Another birthday :(

[Catlover2014]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to post but I just needed someone to talk to. I turn 34 today and I feel dreadful about it.

DH and I have been TTC for five years and after finally conceiving twice this year I have lost both babies at around 10/11 weeks. I don't want to celebrate my birthday but I know friends and family will expect me to pretend I'm happy.

All my friends have had babies and my sister in law will have a baby on July, just a week apart from me in due date from my 1st pregnancy. I'm happy for them but utterly dread facing the reality of it.

What I'm wondering is will it ever get easier to accept that I probably won't ever be a mum? Has anyone else considered adoption? My head's spinning :(

X

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better! Hopefully the hypnotherapy cd can help you get into a positive frame of mind, though i know how difficult that can be. The supplements I took were Angus castus, b6 and myo inositol. You can look up the research on myo inositol on pubmed, it improves egg quality among other things. It might be worth giving it a try.

I honestly think I coped better with the baby months because I had waited so long. I was always happy to be woken up during the night so I could see him. It's the one benefit of fertility issues.

Are you having treatment at the minute?

Just joining in with my story to encourage you. I'm 40 and had DS last year after three miscarriages. I also have two lovely cats! After two we went private to a miscarriage specialist and had as many tests as he recommended. I was then measured to have "low or undetectable" ovarian reserve (no of eggs) so did super ovulation to conceive again. That one miscarried as well, which was beyond painful, and we had said we would explore adoption after that. BUT we did try again on super ovulation again and had a straightforward pregnancy.

It was a long, long road and I couldn't have done it without huge support on here. Not just support but huge knowledge and expertise! You will have your own limits like my 'limit' of three mc, but I wanted to encourage you that there are many avenues of treatment and investigation and loads of valiant people journeying with you if you choose to journey further. I got a bfp on the same day as a fellow super ov'er (her seventh pregnancy). We subsequently met in RL at our 12 wk scan and again at a breastfeeding drop in before realising we live only streets away. Anyway, sorry, it might not be helpful having such an annoyingly positive story at this time in your journey. The main thing is that you don't need to feel it's over yet.

Thinking of you. The grind of it all IS exhausting x

Cat thank you so much for asking after me. Yesterday was tough physically. I lost a lot of thick, clotting blood and tissue and ended up on the sofa for most of the day with strong painkillers. My husband's work let him come home a bit early so that helped.

Today is tough emotionally. I burst into tears putting on my body lotion and couldn't stop. I just hate the way my body is changing back when I don't want it to. I've hardly had any appetite because all my cravings and hunger disappeared instantly. I know that this is all something I've just got to get used to and there will be good and bad days. I'll have to get used to my husband not being here. He does 12 hour shifts (always longer in the end) with over an hour commute at each end. I know that he has found it very hard to go back as he didn't want to leave me on my own.

I hope you're having a better day today. I think it's just this overwhelming sense of sadness that is very difficult to deal with.

Soloman I'm so glad that you had a happy outcome. It brings hope for us all. I'm dreading Christmas. It's not a happy time of year for me anyway as I went through a bereavement at that time of year as a child. I was actually looking forward to it this year as I thought there would be a baby in the house. My EDD was the day after my husband's birthday so I'll have to work really hard to make sure that sadness doesn't overshadow his celebrations. We had even been laughing about the fact that his 40th would be overshadowed by the baby's 1st. So sad! I think if I am pregnant again come December we would both find it much easier to deal with.

Sorry for the long post but I just need to get everything off my chest. I moved to a new town last October and don't really know anyone here. My family are an hour's drive away and I just can't face that at the moment.

Daisy, thanks for the suggestion!! I'm already on B6 but will try the other three. It's good to hear that your hard journey has turned into something positive and I shall take that with me on my journey too.

Jaffa, thank you so much for sharing and congrats on your successful pregnancy. It sounds like your hard times were overcome and I admire how you got over them to try that one last time. We are having some tests and hopefully this will help us to find the cause and right treatment. I feel sure the answer is out there!

Rejjie, so sorry to hear yesterday was hard. You've been through a lot and it's all so recent. I know just how you're feeling. Weirdly enough I'm feeling brighter today, even managed to laugh and smile and mean it!!! Let's stick together and help each other through? I know it be hard living away from family. Please PM me anytime, it sounds like we could both use some understanding support!!!

Hugs to all you lovely ladies. I'm grateful beyond words xxxxxx