Hi Stoatystoat
I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby. To echo dotty i agree that all forms of mc are cruel and heartwrenching. in my opinion the nature of a mmc is particulary cruel from what i have witnessed with a dear friend and family member.
I had a early mc ( chemical pregnancy) last year at 5 weeks and it was the most heartbreaking thing i have ever been through . I cant imagine how you must be feeling .
I spent a good portion of time after feeling unjustified in my grief because of the length of time i was pregnant and this was mostly down to (certain) other peoples ignorance. Also because of this i felt i didnt have a right to grieve when others had been through so much more ie a later stage pregnancy loss, mmc, molar pregnancy , blighted ovum, recurrent mcs or complete infertility.
I remember one lady working at the local shop who (after seeing me buy a test and asking outright if i was pregnant) Asked how things were going. I explained i had a chemical pregnancy, she asked how far along i was i tried to play it down for the fear of bursting into tears in the shop by saying only 5 weeks. She responded oh, thats alright then ! Thankfully i was too shocked for it to upset me.
I was told when it happend " at least it was sooner rather than later "
yes i know had it of happend at say 20 or 12 or even 8 weeks it would have been so much harder but it was still shitty and hard and heartbreaking. Those hopes and dreams i had for my baby were created from when i found out i was pregnant ( basicAlly when i poas) and i lost them overnight and was left with a stark nothingness.
Other Gems were as previously mentioned " at least you know you can get pregnant" ( have endo and had to wait 10 months for op before i could ttc) "it wasnt meant to be " Well why did i fall pregnant in the first place then ? And " keep positive " about what exactly? The fact my hopes and dreams were ripped away from me and i have to start the whole stressful journey again from square one?
I think "everything happens for a resaon" is the right up there on the list of banality. Yes certain things happen for a reason. A life lost before it can even start what reason is there for that?.
I know that (most) people say these things because they dont want to say nothing and wonder if we think they dont care. They care and dont want to see us suffer. Unfortuntly we need to go through the painful process and our own personal journey before we can (possibly) find our own silver linings . As much its well meant people trying to jolly us along just trivialises it all.
I hope that you are able to navigate through this painful journey with support from trusted people. I know no one on here can take away your pain, i only hope you can find small comfort in knowing others on here can relate. I have found these boards invaluable. post any time you need an ear theres always a lovely lady to listen .
Take care of yourself 