Medically managed miscarriage

[ginghambingham]

Hello there,

This is my first post - so apologies if I should have posted elsewhere.

We found out last week that our baby had stopped developing. I have to go in for another scan tomorrow to confirm that the baby has died, but they've told me not to be hopeful. I should now be in my 9th week, but it looks as though the baby died around six weeks. It was my first - very much wanted - pregnancy, and I'm in my 40s.

They wouldn't talk to me about my options last week - but I have been looking at what comes next online.

I don't have a great deal of confidence in the hospital, so really don't want surgery. I'd hoped they'd just give me the pills and it wouldn't take more than 48hrs. But I'm not sure this is what happens. I live in South Wales.

Can anyone tell me what happens once they've confirmed it? Will the Epau give me the drugs, or will I have to go to the gp? Is it just one lot of drugs? How long does it take for them to have an effect? Will I have to have them in hospital or at home? (The hospital is 40 mins from where I live.)

The waiting this week has been horrible. I'd hoped nature would take care of things - but she hasn't. Even the spotting that first took me to the Epau has stopped.

I don't know if it sounds weird, but knowing what's going to happen would make me feel less like I'm going mad. It's been a horrible week, and I just want it all to be over now. Any info would be very helpful. Thank you.

Hi sizethree - you made me smile, which I didn't think would be possible today.

We haven't told our folks about the pregnancy or the miscarriage. I think it would be too cruel to tell mine, especially. My partner's folks already have tons of grandkids and great-grandkids. But my brother and his wife can't have kids - and we're in our 40s and haven't had kids either. My mum and dad have never put pressure on me at all (they're lovely people), but I know in my bones that they'd love a grandchild. So I just can't tell them - it would be too cruel. Bad enough that we're hurt, without giving them pain too.

I'm just going to spin a yarn about being overwhelmed by work and not being able to make such a big deal of Christmas this year. I usually make a lot for Christmas - everything from pressies and food to decorations. But I'm not going to stress myself out with it now. There's not enough time, and I do have tons of work to catch up on. I'll just do an Amazon shop and be done with it. My partner and I have agreed not to do presents for each other - so one less thing to think about.

I'm not fond of gin, but I've got a couple of litres of Captain Morgan that had better watch out :)

I was thinking today that if it hadn't been for mumsnet, and all the lovely people on this thread, I wouldn't have known what to do. But because you've all been so generous and kind, I kind of knew what was going to happen, and knew to set up the spare bedroom and bathroom before I took the drugs. So it gave me a bit of control. I had my socks, fizzy water, baby wipes, sick bucket and spare sanitary towels all sorted and ready to go. And my partner had enough knowledge not to freak out when the pain was bad. So a massive thank you to everyone. You've made it bearable. x x x x x x x x

Hi gingerbreadmam - yeah, I still haven't passed any clots bigger than a grain of rice - and that's not normal, even for my periods. But because you told me about your experience, at least I know that there are other ways it can happen - and because I know, I can plan to stick around the house. So thank you.

I think if it doesn't happen in the next couple of days, I'll go to the GP and ask them to send me to a different hospital for a D&C.

I'm beginning to get very annoyed with hospitals/medical people not listening. We know our bodies better than anyone else - and if we feel there's something wrong, that should be good enough for them to investigate further. Instead, they treat you like a child and completely disregard anything you say.

This past couple of weeks has been surreal for me on a number of fronts. My job usually involves people taking my thoughts seriously. So I'm used to giving my analysis of different types of business situations, and proposing plans for turning them around. And of course, that involves me listening very, very carefully to what my clients need and think. But for the past two weeks, my thoughts have counted for absolutely zip. I hadn't realised how used to being listened to I'd become - and I've been pretty thrown by simply not being listened to. It's also been weird sitting for long periods in a hospital where the norm seems to be for people not to listen to anyone - not their colleagues, not their patients - no-one.

Another (much more trivial) thing, is that it's decades since I last bought sanitary towels :) Who knew there were so many fuffing varieties to choose from? I had no idea.

Hopefully things will get back to normal soon.

i bought a variety, maternity pads always ultra long, night and today, normal.

forgot how irritating they are. feel sore down there after being in them for over a week, just incase at first and now essential. plus what knickers do you wear with them? mine seem to just scewiff all over the place unless i have full on knickers on which i own 2 pairs of as only ever use them when af to sleep in lol!

i would definitely call gp tomorrow and see what they advise. did they prescribe you additional tablets incase it didnt work? my hospital did but im glad it happened like it did as i didnt really want to take them. your hospital sounds awful if you can sounds like the other one is definitely worth a try. so sorry you are going through this absolute crap.

Hi gingerbreadmam - yep, can sympathise with knicker twisting and irritation. My pants are totally not up to the job.

I wasn't given follow-up tablets, so I'll just have to wait. We have healthcare cover through my partner's work (which I'd forgotten about). So we're going to see if there's any chance that will cover the situation I'm in now.

I've only had what for me would be a light to average period. No clots - and all pain has stopped. So I just don't think it's happened, and I can't face going back to the Epau. I'll see if I can get a GP appointment today.

aww gingham im so sorry really hoped it would work for you and be over. ive seen people on another thread i think get an erpc almost straight away with their private insurance so if you feel like that is your next step i hope it all goes quickly.

how are.you feeling in yourself? doesnt sound like it is over, that was similar to my experience. i then thought i had gone on to mc naturally on tuesday.

seems it wasnt the full thing, i am in hospital now as after returning to work today the bleeding started again and wouldnt calm down. there is tissue stuck in neck of womb. have had a horrible internal and blood tests etc and have to wait till 9.00pm for another internal. dreading it, they hope its passed. not as much as i do!

gingerbreadmam really hope it goes well for you. Am thinking of you x

thanks gingham.

hows things with you? hope ur ok.

i got home about midnight last night im ok today just tired. hopefully all done now.

Just been to a different NHS hospital - and they were absolutely lovely. They couldn’t have been more different from the other place.

The doctor and midwife spent ages talking to me, and just generally being kind. I also had another scan.

They think there might be a tiny bit of the pregnancy left behind, but said it’s too small to do anything about, and the likelihood is that it’ll just pass on its own. I don’t need surgery, and they said there’s not much point taking the medication again.

So I feel very relieved, and I can just get on with things now. I feel really reassured - and if we manage to get pregnant again, I’m just going straight to this hospital.

Gingham - oh I'm glad you had a better experience this time round.

Thanks Wonkylegs - they were so lovely to me. Glad to hear you're home gingerbreadmam - and I hope you get a chance to recover and feel better in yourself really soon. You've been through it, well and truly.

I'm going to take it easy this weekend, and then I think I'll go back to work next week.

I can't begin to thank everyone here on MN for how kind and supportive you've been. I think I would have gone properly loopy without your help. xxx

if theres anything good to come of the crap we have all gone through it is that we can use our experiences to help others out that find themselves in this unfortunate hell hole!

sounds like that hospital was much better, definitely head back there when you get your good news! glad things have gone ok for you and hopefully the last little bit wont cause you any trouble. hope you are ok.

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread. I am really sorry to read about all your losses and the experiences you are going through.

I came on here looking for some support because I am going through a similar thing. -was meant to be 12 weeks on Weds but found out a week last Monday that the baby had stopped growing ages ago :-( I bled quite a lot and had a horrible day on Monday, with lots of contraction like pains and finally passing massive clots so I thought it was all over - unfortunately, when I went back to the hospital on Weds this week (the actual same day & appt that was supposed to be my 12 week scan) they said that there was still stuff in there, so gave me some pills to take.. there was one to take on weds, and then I had 4 to take today - I took 2 this morning and she said if I hadn't started bleeding to take the other 2 3hrs later. I did start bleeding, but not alot has happened really so I don't know whether I am supposed to take the other 2 now or not. Its about 8hrs ago that I took the first.

They really don't give you much info do they?!! In the hospital the first time, the doctor was so casual and said it would be all over by Thursday (3 days away) and that I would be fine to go back to work. That was a week and a half ago now, and I really don't feel like I should of been going to work. Then on Weds, the second doc said that the bleeding would be like a heavy period.. well, I still don't know what to expect, but if its anything like last monday then it was much much worse than that.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind me posting here, I just really wanted to hear from others who are going through the same thing. I am really hoping that these pills work as I really don't want to have a general...
hope you are all doing ok xx

snowface, i would ring your hospital now and ask for advice on the pills.

the bleeding in my experience is nothing like a heavy period and it is so annoying they describe it like that. i was stuck to the loo 3 hours due to how much blood i was loosing and i know many women have similar experiences so i think that is more the norm.

i got contraction type pains like you too, first had a bout early hours monday then they started again tuesday which is when i had all the bleeding. like you i had hoped everything had passed but learnt yesterday something was stuck. this was removed with forceps im hospital last night.

how are you coping with the emotional side? its really tough and i dont think you should be at work either.

hi gingerbreadmam, gosh that sounds horrific

hi gingerbreadmam, gosh that sounds horrific with the forceps.. do they think it is all out now?

I was also stuck to the loo on monday and losing loads of blood, it was pretty awful so thought that was it over. Am so gutted that it isn't and this is dragging on now. I will ring the hospital about the pills.

I'm quite up and down emotionally I suppose, most of the time I just think I want the whole experience over with, and then it hits me what is actually happening and I feel really sad. I think it will hit me harder when the physical process is over though.... and the thought of trying again is really scary at the moment.. How are you coping?

Hi snowface. Please don't apologize - you're in exactly the right place and doing exactly the right thing, asking for support. I would have gone out of my mind over the last couple of weeks if I hadn't have had these lovely ladies to talk to.

All I can tell you is what happened with the drugs I took, and what I was told this morning.

I was given 4 x Misoprostol to take at home, all in one go. I took them at 8am on Wednesday this week, and they took about 2 1/2 hours to kick in. They hurt a damn sight more than a heavy period, but didn't make me bleed as much as a heavy period.

So I went to a different hospital this morning (Friday - so 48 hours after taking the tablets) to have another scan, because as I hadn't passed any clots or bled heavily, I didn't think the miscarriage was complete.

The scan showed that sac had gone, but there was still a little bit of tissue left behind. A doctor and midwife told me that these drugs can take a little longer than 48 hours to do their work, and that they thought the remaining tissue would pass on its own.

And right enough, this afternoon I've start to bleed much more heavily - the heaviest since I took the drugs. I really don't know if this is what will happen for you - because everyone reacts in different ways.

What I do know is that I had to push to get my scan this morning - and to get it at a different hospital, because I was very unhappy with the first one I went to. And for me, it was worth doing that - because I finally found a doctor to talk to who cared and was prepared to give me time and explain fully.

If I were you, I'd call the unit that's been treating you - there should be an out of hours number - and ask their advice.

As for going to work - there is no way you should feel pressure to do this. I'm planning on starting back at work on Tuesday next week - which will mean I've had two weeks off altogether.

I've done little bits from home, because I've felt ok doing it, and it's possible to do what I do from home. But I'm not ready to go and work with clients yet, and I might not be for a little while. If I'm honest, I'm as fragile as I've been in a very long time. I feel teary, and have had some very low moments. I don't know how useful I'm going to be when I get back to work, and I'm planning to just take it one step at a time.

I know not everyone has the luxury of taking it as gently as I hope to - but please be kind to yourself. You're going through an awful thing at the moment - and stuff like work can just take a back seat.

Take care - and don't ever apologize for looking for help. This thread has been a lifeline to me over the last few days.

Sending you massive hugs xx

thanks gingham, it is awful that we are all going through this but so reassuring to be able to hear other peoples experiences. I really had never thought of what a mc actually involves before this happened, but I didn't expect it would be so drawn out.
The pills I was given are misoprostol too. I was told to only take 2 though, and then the other 2 if I hadn't started bleeding after 3hrs, I am just a little confused about whether to take these other 2 now because it all seems to have mellowed out. I am trying to get hold of the out of hours number to speak to someone about it now.

I did take time off work in the end, even though the dr at the hospital thought I would be fine, because I went to see my gp and he signed me off immediately for 2 weeks. I was just surprised that the gyno was so casual about it.
Fragile is a good way of describing how I am feeling right now too, I hope you are coping ok. massive hugs to you too xx

aww snow sounds like you have been through a lot too you poor thing. well it does sound like something has happened. maybe after speaking to the hospital they may advise you to take next set and that will help you to complete it.

if they ask you to go in for an examination i would reccomend it. my problem was the cervix wouldnt close as it knew somehing was stuck there so it is important you dont keep yourself in that situation.

you are bound to be up and down. once you know its a mc its kind of easy to forget it was goinf to be a baby for a while hut when that hits you again its awful. take as much time as you need dont worry about work at all you are most important at this terrible time. take it easy and look after yourself. do you have anyone for support in real life?

Before all of this, I'd never heard of "silent miscarriage" and I didn't know it could be so drawn out either. I think for me, that's been the worst thing - the limbo of waiting and waiting. And then when you think, OK, I've accepted that the baby has died, and I've taken the drugs, that's it now... but then you're back into the uncertainty of maybe-it-is-maybe-it-isn't. And it's back to waiting.

Even the strongest person is going to become seriously frayed in these circumstances.

Earlier on in this thread, sizethree talked about clever doctors who know everthing, but have no emotional intelligence (I'm paraphrasing). It seems there are a lot of these kind of doctors around.

I spoke to a wonderful midwife this morning. She was the first person who didn't speak to me like I was over-reacting. She told me that she'd been through two miscarriages. So she really did know and understand.

We're not over-reacting. We've all lost a baby - and the dreams that went with that. We've all had that awful moment when the scan shows everything has gone wrong. We've all had the physical pain of miscarriage - and the hormonal car crash that accompanies it. Our bodies have taken a bit of a battering. And it's a shitty, shitty time of year for this to be happening too.

So ignore stupid doctors who only see miscarriage as a minor medical hitch. Frankly, F* em. What do they know?

Just look after yourself and give yourself time to get back on your feet. xx

ginger yes, my OH is here, he was away while I had the first scan though, so that was horrible, and I couldn't contact him for 3 days after as he was out of mobile range. I agree that I forget that it was going to be a baby, and also I am so used to having periods that I also forget what all the bleeding means.

There's a small part of me that is grateful to be experiencing this too because I now feel so much compassion for all the other women who have been through this.
Eventually, this will make us all into more wholesome people. That's the way I look at it anyway.
gingham the scan was so awful wasn't it? I thought I had mentally prepared myself for the worst but I keep hearing the drs words saying "it's not good" in that dark room and then everything has changed since that moment.

Look after yourselves too both of you, I don't personally believe that things happen for a reason, but I do think that you can give positive meaning to even the darkest of situations xxx

i think as youve both already said we will come out of this stronger people. think its also a good point about understanding what other ppl have been thru. this happened to one of my best friends a few years ago and altho i felt her pain at the time i didnt quite understand the devastation. i certainly do now and wish id been a better support.

she now has a happy healthy almost two year old now btw so good can come to us eventually.

the not knowing when it will be over and getting hopes up is some kind of torture, feel bad just typing hopes up but at this point u do just want it all over.

glad u have people around u for love and support

Hi ladies
I'm looking for some advice I had a d&c in aug after a misscarage... It took 3 months to get a period and when I did I thought ok I can now look to try again thinking period was back on track.. So period time comes around again and it's no where to be seen. I took a pregnancy test on the day of my period was due and it was negative.. I have no signs of preganancy.. Well I'm just really tired that could be work and week before period was due I had cramps and I seem to have excess discharge... I can't bare the thought of my period just being irregular again as its a reminded of the loss I have experienced and I'm trying to stay postive and try again... What are ur thoughts ladies as I really thought my body was back to normal... X

im not sure hope. did u do a test after the erpc that came up negative? ive read that the first period afterwards can be weird but then thought kinda went back to normal but i have no experience. just from what ive read.

those do sound a bit like pregnancy symtoms though. did u do a sensitive test? maybe wait a few days and try again with first morning wee?

Thanks gingerbreadmam for getting back to me. Yeah I took test on the Saturday morning and my period should have been the friday. I know the last time I was preganant it took a week after my period to get a faint positive. I suppose I'm hopeful thinking but of is not that I wish my period would just come the uncertainty and ur body being all messed up when u thought u were back on track is horrid... I mean I think we have been through enough ladies!! Sending u all hugs xx

your completely right hope! well i would give it till the weekend if u can hold out that long and test again. if nothing still probs best to speak to gp. hope everyhing is ok.