22:36

Just watch herSmile You love her, you know her. You can see if she needs to be pushed to rest.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 23/03/2015 07:31

Hi OP, so sorry for your loss.
My mc involved a labour-like experience with contractions for a couple of hours. I passed the sac and bled heavily for a couple of hours. If your partner hadn't been through labour before and it is like that, she might find it very frightening. As you have been through labour, you will be brilliant support. Of course, it may not happen like that and it might be more of a period-type experience. Just keep am eye on the bleeding and if it's really heavy (speaking through a night time pad in half an hour), go to the hospital. Have the epu made a plan? Are they going to rescan or have they just suggested she takes a pregnancy test at some point?
I'm so sorry. It is just awful and unfair. Just be together and grieve and look after each other and it will soon be all over. This period of uncertainty and waiting is the worst but once it is all over, you can both start to heal. Thanks Thanks

Original poster
Chemistria · 23/03/2015 10:10

Thanks Guybrush.

The Epu said they will need to scan her twice, one week apart as we didn't get any printouts from the private clinic (didn't think of doing that for a second tbh!!) so she will have a scan Wednesday, if sac is still in there they will rescan a week from then.... Think she's hoping it will come out itself before weds or at least before second scan.

She's at work today and I have work tonight but her brother lives with us so she won't be on her own later luckily.

I know it's a bit too soon to think this but just praying we have a successful pregnancy next time.... And that this isn't a recurring thing. X

OP posts:
ChazzerChaser · 23/03/2015 10:15

With mine, it was almost like the scan allowed by body to let go. I'd had spotting before then, but it happened properly once the scan confirmed development had stopped.

From what I've read, it's very unlikely to happen again and you are pretty likely to conceive quickly after a miscarriage.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 23/03/2015 11:04

There is no reason you won't have a successful pregnancy next time. Miscarriages are really really common. It's awful, but so normal. It's just the body doing the right thing and not developing something which is physically unable to develop anyway.
Did your private scanner write any report? They might be able to send measurements to the hospital so that you only have to wait a week from that first scan to confirm it.

Original poster
Chemistria · 23/03/2015 12:41

Chazzer maybe that's what will happen with my OH, she has been spotting since Thursday now.

And Guys, yes you're right it is so common, I was worried the whole time in my pregnancy and I know OH was convinced something was going to go wrong with this one, and it seems that as the embryo itself didn't even develop then something was seriously wrong and it was best it happened then than later.

Really appreciate all your messages.

X

OP posts:
Brummiegirl15 · 23/03/2015 18:08

Hi, I've had 3 mc's in 10 months, 1 x natural and 2 x requiring surgery.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My advice is that you will know if you need to go to A&E. Gushing of blood normally or agonising pain.

Stock up on maternity pads plus wet wipes are a godsend and of course pain killers.

I took time off work. 1 week for mc 1, 2 weeks for mc 2 and 4 weeks plus 2 weeks half days after mc number 3.

My other advice is please make sure you take a pregnancy test before trying again and it's negative. It can stay positive for up to 2 weeks afterwards and I've seen so many distressed women on these boards thinking they've caught again when actually it's still the hormones.

Look after each other x Flowers

ChazzerChaser · 24/03/2015 19:17

How are you both getting on?

ChazzerChaser · 24/03/2015 19:18

Sorry, if you want yo talk that is. It was a caring enquiry not a demand for information. I've been thinking of you.

Original poster
Chemistria · 24/03/2015 19:38

Hi brummiegirl and chazzer,

She passed the sac during last night, (sorry for being bit graphic), at least I assume that's what it was. She did go into work today, luckily she has tomorrow off anyway so can try to rest! She still has bleeding a little and tiny clots but I'm hoping the worst is over now.

We have the EPU scan tomorrow , I doubt she will need the second one though.

It's helped so much coming on here and thanks again for replying, definitely staying on this site , getting used to the app now.

Hopefully we will have some happier news over the coming months, and also have our beautiful DS who helps keep us focused and feel incredibly lucky to have him. Xx

OP posts:
ChazzerChaser · 24/03/2015 19:41

That sounds positive - well as positive as it can be in this situation. If she's feeling tired from the blood loss, I know I did, can recommend floradix/floravital which is a liquid iron supplement. Good for rebuilding, they have it in health food shops.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 24/03/2015 21:16

I'm pleased things are progressing.
There will still be visible blood and possible tissue on the scan. Don't feel too disappointed at this, it's only to be expected. As long as it isn't too much, they will just ask her to do a pregnancy test in a couple of weeks.
I hope you are both doing OK. I found passing the sac a very surprising and quite traumatic experience. Not one I'll forget in a hurry.

Take care of each other. Glad she's got some time off. As she not really stopping to take some rest and will have lost blood, maybe get some spatone in to keep her iron levels up. There's nothing like low iron to make a horrible situation feel completely unmanageable.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 24/03/2015 21:17

I see the previous poster suggested the same! Sorry for not reading properly.