empty sac, waiting to miscarry. Advice Pls

[randomswitch]

I had slight bleeding on Monday and when I went for a scan today was told the sac was empty with no yolk, there was no real hope and I should wait to miscarry. I am about 5 t 6 weeks along. I have to go back for a scan next week to confirm. I cannot bear to just sit around waiting to miscarry and I understand this can last for weeks. The leaflet they gave me talked about surgical removal but I don't want this as I want to go consciously go through the miscarriage so that I psychologically & emotionally know I am no longer pregnant. I was thinking of asking for the abortion pill or something similar so that I can control the end of things and make it happen sooner. Does anyone know if this is possible?

You could try, but I think most GP's will just tell you to wait until it happens naturally. It's an awful thing to have to wait for, and I'm really sorry you're going through this

Hi Raandom, sorry this has happened.

I absolutely "get" what you are saying about wanting to go through the process, i did that.
However, i knew at 6 weeks, but nothing happened until i was 13 weeks, the wait was torture.

You CAN have the abortion pill, this is called "medical management".

Its 2 pills, taken 48 hours apart. The secont pill must be taken in hospital, i was also give a suppository into my vagina to soften the cervix.
Took 12 hours from begining to end.
I did have morphine, and gas & air as the pain was excrutiating.

Unfoirtunatley i had lots of these, but i am told that this is very rare and there is absolutely no reason why you cannot go on to have anormal healthy pregnancy.

Its awful, i found i had strong pregnancy symptoms, which made it all the worse tbh.
have a hug love xxxx

Hi Random. So sorry for your loss.
I totally understand that you want to go through the process to help come to terms with it but I just wanted to say that I found surgical removal a surprisingly 'positive' option. I had a missed miscarriage and would normally have wanted to wait for nature to take it's course or opt for medical management. However we had a family holiday booked and so I gave in and went for the erpc as I didn't want it hanging over me while I was away. I thought I would hate it but it was actually good to know when it was going to happen and it was a very quick procedure.
Not trying to persuade you at all just wanted you to know that it isn't as bad as you may think.
I hope whatever option you go for that it happens quickly for you and you recover well xx

Thanks everyone. And I appreciate being let known what I am in for. I guess it is different strokes for different folks ellie sas I know that, as horrible as what is coming will be, I really couldn't cope with the surgical option. Nosleep, I am so sorry you had such an awful long wait. I am terrified that will happen to me so you have made me determined to press for the medical option. Buggerlugs my shitarse employer have introduced new rules which mean you get no pay increase if you take five or more days sick in a year so I don't want to do this. The baby would have been due about the time of the pay increases and I don't want that reminder that my employer has 'punished' me for losing my baby. I am sure they will send me a nice letter to remind me too.

So sorry you are going through this randoms I had a mc at 8 weeks and for me it was just like a heavy period it started on a thurs eve and was over by mon morning I was 'fortunate' to have no cramps/pains etc but like you said different strokes for different folks. :( to shitarse employers they really have no f***g idea do they! Take care

So sorry for your loss randoms - I had a MMC this week so I know how truly awful it is. For me I couldn't bear to 'see' anything, so went for the surgical option to get it over and done with so I can move on, but I can see what you mean in that I have no 'proof' if you like that there is no longer a baby in there. I can fully understand your need for medical management, make sure you push for it if that's what you want.

with regards to the sickness thing - I may be wrong, and it may depend on who your employer is, but I don't think anything pregnancy related is allowed to be counted in your sick record. It isn't where I work anyway, and we have quite a robust sickness management procedure. Might be worth you checking it out as you really don't want to be in work while you are trying to deal with all this...

Take care of yourself through this awful time.
X

Hi so sorry you are going through this, it's horrible. I had similar last year where I went for a scan following a bleed thinking I was 6 weeks the scan showed an empty sac. Returned the next week and there was a yolk and things had progressed. Epau just said I obviously wasn't as far on as I thought. Unfortunately the pregnancy did end at about 11 weeks when the baby measured 8 weeks, I'm not telling you this to raise your hopes too much but to maybe give you a slither of hope. Xx

You might want to look into this being counted as pregnancy related, which it is, as if so, your employe is not allowed to remove pay increases etc for this reason. it does not count towards sickness if it is, i am pretty certain what curlyLJ says is correct, i don't thin it depends on the employer, I think it is a statutory ruling.

I am sorry you are going through this. as others have said, you really don't want to be at work coping with this because your employer is an arse. it would be different if you wanted to be there to take your mind off things.

"Mothers are entitled to:

? Sick Leave. A miscarriage is a pregnancy-related sickness. Your employer
must not dismiss or treat you less favourably because you have a
pregnancy-related sickness, even if you have only just started working there.
The time you have off will not count towards your sickness record (though
any sick pay you get will be counted) and is not time-limited. You need to
get a Fit note (previously called a Sick note) from your GP"

taken from the Sands website. So, take as long as you need, as already advised by others.

Sorry to hear you're going through this random. I had a miscarriage last week. I started spotting on a Friday, then went to EPU 5 days later to confirm empty sac. Went home, and 3 days later started to pass it naturally. So it took 8 days from light spotting until the heavy clots started to pass. While I was waiting it was awful (and I know not a long wait at all like others) In that time I researched the options (EPRC, tablet, etc) and just prayed that I could pass mine naturally because those other options sounded awful. One thing I did was walk A LOT to hopefully 'get things going'. I pushed DD around in her buggy for hours, so I felt that helped a lot.

And as the others have said, definitely you can get sick-leave for a miscarriage, and shouldn't affect your pay raise. Is there an HR department at your work that you can talk to? Maybe you will need a letter from your GP?

Hopefully you feel better and recover soon. For what its worth, I felt SO awful and depressed while it was happening, but once it was over, I felt a million times better (must have been the hormones equally out) so it does get better.

Hi random how are you getting on? I was on the March board when you came off. I too had a miscarriage yesterday. Bit of a shock as I had a good scan on Monday, but I had started bleeding on Saturday, and had been bleeding all week.

Yesterday I started bleeding more and passed what I am fairly certain was the sac. I think it's all gone now, as the bleeding has stopped, but have a scan to confirm on Monday. If so then that was 6 days in total, and for me it was bizarrely quite painless when it happened (though I had had bad tummy pains at the weekend, for which my midwife recommended coodamol). Funnily enough I did do a lot of walking yesterday (not knowing I was miscarrying of course) it might have helped, though of course who knows.

I hope you're OK, have you worked out what you are going to do?

xx

Hi ladies,
I'm sorry to hear your sad news.:-( I was lurking on the March thread but hadn't dared post .
I had a scan yesterday at what should have been 6-7 weeks after a slight bleed on tuesday.
Unfortunately the sonographer could only see a sac and the start of the yolk and dated me at 4-5 weeks.I'm pretty sure that's not right as I had a BFP before then so just feel like I'm waiting for the inevitable now.I just feel so sad.Im 40 and was so excited about this pregnancy.

Hi Smellyanne so sorry to hear about your sad scan yesterday. It's so gutting isn't it? After the excitement of bfps and planning etc it is awful knowing it's not happening. Hope you're OK. Several people I know have gone on to have successful pregnancies after miscarriages so fingers crossed for all of us. x

Thanks Posy,yes its awful.isnt it.DH still hopeful that its gonna be ok but I know its just not possible.Not with those dates.Ive got two DC already and I never bled or anything with them.All my symptoms have disappeared too.Ive gone from wanting to eat all the time to keep the sicky feeling at bay to not wanting to eat at all.Part of me is anxious for things to get moving so we can try again too.Is that awful? I just know its inevitable so this waiting around is dreadful. One minute we were so happy to be pregnant again and now... :-( .Part of me wants to give up .Then the other part of me is desperate.How soon should we leave it to try again do you think?

I am sure lots of people feel the same about wanting to get things moving so they can move on. Did they talk to you about medical management or is it too early - are you going in for another scan? I understand that you can try again as soon as you are ready after a natural miscarriage. I am currently not sure if I will feel ready to ttc again for a bit, but other people I know have conceived literally straight away. So there is hope!

Hope you're feeling OK today x

I started bleeding again last night.Strange but i feel a sense of relief that its not dragged out any longer.I knew in my heart it was over .am in bed dosed up with ibuprofen.Absolutely gutted.i had a scan booked for a week on monday.should i still go do u think ?

Hi smellyanne I am sorry to hear your news. I hope you are able to take it easy this weekend. I would still go. At the final scan I had last week, they were able to see what had left my body and what was still there. It's very hard. It was similar for me in that my OH also believed that things would be ok.

As for trying again, we are just going to back to ttc straight away. We've never used ovulation sticks or monitors or anything like that, so will go back to DTD as regularly as we can and once af returns, using the ovulation chart thing on mumsnet to see which days it reckons I am most fertile. I have been told that apparently you are very fertile after a mc.

Hope you are ok.

Hi SmellyAnne hope you're OK. I would also still go to the scan. I have one on Monday. Part of me is dreading it but part of me wants to go to check everything is gone and get some closure. I would see how you feel though. I just felt terrible when I was miscarrying but I now feel weirdly better. Thinking of you x

posy I agree. Although I still feel very sad, I feel a lot more positive since it all seems to be over. Hope you are ok. Smellyanne hope you are ok too x

Been up and down today really.The bleeding has mostly still been slight until the last hour when its started to get heavier.Just want it over with.Im desperate to start trying again straight away.I will def go for the scan to make sure everything has settled down first.But OMG whats with everyone in the world suddenly giving birth/announcing pregnancy?!
Am I bonkers to start trying straight away?

I think you have got to do what feels right for you smellyanne my dh and I have decided to ttc straight away. I think you are right to go for the scan. They will be able to check everything and give you peace of mind. I bled for about 6 days.

Thanks Woody. How are you coping? What about your DH? My DH is very philosophical about it all.He's upset that I'm upset but not really gutted if you know what I mean.I told him it wasn't as bad as it could have been as there was only a sac so not really a baby started growing if you know what I mean-of course thats crap but it made me feel a teeny bit better to think that yesterday and now its like he just accepts that whereas Im grieving for the loss of the future .poor thing cant win .God it sucks doesnt it :-(

Yes it's rubbish. My DH is much more matter of fact about things generally. He's sad it happened and was upset when we first found out - I think that he always generally believed everything was going to be ok. I think that now he feels that we will get pg again and if it did happen, it probably means that something wasn't right. I totally agree with you - I feel like I've been grieving for loss of baby, loss of all the hopes/dreams/plans that came with that. I was aching earlier in the week for the loss of everything. Hope you are ok.

Hope you are too Woody .