Hi muminwaiting, I agree, there's no alternative and I wouldn't have done anything differently even if they'd warned me. I think I'm just a bit surprised how my current problems have made me relive some of the old emotion.
What I did, and it might not work for everyone, was built a wall around me and put myself in a bit of a bubble. I lost touch with good friends because it was too difficult (kids due on the same day and stuff) .... But we picked up again a few years later and they all understood and we're fine. Their kids are all older than mind, and I've stopped wondering 'what if' and now they help me out with advice as they've been there and done it already! During my successful pregnancy I literally only talked to my mum and 2 girlfriends, one who did all the practical things like buying me clothes, food when I was in hospital etc, and never asked anything emotionally of me. She was amazing!
I get the impression that medically things have really moved on since my time. Lesley Regan was relatively new, and I've never heard of Professor Q. I had a septate uterus with double cervix and vagina, which took a few goes to separate and had to be re-done later too. I have Sjogrens, but no other auto immune problems. My first 22 week loss was an IUD, no real reason found except possibly the uterus which hadn't been corrected by then. My cervix seemed to become incompetent over time and the suture ripped through it when I went into labour with the 19 week baby, normal baby, no reasons found.
With my son I had an IVF cycle, the rationale being to get a load of embryos to analyse to see if there was a pattern with the early losses. No one expected me to actually stay pregnant, but I did, only to be told at 18 weeks that the 12 or so spares that they'd analysed we're all completely abnormal. By then my cervix had started to open and I'd had another stitch, but was faced with a potentially abnormal baby as his was the only embryo they hadn't analysed. We opted just to carry on, rather than risk an amnio, and I had the equivalent of 20 week scans every week to check him out. I took aspirin and clexane throughout, and was on a trial drug to maintain cervix closure. My cervix opened to the stitch at 22 weeks, I survived a DVT at 24 weeks, and I stayed in hospital til he was born at 35 weeks. He had a bed in SCBU waiting for him the whole time, but never needed it! Quite how we got there I don't know, but honestly it really can work.
I think what made the biggest difference to me was feeling like the team at QC were really bothered about me. In my sons pregnancy I could ring whenever I felt awful and they'd just scan me, no questions asked. If you can build that relationship with a team I'd say that would really help. But it's hard to be engaging when you feel like shit and when people are thrusting stories of hope at you isn't it? I always just trusted in my own feelings and tried to block others' opinions out. It's left me with physical scars and emotional ones - I'm the most pessimistic person there is when it comes to my own health. And I've never stopped checking my knickers either - bloody frustrating habit!!
Knowing when to stop is an important question to consider too. After my very last loss I knew my uterus was completely knackered by the look on Mr Margara's face at the HSG, and we didn't want to miss out on DS's early years chasing a dream of a sibling. He loves being an only, it's not what I would have wanted for him, but if you're genuinely happy in life what the hell. I knew when it was time, and that's different for everyone.
I hope that's if some help, am thinking of and feeling for you all.