Odd question but what did you do during your miscarriages?

[Wetthemogwai]

I'm 11 weeks tomorrow and after a couple of weeks of on/off bleeding and an inconclusive scan I can feel the cramps starting and the bleeding starting on a different level.

I have a 3 year old dd who keeps me busy during the day but my partner works away so after 7 at night I'm alone with my thoughts. Over the last 10 weeks I've been consumed with baby names and dreams of the future in my little bubble of lovely pregnancy. The last 2 weeks have been filled with the emotional roller coaster of not knowing what's going on in my belly.

But now I know what's going on....I just don't know what to do with myself. I think I've done my crying, I'm just sitting here not able to focus on anything waiting for something to happen.

DP isn't back til Sunday so if you've got any ideas what I can do with myself for the next 3 nights I'd appreciate it.

TIA x

Hi Wetthemogwai, I'm sorry you're going through this and particularly if you're on your own. It will be so comforting for you when DP is home. I've found that I need to keep myself distracted or the black clouds come in. I've watched a lot of TV but a task that I did that was a good distraction was to finally sort out my wedding photos into an album. Next I'll tackle the honeymoon ones. This was quite satisfying. I've found it really difficult to go from obsessing over all the details of having a baby to having nothing that is anywhere on that level. I've had a few days thrashing around feeling angry at having no focus. I've no energy for physical exercise and things like looking at holiday ideas and home furnishings were stressing me out more than helping. I was looking for a book that might cheer me up or soothe me. I've started reading The Happiness Project & already feel this might help me.

Hope you find your distraction soon. Perhaps make something if you're crafty. I did some baking but have no self restraint so it didn't help with my feeling overweight!

Best wishes over the next few days and hope you feely better once DP comes back, try to look forward to that x

Have you been to the Early PU or are you letting nature run its course. Ive had 3. 1st one at 7 weeks i was scanned and given the option on a d&c or tablets. I choose surgery. Second one was 17 weeks and i didn't need an op but was kept in for 3 days due to low blood pressure, something i always seem to suffer with. The 3rd one was at 5 weeks and i just stayed in the house and let things happen naturally, i didn't know i was pg but instantly knew what was happening.

Take care of yourself and take painkillers if your in pain.

I'm waiting for a missed miscarriage. I found out on Tuesday at a private scan and had it confirmed at epu yesterday. Because they can't accept private scans I have to be scanned by them again next thurs. Nothing has started for me yet so it's a bit surreal. I'm trying to carry on like normal knowing that at any time I might be out of action for a couple of days. If nothing's happened by my scan on thurs I can have ERPC on Friday so nice to know there's an end in sight.
Like you I'm occupied during the day and early eve with DDs 6 & 3. In the evenings I've basically been treating myself to wine, chocolate and feel good favourite films. I'm also reading a favourite chick lit novel.

I am sorry you are going through this. I have just been through my third miscarriage. The recurrent miscarriage support thread has been invaluable to me and I have spent a lot of time researching causes etc but after my first miscarriage I took the day off work and went to help a friend move house. This time I also took a day off. Dh and I went out for lunch and I planted lots of lovely flowers in the garden. Spending time with dd also helps, but there is no denying it is shit and there's only so much distraction you can manage. I told friends what had happened and they were a good source of support. Sunny days and going somewhere nice helps. In the evenings I just had early nights really, though didn't always sleep well. Being back in work I actually find harder, even though it's more distracting. Am feeling a bit better now though, two weeks on.

Hi everyone, thanks for your support and stories. It's an awful thing to happen to anyone so I really appreciate you sharing experiences

It's DPs birthday on Monday so DD and I have been doing nice things the last couple of days like decorating cupcakes and wrapping his presents. That's been lovely and taken my mind off things.

dogger (love the name btw, dogger is one of my faves!) I went to the EPU last week and the scan was inconclusive, baby was measuring 3 weeks too small and although the sonographer said she saw the heartbeat me and DP weren't convinced. I left feeling very upset and frustrated and like we'd unfairly been given false hope. I knew as soon as I saw the tiny blob rather than a 10 week baby that it was over and only a matter of time.
Planning on going back in the week to confirm.

rascal we did the same with the baking and now I've eaten them all I look about 6 months pregnant! (Ironically)

I'll see if I can pick up a new DVD and a book. Bit of a treat to myself and a distraction.

Yes it's very tough. I have been a bit frustrated with the epu because it was very clear from my scan this week that there was no hope, but apparently because of the NICE guidelines, they can't take the previous private scan into account (where we saw a hb, then didn't a week later), and if the fetal pole is under a certain size they have to wait 7-10 dys and scan again to check if its grown. Seems nonsensical in my case as they said the could see everything collapsing which is consistent with a mmc. It's a waste of their time and I would have much preferred an ERPC this week to get it over with. They also can't go by your dates, even if you're sure. I knew it was probably going to end badly from the first private scan when everything looked ok but measured small, as the dates meant I would have tested positive pretty much impossibly early.

Are you sure of your dates?

Certain sure, DP got a bit frustrated with her as she kept just dismissing me saying I must've got my dates wrong. He told her that we could tell her to the hour when it was conceived and by the dates she was telling us we had conceived after we'd got the BFP!

It really put me ff using the EPU. Maybe she was having an off day but I was treated like an idiot and felt like a piece of meat on a conveyer belt :(

I'm do sorry to hear your news . My miscarriages were just continuous period type bleeding, no sudden bleeds or anything, so I just got on with my days as normal and moped about a lot.

If I was trying to kill time in the evening I might do some sort of online course or maybe get into a fab book or huge Arab series like Dextor or something.

Fuck knows where Arab came from!! TV was what I was aiming for

LOL seb Arab made me

There's been a lot of moping the last few days. My friend who knows everything is being great and distracting me though she's 100 miles away so it's all by text. That's good I suppose, I don't know if I could cope with someone actually being here.

humps I spent a good chunk of the week flitting between fuming with her and fuming with myself for not saying something. I didn't really want to be THAT woman that kicks off in the nurses office!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first 2 days before my 12 week scan 2. and a half years ago. The only thing I can really remember that clearly sticks out in my head was the Noah and the whale album. I listened the song life goes on loads. And around the time I conceived again just happened to be listening to tonight's the kind of night. This album oddly really helped. Strange the things you remember.

Tori it might be good to prepare yourself that they might insist on making you come back in a week, as they did at mine, but it could be different for you. It may also depend on the size of the fetal pole. It may help if you have images from your private scans.

It sort of made it more frustrating for me that they said if I'd gone to one particular private place they could have counted the private scan as the first one because their own epu sonographers work there. I thought that was inconsistent really.

I didn't make a big fuss because I sensed it wouldn't get me anywhere and the specialist nurse I saw was very nice just said they had to stick to their rigid protocol.

Oh dogger that's SO frustrating!

buttercup I agree it's strange things you remember! I've been a little paranoid about it, I don't want something I particularly enjoy to become forever associated with an awful event. My due date would've been my late grandmas birthday, now it'll be a doubly sad occasion, DPs birthday is on Monday and next week is my friends wedding- I don't want those to become associated with it. My friends suggested I take up knitting, once I get into it it'll be something idle to do with my hands and while I'm learning it'll take all my concentration!

tori I'm sorry you're going through this too. The uncertainty is awful, regardless of the outcome. Like dogger says, prepare yourself to be told to come back. I hear people have been called back a week or so later, this wasn't the case for me as I had the 12 week scan booked for 3 weeks after (it's now 2 weeks away) so they wanted me to wait til then. It's a torturous wait and it'll likely be a while til the end for either of us but I hope you find this thread helpful x

Oh wow I can't imagine that tori, you'd have to be very strong. Could you take some time off?

I honestly don't know about the scans but I'll keep my fingers crossed that they'll accept them :)

Thinking of you today Tori, hope it goes well. When I went they asked if I needed a note for work to get time off so maybe you should take them up on that. I thought I was ok but found going to playgroup yesterday with dd much harder than I thought with lots of little babies and pregnant mums around.

I miscarried at 12 weeks but the pregnancy had 'stopped' earlier (sorry don't know the right term) so I had stopped feeling pregnant. I think it made it a lot easier because I felt I wasn't miscarrying a baby more that I had had a failed chance at pregnancy...does that make sense? I was sad and disappointed but, for me, I wasn't grieving an actual baby.

I had bad cramps and went into hospital for a D and C (again, sorry if that's not the right term). The nurses were lovely and I felt a bit teary afterwards. When I got home I still passed a really big clot which I found a bit of a shock and quite upsetting especially as I didn't know it might happen.

I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant but told work when I returned to work a few days later. I was really glad I told them as everyone was nice to me and very understanding but not in an dramatic way. It wasn't awkward and I don't think people felt they had to tiptoe around me. Half the women seemed to have been through the same thing. I think some people might need or want a longer time off work but I was glad I went back quickly. We also cancelled a meet up with some friends and let them know why, they sent a bunch of white flowers which I found very sweet - it's funny how a little thing like that can mean so much.

My DH was lovely the whole time.

I felt Ok surprisingly quickly although I realise that it's different for everybody.

One thing I consciously did was to not remember the date. I am not sure how I managed it but I honestly couldn't tell you when it was.

I was sure I was miscarrying with my second pregnancy as I was bleeding and cramping a lot. I told a few people about it as I found it comforting to talk about it. (Not too much obviously). Fortunately, I didn't miscarry that time.

Otherwise, I think I just distracted myself watching TV and playing computer games.

Sorry that you have to go back and that you'd have to stay in with medical management Tori. It may well happen naturally before then though - have you got any signs at all?
I don't have any cramps or any spotting so far and have still been feeling a bit nauseous though think it might be lessening. I'm a bit the opposite to you in that for me personally I'd prefer not to mc at home and am hoping nothing happens before thurs/fri when I go back to epu and can have the surgical procedure. On the other hand though I am preparing myself that it might well happen before then and it would be good to avoid surgery I suppose. I have pads, co-codamol, bed mats & hot water bottle at the ready. I had a natural mc before and I'm trying to remind myself that the anticipation/fear of it was far worse than the event itself which wasn't too bad on that occasion.

tori I don't know how men can know how we should be reacting. Everyone will react differently and I know whatever my DP does seems to be wrong so he's struggling a bit now with knowing what to say. You have every right to react however you need to and if you and your DP are open and honest with each other I'm sure you can work through it :)
DP is back tomorrow and I honestly don't know what to say to him other then cuddle up on the couch with him and cry and tell him how sorry and guilty i feel. He got so excited and I feel like I'm crushing his dreams every time I update him :(

Wetthemogwai. Of course you will feel sad but please try not to feel guilty. I know that's easier said than done