Coping with friend's new baby after miscarriage

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Hi,

We lost our first baby just 5 weeks ago. 3 days before that a close friend gave birth to her first baby. I feel I can't go and see her. dh is worried that it is starting to affect my friendship with her but I fall apart when she texts or emails. I'm not jealous but I feel I resent her position and when she texts and says life is so busy I feel like writing back saying that I'd rather have her busy life than the sadness we are experiencing.

People keep telling me it will be harder the longer I leave it but I don't believe that, I think it will be hard whenever it happens. I feel like I'm not being a good friend but I know she will say the wrong things like 'it will be Ok you'll have a baby soon'. Aaarggh!!

How have other people dealt with this, it's inevitable as lots of friends are pregnant but the timing of her baby is hard to deal with.

Any advice?

I just wanted to give you an opinion from 'the other side of the fence' as it were. Two of my close friends have both had m/c's whilst I was pregnant. One had her second m/c just days after I announced I was preg. It was really hard for her as we work together so she had to see me every day getting fat etc.. I found it hard as all I wanted to do was talk about my pregnancy, babies, names etc.. however I know how she was through her first m/c so understood that whilst she was happy for me, she was also extremely upset and finding it hard.

My other friend also miscarried when I was seven months. I called her and explained that I knew I was probably the last person she felt like seeing and would wait until she felt strong enough to see me. I actually didn't see or speak to her until my DS was 2 weeks old!! She apologised for not being in contact but it wasn't a problem, I knew it would be hard for her.

Hopefully your friend will be like me and understand that you are going through a tough time and will be patient enough to leave you be until you feel ready. If not, then maybe you could politely text her back saying you still feel too upset to see her and the baby at the moment but will be in touch when you feel stronger, if she is any kind of friend she will understand!!

FB x