ERPC, MM or just wait and see?

[AlpacaYourThings]

I've had quite a few weeks of uncertainty.

At first I was told this was a PUL and then that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I've just seen my consultant who has informed me that the baby is in the right place but is developing very, very slowly so it's not a viable pregnancy.

I had already accepted that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be when I was told this was an ectopic pregnancy. Now, I've found out that the baby is in the right place I'm not sure I feel comfortable with have an ERPC or MM. It would feel like I was having an abortion. I know it's not, but I can't shake the feeling. I would like to wait and see if my body miscarries naturally and have the decision taken out of my hands.

If I don't miscarry naturally, I would like to have an ERPC as I wouldn't want to have MM and for that to not work and then have this dragged out for even longer with an ERPC. I'm sorry if that sounds awful, it's just this has been going on for 3 weeks now and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take.

If you have had an ERPC or MM can you tell me about the reality of it?

[RiverRocks]

Hi Alpaca, hope you're doing okay today. If you need to talk, just pm me

[AlpacaYourThings]

Hi Moffit and RiverRocks

Everything went as well as it could. The staff were so lovely to me. I was the first patient to have surgery this morning, so luckily there wasn't a wait.

Glad it's finally over. I felt very emotional when I came around from the operation, but felt ok after about 30 minutes.

Thank you both for your support.

Moffit have they offered you any alternatives yet?

[AlpacaYourThings]

Sorry, I forgot to say how are you, RiverRocks? Can I blame the anaesthetic for my bad manners

[beachesandbuckets]

Alpaca, just checking in to see how you are and glad that the surgical side was straightforward. Hope that you are doing ok, and getting lots of rest and kindness. I remember this all very clearly from my experience, even though its nearly 2 years ago. I wondered how I would ever feel happy again. But I did, and you will soon. On the physical side, I was back at work within 4 days, but did bleed quite heavily for a while, was worried that it was an incomplete job, but got checked out and think it was just one of those things, there were no complications. Emotionally, I found it really helpful to tell people what had. Happened to me in real life, I didn't want it to be a 'secret' for me to suffer in silence, also I wanted people to acknowledge that I had been pregnant, there had been a baby, miscarriage wasn't something I should be ashamed of. I know that its very much a personal choice, but this helped me (and I am usually quite a private person). It was eye opening how many people then opened up about their own miscarriages, which made me feel less alone. What I did find hard was that at certain 'dates' (due date, 1 year anniversary of mmc) no-one, not even Dh or my mum, remembered, so be kind to yourself those dates, and tell someone in advance so you have support if you need it.
Am really sorry that you have gone through this, many hugs x

[RiverRocks]

Don't worry about it Alpaca.

Physically, I'm fine. Minimal bleeding, like the end of a light period.

Emotionally, as beaches says, I'm finding it harder. I was making a lot of plans with a view to having a baby at the end of the year. November will be hard, and Christmas. I found out on the anniversary of my cousin's death, 2 days before my birthday, so I'm dreading that next year as well.

I find it quite therapeutic to talk about on here, especially as you're going through a very similar experience, but in real life I'm not ready to go back to work as one of my colleagues is heavily pregnant and I can't face her

[AlpacaYourThings]

Thank you beaches

I'm a bit emotional again this morning. It's strange because accept that this pregnancy isn't (wasn't) viable, but I find it hard to accept that I won't have a baby in November, IYSWIM?

River I know exactly what you mean. My due date was FIL's birthday. That will make it hard to 'celebrate' this year.

Next week I would have been 12 weeks and I have to go to a friends wedding. I'm just dreading people asking me "Oh you are married, so when will you be having children?" - I just don't know how to answer them.

I have a colleague who is due in October, that will be hard to be around.

The most gut wrenching news was my cousin texting me to say she is expecting a baby in November. I felt awful that my first reaction wasn't joy for them, but sadness that it wasn't me. I still feel so selfish about that.

[marshmallowpies]

Alpaca that's exactly it. You known in your head the pregnancy is gone, but you still keep mentally planning ahead to autumn 'when the baby comes'. And so many of my friends are having '2014 babies' and I won't be. I still find that hard.

[AlpacaYourThings]

It's comforting to know that there are women here who know how I feel, not that I would ever wish this on anyone.

DH wants to try again and I realised today that my miscarriage took exactly 1 month to deal with. We found out on 1st April that they couldn't find the pregnancy sac and I have my ERPCon 30th... I've spent the whole month in limbo, I'm not sure I'm ready to TTC. I'm terrified that this might happen again.

[AlpacaYourThings]

marshmallow thank you, at least I know I'm not the only one feeling that way.

I keep thinking that I understand this baby is gone, but I can't accept that I won't have a baby in November, that I won't be 5 months pregnant for our holiday in July, that this Christmas won't be our babies 1st Christmas.

I had a dream last night that we didn't miscarry and I dreamt giving birth to twins. It was hard to wake up to the reality.

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

Alpaca, beaches here again, have name changed. I know exactly what you are feeling, I had mentally planned the year with a baby in mind, how it would effect my dcs, when I would take my maternity leave etc. And then I was just back at work like nothing happened. Also, it sounds ridiculous now, but as soon as I got pregnant, I binned the gym and started gorging on carbs, and then had to try to lose the 'baby weight' for a baby I never had.

A number of people in my life had babies
almost on or around my due date which made me feel physically sick, I hate to admit. I think its a normal reaction so don't feel bad.

And even when I got pregnant again 6 mths later (with my dts) you would think that would have 'healed" me, but they haven't replaced the baby I lost, although of course I appreciate my good fortune.

Go really easy on yourself, every day will get a tiny bit easier x

[AlpacaYourThings]

I binned the gym and started gorging on carbs, and then had to try to lose the 'baby weight' for a baby I never had.

Yep - I need to do that, too! I was training for a run at the end of May when I found out I was pregnant, I stopped training and haven't been able to exercise since. I am going to start training again as soon as I've recovered from the ERPC.

I think that exactly it, I don't want to 'replace' this baby with another one. I keep telling DH that I just want this baby. I'm not sure if he understands, as much as he tries to.

[RiverRocks]

Alpaca how are you this morning?

I know exactly what you mean about trying to 'replace' my November baby. We'd made so many plans, including eloping in July because I wanted us to be married before the baby. I liked my plans.

[AlpacaYourThings]

Just a bit achy, RiverRocks. How are you feeling?

Oh wow, eloping! Will you still do that, or do you want to wait?

I liked my plans, too.

[RiverRocks]

Still eloping. Has given me something to do for the last 2 weeks. My dad is giving us some money so we've no reason to wait really.

I feel fine physically, not even got period cramps. I feel like I shouldn't, like I should be in pain or something, but I had a day in bed Tuesday feeling sorry for myself and then just gone back to normal (if normal was not being at work).

[AlpacaYourThings]

That's great, let me know how the big day goes?

I have had hardly any bleeding (sorry if tmi) or pain, I'm so glad I didn't choose MM.