ERPC, MM or just wait and see?

[AlpacaYourThings]

I've had quite a few weeks of uncertainty.

At first I was told this was a PUL and then that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I've just seen my consultant who has informed me that the baby is in the right place but is developing very, very slowly so it's not a viable pregnancy.

I had already accepted that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be when I was told this was an ectopic pregnancy. Now, I've found out that the baby is in the right place I'm not sure I feel comfortable with have an ERPC or MM. It would feel like I was having an abortion. I know it's not, but I can't shake the feeling. I would like to wait and see if my body miscarries naturally and have the decision taken out of my hands.

If I don't miscarry naturally, I would like to have an ERPC as I wouldn't want to have MM and for that to not work and then have this dragged out for even longer with an ERPC. I'm sorry if that sounds awful, it's just this has been going on for 3 weeks now and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take.

If you have had an ERPC or MM can you tell me about the reality of it?

[AlpacaYourThings]

That's great, let me know how the big day goes?

I have had hardly any bleeding (sorry if tmi) or pain, I'm so glad I didn't choose MM.

[RiverRocks]

Still eloping. Has given me something to do for the last 2 weeks. My dad is giving us some money so we've no reason to wait really.

I feel fine physically, not even got period cramps. I feel like I shouldn't, like I should be in pain or something, but I had a day in bed Tuesday feeling sorry for myself and then just gone back to normal (if normal was not being at work).

[AlpacaYourThings]

Just a bit achy, RiverRocks. How are you feeling?

Oh wow, eloping! Will you still do that, or do you want to wait?

I liked my plans, too.

[RiverRocks]

Alpaca how are you this morning?

I know exactly what you mean about trying to 'replace' my November baby. We'd made so many plans, including eloping in July because I wanted us to be married before the baby. I liked my plans.

[AlpacaYourThings]

I binned the gym and started gorging on carbs, and then had to try to lose the 'baby weight' for a baby I never had.

Yep - I need to do that, too! I was training for a run at the end of May when I found out I was pregnant, I stopped training and haven't been able to exercise since. I am going to start training again as soon as I've recovered from the ERPC.

I think that exactly it, I don't want to 'replace' this baby with another one. I keep telling DH that I just want this baby. I'm not sure if he understands, as much as he tries to.

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

Alpaca, beaches here again, have name changed. I know exactly what you are feeling, I had mentally planned the year with a baby in mind, how it would effect my dcs, when I would take my maternity leave etc. And then I was just back at work like nothing happened. Also, it sounds ridiculous now, but as soon as I got pregnant, I binned the gym and started gorging on carbs, and then had to try to lose the 'baby weight' for a baby I never had.

A number of people in my life had babies
almost on or around my due date which made me feel physically sick, I hate to admit. I think its a normal reaction so don't feel bad.

And even when I got pregnant again 6 mths later (with my dts) you would think that would have 'healed" me, but they haven't replaced the baby I lost, although of course I appreciate my good fortune.

Go really easy on yourself, every day will get a tiny bit easier x

[AlpacaYourThings]

marshmallow thank you, at least I know I'm not the only one feeling that way.

I keep thinking that I understand this baby is gone, but I can't accept that I won't have a baby in November, that I won't be 5 months pregnant for our holiday in July, that this Christmas won't be our babies 1st Christmas.

I had a dream last night that we didn't miscarry and I dreamt giving birth to twins. It was hard to wake up to the reality.

[AlpacaYourThings]

It's comforting to know that there are women here who know how I feel, not that I would ever wish this on anyone.

DH wants to try again and I realised today that my miscarriage took exactly 1 month to deal with. We found out on 1st April that they couldn't find the pregnancy sac and I have my ERPCon 30th... I've spent the whole month in limbo, I'm not sure I'm ready to TTC. I'm terrified that this might happen again.

[marshmallowpies]

Alpaca that's exactly it. You known in your head the pregnancy is gone, but you still keep mentally planning ahead to autumn 'when the baby comes'. And so many of my friends are having '2014 babies' and I won't be. I still find that hard.

[AlpacaYourThings]

Thank you beaches

I'm a bit emotional again this morning. It's strange because accept that this pregnancy isn't (wasn't) viable, but I find it hard to accept that I won't have a baby in November, IYSWIM?

River I know exactly what you mean. My due date was FIL's birthday. That will make it hard to 'celebrate' this year.

Next week I would have been 12 weeks and I have to go to a friends wedding. I'm just dreading people asking me "Oh you are married, so when will you be having children?" - I just don't know how to answer them.

I have a colleague who is due in October, that will be hard to be around.

The most gut wrenching news was my cousin texting me to say she is expecting a baby in November. I felt awful that my first reaction wasn't joy for them, but sadness that it wasn't me. I still feel so selfish about that.

[RiverRocks]

Don't worry about it Alpaca.

Physically, I'm fine. Minimal bleeding, like the end of a light period.

Emotionally, as beaches says, I'm finding it harder. I was making a lot of plans with a view to having a baby at the end of the year. November will be hard, and Christmas. I found out on the anniversary of my cousin's death, 2 days before my birthday, so I'm dreading that next year as well.

I find it quite therapeutic to talk about on here, especially as you're going through a very similar experience, but in real life I'm not ready to go back to work as one of my colleagues is heavily pregnant and I can't face her

[beachesandbuckets]

Alpaca, just checking in to see how you are and glad that the surgical side was straightforward. Hope that you are doing ok, and getting lots of rest and kindness. I remember this all very clearly from my experience, even though its nearly 2 years ago. I wondered how I would ever feel happy again. But I did, and you will soon. On the physical side, I was back at work within 4 days, but did bleed quite heavily for a while, was worried that it was an incomplete job, but got checked out and think it was just one of those things, there were no complications. Emotionally, I found it really helpful to tell people what had. Happened to me in real life, I didn't want it to be a 'secret' for me to suffer in silence, also I wanted people to acknowledge that I had been pregnant, there had been a baby, miscarriage wasn't something I should be ashamed of. I know that its very much a personal choice, but this helped me (and I am usually quite a private person). It was eye opening how many people then opened up about their own miscarriages, which made me feel less alone. What I did find hard was that at certain 'dates' (due date, 1 year anniversary of mmc) no-one, not even Dh or my mum, remembered, so be kind to yourself those dates, and tell someone in advance so you have support if you need it.
Am really sorry that you have gone through this, many hugs x

[AlpacaYourThings]

Sorry, I forgot to say how are you, RiverRocks? Can I blame the anaesthetic for my bad manners

[AlpacaYourThings]

Hi Moffit and RiverRocks

Everything went as well as it could. The staff were so lovely to me. I was the first patient to have surgery this morning, so luckily there wasn't a wait.

Glad it's finally over. I felt very emotional when I came around from the operation, but felt ok after about 30 minutes.

Thank you both for your support.

Moffit have they offered you any alternatives yet?

[RiverRocks]

Hi Alpaca, hope you're doing okay today. If you need to talk, just pm me

[Moffit]

Thinking of you today Alpaca, hope it went as well as it could!

[AlpacaYourThings]

Thank you all for your messages.

Moffit I think you should push for whatever option you feel is right, taking into account the Doctors advice. Don't feel pushed into MM if it isn't right for you.

Oh, a maternity ward . I was dealt with by Gynae Emergency so everyone, sadly, was in the same boat as me.

River thank you for sharing your experience. It's useful to hear the 'reality' of it, rather than just the NHS leaflet.

Hope you have a speedy recovery.

[RiverRocks]

Alpaca sending you best wishes today for your scan.

I was in a bed, thankfully, and in a private room just me and DP. Was a long day.

moffit I was very lucky in that my local hospital has an Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit, so there were no very pregnant people there. They were really good, and I was allowed to choose from the 3 options that day. I hope you get good news on Friday

The sonographer who did my scan wasn't even slightly unsure that I'd miscarried. Due to the bank holidays I had to wait 10 days for the operation, but at least it's done now and I'm not still waiting, if you see what I mean.

If the worst comes to the worst, the erpc isn't too bad - I had quite bad period cramps last night but a hot water bottle helped, and some bleeding like a heavy period, but this morning there's no cramps and very little bleeding so it's not as scary as I thought it would be.

[bakingtins]

Moffit NICE guidelines are very clear that expectant management is the first line option for 7-14 days unless there is a clear reason to choose another method, but then that you should have all three options offered to you and be allowed to make an informed choice, so don't be pushed into MM if you would prefer surgical.
I hope you get positive news on Friday and don't have a decision to make, but if you are in the position of having a MMC confirmed then having your choices respected is important.

alpaca thinking of you at your scan today

[Moffit]

Hey Alpaca Thanks for replying. I hope the scan is ok for you today and the ERPC goes as well as can be expected on Wednesday.

Sorry that you are going through this and also sorry for you too River I recognised both of your names from the November thread, so sad to realise that we are all going through this! Hope you both get through this as well as you can and come out the other side stronger!

The hospital I am under did not really give me a choice, they explained the three options and then said, but if nothing happens naturally after an agreed amount of time we will book you in for MM and only offer an ERPC if MM fails to complete. So I dont really feel as though I was allowed to choose?! I'm dreading my scan on Friday, as I know it will be in the maternity ultrasound with all of the excited pregnant people, and I'm still too bitter to deal with that!

Thinking of you! xx

[AlpacaYourThings]

Hi Moffit I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I was in limbo for 3 weeks and it was hell, so I honestly understand how you feel. I'm feeling better, just very 'empty'.

I have another scan tomorrow and I've been booked in for an ERPC on Wednesday. It feels like the right option for me. Would you like me to post afterwards to or you know how it was? Personally, I found this leaflet from Miscarrige Association really helpful. xx

Hi River yes, it was on the November thread. It is so painful to think of that now. How happy I was and how it's all over...

I'm so sorry you have been through this too. 6.5hours were you in a waiting room or were you in a bed for that time? That is ridiculous, as if it isn't stressful enough. xx

[RiverRocks]

Hi Alpaca,

How are you doing? I was on the November thread with you, I think.

I also had a mmc, and have been in today for erpc. My body did not notice at all despite the pregnancy failing 5 weeks ago, and I'd read a lot about people waiting or choosing mm and still having to have the erpc, so I chose that outright.

I had to wait 6.5 hours as I was last on the list but was only out for 45 mins, and home 3 hours later.

moffit I know what you mean about being in limbo, thinking of you xx

[Moffit]

Hi alpaca, how are you doing? I'm sorry you're going through this, I just wondered what option you had gone with and how you found it?

I have found myself in a similar situation, I went for an early private scan 10 days ago and the sonographer said she couldn't find a heart beat and it was a MMC, but I had to go to the NHS for management and they talked me through the options, then they called me back the next day for another scan, which they labelled as inconclusive?! (Whatever that bloody means). So after already booking me in for Medical management, they cancelled it and I have to go back Friday for another scan. The first sonographer was pretty certain it was all over, and although I did have a glimmer of hope for short while, I feel as though this is just dragging out the inevitable! (Sorry if that sounds harsh) but being "in limbo" is killing me, I just really want to know, and if it is the worst, as I suspect it will be, then I just want it over with as soon as possible iykwim.

Hope you are coping alpaca xx

[AlpacaYourThings]

Thanks beaches

It's good to know that you were pregnant so quickly. I haven't decided if I feel ready to TTC after this. I don't think I could do this again.

[beachesandbuckets]

I had an erpc at 12 weeks following a MM, I went to hospital at 10am, had it at 1pm and was home by the time my kids got home from school. Everyone was really kind at the hospital, I didn't feel a thing and just fell asleep and woke up and everything had been dealt with, really sad but the best it could have been in the circumstances, a bit of bleeding afterwards and I was pregnant (with twins!) within 6 months so no long lasting side effects. Emotionally I found it quite traumatic afterwards though, but that was the thought of a loss of a baby rather than the procedure. Really sorry that this has happened to you, hugs x